Two days went by so fast like a blink of an eye.Without having to hide their excitements and rejoices upon seeing each other again,they went to have dinner on a private restaurant Gab reserved for them.Just like the usual,they talked and talked about anything,about their life,their work.As time flies,their conversation turned into nothing particular,just anything that came to mind.In the middle of their wandering chitchats,that's when George called her sister asking if she'd come home since they know she's with Ced,which only means the answer is no,and her brother of course,was expecting that.He just grinned and hung up the phone.After their long dinner,they roam around the now quiet road under the bright city lights,with the windows down,they can feel the cool breeze that enveloped their skin.They didn't check the time,but they can tell that it's getting late already.Stopping at a convenient store along the road,they brought cans of beer and sat at the back of the car.This time,they let the comfortable silence surround them and enjoyed the tranquility that it brings,while looking up at the night sky from time to time.
Glancing at the other girl who looks so tiny wearing her bomber jacket,with her chin on its knees,Ced decided to break the silence.
“Are your legs cold too?” She asked.
Tearing her gaze away from the lamp post,she looked at Ced.
“A little,but the beer starts to heat me up so I'll be fine.” She answered.
“Why did you wear shorts anyway?You know it's cold outside during the night.”
She chuckled before tapping Ced's shoulder.
“Don't worry about my legs.Why are you looking at it anyway?” She asked in a teasing tone,her eyes glistening a little.
“I was not.” She said,and it sounded like she's denying a crime she didn't do.She look away and took a sip of the beer as if trying to hide her face from Gab.
But Gab looks at her with a sly smile,obviously not buying it.
“I was looking at you.” Ced added,sounding defensive,making Gab's smile grew wide.
“Then why were you looking at me?” Gab playfully asked.
Ced just sighed to hide her…what?How does getting caught looking at your friend feels like?
She could feel the heat rising up on her cheeks.She’s embarrassed,her mind says she shouldn't.It’s normal,she does this with Belle too,they even hold hands,share clothes,they check each other out and that's never been a problem,the only difference is that it didn't bother her the way it did right at the moment.
Why is she feeling that way?
Is it because she hasn't known Gab for a long time like she has with her best friend?But she's as comfortable with Gab just as she is with Belle.
Or is it because she's just not used to Gab teasing her like that.Just why is she making a fuss about it?
Just play it cool,like you do best. She tells herself.
She went along.“Can't I look at you?”
“You can.” Gab answered right away without thinking twice.
But Ced’s in different dimension,she seems to be taking the conversation more serious than it should be.
Perhaps it really must've just intrigued her.“Were you bothered?...Does my stares bother you?” Ced inquired,now looking directly into Gab's eyes.
Gab chuckled,looking at Ced like she just asked the unbelievable.“You always look at me.”
For a moment,Ced recalled all the times they had together.Just how many times she looked at her,stole a glance and got caught?
And why does it gives her a warm sensation in her chest?Friends look at each other,or stare,or glance.It should not be a big deal.It's not,right?Gab was just asking her,and for some,yet again,unknown reason,
she felt like she had to defend herself — for getting caught looking at her friend.
“I guess we both do.That's normal.And I'm not bothered.I kind of like…used to it.” Gab added after a while,seeing Ced's complexion.
Ced nodded and hummed,and let go of the breath she didn't know she was holding.Gab on the other end, diverted her gaze at the stars above,trying her best to control her heartbeat that starts to take a toll on her — moreover on them,although she's too denial to admit it to herself,a bit scared and too play safe,thinking it's for the better.But she couldn't deny that whenever she's with her,only then her heart will go mad like this,at first,she thought it was normal.Ced is beautiful,scratch that,she's gorgeous,her aura screams power,she shows nothing but toughness,but behind all of those,if you only get to know the real her,she's soft,gentle,
understanding,and deep.And she likes that,of course she does,she wouldn't be spending her time if she doesn't.
That's,truth be told,that's her type.
But she's her friend.She's a her — not that she abhor
the thought of it,her cousin,Khate,dated a girl before,and she could tell,it's just the same as with in the opposite sex,no need to exaggerate or act ignorant about it.We definitely don't have control on whoever we fall in love with,it's just that,in her case,Ced is a friend she cherish a lot,and never — never in her existence that she once fell in love with the same gender as her,having petty crushes on them didnt even come close.
She couldn't help but ask herself when did it all started.Not the familiarity of comfort and safety she always felt when she's with Ced because she somehow— in Gab's perception,she helped her survive.But that — that weird but warm,calm but wild,known but new feeling she feels everytime their eyes meet,when they're together,even when they're not — the longing,how they almost,if not constant,looking for and missing each other.
What was that all about?
Just when did it all started?Cause it doesn't feel conventional anymore.It's easier to pretend to other people than to yourself,and right now,she questions her own perspicacity.
