Felix woke up early that morning, he was feeling nauseous like he was on the edge of throwing up. Due to his exhaustion, he wasn't quick to realize that he was laying naked in bed without Hyunjin laying next to him. Upon realizing his pupils dilated and his urge to throw up grew more by the second. He rushed out of bed towards the bathroom, barely reaching it before throwing up.
'What happened last night?' he thought to himself as he got up from the bathroom floor
Felix then washed himself up, feeling disgusted with what had just happened. He spotted a bathrobe to his left and put it on before exiting the bathroom. As he made his way towards the wardrobe to grab a change of clothes, he noticed a used condom laying on the floor.
He scratched the back of his head, trying to recall what had happened last night. His face turned bright red as the memory of the past heated night returned to him. He remembered the way Hyunjin carried him to the hotel room as they made out, the way he stroked his hair, the way their bodies touched as he was pinned against the bed...
"Aish! Why did I do all of that?!" He said out of embarrassment
Felix then plopped himself onto the bed, hiding his face in the pillow as he screamed into it hitting the bed slightly with his fists. Now you might ask yourself why Felix was acting this way as if it was the first time he had done it with Hyunjin, the true reason behind such a tantrum was the fact that Felix had no control over his hormones nor his actions whatsoever. From here on, you can imagine just how much he wants to dig himself a hole to dive right into.
Once Felix thought he had finally calmed down, he heard footsteps behind him in which direction he turned to.
"You're awake." Hyunjin said smiling at Felix
Felix blushed looking away from Hyunjin. "Yeah..."
Hyunjin placed a bag on the table near the couch before sitting down next to Felix. Hyunjin wrapped his hand around Felix's waist pulling him close, leaving a small kiss on his forehead. "How are you feeling?" He asked
"I- I'm okay." Felix replied
"You sure? You don't seem so happy to see me." Hyunjin chuckled
"No, it's just that... About last night-" Felix began
"I know, it's not your fault. You got drugged."
"I, what?!" Felix gasped
"It's just an assumption, because of the way you acted last night. It didn't seem so 'Felix', you know?" Hyunjin said "It happens to be that I made things worse by finding you in the bathroom."
Felix flushed with embarrassment upon the mention of the bathroom. "Stop stop, don't remind me!"
Hyunjin chuckled, "Why not? I helped you out, that's what I'm here for aren't I?"
Felix turned his head away from Hyunjin, "I'm sorry for doing all of those things, I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable-"
"Love, do you regret doing it with me?" Hyunjin asked worriedly
"What? No, no it's not that! I don't regret it, I'm just embarrassed..." Felix justified
Hyunjin smiled leaning close as he moved Felix's hair away from his face, "Then you have nothing to worry about. I don't mind getting used by you when you need it."
"Now why would you put it that way!" Felix chuckled
Hyunjin smiled at Felix before asking: "Is there anything you wish to do?"
"How about we go to Disneyland? I've seen so many pictures of it, I really want to see it for myself." Felix answered
"Sounds like a plan, do you want Minho and Jisung to come with?"
"Sure! Though Minho doesn't seem like a person to enjoy such sights... I'd love to see them there." Felix smiled
"It's a plan then." Hyunjin said patting Felix's head
On the other side...
Jisung woke up with an awful migraine struggling to open his eyes, he sat up noticing how he was sleeping in bed when he was supposed to sleep on the couch. He furrowed his eyebrows trying to remember how he got there in the first place. To his misfortune, he couldn't recall anything from last night. He only remembered having a few drinks with Felix, from then on everything was blurry.
He panicked slightly and checked underneath the blanket, exhaling in relief when he recognized the clothes he wore from last night. 'But Minho... Where did he sleep?'
The doors of the bathroom opened revealing Minho who had just walked out fully clothed with a towel around his neck. He then brushed the towel through his wet hair scrunching his nose in the process. Jisung smiled at the way Minho looked cute at that
moment.
