I waved Lane off from my roof, turning and quickly shoving the window open and stepping in, only to slip on some papers still sitting on my desk and taking a rather painful tumble to the floor. "Dammit."
The sound of quick approaching footsteps has my heart jolting in panic as I rush across the room to my bed, only just lifting the blanket before I hear a swift click of my lock and the door swings open to reveal my little brother giving me his best shit-eating grin.
"I wonder what mom will say when I tell her that her grounded daughter snuck out to do god knows what unholy acts," The brat says slowly, cocking his hip to the side sassily.
I narrow my eyes dangerously at him, "Keep your mouth shut, brat."
"Or what? I don't think you want to risk being grounded even longer. Do you?" He asks a little too innocently.
I sigh in defeat at that, "Keep quiet and I'll take you out for ice-cream for lunch today."
"And I want fifty bucks."
"Ice-cream, twenty bucks, and I won't tell mom about the magazine you have shoved under your mattress," I bargain stiffly.
His eyes widen in fear just as our mother appears behind him, "Oh, good. You're up, Theresa. I need to head out early, so I'll need you to make breakfast for you and Liam. You're not to leave the house unless it's an emergency, and I'll see you both when I get home at six."
She quickly kisses the top of Liam's head, before disappearing down the stairs. Dad probably already left and would be back around the same time as mom, so that gives me a good ten hours of peace and somewhat quiet. This grounding might not be entirely unbearable if my mother is kept out of the house for most of it.
"Here's the deal," I start, turning to Liam. "Go get yourself cereal, the password on mom's laptop is 'TheCarsons4'. Entertain yourself until eleven, and then come wake me up. If you wake me up any sooner I won't buy ice-cream and I'm showing mom the magazine."
He nods and is out of my room in the blink of an eye and I'm already falling into my bed and closing my eyes, some how still feeling exhausted after sleeping for so long at Lane's. Speaking of, I never realized how much he paid attention to me before, let alone how much I'd been worrying him. I guess I have been acting rather odd lately, but I figured he'd chalk it up to be because of my aunt. Perhaps I underestimated him, we have been best friends for years now.
When Liam finally comes to wake me, I creak my eyes open tiredly, groaning because I'd been stuck in a void of endless thoughts and worries that refused to let me fall asleep. Seeing that it was already almost eleven-thirty, I drag my half-dead body out of bed and over to my closet to grab clothes before going for a shower.
I tell Liam to go get dressed himself and to wait down in the livingroom for me, but once I'm in the bathroom I catch myself lingering in front of the mirror. My eyes narrow judgingly as I slowly let my garments drop. The bitterness hits me like a truck as I am forced to face reality. In other words; the femininity I'm forced to live with. I don't just mean what I lack between my legs, or what I have too much of upon my chest, but the structure of my entire being.
No matter how hard I try, I still have a daintiness about me because of my long arms and legs, not only being thin, but graceful in shape. My hands; small with long, elegant fingers like my mother. My face is oval, my jaw line kind of more define than most girls, but still too soft to look masculine. My eyebrows that my mother always insists I keep carefully plucked when I honestly could care less when my natural brows aren't all that bushy to begin with.
I especially hate the length of my hair. It tickles my chin and neck slightly with every movement and when I get hot and sweaty it sticks to the back of my neck. Male or not, I personally just think short hair is more attractive and convenient.
There's so much about me that I'm forced to work on to appear as feminine as my mother thinks a girl should be, but I hate it. I hate the lacy bras and underwear she buys me. I hate the sheer blouses that show cleavage and the heels that make my legs look longer and make my hips and butt stand out more. I hate the make up that gets in my eyes, and the hair curlers that I almost always burn myself on. I exhaust myself trying to create an image that doesn't even make me happy! I'm so damn tired of it. Why can't I be attractive and loved and still be the person I really want? Look the way I want; clothed and naked.
Just... why?
Feeling slightly bitter, I decide to turn off the main light of the bathroom, leaving only the in-shower light on so that I'm forced to just shower and get out without staring at and hating my reflection. I scrub at my too soft, pale, skin with disgustingly sweet scented body wash. Honestly, I prefer simple scents; clean and subtle.
