Regina thought it would be too raw to speak with dad about adoption so soon, so she decided to talk to mom instead.
In the living room, Regina turned to mom, her brow furrowed in concentration, "Mom, I know that Clare and I are adopted."
Mom bit her lip, and closed her eyes. After a moment she opened them, full of resolve. She sat down on the couch, gesturing to Regina to seat as well. "Please, sit darling. It's time you know the truth."
Regina sat down slowly. Her limbs were trembling, and she clasped her hands to stop its shaking.
"Your father and I tried to have a baby for a long time. Years had passed, and we couldn't conceive. We made a pact, that if until my twenty-fifth birthday we don't conceive, we adopt. And on my birthday, we went to the foster home and filled necessary documents. Shortly after that, we've got a call, that there is a new-born, a girl, whose mother had died at childbirth and there were no other family members. We were so excited that we dropped everything and flew to the hospital. There was a tiny little bundle, all alone and crying in her crib. When I took her in her arms, she immediately stopped crying. It was love at first sight." Mom sighed with a smile, clearly remembering that day. "We took her home and started to raise her as our own. We've never even stopped and thought that she wasn't our blood daughter."
Regina's cheeks grew wet. Mom took her clasped hands in hers, and squeezed them, giving her cold limbs needed warmth.
Mom was looking at Regina, and she saw her eyes were full of liquid. Mom wanted to say more but was struggling to say even a word. Several times she opened her mouth, then closed it like she couldn't take enough breath for speech.
"Mom, it's okay," Regina croaked, tears were pouring down her face but she didn't care, "We can talk later."
But mom vehemently shook her head. She deeply inhaled, pinching her lips together. And then continued, "I had an older sister, Bridget," her voice cracked, but then she cleared her throat, and then the story flew out of her lips like a calm river. "She was working on UN missions and traveled around Africa to help people in ruined countries. She was a teacher and taught children to read and write. While being there, she'd met her husband, Kevin. He was a doctor from Sweden. After they married, they continued to move around Africa together. When Bridget became pregnant, I tried to convince her to come back home. She and her husband hadn't listened. Bridget told us that it was their home now and it was their mission to help others. They've been staying in a country where the civil war was going on at full blast, with a lot of opposing groups fighting each other. Until one day, when one of the armed groups came to the village where they lived and worked, and killed everyone. Except for one little child. A girl, who was sleeping in her crib," she paused. Familiar dark irises were looking down into Regina's soul. "It was you."
Regina's sobs burst out of her. Mom grabbed her shoulders and wrapped her arms around her. Regina clung to her, face buried in the side of her neck. Hot tears and muffled wails were coming out of Regina.
Regina remembered that mom had a sister who died a long time ago, but she rarely talked about her, because it was hurtful for her mom. Now she understood why. Her mom was her aunt, who raised her as her own daughter. And she didn't tell her this, saving her from heartbreak.
She cried for her dead mom, mourning her.
She cried for her real mom, who raised her, for keeping such a weight on her shoulders for the whole of her life.
She cried for herself, for how stupid and selfish she was. In one second she decided that her family was a lie and turned away from them, not giving in the details. But there was such a soul-wrenching pain behind this story. Not just for Regina, but everyone in her family.
Mom and dad were exceptional parents. They've put their daughters' feelings first, keeping this huge secret away from them. She wouldn't have dreamed of better parents than she had now. She loved them dearly and wanted to be right beside them forever.
"Mom, I'm sorry," Regina wailed in mom's shoulder, "I love you so much. Please forgive me."
"You have nothing to ask forgiveness for, my love. It's I who need to ask you forgiveness," Mom also sobbed, gently rocking her daughter.
Mom didn't know what awful thoughts went through Regina's mind when she talked with dad. And Regina was ashamed for it. She could've lost everyone she loved today by her own actions. If not for the attack, she would've just went back to LA, crossing out her family from her life.
While Regina just continued to sob harder on mom's shoulder, desperately clinging to her, mom continued, "You know, it was a miracle you stayed alive. That village was found a couple of days later after the assault. People from the mission found you, while you were crying. They knew my contact and called. Later your dad went there, to take you home, and I stayed at home with little Clare. You were only two months old then.
"I was so afraid when you chose to be a cop. You reminded me of her then. I was afraid, that something bad would happen to you too. Every day I pray for you and ask her to look after you from above," Mom whispered, planting tiny kisses on her head.
"Will you tell me sometime about her? What she was like?" Regina sniffed.
"You can look in the mirror and see. You're a copy of her. Your looks and manners, and temper. You look so much alike that I'm afraid sometimes. But yes, I'll tell you, when everything would settle down."
"Thank you, Mom," Regina's sobs subdued, and she just marveled at the sensation of being rocked like a baby.
She thought that now it all made sense. Her drive to move as far away as possible, to help people, to live a solitary life. Just like her birth mother.
She felt her mom kissing the top of her head, and a new wave of tears threatened to overwhelm her. She squeezed her eyes shut, raggedly exhaling.
"Does Clare know?" Regina asked quietly.
"Yes, darling, she knows." Mom said with a smile, and then hollered, "And she can come out of hiding behind the door."
