Book Name: Murder Is The Case
Author: Eddy622
Reviewer: Read-aholic2006
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(NOTE: This review is only based on the first 6 chapters. )
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Title: 5/5
The title is actually clever. Not only do the nouns "murder" and "case" correlate with each other, but the title is a bold statement that contradicts the police's conclusion that Danielle committed suicide.
Cover: 4/5
I can't quite give you a valid reason as to why I dislike the font that you have used, but I simply find it to be slightly—only slightly—unappealing. Your design is undoubtedly striking. The foreground-placement and tangerine-brown colour of your MC's face immediately snatches your attention. The crime tape at the bottom of your cover subtly indicates the genre of your story, but I would have tried to highlight this faded yellow element more by adding at least another strip of crime tape.
Blurb: 3/5
I feel as though your blurb leans too heavily towards the informal register, especially with the use of the word "got" in your first and second sentences. I also believe that there are better and more powerful ways to phrase some of your lines. For example, your second and final paragraph could be rewritten as follows:
But there's one person who believes that there's more to the story than meets the eye—the victim's twin sister.
Despite the public's persistent opinions, Delphine is certain that there was nothing that would ever drive her sister to take her own life. With an obsessive determination, Delphine strives to uncover the identity of Danielle's killer...
Creativity/Originality: 5/5
Your storyline, of course, isn't new at all. In fact, it may even border on being a cliché. That doesn't make it any less interesting, however. Besides, I've only read six chapters, so I cannot accurately conclude to what extent you have bothered to stretch your imagination.
Plot/Flow: 8/10
Your first chapter is definitely intriguing, but I would rather assign it the role of a prologue, which establishes the foundation and the tone of your story, only featuring Danielle and the anonymous figure. And only then would your next/first chapter start off with your currentstory.
By including those snippets that orbit Inspector Jerry and the interrogations of the students, you effectively transport readers to a different setting and shift their mindsets on what's happening behind the scenes. My only problem with the interrogations is that I don't find it believable that the detectives would tell the person sitting across from them how the previous students had responded when describing what Danielle was like. I mean, the investigators would obviously want a fresh, unadulterated perspective from each individual.
From Chapter 1, we already understand that Danielle was threatening and blackmailing someone (most likely because she knew this person's deepest secret or something of the sort) to do something for her or simply to disclose more information in exchange for her silence. Instead, she ends up in a coffin. I can't recall whether or not you mentioned her manner of death, but I believe you should. I wonder how exactly the killer would have been able to stage her suicide...
Characters: 9/10
Trust was an immediate suspect, not only because Danielle and Delphine didn't trusthim, but because he would benefit from Danielle's death. The Elites have also set off my alarm bells. If not all of them, then at least Krystian is the guilty party. He must know something.
I love the unique names of your characters and the fact that they all seem well-defined and distinct.
My problem, however, lies in the stiff manner by which you describe your characters. Explicitly stating what they look like is acceptable in certain cases, but if you do it too often, then you're constantly stripping yourself of the opportunity to gradually bleed details into your narration, which would allow you to build a memorable relationship between the reader and the characters.
Writing style/grammar: 5/10
Your grammatical errors include minor spelling mistakes, incorrect capitalization and the omission of commas.
I urge you to make use of more appropriate and creative diction. For example, instead of writing, His face was also filled with big pimples, you can write, A single glance at his face told me that he was in desperate need of an acne-repair skincare routine.
Quite a few of your sentences are unnecessarily lengthy. It's unusual to write, I widened my eyes, when there's a shorter, snappier alternative—My eyes widened. You can also consider the following example: Now I was staring at Kim, who was standing beside her desk with a pile of books resting on her chest while being supported by her lower arm.Not only is that sentence a mouthful that's supposed to illustrate a highly uncomplicated scene, but your choice of words makes it sound awkward. Hence, you can edit it to read as follows: Kim stood beside her desk, a tower of books piled into her arms.
Storytelling is an art built on various techniques. It has to sound natural and beautiful yet remain captivating and coherent. There are times when your narration checks all of these boxes and times where it falls short of this criteria. For example:
The office was quiet and dark, with just the table lamp brightening a small portion of the room, but enough for the inspector to see through the stack of papers containing information regarding his newly appointed case. Several times he had played the recording tape just in case there was something that could lead him in this case, but every time he always saw himself in a dead end.
I wouldn't say there's anything notably wrong with the above excerpt; I suppose it only lacks the literary flavours achieved through figurative language (personification, similes, etc) and vibrant adjectives and verbs. Here is a revamped version of your paragraph:
The unimpressive table lamp was the only source of illumination in the dark, quiet office, which forced Inspector Jerry to squint at the file from his latest case. As his eyes combed over the printed words, his attentive ears sifted through the tape recording that rolled on in the background, diligently dissecting the answers from the people he had interrogated. After a few minutes, he replayed the audio for the third time to ensure that he didn't miss anything important.
Genre relevance: 5/5
This book clearly falls into the YA murder mystery genre, so I have no further comments.
Reading enjoyment: 6/10
I wasn't really able to "get into" the book as much as I would've liked to, which is disappointing since I am a huge fan of crime. You did manage to pique my interest with your plot; I just have to continue reading your story when my mind isn't... somewhere else, lost in my own writing.
Overall thoughts and extra comments: 50/65
This is an excellent story and it would make a great movie as well. I only hope that you take most of the points I have covered in my review to heart because your book obviously has the potential to slide into nearly every crime-lover's reading list. Well done!