"I know it's not my fault, but sometimes it feels like I did this."
-Lizzie McAlpine
TW: Darkish thoughts
"Teach the Jedi his place." The Queen orders Anakin. I watch, wordlessly as she extends a Zygerrian whip towards my husband, her face filled with malice. Stupid stupid Obi-Wan. I glance towards the master who is currently bound on the pedestal in the arena below. My heart rate begins to pick up and my palms begin to sweat, the pills were wearing off leaving behind anxiety.
Anakin walks off before I can stop him, leaving me alone in the room with the queen. I watch as he goes, trying my best not to call out for him. I didn't want to be left alone with these people, I wanted to go home. And I wanted a drink.
"I must admit, your master has much talent." The Queen muses from in front of me. She's facing the arena, her back to me, "Perhaps I shall let him court me when we are through."
My stomach churns at her words and a disgusted face pulls at my features, "What makes you think that he wants you?"
The guards around us tense and I see multiple hands reach for their weapons. I scoff, annoyance rising inside of me as the queen turns, her expression amused, "A shame, you would have been the perfect slave if not for your mouth."
The perfect slave? My annoyance turns to anger, but just before I can retort, the crowd cheers rise as Anakin walks out onto the arena. The queen turns away from me, walking to the railing and bracing herself against it, "Prove to me you are a slaver." She challenges, "Swing that whip or die beside him."
R2 rolls up next to me, beeping softly from my side, it seems our plans have just been fast tracked. It also seems the Queen is not a dumb as she looks. Anakin's gaze catches mine and a silent understanding passes between us, we don't even have to use the bond.
"You leave me with no choice, highness." Anakin turns the whip on, mockingly bowing to the queen before saluting R2. The gesture makes me want to laugh, but I have no time as R2 launches the sabers into the air. I watch as they arc through the arena, landing gracefully in Anakin's hand. The crowd screams as the Queen commands her guards.
My time to shine. I grab the nearest male's arm, flipping him over before facing the other guards. R2 launches one of my sabers and I turn it on, deflecting a bullet aimed towards the back of my head.
"It seems your slave empire is finished." I turn towards the queen, extending the golden saber towards her before adding, "Again." I smirk at the queen's face, advancing towards her as she takes a few steps back.
"Get that thing out of my face you little skug." The queen hisses, I make no such move, driving her back until she is sitting upon her throne, a warning goes off in my head and before I can figure out what it is, the queen hits a button, causing the collar around my throat to spark my entire body with electricity. I convulse as pain shoots through my nerves, causing me to crumble to the ground, my lightsaber rolling away.
"Fuck." I groan, trying to move my limbs to no avail. The queen chuckles, standing over me, this time, she is smirking.
"The famed golden saberess." She muses, picking up my lightsaber, "I expected more of the Leora Gallows."
"Take this collar off and your expectations can be reached." The queen chuckles, clucking her tongue.
"I don't think so." Before I can say or do anything else, the queen hits the button on her chair once more and I am sent into oblivion.
...
"The queen has promised you to me once the other Jedi is tamed." The male, who I have come to know as Atai, is currently taunting me from above my handing cage. I pay him no mind, focusing on my meditation before me. Holding my hand out, I use the force to lightly push him over the edge, just enough so he can catch himself, but far enough so it scares him.
"Let's hope that doesn't happen." I sigh, opening my eyes, "For both of our sakes." Atai growls, producing a button from his pocket. I don't even have time to register fear as he clicks it, sending shockwaves through me over and over again, a sadistic smile spread across his face.
"LEROA!" Anakin's roars fill my mind, adding to the pain as smoke rises around me.
"I'm fine, just hurry up and get me out of here." I respond, focusing on our link and blocking him out before he can say anything else. I have faith in Anakin, he will find a way to escape, but he won't find it if he's worried about me.
Eventually, Atai grows bored of my torture and leaves, allowing me time to think as I curl up into a ball. I've been back for only a few months and already I've been captured and tortured twice, well captured three times, tortured twice, but who's counting? Groaning, I try my best to suppress the memories of the avengers, but without the pills, my mind wanders and I can't stop it as I dive into a memory.
"Give it back!" I yell, sprinting after Thor who cackles maniacally as I chase him through the kitchens of Avengers Tower, "Come on Thor, you know that's the last one!"