My stomach sinks slightly when I wash over my breasts, imagining how much better it'd feel if my chest were flat, and even more so as my hand reaches lower, forcing me to face the physical form I am trapped in despite my eyes squeezing shut to avoid seeing what I detest.
I must have taken too long, as I snap out of it, realizing I'm sat in the bottom of the shower, letting the spray rain over me, a hard knocking making me jump. "Hurry up! What are you even doing?"
I shake my head, hurrying to turn off the water and grab for my towel, "N-Nothing! Shut up, brat! I'll be out in a minute."
Without stopping to think about hat just happened in the shower, and possibly break down over it, I hurry to towel dry my hair and tug on the dark grey sweat pants, a white long sleeve, and a plain black hoodie over top for warmth and so I can avoid wearing a bra today. I do, however, swipe on a little eye-liner and mascara just in case mother does happen to somehow catch word, I can I didn't go out looking like complete a mess.
That's the difficult part. If I'm not going out dressed entirely as Theo--which I certainly can't with my little brother with me-- then I have to at least somewhat resemble the girl my mother raised. I call this a fair combination. Not an annoying amount of makeup and the clothes could be passed off as me wanting to be comfy because aunt flow came to visit.
With a shrug, I grab some cash and shove it in my sweats pocket and hurry downstairs, "Alright, you ready to go?"
"Are you?" Liam asks in exasperation, trudging over to the door.
I roll my eyes, pulling on the pair of chucks laying there, and shove him out the door. We take the city bus mostly to avoid being seen and because I'm entirely-- shamelessly--lazy. The ice cream parloris actually one of my favourite places ever. It's an adorable fifties themed place, and they sell other food items, but they pride themselves on their icecream and milkshakes.
I let Liam order himself a banana split and I get myself a vanilla shake in the old fashion glasses with cream on top, and we make or way over to the cheesy, blue booths and start eating in silence.
"So... where'd you go?" He asks, mumbling through icecream.
I smirk at his chocolate covered lip, "Here and there."
"Jerk," He grumbles. "You're lucky I didn't tell mom."
"Like you would. You know I'd kick your ass if you ratted me out. Besides, you knew full well if you didn't blackmail me, you wouldn't get something out of it. If anyone's the jerk, it's you," I say back, sticking my tongue out.
Liam doesn't play along though, and drops his eyes to his icecream, just kind of twirling it around. It's then that I notice the stress lines appearing between his brows, much like our dad's. "Okay short stack, what's wrong?"
He just shrugs, making me sigh and take away his ice cream, to which he complains but shuts up at the serious look I give him, "I overheard mom and dad talking last night and it's bothering me, okay!?"
My brows furrow at that, "What did you hear?"
He waits a moment, before finally looking up at me nervously, "Carter might be coming to stay with us."
My stomach sinks at that. If they're making Carter leave his mom, that means they could only be preparing for the worst. My parents are his god parents, so either something bad has happened, or they believe we're really going to lose my aunt. The very idea of her leaving us shakes me to the core. I can't let Liam know my worries though.
"If aunty goes into surgery, there won't be someone to care for and keep Carter company, so it'e best he comes here so he's not all alone in their house,you know? When she's recovering too, she'll need to stay in the hospital for a bit. We don't really know why, so let's just look forward to seeing him after so long," I say, trying to sound optimistic.
"Thanks, but I'm not dumb, sis," He sighs, filling his mouth with ice cream to end the conversation.
I wince, sitting back against the rubber seat. Only to jump seconds later at the sound of a familiar voice. "Theresa?"
I glance up, and sure enough, there's Reed and Violet standing at the counter waiting for their own treats. I smile, swallowing my earlier sadness, and wave them over. After collecting their order, Liam and I make room for them to come sit. Violet taking the seat next to me, and Reed next to Liam.
"I didn't know anyone else knew aboutthis place," I note with a small smile.
"I found it," Violet says quietly, sipping on her chocolate milkshake.
I smile at her, but remember that they haven't met my awkward little brother, "Right. Guys, this is my little brother, Liam. Liam, this is Reed and Violet."
