AMELIAS POV:
"She's not came out her room in ages" I said to my sisters as I heard the A Kind Of Spark intro from my daughters bedroom and instantly knew she was rewatching the season for the 3rd time this week.
Harper was became more and more hyper fixated on this show, she only comes of out her bedroom for food, or to go to school even then is always watching it on her phone.
I was happy she had found a show that had great representation, but also nervous a so could see her slipping into her own world, it was all she talked about.
Everything was A Kind Of Spark, she had merch, a signed copy of the book, posters, and so much more. Her room was filled with every A Kind of Spark, it became her whole personality.
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I knocked on her door, no answer as I willingly let myself in she was laying down focused on the screen that was playing the show she had been watching for months now, constant re-runs waiting for the next season.
"Harper, I have work so your coming with me, come on get your shoes on" I said to see my teenager still amused in the TV that had been playing from the time she woke up.
"Harper I won't ask again" I warned.
"Harper shoes now" I said starting to raise my voice slightly, she looked up and paused the TV.
"Harper" I said hoping she would come down stairs.
"What" She asked with slight frustration
"Harper I've got work and your aunts are on-call so get your shoes on" I said firmly needing her to get up and make an effort.
"Can't I just stay here" She winced
"No Harps, now get your shoes on" I said waiting impatiently
"Okay I'm up" My teenager said in a moody disappointed tone.
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In the car she was watching A Kind Of Spark on her phone of course, I had to accept that is was her favourite show but some part of me wished she would get bored of it and enjoy other things that she was missing out on.
Her grades were slipping in subjects she excelled in, multiple meetings with teachers how she was constantly doodling characters and writing A Kind of Spark over and over again on her pages as she decorated her notes with stickers of witches and stars, something she had also found an interest in.
I had an appointment with her educational psychologist today something I know she was dreading, the appointment letter was on the fridge, which she knew about, but her interest in her show clearly made her forget where we were heading first thing in the hospital.
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As I got out the car I noticed my teenager still focused on her phone, she had not even noticed we were at the hospital yet.
"Harper" I said as I opened the car door to where she was sitting.
She gave me a small look and paused.
"We're here, can you turn off the phone for a second while we're in the car park" I said needing her to pay attention to if any cars were coming. She nodded as to my surprise she willingly turned off her phone to walk across to the hospital entrance.
"Harper, your education psychologist wants to see us so that is where we are heading first" I said as my teenager was still focused on her phone while we walked through the hospital corridors to the paeds floor.
Harper gave me a certain look of anxiety, I could see how the word psychologist made her feel.
HARPERS POV:
I didn't want to see the psychologist she sounded nice given my the description my Mom gave, Dr Michelle had an excellent reputation, but I wanted to watch A Kind of Spark.
As we waited for Dr Michelle in the waiting room, my legs swung hitting the bar of the chair. Mom placed her hands on my legs to stop me from hurting myself.
"Harper Shepherd" A nurse said as she pulled us into the weighing and measuring room before my appointment.
I hated this part, I didn't like being around numbers that I didn't understand.
"Harper could you just take off your shoes and place your phone here" The nurse said in a calm and kind tone.
I didn't want to let go of my phone, nor did I want to take off my shoes, I sinked my toes in further to the comfort of my Ugg boots. The tights itching my legs as I became for present of my senses, the thin wool sweater that itched my arms became more present. I could feel a sensory overload peeking in, but I really didn't want to rip all my clothes off that itched every part of my skin till the point it felt like a bunch of spiders crawling all over my body.
I started to slowly move up and down on my tiptoes creating small bounces, a stim I did when I was feeling rather nervous or impatient. Mom noticed as I suddenly stopped and started to chew on my wool jumper, the texture hit my mouth and sent shivers down my spine I quickly tore it out of my mouth still feeling the tingles in my teeth and spine.
"Harper let's just get this part over and done with okay" Mom said as she encouraged me to stand on the weighing scale.
The only person I would allow to weigh and measure me was Arizona, not some random nurse that changed every appointment I have with my psychologist, even though this was my first appointment, I knew this nurse would probably not weigh or measure me again.