"You're up kiddo." Minho said
"Why am I the kiddo?" Jisung asked
"No comment." Minho laughed
"Hey! Let me in on the joke asshole." Jisung pouted
"Quite brave of you to call me that after last night, that is... If you remember what happened." Minho whispered the last sentence to Jisung
Jisung sighed, "I don't remember anything from last night other than drinking."
"No wonder, you're a total alcoholic." Minho laughed at Jisungs pout
"Oh shut up! Just tell me what happened." Jisung said
"Bold of you to assume I'd tell you after you called me an asshole." Minho said sticking his tongue at Jisung
Jisung rolled his eyes, "I probably didn't even do anything, and you're here teasing me because you know it'll annoy me."
"Sure thing sweetheart." Minho replied
Jisungs grew flustered upon hearing the nickname Minho had given him. He didn't reply to Minho's words, instead he bit his lips to shut himself up.
"Looks like a cat ate your tongue." Minho said "Well, I'll be on my way to the market after drying my hair. Need anything?"
"No, thank you." Jisung replied
"Not even coffee...?" Minho said locking eyes with Jisung, knowing the man couldn't decline the offer
"Well... If coffee is an option, then yes I'd like some." Jisung said
"Then tag along, if not no coffee for you." Minho teased
Jisung groaned, "Nevermind, I don't want it anymore."
Minho ruffled Jisungs hair before reaching for the hair dryer, "I'm just teasing, I'll get it for you. Rest until then."
Jisung looked at Minho with a confused expression, not understanding his sudden change in behaviour. Minho was usually very cold towards Jisung and often rude, however he was being playful now... 'What the?'
*
Jisung was working on one of his books, writing a new poem to add in. Despite the fact that he overworked himself to the point of exhaustion, he enjoyed being an author. He wrote whenever he had time, about anything, about anyone, as long as the inspiration was there Jisung would turn it into art. Every upsetting situation, person, thing would turn into a poem... Every happy occasion, smile, comfortable silence would be turned into an amazing piece.
He loved this talent of his, how easy it was for him to create what he was passionate about. And no matter how tired he was or the awful migraines he'd have, Jisung would sit in front of his laptop screen typing out the words from his heart.
' I'm ___ and this is my side of the story ' he wrote
Once he had finished, he decided to submit the work to the agency he was working with and call it a day. Minho had returned with Jisungs coffee, they didn't talk much but somehow even in silence he felt comfortable to have Minho by his side.
Jisung smiled to himself every time he'd look at Minho, not being able to recognize what this feeling of his meant but it didn't matter to him. He had always forced himself to lock his emotions up to the point where he was clueless to what certain things meant.
The situation grew worse once Jisung decided to separate himself from people that awakened certain emotions within him. But of course he'd never admit that to anyone, not even himself.
After they finished their coffee, Minho went off to help Hyunjin out with some papers while Jisung was left alone in the hotel room. He wasn't sure of what the feeling in his chest meant, was it numbness, emptiness or just nothing?
That's when Jisung had received an email from his agency saying how his poem was posted on their site. He smiled, feeling proud of himself for yet another achievement.
When all of a sudden, his phone rang reading the contact name "Alice". He didn't think anything of it and picked up the call, since Alice was a person he had recently met over the agency he was working with.
"Hello?" He answered
"Hi. I'm hoping you won't tell this to anyone but... I also know the person whom you dedicated the poem to."
"Mhm, and?" Jisung replied
"It's just that... You're really not a good person."
Jisung scoffed, "I never said I was."
"So I won't be one either." Alice said
'You weren't a good person the moment you called me for this bullshit.' Jisung thought to himself
"Don't mind, what did you call me for?"
"Look, Han."
"Don't call me that." Jisung said coldly
"Okay, I won't."
"Thanks."
"I have never seen someone like Young-seo who would risk so much for a person yet you're out here dedicating poems to her. She cared for you, you convinced her that she wasn't worthy of the things she owns... So I better not see you writing about her again, and if you do... Remember that I know where you work, I have your phone number and I know your full name."
