Julianne's POV
I don't know for sure, but based on the way the sun has lowered in the sky, I'd guess I've been trying to get up the courage to go home for another hour or so after Gage leaves.
I don't want to
I don't want to deal with Holden's anger and disappointment with me, but mostly, I don't want to feel the shame I'll feel when I have to face both of my brothers.
They both saw me run away and make a complete fool out of myself.
I'm so humiliated.
I finally make the short trek home, and when I get into the house Tate is immediately rushing over to me.
"Are you okay?" He breathes as he pulls me into a bone-crushing hug, and I have to tap him on the shoulder so he will release his grip a little.
"Not really," I finally say into his neck as he continues to hug me. "Where's Holden?"
Tate lets me go as he gets out his phone and calls someone. "Hey. She just got here. Yeah she's fine. Okay bye."
Tate puts his phone back in his pocket and looks at me. "He went out looking for you; He was totally freaked that you didn't have your phone. I'd give it back to you, but Holden told me I couldn't. Apparently you've lost it."
"I figured," I sigh as I sit down at the kitchen table and pick at the splitting wood.
Tate watches me silently for a long moment, and after an awkward amount of time he sits across from me in the chair that squeaks and softly says, "Wanna talk about it?"
I shake my head and laugh a self deprecating laugh. "I'm even more of a loser now. How am I gonna show my face at school tomorrow?"
He studies me silently, and for once doesn't look like he's going to be sarcastic. "Julianne, you're always so hard on yourself. It didn't look great that you walked out, no...But you missed all of the presentations. Larissa got so nervous that she dropped her notecards and everything was out of order. She literally started to cry and Holden stopped the presentation for a second to calm her down. Tarek tripped walking up and smashed his knee on Holden's desk, and it completely derailed him and...Let's just say it's the first time I've ever had second-hand embarrassment for someone. You just left. You did something stupid. Not embarrassing. You're not the only one who goes through shit."
I let that speech sink in for a second as the clock in the living room ticks the seconds away. Fifteen ticks later and I sigh. "How mad is he?"
Tate snorts as he scratches his eyebrow and leans back in the squeaky chair. "The man has hit almost every emotion humanly possible, in this exact order.... Stunned, concerned, annoyed, pissed, worried, relieved, and now I'm guessing he's coming back around to pissed. You're so completely screwed. Where did you go?"
I shake my head and give him a tiny smirk. "In the exact order? Boardwalk, beach, lighthouse."
"......Julianne, you are COMPLETELY SCREWED," Tate gasps, and then grins and gives me a high-five. "Finally made it to the lighthouse, huh? That place is my favorite.. I'm anxious to sneak back out there...."
"Why does that not surprise me?"
He chuckles as he leans back further in the chair, and the wood splinters and snaps, sending him crashing to the floor.
"Are you okay?" I gasp as I lean over the table and see him sprawled on top of splintered wood. "Ouch! Aw man! He's gonna be pissed at me now too."
I smirk as I nod. Holden has told Tate since we moved here to quit leaning back in that specific chair because it's weak and falling apart.
Not a good day for it to finally break
Holden walks in then, with Tate still sprawled out on the floor and the broken chair in pieces, and blows a breath through his nose. "You alright?" He asks Tate.
"Yeah."
Holden nods and then turns to me, and silently comes over and pulls me into a hug. "You alright?"
"Not really," I mutter in his chest, and he nods again as he pulls away. "You okay physically?"
"For now," I say softly, and Holden actually cracks a tiny smirk.
"Tate," Holden starts, before getting interrupted.
"I know, go to my room. I thought you had to work at the bar....."
"I did," he says darkly and then turns to me. "Sit."
I sit back down at the table and Tate goes to our room. Holden kicks the broken chair away and grabs another one in its place. When he sits down and locks eyes on me, I flinch.
He's definitely come back to pissed
His voice is calm though as he simply says, "Where did you go?"
I decide to just come clean. I'm not a good liar and I always feel guilty when I try. "Boardwalk, beach, and the lighthouse."
His eyes widen, and I'm not sure if it's because I told the truth, or because I broke basically all of the rules he has for us.
He's quiet for a long moment as he processes, and then nods while leaning back in the chair of his own. "Wow Julianne. When you decide to disobey, you go all in. I'm focusing on the presentation right this second. What in the world? I was positive you were going to come back, and then you skip? Do you really think you're getting out of it? You're not, young lady."