The God seems to not hear me as he continues to run faster, poptart in hand, specifically, my poptart. I reach out, using my mind and wrapping that strange energy around Thor, stopping him midair and holding him a few centimeters above the ground.
"That's not far!" Thor whines as I walk up to him, snatching the poptart from his fingers. I smirk, taking a bite before releasing my hold on him. He lands with a thud, glaring at me as I take yet another bite.
Rolling my eyes, I break off the half that I hadn't eaten, handing the crumbling poptart to the man before me. The god of Thunder squeals, snatching the snack and popping it into his mouth, eating the entire thing in one bite. That's one way to do it.
"Mortals never cease to amaze me." Thor muses as we exit the kitchen together, entering the living room where Clint is spread across the couch like a cat. I swat at his legs, sitting down next to him once he had moved. Thor sits on the other side of me and I grab the remote, turning the Bachelor on. Sean Lowe's face appears and I smile in delight as I sit back.
"We are not watching this!" Clint groans, dragging a hand down his face. I stick my tongue out at him as Natasha enters the room, "I guess we are watching this." He mumbles after Nat exclaims her love for the show.
"NO LINDSAY!" Thor and Clint scream at the same exact time six hours later. Nat and I giggle as Sean breaks the news to Lindsay, the two having their last goodbye.
"Then that means-"
"Catherine's going to win!" Clint cuts Thor off and the two jump up from where they were sitting, running around the living room. Natasha and I share a look and I move closer to her before Clint and Thor sit back down.
"And I thought I loved The Bachelor." Tony mutters, offering me some popcorn which I gladly take. He, Steve, and Bruce had arrived four hours ago. I smile, closing my eyes as contentness spreads through me.
When I open my eyes again, I'm back in the metal cage, feeling more alone than ever. After that day, Bachelor and Bachelorette Sundays had become a tradition, however, they had dwindled over the years due to everyone moving. Thor had gone back to Asgard, Steve, Nat, and I were in D.C, Tony was with Pepper, Clint was apparently with his secret family, and Bruce was at the labs.
Closing my eyes, I lay down on the cage floor, doing my best to ignore the bird-like creatures that were currently swarming me. I wanted my family back.
I just wanted to see them one last time, to tell them goodbye. Tears pricked at my eyes, I just wanted my pills, I was tired of being sad, of being useless.
Suddenly, my cage swings violently as something lands atop it, sending the birds flying. I look up, surprised to see Anakin above me. "Well hello there." I grin, wiping the tears away before he can see them and dropping the mental wall between our bond.
He lifts the cage from the side of the palace, bringing it over the railing and back onto the ground before ripping the metal from the side. R2 beeps happily from Anakin's side and I grin.
"Are you ok?" He demands, rushing towards me and pulling the collar from my neck. I nod, offering him a soft smile, "Dooku's here, we need to be careful." My heart drops at the mention of Dooku's name, the thought of seeing him....
"I'll get the ship then." I offer, snagging the comlink from Anakin's hand. He looks like he's about to protest, but after I give him a pointed look, he doesn't, "Be careful Leora."
"I will." I pause, "Where are you going now?"
"The queen knows where Obi-Wan is." Anakin explains quickly, "Wait for my signal." I nod, turning around and sprinting through the palace, R2 at my heels. The thought of Dooku makes me physically sick and the world teeters as I sprint through the palace. For a split second, I wonder if I'm still in a vision, still in a false reality of his creation.
The market is teeming with life as I reach the city, snatching a cloak from a nearby vendor and wrapping the fabric around me before blending into the shadows. Thanks to Nat and Nick's training, I easily make it to the ship, firing the great thing up. The signal buzzes from my arm and I fly the ship towards the palace, lowering the ramp just in time as Anakin bursts through one of the windows, the queen in hand. I forced the thoughts of Dooku and Sideous from my mind, I was still on a mission, I still had duty.
"The Kadovu System." Anakin greets, entering the cockpit. I nod, entering the coordinates into the star map. The ship takes off into Hyperspace and I turn to face my husband.
"Where's the queen?" I ask, crossing my arms. Anakin merely sighs, shaking his head.
"Dooku murdered her." The words slice through the air and I blink in surprise, I was not expecting that. I stand up, walking towards my husband as I sense his worry.
My hands slide up his shoulders before I pull him into a hug. He returns it, carefully, as if I might break if he hugs me too hard. "Are you ok?" I whisper, nestling into him. He nods into my hair before kissing the side of my head.
