You could break my heart in two
But when it heals, it beats for you
I know it's forward, but it's true
Back To You - Selena Gomez
***
[Aragon Circuit - SPAIN]
MIA POV -
"I'M GOING TO GET MARRIED SOON!! I'M GOING TO GET MARRIED! YEAAYYYY!"
The sound slipped into my room where the door was slightly ajar. I know whose voice it is. It was Marc's voice. Tyra quickly got up and closed the door.
"He's still like a child," Tyra said as she walked towards me. "When he loses his toy, he immediately wants a new one."
I just listened silently. My hands played with the buttons on the Vinales jacket that I was still wearing. "I don't care."
Then I took a deep breath and looked at Tyra who was now sitting next to me.
"I met Vinales' parents yesterday," I said, trying to change the conversation.
Tyra raised her eyebrows. It was clear she looked very enthusiastic. Tyra is one of the many people who supports my relationship with Vinales and hates my relationship with Marc.
"That's great! Then?"
I smiled faintly. "I didn't expect them to like me."
Tyra smiled too. "You are an easy person to like, Mia. Especially if you dress more modestly," said Tyra. "You weren't dressed like this when you met them, were you?" she asked, pointing to the tank top and mini skirt I was wearing.
I chuckled. "Of course not," I answered. "I wore a midi dress again for the first time yesterday."
"That's good. Then use it now," said Tyra.
I shook my head quickly. "No. Marc really hates my clothes now. Tank tops and miniskirts. He really hates this. That's why I will continue to wear them, because I hate Marc too," I said.
"So this is like revenge?" Tyra asked.
"Yes," I answered.
Tyra took a breath. She shook her head. Maybe she thought, I'm very childish too― just like Marc. Just leave it alone, she has the right to think as she pleases. My thoughts are now overlapping incoherently. All I know is that I just hate Marc and have to forget her because she broke up with me. Oh, one more thing, now I am Vinales' fiancee.
"Mia, the first thing you have to do to start a new life happily is to forgive your past. Forgive Marc, try to be friends with him."
"That's impossible," I answered quickly.
"Then you still love him," Tyra said.
I rubbed my face with both hands.
"Remember now you belong to Vinales. You are engaged."
I looked at the ring on my ring finger and smiled. "This ring is very beautiful," I said with a faint smile. For some reason, instead of being enthusiastic, my voice was weak, like despair.
"Marc has also proposed to another girl, right?" said Tyra.
"And getting married soon," I added quickly. "He said that earlier, right?"
Tyra nodded. I took a deep breath and thought for a moment. "Okay, I'll try your suggestion, Tyra. Thank you."
Tyra smiled and rubbed my shoulder gently. "Oh yeah, you know? There's a charity event in Madrid tomorrow. Come there," said Tyra.
"Charity event?"
"Yeah, don't you always go to charity events every time there's a problem?" Tyra asked.
I nodded while smiling. Then I remembered my first meeting with Alya. The little girl was sitting in a wheelchair with a blood drip in her hand when we first met. Somehow I felt very connected to her since our first meeting. And since then, my life has revolved only around Alya and charity events. Until..., I met Marc.
"Okay, I'll be there."
***
I had to go alone to the charity event because Tyra suddenly got sick with smallpox and had to rest at the hotel for a few days. The charity event itself was lively. Many world celebrities come there. I also met several artist friends from high society.
The event is an introduction to several children who are less fortunate because they cannot go to school, do not have a home, do not have parents, and may even have no future - aka they have a serious illness. Like Alya.
After that, the auction opened, voluntary donations, adoptions, and speeches from agencies that supported this event.
There are several large companies and universities that support this charity event in Madrid. When it was the university's turn to speak, a woman came up to the stage and stood in front of the pulpit.
I was stunned to see it.
That's Paoli.
I didn't expect Paoli to be a highly educated woman. She is also one of the organizing members of this event.
Tyra's words yesterday to forgive my past still ring in my head. Because of that, I immediately ran backstage to meet Paoli.
"Paoli!" I called while half running towards her.
Paoli turned around and was surprised to see me. "Mia?"
Paoli frowned. She looked my body up and down. Yes. I'm still wearing a tank top and mini skirt, even though this is a charity event. It definitely seemed inappropriate to her. But I wore a Vinales jacket too.
"Can we talk?"
Paoli was silent for a moment, then answered. "Okay. But not here."