I bit down on my tongue gulping down my fear. As I stood on the scale and watched as the confusing numbers and measurements went up.
I stepped off the scale Mom smiling at me proudly as the nurse now to my height measurements.
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It was over quite quickly as we headed out to the waiting room to be later greeted by Dr Michelle.
We was pulled into a cozy looking office, they was toys, fidgets and posters about mental health and neurodiversity.
As we took a seat on the couch decorated with soft pillows and blankets Dr Michelle sat on a singular couch chair in front of a coffee table.
"Hi Harper, Hi Dr Shepherd, so I am Dr Michelle I am sure Dr Turner has informed you about me already I thought I would just do a proper introduction." She said smiling.
"Thank you" Mom said smiling.
"Well as you know I'm Dr Michelle, but you may call me Céline, whatever you are comfortable with, I will be Harper's educational psychologist and we will have an appointment once a month to talk about how Harper is doing on terms with her autism, ADHD, dyscalculia, selective mutism and anxiety diagnosis's, this session will just be me asking some questions and answering any concerns, but also getting to know Harper and you of course Dr Shepherd and understand both of your experiences and how we could learn to help with these experiences and challenges Harper may face" Dr Michelle explained with a beaming smile plastered across her face with every word she took.
I pulled out my phone to watch A Kind Of Spark to distract myself from the constant itching of my tights and the scratchy material I opted to wear, I do put myself through hell sometimes, but Mom suggested to wear something warm as it was a typical Seattle day cold and rainy!
"Harper phone off" Mom said as she saw I had drawn my attention to the device I held in my hands as I watched Party the episode where Keedie had a sensory overload at her 16th birthday.
"Hmm she's okay to watch it, I've had a lot of kids who distract themselves with their phone could I ask what your watching" Dr Michelle asked, but I was far too focused on A Kind of Spark to answer the question.
"She's watching A Kind Of Spark, it's this show about autism and witches she's watched it about a thousand times, it's all she ever talks about" Mom said as she let out a small chuckle, but behind that chuckle was worry and I could sense it even though I didn't understand her worry for me watching a show.
"Harper how does A Kind of Spark make you feel" Dr Michelle asked I made no contact at all focusing on my phone I barely even heard her voice.
AMELIAS POV
"Harper" I warned
"No it's okay Dr Shepherd, she's very hyper focused distracting her could make her frustrated, Harper is living in a different cognitive reality this is her own world, how she sees it is different to individual with a neurotypical neurotype, disturbing her from her own world can make her feel upset, angry any emotion she may present is her way of showing she doesn't want to be disturbed wether she presents it through a meltdown or crying" Dr Michelle said and I listened to every word carefully. She was right, how my teenager saw the world was different to how I saw it and I had to accommodate to her despite how scared I was of her having such intense interests that they consumed her entire existence.
"I guess your right, I'm just worried that I'm losing her she's so focused on this show she barely comes out of her bedroom, it's all she talks about at meal times, meetings with teachers at her school all say the same thing, she's not focused at school and constantly writes about A Kind of Spark instead of doing her actual school work" I said in a rather worried tone.
"Harper is in a deep hyper fixation she's escaping to a fantasy world, that is full of her reality her thoughts her feelings what she loves, her dreams, day dreams every thought she has is about that show, she is highly hyper fixated and I understand your concerns the best for Harper is for us to work on ways we can get her detached it's hard as she shows such an intense liking to this almost as if she's latching onto something she has been missing or craving" Dr Michelle said.
I instantly knew why she had became addicted to this show, she missed the drugs, the cutting this show was an escape from that reality, this new reality was something she could escape to.
"She's a recovering addict and recovering from self harm could that be why?" I asked needing an answer on my thoughts
"Ah yes I did read about her addiction in her patient file and totally that could be the reason she's getting attached to a show, but also she's found a show where there is people like her, she sees herself in it, feels like she can fit in that could also be a reason why she is escaping to a fantasy world of her interests" Dr Michelle said.
"Does she hang out with any girls her own age who also share her experiences with autism and ADHD" Dr Michelle said.
"No all I know is she doesn't have many friends as school, she gets bullied a lot to the point she refuses school, the only person I know she hangs out with is her boyfriend" I said realising Harper's circle consists of surgeons, fire fighters, her boyfriend and little kids.