He pulls back so that we're facing each other now, "As long as you're here, I'll be ok." My heart warms at his words and I hug him once more, just as the ship exits hyper space, revealing a great planet before us.
Anakin takes control of the ship as I change into my robes, grabbing my lightsabers from R2. My eyes snag the pill bottles, but before I can grab them, the ship lands. Lunging towards the bottle, I quickly uncap it, throwing two pills back and sighing in relief as all my sadness disappears, leaving that feeling of fineness.
"Let's do this." I grin at Anakin, lowering the exit ramp. We both rush from the ship, R2 behind us. About halfway to the doors, mechanic guns train their sights on our ship, blowing the thing to smithereens. My mouth falls open in horror. My pills were in there. I can't even properly panic thanks to their effects as Anakin drags me to the now closed door.
"So much for our ride home." He huffs. The base that we are on is suspended thousands of feet in the air, housing all of the missing Togruta, the only way off is a ship.
"What now?" I question, the guards were surly on their way here.
Anakin flips his lightsaber in his palm, "We get through the old-fashioned way. Don't worry, I have a plan." He ignites the saber, sticking it into the door and cutting through the metal. I stand guard, my eyes canning the platform for any sign of guards.
"Anakin!" Obi-Wan's voice is urgent and both Anakin and I turn to see the Jedi's face on a screen built into the wall. Relief at seeing him fills me and I sigh in relief. However, it's short lived as Obi-Wan continues, "I'm glad to see you, but I'm afraid our host feels otherwise."
The guns begin to shoot at us again as Anakin continues to cut through the door, "Well you can't make everyone happy master." His tone is lighthearted and I grin.
"They're threatening to kill the slaves unless you surrender." My grin is gone and my mouth is open at Obi-Wan's words, uh oh.
"Well it's good to see you're always ready to negotiate." Anakin replies with the same tone. I turn to my husband, giving him a look before he continues, "But I've had enough bargaining with slave drivers."
"Anakin, you must realize this is a fight you cannot win alone!" Obi-Wan protests, but Anakin still continues to cut through the door.
"Who said I was alone?" Yells come from the other side of Obi-Wan's com and I look up to see Plo-Koon's battalion fly through the sky. I smile, it seems Anakin's always a few steps ahead.
Anakin finishes cutting through the wall, and together, the two of us make our ways through halls, in sync with one another as guard after guard attacks. Anakin kills them mercilessly, offering me a slight shrug as I stare at the smoking bodies. Damn.
R2 follows as we run towards the command room, "He's destroyed the cannons!" Obi-Wan's voice crackles through the coms.
"I can't move the ship down here until we destroy those cannons." Master Plo replies.
"We'll take care of the cannons." Anakin promises, "Just make sure that cruiser gets down here, we're running out of time!"
"I'm going to help the Togruta and buy us some time!" I tell Anakin, "I'll see you soon."
"Good luck." Anakin squeezes my hand once before I veer off, using my senses to guide me through the vast corridors. The hum of electricity can be heard as I enter one of the main rooms, my stomach dropping as I take in the electric fences and the hundreds of Togruta helplessly waiting in the pit.
"A Jedi!" One of them yells, pointing towards me as I drop into the pit like cage. They were suspended on a platform, with nothing but air below them. I glance over the side, taking the view in.
"We're all clear!" Anakin calls through the com, "Bring the cruiser down to the landing point." Panic rises inside of me, we were definitely not clear.
"Don't do that!" I yell, "We have no way to get the people out of the holding cell." I glance down towards the drop, "But I have an idea."
An idea that worked very well I must say. Master Plo's admiral is able to move the cruiser below the platform and save the people. One destroyed facility later and thousands of Togruta freed, I am sitting on my bed in my cruiser with Anakin beside me.
"Are you ok?" I ask him, running my hand over his fingers. He glances towards me, a strange look on his face. I unhook my sabers from where I sit, placing them on the bed next to me.
"I feel like I'm the one who should be asking you that." Anakin sighs and I can tell he's holding back something. I glance towards my bags, half expecting my pills to magically appear. But they don't and every time I look, I'm left disappointed.
"What is it?" I question, leaning against the wall that my bed is built into. Anakin glances towards the door for a second before shaking his head.