***
Paoli took me to a house far from the center of Madrid. The house is painted white, has a wooden texture. Not too big, but looks comfortable to live in.
"Come in," said Paoli when we were at the door. She opened the unlocked door. "I will not hurt you."
I obeyed and followed her without the slightest suspicion. The floor of this house is made of wood. The interior is very attractive. Classic Spanish style. Very warm and comfortable.
Paoli looked around looking for someone, then she headed to the second floor to a room. I still follow her.
Paoli opened the door to the room, and I saw a middle-aged woman lying helplessly on the bed. Wrinkles were all over her body. She's probably around 40 years old, but she looks like he's 70 years old because of her illness, I think.
Paoli took off her jacket, then sat on the floor next to the old woman. Meanwhile, my body is locked. Still standing looking at them.
"Mom, I'm home," Paoli said softly, rubbing the woman's hand.
Paoli- the woman I believed to be one of Marc's bitches, was very kind and gentle in front of me and her Mother. What's going on here? I demanded an explanation from myself. What really happened to her mother?
The woman immediately opened her eyes, she tilted her head and looked at Paoli. She smiled. Then she saw me. Our eyes met. Immediately I felt awkward. Then I smiled at her.
"Mia?" Her voice was very hoarse. But I could hear her saying my name. "You're Mia."
"You recognize me?" I asked in surprise and surprise.
While Paoli smiled at me. "Of course," said Paoli on behalf of her mother in reply to my question.
Then I approached the woman. She is actually very beautiful. Her blonde hair was the same as Paoli's―it fell down to her chest. Beautiful smile, but chapped lips. Her whole face was wrinkled. Old and wrinkled like dry leaves that haven't received water for years. I frowned at it. My compassion emerged so thickly in my heart. I feel like crying just looking at it. When Mrs. Paoli looked at me with a smile, her hand rose to rub my head.
"You are a good woman. A good woman will definitely get a good man too," said Mrs. Paoli.
I was touched to hear that. Her words managed to make me smile, but I still didn't understand what was going on here. What had happened to her. I looked at Paoli. Then as if she could read my mind, Paoli took me somewhere else. We walked a few steps from that room to another room.
"That was my mother. She suffers from Werner syndrome progeria which makes her look older than her age. She experiences premature aging not only of her outer skin, Mia, but also of all her other important organs," said Paoli. "The disease is quite serious and now she has a stroke because of that disease too."
I was shocked to hear that. So this bitch has a sick mother? I never expected it. Just like me, it turns out she has an unpredictable life too. If I had to lose all my immediate family and Alya, she had her mother who had a serious illness. My gaze was still following Paoli who was now walking in front of me, then she opened the door to the room in front of her.
"She lives with my sister, Pamela― but don't know she might be in the kitchen right now," said Paoli again.
We entered the room. And how surprised I was when I saw the room full of posters of me. Yes, I. My eyes couldn't possibly deceive me when my brain told me the pictures were indeed me. There are posters for my first album to my last album before going on hiatus. There is a poster from my big concert in Chicago, there are photos of my holiday in Lombok that I posted on Instagram two years ago, and many more. I even covered my own mouth with one hand. For a second I asked myself. Look at that, Mia! Take a look! This woman you called a bitch has lots of pictures of you! Is she your fan or stalker? After this I will never look at Paoli the same way again.
"This was my room for many years," Paoli said. She smiled. "Yes. I really idolize you. I'm really obsessed with you."
She knew I was still in shock and shocked to death. Paoli looked back at me. "You are a real idol, Mia. Even though you come from a country that I have never even visited, every speech you make on TV when you win an award, the lyrics in your songs, and your active involvement in charity activities, makes me really idolize you.
"When I found out you were dating Marc, I was the happiest person, Mia. I immediately told my mother about it and my mother was happy too," she said. "I'm increasingly obsessed with you. I want to be like you. You have a lot of money, but you always give it to charity. And I feel as if charity is what makes you easy for many people to like," she continued.
I still listen to Paoli.
"But when I met you for the first time on the circuit, I was very surprised because you..., dressed like this. What happened to you, Mia?"
Suddenly my heart felt sore. She 's right. Why am I like this? What happen with me? I don't know either.
"Moreover, when you shouted at me and ordered the Honda boss to fire me." Her voice was shaking. "What did I do wrong to you?"
