Bluebell Review Chamber [CLOSED]

જ Of Sun And Nightmares જ ☾ Helena ☽

Book: Of Sun And Nightmares
Author: Stresshorse
Reviewer: helixgro

APPEARANCES

I am not a massive fan of the cover, but I do like the pictures you used. I think that it's good that they give the reader an idea of what the main characters look like, however the two pictures aren't put together well. Simply, it looks like two separate images were slapped onto a black background without any blending done whatsoever. To help that, it would be a good idea to experiment with the opacity tool on apps such as PicsArt (which is one I use) to make the cover more pleasing to the eye.  For the writing on the cover, I like the neon pink for the title, but to make the "by stresshorse" look better I recommend removing the "by" and putting the author's name either at the bottom or top. You can also reach out to a graphic designer if you'd like a more professional cover made.

I have to compliment your title, for I really do like it. I feel like it has a hidden meaning in it, with the "sun and nightmares" representing Eris and Nox. Typically book titles have words like of, and or the as lowercase (unless it's the beginning of the title) so to make your title look more stylistic I would say make the "and" lowercase.

As for the description, I believe changes could be made. Writing in the format of a script does not attract and audience, and neither do "stage directions" in brackets. If I were you, I would keep the dialogue but just add dialogue tags (like said, asked, etc). You reveal nothing about the story, and there isn't really a hook that can draw a reader in. Try hinting at plot twist or major event, as well as provide some context to the story so that readers aren't going in blind. I also think you should shorten the description and add in fewer quotes.

CONTENT

The main thing I would say about your writing is working on narration. Your story consists mainly of dialogue, with no tags involved and little prose. While dialogue is certainly your strong point and you do a good job of telling a story through it, you solely rely on it and don't expand your potential.

Furthermore, your usage or putting stage directions in brackets - so for example: (in the hallway) - doesn't look good in your book. Instead of that, I suggest doing something like this:

I walked into the hallway, where I saw Ray.

"Yo Ray, why are there numbers instead of names?" I asked, confused.

"I dunno, must be roll numbers or something?" replied Ray, equally as perplexed as I was.

- Chapter 1, University, oh my university

See how much more professional it makes your writing look? If you kept this sort of format throughout your writing, it would greatly improve your work. Also, note my use of dialogue tags with action descriptions following them. It better helps portray emotions in the dialogue and convey the tone of speech to the reader.

On another note, I really like the poem you included in chapter "My Sunny Nightmares". While this does sound more like a song lyrics rather than a poem, it's a nice addition and is well written. You've got a good, natural flow.

I also like the dynamic between Eris and Nox, and I find their interactions interesting and fun. They're interesting characters to read, and have intriguing personalities. Sometimes, I found myself relating to Eris' outgoing personality while also seeing myself in Nox's distant self. This is good, because a reader being able to relate to a character instantly forms a bond between them. This was then reinforced in your style of writing in 1st person, which was vital to form a relationship with the character. Your book also included funny moments and quirky scenes which entertained me, so good job on that.

OVERALL

I think that this book is a good start. It definitely does need editing and has a long way to go, but the more you write the better you get; no great writer was naturally born good. You've got an interesting plot and good characters, but what your work needs is development of style and writing.

Don't feel disheartened, and take this review as positive feedback to help you grow. Remember, keep writing and doing what you love!

USEFUL LINKS

https://novellussoftware.com/dialogue-tags/ - List of good dialogue tags.

https://www.grammarly.com/a?utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=408004079&utm_content=&utm_term=how%20to%20improve%20writing%20style&matchtype=e&placement=&network=o&&msclkid=329c5f07310e1b4c96e73c9bf449bbe8&gclid=329c5f07310e1b4c96e73c9bf449bbe8&gclsrc=3p.ds - Grammarly (not only does it help improve spelling, but it also suggests better wording and sentence structure).

https://self-publishingschool.com/show-dont-tell-writing/ - How to show not tell