"Where were you Leora?" My heart drops at his words and suddenly I'm back in the torture chambers with Dooku and the dark sith. Suddenly I'm laying on the fields on Naboo, Anakin's arms around me as he demands I tell him where I was.
Suddenly I'm with my family again, saving the world and saving each other. I used to think Earth was so big, so mysterious and confusing. But now that I'm here, Earth seems so small, so fragile and just... nostalgic.
I look up at Anakin and I can see in his eyes that he instantly regrets those words, hell, I can feel it in my bones, in my heart. But I know Anakin, and I know he isn't just going to let this go.
"You were gone for three months." Obi-Wan had told me shortly after I had returned, "I have never seen Anakin in such a state." He had paused, "If you hadn't come back sooner, I fear he would have torn the galaxy apart looking for you."
But three months is such a short amount of time, we had gone longer without seeing each other before. Three months compared to three years is nothing. But I guess my time doesn't count, after all, I couldn't even remember him. And he remembered me, he remembered everything and I-
I feel sick as I stare into his eyes. My stomach is churning and I just want my pills but they fucking blew up, everything in my life just fucking blows up, physically and mentally. I want to tell him, deep down I want to just let the floodgates break, I want to just tell him everything.
But what do I tell him? I was gone for three years and if I'm being honest, I would have chosen a world with my family over him? And while I missed him in my soul, I would have never truly remembered him, the father had made sure of that. Our connection was strong enough to give me fleeting images and feelings of him, but without Wanda, I wouldn't have remembered anything.
"I don't want to talk about it." I say finally, and I can see his eyes harden at my words, his jaw tick. He's mad, even if he's trying to hide it, "I'm sorry." I say finally and he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath and resting his head on the wall.
"You're miserable Leora." Anakin hisses, his own dam breaking, "I can fucking feel it and-" He runs a hand over his face, sighing, "It's killing me Leora, it killed me when you were in that cage, one moment you were fine, then the next you were just-" He paused, "Sad." He opened his eyes, looking at me, "Please just let me help you." He whispers those last words and my heart drops.
"I don't need help Anakin." I say finally, "I'm fine."
"You're not fine!" Anakin's voice raises, "Stop lying to me, I'm your husband!" Tears prick at my eyes at his words, "I spent three months searching for you, three months in constant pain because I couldn't feel you, three months wondering if the love of my life was dead." His own tears were forming, "And now that I have you back, you're different." A tear slipped down his cheek and my own, "You're a shell of the girl you once were, it's like I don't even know you." He sobs at those words, reaching for me, but I flinch away, my own sobs escaping me as I scramble from the bed, my hands shaking as I reach for the door button opening it.
I hear Anakin call my name as I sprint through the hallways, desperate to escape the confines of this ship, desperate to escape him. Thankfully, the ship has already docked on Coruscant and I slip away before anyone can see me, a cloak wrapped around my body. I block Anakin and his pleas from my mind, blocking him completely from everything as I catch a speeder, descending into the lower levels.
I find the first bar I see, ordering the strongest drink I can before slinking to the back of the bar, careful not to show my face. When the drink is gone, I order another, and then another, chugging them as fast as I can while trying to suppress my sobs.
What a sad fucking sight, a drunk Jedi sobbing in the corner of a bar.
I miss Natasha, I miss the Russian vodka and her comforting words that always managed to make me feel better. I miss Steve and his daringness, Tony and the way he always understood me, Banner and his shared research, Thor and his stupid pop tarts, Clint and the bachelor. I miss Nick who was the closest thing I've ever had to a father, Maria who guided me through the missions.
I miss my family.
I miss who I was before all of this. I miss the girl who was madly in love with Anakin Skywalker, the girl who was selfless and caring. I don't know who I am anymore, I don't recognize the short wavy hair, the selfishness, and the coldness. All I see when I look in the mirror is a sad girl who can't go a few hours without her pills.
And now they're gone and I have no idea how I'm going to get new ones, no idea how I'm going to make it through tomorrow, through the day after. Through life.
"I suggest you slow down." A voice says. I look up to see the bartender place yet another drink in front of me, "We close in an hour, will you be able to get home safe?"
I nod, tossing a spare credit towards him, he grumbles something else before slinking away, but I don't catch his words. I left my lightsabers on the ship, but I suppose I don't really need them, after all, Natasha taught me sixty seven ways to kill a man with my own hands.
I don't want to leave, I want another drink, however, the bar is empty and the bartender is giving me a look, so I stand exiting into the cold streets.