"Don't threaten me, I don't give a fuck. Secondly, you can't tell me what I can and can't write about. It's my work, don't give yourself that right." Jisung replied
"Do you have no empathy? Like none at all?" Alice asked
"I don't. Never did. I've said that a thousand times, take the hint. And, I never meant to hurt anyone. In fact, I was the one who was hurt too. It's not just her who was. But of course you wouldn't see far from that since she would never tell you the things she has done."
"Tell me your side of the story then. I'm pretty mad but I can collect myself. Why did you break off your friendship with Young-seo?"
"We just didn't match, I'm older than her and view things differently. I was tired of the constant lies as a person who values the truth. Those are the reasons." Jisung replied
"Wow, I was expecting to have a full on fight with you but you handled it maturely." Alice said
"I don't like to fight over things that can be solved normally." Jisung replied indicating the way she should've acted
"It's nice that I've gotten some closure after all these months of trying to comfort Young-seo. Honestly, I was a bit jealous of you. I thought I lost my friend when you appeared."
"Yeah you have nothing to be jealous of. I apologize for the misunderstanding of my actions though."
"I know that now, so thank you. I hope you find your match soon Jisung."
Once Alice had said that Jisungs hands grew cold, his heart dropped. He had never told Alice about wishing he could find someone similar to himself. He placed the phone down almost dropping it onto the floor as he tried to recollect himself. 'Just how much did you tell them of my secrets Young-seo...'
"So let's agree to end this off with no bad blood between us?" Alice continued
Jisung didn't reply, he couldn't get the words out. At least not another lie, since he hated it.
"Hello...? Well, goodbye Jisung." Alice said before ending the call
Jisung was left with the feeling of disgust in the entire previous conversation but also disgusted at himself for trusting someone so much to share his views with.
His breathing rose rapidly, while his body began to shake and grow colder and colder by each second. He tried his best to act mature in the conversation, to be the bigger person but he didn't know it would cause him to have such a reaction. An image of Alex flashed in his head and the way he would threaten him whenever he'd try to get the truth out.
Jisung tried his best to fight what he was feeling and calm himself down. His eyes began to tear up through time, he was upset at the way Young-seo talked about him and the betrayal she gifted him with, sharing his secrets with people he barely even knew the names of yet alone their facial features.
'All of this for an indirect poem, showing how I felt...?' Jisung thought to himself
And just as he was about to have a breakdown he heard the door click open, he quickly wiped the tears away from his face and turned to Minho smiling.
"What took you so long?" Jisung asked
"Apparently Hyunjin had a lot of paperwork on his hands. I felt bad for him so I helped him out with everything. Oh and, boss said that we'll be going to Disneyland tomorrow with him and Felix." Minho smiled
"Oh... That sounds fun!" Jisung smiled widely "I can't wait to see it."
"Me too, I haven't been to one in a while." Minho replied looking into Jisungs eyes not suspecting anything
"I'll be off to shower, talk to you after." Jisung said grabbing a towel
It was his only escape after all, he couldn't share how he felt with others. He didn't want to be equal to the people whom he felt betrayed by. He never even said he knew Young-seo to people after their friendship broke off. Keeping everything to himself until he'd break. That was his way of coping.
He got in the shower, getting hot water to pierce through his skin. Jisung was unsure of the way he felt, questioning his own eyes for crying.
'Am I hurt, disappointed or surprised?' he thought to himself
Blood tainted razor on the counter, counting my seconds, seconds before I reach out for it. My pain fades into numbness, the salt no longer phases me. No tears left to cry, only a cold gaze remains. I gaze into nothing, talking to my own thoughts in my head. - page 52
~🐈⬛~
Author J 20/01/'24
I saw a quote a few days ago that said: "Hurt an artist and see the art of what you had done." It inspired me to write about Jisungs character in this book. Felt like my boy was still misunderstood by some.
The upcoming chapters will have the characters sharing their stories along with some happy moments and maybe minsung will finally happen? I feel like I've been teasing you guys for a long time with them 😅