"I told you I didn't want to do it, Holden!"
He narrows his eyes and drops his tone an octave
As he darkly says, "and I told you that you had to."
"No, you said if I didn't I would get a 50 percent."
He blows out a frustrated breath and shakes his head. "Jules, I know it seems like I'm being a hard-ass. Could I make an exception, yes...I could...But you and I? Darling, we're just alike. You have no idea how many mornings I used to spend in the bathroom. I used to almost shit my pants at school before a presentation. I know EXACTLY what you're going through. My anxiety was so high I would have panic attacks. I'd wake up in the middle of the night with cold sweats. Trust me, I get it."
"Then why would you make me do this?!?" I snap
"Because I had a hard-ass teacher who refused to accommodate me at all. It was speech class my senior year and I had to have it to graduate. I tried everything to get her to let me do it a different way and she refused....By the end of the year, I still got nervous and puked every morning I had to present, but I got to where I was good at it. I was a good public speaker. I made the class laugh, and I then realized that once I got past the nerves, I enjoyed it. I became a teacher because of her...Now, I'm not expecting this speech to be a big breakthrough for you..But I'm expecting you to do it. You never know what you're truly capable of until you step out of your comfort zone. If you fail at it, then you do. But you won't know until you try."
"And if I don't try?"
He's quiet for a moment as his eyes soften and his shoulders slightly relax. "Then sweetheart, you will always look back at this moment and wonder what would have happened if you did."
We study each other and I know how serious he's being, and it's kinda freaky.
"I'm not punishing you for not doing your presentation today. I am, however, punishing you for skipping school and what you did during that time."
"But I told you the truth....."
"You did, yes. So I won't punish you as harshly. But Julianne, you went to the beach and the lighthouse alone. You weren't supposed to go to either place at ALL...But going alone is inexcusable given what's going on in this town."
I think about retorting that I wasn't alone; but decide I'm in enough trouble without bringing a boy into the picture. Hopefully Holden isn't weird about me talking to boys....
"Holden, why can't we go to the beach alone? We've been here for months. The beach isn't dangerous!"
"Jules, the undertow there has killed 50 tourists in the last five years. It looks calm until you go out. I don't even go in the water at this beach."
"I didn't go in the water! I stayed on the beach."
"And I have specifically told you before that if you wanted to go on the beach, you were to ask me first. Did I not?"
At my silence, he continues. "And going to the beach during school, alone, is not on the list of allowed past times."
"I'm sorry. I was just trying to clear my head."
"Stepping outside to clear your head would have been more appropriate. Taking ten minutes to calm yourself down and then returning to class would have been more appropriate. You didn't do either of those things. You left and I had no idea where you went. Chippy saw you, so I knew as of 12:30 you were fine, but that was all I had."
"I'm sorry"
Holden nods as he shrugs. "I don't really think you're sorry, Jules. I think you're trying to appease me."
"No, I am sorry for disappointing you. I really really tried."
His eyes soften again as he reaches for my hand, taking it gently in his and stroking the back of it.
"I'm disappointed in what you did after you left. Not that you struggled when you were up there."
I sigh as I take my hand out of his and swipe some hair out of my face. "How much trouble am I in?"
He raises his eyebrows, and I take that as....
A whole, helluva lot.
"Your phone is gone for two weeks. And you're on house arrest for those two weeks. No reading for pleasure, no TV, and when Kenna is here, you two aren't going to sleep in the same room."
"Best two weeks ever!" We hear Tate mutter from the closed door.
I swear none of us have any privacy in this house.
"Hey Tate?" Holden says with a tiny smirk to his lips.
"Yeah?"
"How about you go out on the porch for a bit....."
We hear the door open and Tate gives him a disgusted look. "And if the murderer comes?"
"To the front porch?" Holden asks
"Never know these days," he grumbles as he goes outside and shuts the door.
Holden turns back to me, trying to hide his amused expression and get back to dishing out my punishment.
"You're also getting spanked."
Dang
When I say nothing, he continues. "Go and change into leggings or shorts, and I'll be there in a few minutes."
I stand up and walk toward my room, wishing this day would just end. I woke up to puking and diarrhea, and I'm going to bed with a sore ass, and the promise of doing it all again tomorrow.