Bluebell Review Chamber [CLOSED]

જ Curiosity and Pride જ ☾ Raaina☽

BOOK: Curiosity and Pride

AUTHOR: ColeReveal

REVIEWER: 08_Umm_Waraqah

TITLE AND COVER: 3/5

I like the simplicity of your cover. The darkness of it, as well. It's beautiful, maybe even alluring. Does it say fantasy, I'm not sure. Does it not say fantasy, I am not sure either. The title and author name are bold, those are really important in a cover. So, I guess you did great. But I'll suggest you get a better cover if and when you can. But for now. I think this works.

Curiosity and Pride. Hmmm, that seems like a general fiction title. Even at that, it doesn't have this... enthralling effect the title should have. I'm not sure if I were scrolling through Wattpad, I'd click on your book based on the title alone. But hey, that might just be me. All in all, though, I advise you to try out other titles (make sure that they are gripping and have something to do with your book).

BLURB: 2/5 

 Okay, your blurb is... good, contains all the elements that a blurb should have. But... But I think it could benefit from a little reconstruction. For example, the first part is great. I like that it starts with a hooking first line, but after that, the rest is somehow. That is probably because of the past tense used, or the unnecessary words. It's a little confusing, as well. So, below, I've reworked the first part (I wrote it in the present tense, which is the standard tense for a blurb, cut out the words I deem unnecessary and made it, I hope, generally less confusing, more punchy). 

Michelle Grand still can't believe her best friend is dead, even now, with the unusual happenings around her. Even at that, this part of your blurb doesn't seem needed. There's nothing that ties it to the rest of the blurb. No mention of Miranda, her best friend, or the unusual things in the other parts. It's like you're using one blurb for two different stories.

To the best of my knowledge, you can fix this in two ways: 

1) Centre the blurb around Miranda. Tell us a little about her, this best friend's death, the unusual happenings, and what her role will be in stopping the enemies. 

2) Cut out the Miranda part, and start the blurb from the Seven Deadly Sins situation. This will be nice if you want the identity of the 'saviour' to be unknown to the readers. 

I would have loved to finish reconstructing your blurb, but that would be of no benefit, as you still need to decide which story you want to tell in the blurb, or whose story you want to tell. 

PROLOGUE: 2/8.3 

A prologue should foreshadow an event or events to come in a story, provide background information on the central conflict of the story, establish the point of view of a character or another character who is important to the story, or set the tone for a story (Masterclass; How to Write a Prologue).