Luigi
I don't know why should I give her something that can remind her of me when I'm leaving her. Alam kong mas magiging mahirap para kay Samantha but damn! Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagawa ko paring magpaalam at bigyan siya ng ideya na babalik ako para sa kanya.
Maybe a part of me wanted to come back for her. God knows how confuse I am! Pero hindi ko kayang manatili sa tabi niya na mayroon akong galit na nararamdaman.
"You are leaving her! Gago ka! I knew it. I knew it! Ito talaga ang plano mo hindi ba?" Skyler punched me.
He's holding my collar into place and I can see how he gritted his teeth. He is really mad. What should I expect?
"You don't know anything. You better fuck-off." I said. Lalong humigpit ang hawak nito sa akin.
"Damn you! Bakit ka ganyan? Para lang masunod ang gusto mo kailangan mo pang makasakit ng iba? She's inlove with you! Can't you see it?"
Love? That's impossible. She can't fall inlove that easy right? The last time I check kahit si Samantha ay nalilito pa kung ano kami. I intentionally did not name it because I know what I'm just up to.
"Wala kang alam kaya wag kang makialam."
"Makikialam ako dahil mahalaga sa akin si Sam! Hinayaan ko siyang mabulag sayo dahil nakikita kong masaya siya--"
"Then do me a favor. Wala naman ng makakapigil sa pag-alis ko. Just do me a favor. Stay by her side. Huwag mo siyang pababayaan. If you like her, pursue her. Don't let go of her. I am taking you in charge of her safety."
That was the last time I have talked to Skyler. Tumuloy ako sa pag-alis. Ginawa ko ito dahil ayokong si Samantha ang mapagbuntunan ko ng sama ng loob.
I went to Laureen's place but I never stayed with her. I just visited her. I wouldn't deny that Laureen has a part in me. Hindi naman siguro madaling mawala iyon.
But things changed. The way I look at her is different, a part of me wants to believe that this is just because I have seen Laureen changed pero hindi, I am missing someone. I miss Samantha.
I asked my investigator, Jules to look after Samantha. Siya ang nagsasabi sa akin ng ng mga nangyayari kay Samantha. He said she's fine and happy.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sakit na nararamdaman ko nang malaman kong may ibang lalaki na sa buhay nito at higit doon ay ang katotohanang hindi si Skyler kundi iba.
Another guy who can make her happy. Another guy who can see how her eyes glimmer with happiness. Another guy who can kiss and touch my Samantha.
Magmula noon, nabuo ang galit sa loob ko. She's just like the other women who passed into my life. They are all capable of living me. Hell! Ako ang nang-iwan! But damn! May dahilan ako, anak siya ng hayop na Dave Alarcon na iyon!
I was surprised when Skyler visited me. Galit na galit parin ito sa akin. He even punched me again lalo na nang makita niyang magkasama kami ni Laureen. I'll let him think what he wants to think.
I had my vacation in the Philippines. I followed Samantha once, nalaman kong hindi na pala ito nagdodorm na siyang ipinagtaka ko dahil hindi ito nabanggit ni Jules minsan.
Instead of following her, I have decided to go to Boracay kasama ang ilan sa mga pinsan ko. It was there when I saw Samantha's friend Precious Delafuentes.
"Lu-luigi. You are here. A-alam ba ito ni Sam?" She asked. Umiling ako. I saw how her facial expression changed.
Galit at lungkot ang nakikita ko.
"You don't how you affected her. Maraming nangyari sa kanya. Iniwan mo siya basta-basta. Hanggang ngayon umaasa parin siya. How can you be so heartless? Hindi kita ganoon kakilala pero hindi ko maintidihan kung bakit kailangan mong saktan siya, she did not do anything wrong to deserve what you've done."
Napayuko ako. She's right. Byt nobody knows what is my reason. Naniniwala akong mas masasaktan ko siya kapag pinili kong manatili. I am mad at her real father. Dahil sa ama niya kung bakit miserable ako. How can I accept that?
"Precious, she doesn't need to know that I went back here. Babalik din naman ako sa states. I'm sorry. Just..just take care of her."
Bigong napailing ito.
"Wala rin naman akong balak sabihin sa kanya na nakita kita. I want her to move on and forget about you. "
Forget about me?
Parang masakit sa tenga. But she's right. I don't deserve Samantha. I don't lalo kung puno ng galit ang puso ko.
I clenched my fist when I heard what Jules told me. Worst! Ngayon ko lang ito nalaman. Samantha almost got raped! Dahil sa gagong bastardo na iyon.
Agad kong sinugod si Skyler sa bahay at binigyan ng suntok. Matalim na tingin ang iginanti nito.