Regina waterly laughed at that, and pulled away, to look at her smiling mom, and then at sheepish Clare, who came inside with a pack of tissues.
While going to the couch, Clare murmured, "Busted," then added almost annoyingly, "How did you know?"
Mom chuckled, then told them wisely, "It doesn't matter, that you didn't come out from my womb. You are my daughters, and I know you well. And I love you two so much, you can't even imagine."
Regina smiled at that and grabbed Clare's hand when she gave her tissues. Pulling her down on the couch with them, she hugged her from one side, and mom from the other.
"So how come Clare knows, and I don't?" Regina tickled Clare and they laughed.
"Now I can't remember why, but a couple of months ago I decided to check my birth information. But all over it was written 'Classified'. So I came to Mom and Dad and demanded an explanation. And under pressure, they've told me. I rechecked everything they'd told me, and it was the truth," Clare said with a hesitant smile, "I'm sorry I was distant lately, it was because I was coming to terms with this information, and we decided to tell you when you'll be here for the holidays. We didn't want to disturb your work with such news, we know it means a lot to you."
Regina's eyes filled with fresh tears hearing that. It confirmed what an awful person she was with her family. They knew the job was more important than family to her, and they accepted it.
Choking on her words, Regina hugged her mom and sister and continuously whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"We love you, baby," Mom whispered to her and rocked her daughters.
They sat like that for some time, whispering words of love, compassion, and forgiveness, until dad came down and found them in a cloud of scattered tissues.
Regina's breath hitched, seeing him. He was back from the shower. A little paler than usual, but his hesitant smile not so one-sided anymore.
There was one more dear person she needed to make amends with.
***
Mom glanced between Regina and dad, gauging the atmosphere between them at once. "Dear, I think you two need to talk. Come, baby Clare, let's give them some privacy."
And Regina understood why. There was a look of love and fear in dad's eyes, and he was hesitant to move closer. Regina was the same, she didn't know where to start. Instead, she just went to him and hugged him around the waist, put her head on his chest, and whispered, "I'm sorry daddy, I was such a fool."
He hugged her back instantly, squeezing her. She heard him taking a ragged breath and swallow, and it put tears to her eyes again. She made her strong and fierce dad cry. And she felt miserable for that.
They clung to each other for some time, and cried silent tears until dad deeply exhaled.
"I'm so sorry, Regina that I failed you," he started, and she wanted to protest, but he added, "No, wait, let me finish. Please."
She nodded at that in his chest, and he continued, still holding her tightly.
"I was thinking about what you've said to me in the office, and I'm deeply sorry that for all these years I made you think like that. Those days when you've been arrested were the most petrifying for me and your mom. I was looking for a way to save you from prosecution, the different kind of scenarios was constantly playing in my mind, and I might've looked distant at a time. I'm sorry I hadn't given you the needed support then. But I've never in my life even for a second thought that you're culpable."
Not giving her time to fully process, he continued, and she heard a smile in his tone, "As for going for the VP or the President, yes, I wanted to at the time. But then I realized, that I care for you, Clare, and your mom more than I care about the career. I didn't want all of you to relive the consequences of that night. Your well-being was more important for me than a new post. And I want to assure you, I don't have any regrets. That way I have more time to spend with all of you, but I wish you could've come more often to us."
Fresh tears were pouring down Regina's face when she felt her dad kissing the top of her head. "I wish so too," she whispered, and he squeezed her harder if that was even possible.
"Baby, I'm so sorry for how I made you think when you lost the job in the police. I would've never wanted to get rid of you," he released her shoulders and took her face in his warm palms, looking straight in her eyes, "I was devastated to see you so wretched when they fired you. I didn't care that tabloids were once again mulling about me, but I did care for your wellbeing. I always knew that you wanted to be like Sherlock, solving puzzles, chasing criminals, and doing this world safer. And I've made it my goal to help you find the right place for you to fulfill your dreams, and make a greater impact on this world. I thought it was what you wanted," he kissed her forehead, and a sob escaped her.
Regina remembered, how it rubbed her in the wrong way, that he interfered. But now she understood that he did so because he cared for her. And he was scared for her. She had the most wonderful dad in the world, and who had the most ungrateful daughter.
Seeing her new gush of tears, he hugged her again, "Oh, baby, if only you told me all of this before, instead of holding it inside of you for so long."
Such a fool she was. So much time had been wasted. But she intended to repair her relationship with her family, to make things better.
"Thank you, daddy," she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut, "I was afraid to tell you, but I have been fired again, last Friday." She told him all the details, and in the end added, "So if I accept back my position, I'll be working with the same Michael who ruined my life," she chuckled through tears, and dad smiled, releasing her.
"What he did to you, was unacceptable, but I'm glad, that in the end, you've found peace with him. And if that job is really what you want and need right now, I'll support your decision. I just want for you to be happy," he smiled the beautiful smile that made him look so much younger than he was, and Regina felt peace in her heart.
It was even more than she wanted to achieve coming to Washington. Her family loved her, her dad never had any grudge against her, and she'd got her job back.
It seemed that she'd got everything she ever wanted. But with one thought about Marcus, she felt a hole in her heart she'd never knew existed until she met him.