Liam shakes Reed's hand and blushes when violet smiles nervously up at him before her eyes drop back to the table. I smile at his flustered expression, but decide to leave him alone while I turn to Reed, trying to ignore the way my heart skip a little. "So, what are you guys up to today?"
"Well, we were bored, so we figured we'd try this place out and then I get to choose the next place and i was kind of thinking of heading to the arcade down the street," He says with a happy grin. "You should come with."
"Hell yes!" Liam answers for me, looking jacked up abou the idea, turning to me. "C'mon Reese! Momwon't be home until dinner time, we can make it back and she won't even know!"
"Yeah, c'mon Reese," Reed teases.
I bite my lip in contemplation, but with two powerful sets of puppy dog eyes, it's really hard to say no. Turning to Violet, I groan at the little pout she gives me and sigh,nodding my head, "Fine, fine. But, if mom finds out, Liam, you're on laundry duty for a month."
"Deal!"
The arcade is actually awesome, and even though I kind of suck at these retro games, I do enjoy myself. I don't know how I never knew of this place, or why no one ever thought to come here, but after an hour, I become really happy Reed and Violet invited us. The whole afternoon has managed to lift my spirits and for a while, I even forget just how much I'm hiding from Reed. From everyone really. I'm just being me, my appearance practically meaningless.
"Crap, crap, crap!" Reed exclaims, shooting at the horde of virtual zombies.
The death sequence plays our mere seconds later as a disappointed Reed drops down on the bench beside me to let Liam and Violet have a go. I try to hide my laughter, but he sees easily and pouts pathetically at me. "What?"
"You kind of sucked," I tease, grinning so he knows I'm just playing.
He smiles and ruffles my wispy locks, and I pause at the lovely feeling, but my stomach kind of sinks as he freezes. His eyes look into mine and it's as if he's searching for something, and that's when it clicks in and I quickly dart my gaze away and return to watching my brother. Eyes are like the gate way to the soul. No doubt if he stared hard enough, he'd learn that he's most certainly seen them before. Under different circumstances and a different name. But the same idiot.
He looks ready to speak, but his attention seems side tracked as a familiar mop of blonde hair catches my eye. Entering the arcade is the same boy I saw hanging around Reed in gym class. He must be a friend because he immediately smiles a 100 watt smile at Reed and waves him over. Said guy quickly excuses himself, promising to return as he hurries over to greet the boy. Something akin to jealousy stirs in my chest at the way the boy hugs him and starts speaking animatedly about something, being unafraid to casually touch Reed now and then.
It's then that I find myself confused. I don't know Reed's sexuality, so to assume that this boy is competition would just cause pointless negative feelings for me. So... is my sudden jealousy caused by the fact that this boy so easily has Reed, someone I suppose you could say I'm crushing on, giving him his full and undivided attention over me right now. Or, am I jealous that if Reed is gay, that there is such an attractive, natural boy in the picture in general.
I frown instantly, feeling my heart ache. If he is gay, why would he choose me over someone who was born perfect? I don't have what someone born a boy would have, so what do I have to offer him? I couldn't-
I shake my head, desperate to shake off the depressing thoughts. There's nothing wrong with you, dammit. You're great and auntie would smack you over the head for belittling yourself like this. If he can't appreciate you, then you'll just move on and find someone who can... even if you really want him.
After that thought, I find myself unable to avoid thoughts of my aunt, being alone without any distractions. Is she okay? Why hasn't anyone told me anything? What does Carter coming to stay with us mean? Is it permanent? Does that mean-
"Theresa?"
I look up, staring at a dark blur, and have to fight off a blush as I brush away tears, only to reveal the last person I want to see. "Jesus, are you stalking me now?"
I try to sound angry, but my voice lacks conviction.
Rick frowns, reaching forward to swipe a last tear off my cheek, but thinks better as he pulls back and chooses to just take a seat next to me, "No, my friend works here and we're supposed to go help his dad move into his new house. I'm just waiting for his shift to end and I saw you here looking rather upset."
I guess his reason makes sense, so I feel myself deflate and lean back against the bench, letting out a deep sigh, "I am upset."