My vision is hazy, my steps are light, and everything is spinning as I walk through the streets of the temple- wait no, Coruscant. I don't want to go back to the temple, Anakin is going to be there and I can't see him. I need another drink.
Thankfully, a store is open and it only takes me two minutes to buy a large bottle and be back on the streets, sipping as I stumble around with no destination in mind.
And suddenly, it hits me as I rethink Anakin's words. I just wanted him. I wanted him to hold me, to be there for me, I just wanted him. My knees buckle and whispers erupt in the crowd as I fall to my knees, the bottle tumbling from my hand as I sob, unable to control myself. I wanted to be happy again, I wanted so many things. Too many things.
"It's like I don't even know you." His words ring through my mind over and over again because he's right, he doesn't even know me anymore. I'm not the girl I was three years ago, I'm a sad fucking shell that's a miserable example of Jedi. They should remove me from the order, send me out on the streets, I'm not fit for this life anymore, not fit to serve. I cry even harder, not caring about who sees me.
He just wants to help me and I can't even let him do that, I can't even let him fucking help me. What is even wrong with me? No matter how hard I try, I can't find the right words to say, I don't even know where to begin, how to say it. He's going to hate me if I tell him, hate me when he realizes that I was at my happiest with the Avengers, that I would do anything to go back, even for a few minutes. He would hate me, despise me, he-
I'm sobbing so hard I can hardly breathe. my breaths coming out in short gasps as I crawl to the nearest wall, wrapping my arms around my knees as I cry and cry. I hate myself for crying, I hate myself, I hate who I am.
"Leora." My eyes snap up to see Anakin, he's across the short alley, looking down at me in horror. All it takes is one hiccup and he's in front of me, tears and worry shining in his eyes, "I'm sorry he whispers, I'm so so sorry Lora." He reaches for me, and this time I lunge towards him, wrapping my arms around him, clinging to his frame and warmth. I bury my face into his neck, quietly sobbing. I'm selfish. It's the only thing that comes to mind when he hugs me back.
"Let's go home." Anakin whispers when my sobs have dimmed. I hiccup again as he pulls back a bit, inspecting my face. His eyes widened and I can see his concern grow, feel it, "Leora are you drunk?" He asks quietly, slowly removing the hood from my eyes. Another sob escapes me as I nod, embarrassment growing inside of me. I'm fucking drunk in his arms, "Hey no, it's ok, it's ok." Anakin tightens his grip around me, "Let's go home ok?" I nod, allowing him to help me stand. However, when I stumble, he picks me up bridal style, carrying me to the temple.
"I'm sorry." I whisper, my words slurring as we enter our rooms. Anakin carries me to the bathroom, starting the shower, "I just-"
"Don't say sorry Lora." Anakin interrupts me with a look, "Don't ever apologize to me."
"But I'm an awful wife to you." My words quiver as I tear up again. Anakin helps slide my dirty clothes off my body before doing the same with his. He leads me into the shower and the hot water soothes me in the best way possible.
"Lora enough." Anakin takes some soap, scrubbing it into my hair, "I don't want to hear you say another word about yourself that's not true."
"But Ani-"
"No." Once he's finished bathing me, he shuts the water off, helping me change into clothes.
Now we're lying on the bed, facing one another as sleep begins to tug at my mind, "Can I hold you Lora?" Anakin asks and when I nod, his arms are around me instantly, flipping me around so my back is pressed against his chest. One arm is just above my stomach, the other around my chest, and a leg in between mine.
"I'm going to help you get through this, I swear Leora."
"I love you Anakin." I whisper as I drift off into sleep, unable to keep my eyes open.
The last thing I hear are my words repeated to me.
Anakin doesn't mention my disappearance after that.
A/N
Heyyy, I was very invested with writing this chapter towards the end. I'm going to be going back and rewriting a lot of Act III because I don't really like how it's been so far. This was kinda the last clone wars arc that I was very closely following just bc I feel like it's boring to read and boring to write and not very original so yeah.
I'm also creating another story that is a compile of Leora and the avengers that fills in the gaps between missions in Act I, but it won't be up until this story is done.
I've been trying to write, but it's hard to find time and motivation. My deadline to finish this story is going to be the end of the summer and I plan to have at least 10 more chapters (they'll be long dw)
Love you all, thank you for everything <3
-Its345am