Is this how you feel towards your friend?Is it normal?
Does she feels what I feel too?
She wanted to ask her — Ced,who's opening another can of beer.
Maybe her answer will put a stop on her growing hurdle.She only wants to her that it's okay to feel that way to your friend.Maybe it's just,you know,just kind another version of love out of its hundred types.
“You look like you're in deep thought,are you okay?” She heard Ced asked.
Taking the beer out of her friend's loose hold,she drank it,bottom's up.
“Wow,easy there!” Ced said and chuckled.
Satisfied,she said,“I don't feel cold anymore.”
“That's good.” Ced smiled at that.
And if,maybe if,she doesn't look at her like that,if she doesn't give her a genuine smile like that,and maybe if she doesn't feel dizzy after emptying five cans,she might not think neither see her friend the way she's looking at her right now — mesmerized.
Her fully sober self wouldn't even allow the brief idea,if it's the contrary of what she believed in.
“Why are you looking at me like that?You're scaring me.” Ced awkwardly said,avoiding her gaze.
Gab hangs her feet down not reaching the ground and let it sway while her hands are on her both sides.
“Because…” She paused and giggle softly.
Ced turns her head,now facing her,waiting for Gab to continue.Fighting the urge to cup her face and pinch her cheeks that's now red because of the effect of alcohol.
“Because…I'm sleepy.I feel like I could pass out right here,right now,and it seems you have no plans to go home yet.” Gab continued,which was partially true.
“Is that so?”
“Hmm.” Her eyes start to close involuntarily.
Ced taps Gab’s shoulder. “Then let's go.”
She assisted Gab to the passenger seat before having a quick cleaning of their stuff at the back of the car.Once done,she went to the driver seat,taking a glance at Gab who's probably had fallen asleep.
“She didn't even fastened her seatbelt.” She muttered as to not wake Gab up,she leaned in,reaching the strap of the seatbelt,but before she could grab it,Gab made a subtle,unconscious move,making their faces inching dangerously close.
Ced forgets how to breathe.
Her eyes gaze down on Gab's lips.Stuck and tempted,she runs her fingers on her lips,feeling its softness makes her mind go wild,badly wanting to have a taste.
But she can't.
She remembered she can't.
And against her will,before she changes her mind,she hurriedly fix the seatbelt,securely locking it before turning the engine on.
She released a heavy breath.
With that,she drove going to her place.The drive was silent,only the song on her playlist were heard,as for Gab,she's peacefully sleeping,her head pressed on the window,Ced took the chance to stare at her from time to time without getting caught or having to be afraid of getting caught.
A smile starts making its way to her lips when a voice inside her mind hushed her.
What do you think you're doing?You almost kiss your friend.What will she thinks of you if she finds out?
“Fuck!”
She tries to ignore the voices in her head and focus on the road but they're getting louder each seconds.
You'll lose her.
“No.” She utter,a whisper to herself.
She'll ignore you.
Her grip on the steering wheel tightens.
Worse,she'll hate you.
“She won't.” She despise the feeling of convincing herself.
She'll realize you're no good for her.
“Stop!”
Her foot hits the break making the car suddenly stops,snapping her up from her thought.
“Shit.” She cursed as Gab groaned,mumbling incoherent words,her facial expression showing annoyance for the interruption.Her eyes slowly fluttered open,brows furrowed,she ran her hand on her face.
“Where are we?” She yawned and asked,her voice a bit hoarse.
With her mind somewhere else,Ced didn't notice they have reached at her place.One of her guards went to open the gate.
“Sorry I wake you up.” She said,turning the engine off upon arriving at the garage. “We're here.”
Still drowsy,Gab get out of the car and walk along Ced,entering her house.She clung her arm on to her.
Ced smiled.Nothing could compare to a somnolent Gab who is such a softie.She carefully walked her up to her room,guiding her steps on the stairs,she lay her down on the bed as gentle as she could.She tucked the blanket up to Gab's chest.
She stood there,stared at Gab's sleeping feature.She could hear her breathing,deep like the night.She wanted to lay beside her,how heavenly that would be.Sleeping and waking up next to her,but she didn't let her emotion wins tonight as she turned the lights off and walks out of the room.
With what's been bugging her mind since earlier,how she almost kiss her friend,she couldn't just let it slide.
Sure,she can accept the fact that losing Gab scares the shit out of her cause it makes sense,she's a close friend after all,but the thought of kissing her?Who the hell would kiss a friend?On their lips!
She's not as dense like she wants to be.And fuck her for entertaining such thoughts,for being an observant,now her mind's in a mess,but she can't be oblivious when she's well aware of everything.
She's not a kid,she knows what those feelings she felt means.She couldn't say she likes it,couldn't say she doesn't.
No,this isn't good.
She has to sort things out now.
———