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, and the sincerity in his voice that I haven't heard since the early days of our relationship makes my heart ache.
I shrug, "It's not like it'll solve anything."
"Maybe not, but it might make you feel better," He says quietly, daring to brush a gentle hand against my arm.
I hate that he's doing this. He's being sweet, and caring, and thoughtful. Just like the old Rick. Just like the Rick I originally fell in love with. He hurt me, and I kicked him out of my life, he's not supposed to be here trying to fix things between us. I'm not supposed to be wavering. But I am. I hate him for how much I still miss him. It's not that I forgive him, or that I like the person he turned out to be, but I miss what we were before everything went to shit. I guess a part of me--a small part-- still has hope that maybe he still can be the Rick I thought I knew.
"I really wish you'd just leave me alone, Rick," I sigh, meeting his eyes with my tired ones.
"You know I can't do that, Theresa," He says, and I flinch inwardly at the name.
What would he think if he knew? Would he still try so hard? Would he still want to be with me? Could he accept it? Or would he run and take everything back?
"This," I say, pointing between us. "Is just a really bad idea right now. I'm going through a lot at the moment. I don't think I can handle-"
"Just give me a chance," He pleads, grabbing my hands in his larger, warm, rough ones. "I screwed up, but all I ask is for a second chance. Just one to prove that I'm not that kind of person. I'm honestly beyond ashamed and humiliated that I ruined everything between us. You're going through things, I get that, so please let me be here for you. Like I used to. Just... all I ask for is a chance and if you think it still can't work then I'll leave you alone. I'm just asking for one last shot at make us work."
I frown, looking away from him only for my eyes to meet Reed's concerned ones. The blonde is still talking and practically hanging off his arm, but Reed's worried eyes are trained on me as he mouths to me, 'Are you okay?'
I don't really know if I am, so I just break the eye contact and look back at Rick's hopeful, dark, emerald eyes.
Just as I go to answer him, my phone starts to ring and my heart guns as I see my mom's name light up. "Shit, Liam! Grab your stuff, it's mom."
His eyes grow wide as saucers as he ends the game goes to grab his coat and prizes, while I answer to the devil, "Hello?"
"Hello!? That all you have to say!?" Mom screeches. "Get your ass home, now! Theresa..."
Her pause confuses me, and the sound of her sniffling makes me start to worry as Rick stares at me curiously, "Mom? Are you crying?"
"Just... get home," She says tiredly, ending the call without a goodbye.
I stare down at my phone, heart stuttering in a way that makes me feel almost nauseas. Something's wrong. It's not like her to give up a chance to lecture me and possibly lengthen a grounding. For her to be too worked up to even stay angry with me, something is really bothering her.
Standing, I start to leave, but Rick grabs my hand and turns me to face him, "Will you or won't you?"
"I don't have time for this, Rick!" I groan, wishing he'd just let things go.
He shakes his head, determined, "Please, I just need to know if I have any chance."
The catch in his voice makes my anger falter, and even as Reed comes up behind me, I hear the words slipping out before I can think twice. "Fine. You have one week to come up with a way that proves to me that you're serious about this, and that you actually deserve this chance. Don't come near me, let alone speak to me, until you've figured out something and it better be something worth all this shit because there's nothing I want more right now than to just walk away for good."
I turn to leave--Liam, Reed and Violet just steps ahead of me out the door--as I look back at a determined and lost in thought Rick, "Don't make me regret this. I'm serious, Rick. This is it, no more chances after this."
With that said, I follow my brother out the door, to Reed's car, and endure a long, and very silent ride home.
Please, let things be okay. Just for once?
(A/N)
It's finally here lol Sorry for the delay. I wanted to finish Fate entirely before I got distracted by this again. Also, there's been a lot going on in my life lately and I've been extremely stressed out and writing just hasn't been my main priority, but I'm back now and updates shouldn't take so long anymore :)
What did you guys think? How do you feel about Theo's character so far? And I have also created a cast for the characters, what do you think? Is it how you imagined them? Can you think of better people to play them?
If you enjoyed, don't forget to vote and maybe leave a comment!
It's greatly appreciated ^-^
~Shay<3