"Tang-*na mo! I told you to take care of her pero anong ginawa mo? Muntik pa syang malagay sa kapahamakan dahil sa katarantaduhan mo!" I gave him another punch.
Damn! The bastard used me. Ginamit niya ang pangalan ko para makipagkita sa kanya si Samantha na hindi niya sinipot.
"It..it wasn't my intention I swear! Totoong gusto ko siyang makausap pero..nagkaroon ng emergency. Shelle got drunk so I..I have to attend to her first because she threatened me of suiciding. "
Pabalya ko itong binitawan. It was a good thing someone saved her. A guy saved her. Ang hindi ko lang nagustuhan doon ay ang lalaking madalas pala nitong kasama ngayon ang siyang tumulong sa kanya. F*cking jealousy!
I have decided to come back because of Globals. Pero higit doon ay ang kagustuhan kong makita siya.
Things happened. I found it hard approaching her.
She changed a lot. Mas naging maganda ito at mas matapang. Hindi kami nagkakaharap na walang sigawan na nagaganap.
Nalaman ko ring binubully siya noon. I asked Jules kung bakit ngayon ko lang nalaman. He said he thought it wasn't important dahil nariyan naman si Delafuentes para ipagtanggol ito.
I want her back. Iyon ang una kong plano. I realized she hasn't done anything to be treated the way I did. Ang galit ko ay para sa ama nito at hindi para sa kanya.
Alam kong wala rin itong alam tungkol sa totoong pagkatao nito.
I am torn between making her mine and not. Everything was ruined when my stepmother messed up. She made me believe things that made me worried for Samantha.
The threats I was recieving are not tolerable. Mas lumala pa nang pilitin kong makipaglapit kay Samantha.
Kung kailan pinili ko na sanang maging maayos kami saka naman nangyari lahat ng ito. Damn Priscilla! Damn her! She wants me to marry Laureen for whatever reason she has! She is seriously negotiating with the Mendrez kaya niya ito gustong mangyari.
My heart is breaking. I am useless. Priscilla wanted me do it dahil kung hindi si mommy..my mom will be in danger.
I have to say goodbye to her again. For the second time around kailangan ko ulit siyang saktan. This time, I made sure Samantha will never forget me. I want to feel her, I want her.
The night she gave in to me is the most memorable. She whispered my name and she told me that she loves me. That's enough. I feel like the happiest guy on Earth.
"I love you too..God knows how much I love you Samantha. But I can't. We can't. " I said while looking at her sleeping. I kissed her forehead.
"Are you happy? Masaya ka na ba sa ginawa ko kanina? " I asked Priscilla.
I clenched my glass of wine. Sinaktan ko si Samantha. I saw how blood rushed through her hands and I can't do anything but to stare at it. Hindi ko sinasadyang maitulak siya. Damn!
I just want her to see the engagement. I want her to get mad at me. To despise me. Gusto kong makalimutan niya ang nararamdaman niya sa akin but I didn't know it will turn this way na ako pa mismo ang makakasakit sa kanya.
"You did the right thing. That way hindi ka niya hahabulin pa. " she said. I threw the glass beside her. It crashed through the wall kaya napatili ito.
"Sa oras na hindi ka tumupad sa usalan Priscilla, sisiguruhin kong mapapalayas kayo dito." I warned her.
Fuck this life!
Nanay Mercy is in the hospital. I didn't know what to do. I wrecked her. Sigurado akong kinamumuhian niya ako. I went to the hospital and saw Nanay Mercy lying on the bed. Didi called me. Akala niya siguro kasama ko si Samantha.
I want to help. I paid all the expenses. Kahit alam kong hindi ito gugustuhin ni Samantha. I cried infront of Nanay Mercy. Walang nagbabantay sa kanya dahil lumabas si Didi.
"Pa-patawarin niyo po ako..I'm so sorry.." I sobbed. Nasasaktan din ako sa lahat ng nangyayari. I didn't want these. I just want to love Samantha but things got complicated dahil lang sa pinapipili ako ng tadhana.
I stop when I felt a hand brushing my head. Nag-angat ako ng tingin para lang makitang nakangiti sa akin si Nanay Mercy.
"Luigi..iho..may problema ba?"
I look messed. I have tears all over my face but I can't help it.
"I am sorry Nanay Mercy. I messed up everything. I love Samantha but I just can't do it now. Si-sinaktan ko po ulit siya. Hi-hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko."
I end up telling her everything. I felt safe and comfortable doing it. Gumaan ang pakiramdam ko dahil nakita kong hindi ako hinusgahan ng nanay ni Samantha.
