Finally I was going to die. I was finally going to be free from all this suffering.
But the wind stopped rushing past me as I felt my wrist be caught by something. When I looked upwards I saw Ryu leaning over the edge with a strained look on his face.
He shouldn't be moving his body this much, the stitches were going to break.
"Atsushi! Please listen to me!" He cried, actual tears fell from his eyes. I never thought I'd see the day where I'd hurt him this much. Just another reason this had to work.
"You can say one last thing to me. But I'm not going to reconsider my choice, so Ryuunosuke Akutagawa. Give me your final words." I gave him a smile in response but it was a dead one. The pain in his eyes seemed to be growing worse, he had to speak fast otherwise I would be letting myself fall before he got to finish his words, otherwise Mirai would be right. I really would kill Ryu.
"I'm not going to rattle on about how I always admired you, because we both know that's not true. I hated you, I hated you for the longest time! I blamed everything on you! The death of Mirai, the fact you got a kinder mentor such as Chuuya, the fact you had a relationship with Gin when I couldn't!" He flinched halfway through his words, I was giving him another thirty seconds before I let go.
"But what I didn't realise was that I should have been thanking you for so many things instead! You went through that nightmare back in the facility instead of me! You constantly persisted for Gin to come see me! You'd willingly agreed to be Shin Sōkoku with me even though I was so cruel! And you always trusted me!" I felt a small flicker of hope begin to burn in me but quickly extinguished it, I've already made my mind up there's no point going back now.
Yes Atsushi, this is the only option left... Let go... He'll be safer with you gone...
I felt Ryu's grip begin to falter slightly. Ten seconds.
"But the most foolish thing I did, was forget how close hate and love were!" Love? Why was he going on about love? The last people who had given that to me had ended up dead...
"Don't you get it! I love you! So please don't leave me behind all alone!" I gave a slight laugh at his words, part of me ached to let go now. Part of me refused to let go.
I felt a coldness begin to take over my mind slightly as I spoke my final words to him.
"You're just as much of a fool as I am." I kicked my legs against the glass of the building and yanked my hand out of his grip. I watched as the shock began to overtake his eyes in realisation of what I had done.
I closed my eyes as I slowly fell backwards, I couldn't bear to see him saddened in my final moments. I should collide with the ground soon.
However, a weight collided around my body after a few seconds. When I opened my eyes it was Ryu.
No...
This wasn't happening...
Ryu was going to end up dying with me...
He has to go back! He has to live! He can't live with me around!
"You idiot!" He yelled into my ear as the ground grew ever closer to us, I had to think of a way to save him. Maybe my body could take the impact instead of his, but he wasn't in the most stable position. I tried thinking of anything but his tight grip made it obvious of his standing.
If I was going to die, he would die with me.
"I'm not letting you die alone! I've seen that happen to someone I've cared about once, and I'm not going to let that happen again." The ground was growing closer and closer. But I didn't care anymore. There was someone who genuinely loved and cared for me, he was holding me tight as his final lifeline. I hugged him tightly back. This was what I'd always wanted.
Not this exact scenario but this feeling. The feeling of having someone love me despite my mistakes, despite who I was or what I'd done. He loved and cared for the real Atsushi Nakajima.
And that was all that I needed. In life or death. I had him.
I had my Ryu.