"Plus with Harper's selective mutism communication is rather hard, yet she seems to trust family and close friends" I said.
Dr Michelle nodded understandingly, "I run a support group of autistic girls with similar traits, I'm sure we could talk about Harper joining our weekly sessions" Dr Michelle said "And her selective mutism, it seems she has progressed as she is able to speak to a group of people which is great to hear" Dr Michelle said.
I peered over to my teenager who was still fixated on her phone watching a scene as I noticed her itch the side of her leg.
Dr Michelle also must of noticed this as Harper started to become rather restless, she fidgeted and moved around on her chair.
HARPERS POV:
The itching of my clothes made it feel like my skin was burning, every part of me itched as I wanted to scream and rip my clothes off. I turned my phone off as I couldn't focus on my show anymore, I slid down onto the floor and began to rock back and forth.
The overload had started, I wasn't paying attention to the soothing voices of Mom and Dr Michelle, it wasn't helping.
I sat picking at the tights creating holes as I eventually ripped them off, I felt a feeling of relief but noticed how much my sleeves itched, soon followed by all my clothes itching.
My body was screaming, my head was pounding, my whole body felt like a sauna. I could feel my Mom's arms wrap me into a bundle, as I felt the feeling of her jump itch my face I began to wriggle and cry.
I couldn't help but scream and kick as the feeling became more present, I was in a sensory overload over clothing, something that never really bothered me.
My sensory issues kept changing and changing, recently I had noticed that everything seemed so much brighter, so much more louder than it did before. I often had the feeling of hiding away more, the hospital lights were the worst as I noticed how the light would flicker slightly, something I never noticed before.
I felt hands on my shoulders I flinched as the feeling caused me distress. I placed my hands over my ears and my head tucked into my knees as I crawled up into a ball and began to rock trying to self sooth.
"Harper" I heard muffled voices call out repeatedly as I was still rocking, hyperventilating quickly and loudly.
"Harper breath" I heard quietly, my hands were still on my head snuggly muffling the sounds, I couldn't quite make out what was said.
My breathing faster and faster and faster, I could feel a sickly sensation in my stomach as a wush of sickness tickled my throat, the contents of my stomach pouring out as I felt each of my fast shaky breathes.
AMELIAS POV:
"Harper" I said as my daughter made herself sick from the overload and the anxiety.
I had never seen her like this, it was bad, she wasn't breathing to the point I had to call Maggie.
Maggie was listening to Harper's heart the best she could as the teenager wriggled unliking the feeling of contact.
"I'm going to have to admit her, she's making herself sick, she's not breathing properly, her heart is fast" Maggie said as she sat next to Harper who was in a fragile state.
"Get a gurney" I shouted to a nurse, as we lifted up Harper who was wriggling and kicking, I didn't want to hurt her I knew she didn't want to be touched, but this was unhealthy she was making herself sick and unable to calm down.
As we rushed her into a room, Arizona came in immediately as I had paged her immediately.
Harper was unable to calm down, I was worried I had never seen her like this.
"Let's push a mild sedative" Maggie said as the nurses started to inject a sedative into her IV to attempt calm Harper down.
Harper slowly started to calm down as her breathing slowed and her heart rate came to a normal pace.
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"I want to keep her in for a few days, observe her breathing and heart rate, I know it was caused by a sensory overload and eventually a meltdown, but she made herself sick, she's in an extreme state I'm worried for her" Maggie said as she talked to me outside of the patients room Harper was staying in.
"Yeah thank you Maggie, I'm worried too extremely worried I've never seen her that bad, I don't know what she's been holding in, but from the research I've been doing her sensory needs can change as she gets older and I'm just hoping it's not going to be worse then I've just seen" I said frightful of what it's going to be like for Harper.
Authors Note:
AHHH HARPER
Should I make Harper require to wear ear defenders often, while she's at home, the hospital etc, but not at school as she masks.
I think it would be a good storyline if I make harper have a verbal shutdown as she's just been through a draining sensory overload and I can imagine her just going into a shutdown and needing to accommodate her needs more.
What do we think?