"Iho..alam kong nasaktan si Samantha. Pero gusto kong gawin mo ang tama. Nagbago man ang anak ko alam ko namang mabuting bata iyon. Naniniwala akong balang araw patatawarin ka niya. Mahal ka ng anak ko. Kung kayo talaga para sa isa't isa kahit gaano man kasakit ang pagdadaanan ninyo, sa huli magiging kayo parin. Mas ikatatatag niyo iyon. Mahirap ang pinagdadaanan mo. Si Sam, kailangan rin niyang matutong maging matatag lalo na ngayon na mukhang hindi ko na kakayanin--"
Sunud-sunod na iling ang ginawa ko.
"No. Don't say that. Higit kayong mas kailangan ni Samantha ngayon please.."
God! I don't know what will happen to Samantha if Nanay Mercy will die. Sigurado akong magiging mahirap ito para sa kanya.
"Luigi iho..makinig ka. Gawin mo ang dapat. Hindi ko gustong masaktan si Samantha pero kung ito ang tama gawin mo. Mahal ka ng anak ko. Nakita ko iyon. Iyon ang panghawakan mo. Alam kong mapapatawad ka niya balang araw. Alam mo bang ikaw ang lalaking gusto ko para sa kanya? Oo nga't sinaktan mo na siya noon pero nakikita ko naman ngayon na mahal na mahal mo siya. Kapag natapos na lahat,kapag maayos na lahat, maaari mo bang alagaan si Samantha? Ipangako mo sa akin na mamahalin mo siya habambuhay. Mangako ka Luigi."
I made a promise. Kahit pa walang kasiguruhan kung gaano katagal bago ko matupad iyon. I have to make things work under my palm. Para hindi mapahamak si Samantha at si mom. Kung kinakailangang bumalik ang galit ko kay Samantha gagawin ko.
I made it clear to my mind that I am mad at Alarcons. Para mas maging madali ang lahat. Pero mahirap..spbrang hirap ang makitang nasasaktan ko ng paulit-ulit si Samantha at masakit sa mata ang makitang magkasama sila ng Lucas na iyon!
"You want me to tell her those? Bakit? Gusto mo siyang masaktan--"
"Just tell her those Skyler. I want her mad at me. That way makakalimutan niya ako."
"Do you really want her to forget you?"
Nahinto ako sa tanong nito. I clenched my fist. Of course I don't!
"Yes. Just do it. Aalis na ako ng bansa with Laureen and probably stay there." I said.
Today is my flight to U.S. Nauna na si Laureen sa akin. Dumaan ako dito sa sementeryo para dalawin si Nanay Mercy.
I stop when I noticed Samantha infront of her mother's tomb. May nakalatag na bulaklak at kandila sa harap nito. Nakayuko ito at tila umiiyak.
I want to turn my back because I can't see her like this knowing I am one of the reasons why she's in pain.
She turned her back when someone called her. Nakangiti nitong sinalubong ang lalaking naging dahilan para mabilis makamove on si Samamtha noon. Alam kong malaki ang naging halaga ni Lucas sa buhay nito and I can't help but feel jealous.
I stared at them walking away together.
Lumapit ako sa puntod ni Nanay Mercy at inilapag ang mga bulaklak na dala ko.
" Nanay, you saw that? Mukhang pinagpapalit na ako ng anak niyo." I tried making a joke.
"Ang sakit pala. Pero panghahawakan ko ang sinabi mo nay, na ako lang ang mahal ni Samantha. Besides, kayo na nagsabi diba? Ako lang ang gusto niyo para sa maganda niyong dalaga."
I sighed. I felt the air.
"Gagawin ko lahat nay. Hindi ako susuko. Pero kailangan ko munang makita kung gaano na katatag si Samantha. Hindi ko magagawa ang mga plano ko kung mahina at iyakin parin siya. Ako lang ang kasi ang nasasaktan. If that happens baka hindi ako makapagpigil at balikan ko nalang siya. But I can't right? I need my mom as well. Kapag naayos na lahat, I'll make it up to her. Kahit gaano kahirap."
I bite my lower lip. I can remember Samantha doing this as well. Bigla tuloy akong natawa. Nakakahawa pala ang mannerism ng isang iyon.
Bigla akong nakaisip ng kalokohan.
"I have something to tell you nay. Kung siguro nabubuhay kayo baka batukan niyo ho ako. But..I still want you to know na...na hindi na po virgin si Samantha. I am her first at sobrang saya ko. Huwag na po kayong magulat kung mabuntis ko ang isang iyon dahil hindi naman ako gumamit ng proteksyon."
I may look like crazy laughing alone. Damn! Sana nga..I just hope I made her pregnant even though it will only complicate things.
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A/N
Next SC will be the present. End of flashback na po ito ng book 1. Thank you.