I was still silent and swallowed my saliva with difficulty. The question was like an accusation that cornered me, but strangely, I didn't want to argue with it at all. I feel so bad right now.
Seeing me just silent and not giving him a response, Paoli continued. "Even though you are my idol, Mia. I never thought that my own idol would make me lose my job. Even though I really need it. To pay for my life, to pay for my studies and my mother's treatment."
I saw her eyes filled with tears. I quickly interrupted. "That's why I'm here Paoli, I want to apologize." I tried my best to keep my voice calm and gentle with her.
But Paoli shook her head. "No," she said. "I'm the one who should apologize to you."
I was stunned, but I kept my lips from opening and saying anything else. For some reason, I feel like I want to hear her explain.
"At first I was angry, but finally I realized, I know you are jealous of me because I am close to Marc," she said. "Actually, he knows my condition is like this, Mia. He knows I work as a UG to pay for my studies and my mother's treatment. That's why he always helps me to get Honda to call me, he's a good man."
I'm still silent. Once again I gasped. These new facts I learned now were too late. But it was still able to keep my lips locked tightly. I feel suddenly very mean now calling Paoli a bitch.
"But we are just friends," said Paoli again. "Yeah, maybe a little closer, but really. We're just friends."
I don't think I can keep quiet anymore. I shook my head. "This conversation is meaningless, Paoli. That's all in the past-"
"And you guys have broken up?" interrupted Paoli.
I looked at her. Paoli threw back her blonde hair carelessly. She scooped her pan with both hands to wipe away her tears. Then, Paoli looked at me straight with a jawbone that I saw slightly hardened. Her forehead wrinkled.
"You think I'm happy?" Paoli asked again. "You think I enjoy being a relationship destroyer? I'm not that kind of woman, Mia," she said. "You misjudged me."
I don't know why I can't move anymore. Checkmate. My whole body felt locked and I continued to pay attention to the explanation. I saw her face was still serious.
"I know you are now engaged to Vinales, he is a very nice man - at least that's what I read on the internet," said Paoli. "But I swear, why would you marry someone you don't love?"
I dodged it. "What are you talking about?"
"Then tell me you love him!" she said.
Suddenly my tongue became numb again. I looked down.
Paoli smiled bitterly while shaking her head. "I know you still love Marc," said Paoli. "But he will also marry Laia." Paoli took a deep breath. "Your relationship fell apart because of me," her voice was sad. "I'm so sorry."
I looked at her. "No, Paoli." I held her hand. "Our relationship ended because we felt it could no longer be maintained. We were too tired of all our fighting," I said.
Paoli raised her face. "Is it true?" Then she smiled bitterly. "I know, it was all a misunderstanding." Paoli looked straight at me. "My advice is to go back to him," Paoli said. "He loves you very much."
I smiled bitterly. "I've had enough of those words Paoli. They sound very cliche to me now," I said. "What I need now are not just words. But actions. Real proof."
Paoli just listened to me silently.
"If he loves me, he should keep his promise...," my voice turned hoarse, "to marry me," I continued.
I stared blankly ahead. "But instead he broke up with me and proposed to Laia," I said. "Where is the love you meant?"
Paoli immediately responded. "He proposed to Laia because you were also engaged to Vinales. Does that sound fair to you? He punished Laia to punish you." Paoli was silent for a moment, then continued. "For me, that's completely unfair. You know? You've indirectly hurt Laia."
I nodded and covered my face with both hands. "I know," I said.
"You also hurt Vinales. Even though he is very good," said Paoli again.
I lifted my face and looked at her. "Stop! Stop!" I said loudly. "Please stop. Stop saying things that make me sound so mean," I said. "I can't hurt anyone. No." I got up from my seat. "I will not hurt Vinales. I will learn to love him."
I took a deep breath and was about to walk away, then a second later I stopped in my tracks.
"I will talk to the Honda leadership tomorrow, so that you will be accepted back as UG Marc," I said. "And I will also pay for all your college costs and your mother's treatment."
***
It was already evening when I arrived at my hotel in Madrid, which was quite far from Paoli's house on the outskirts of town. After showering I went straight to sleep because tomorrow I had to return to the circuit.
The next day when I arrived at the circuit, the people in the paddock were busy as usual with Marc and Dani's motorbikes. There were only a handful of fans who came and wandered into the paddock area. My motorhome also had almost no signs of life apart from me because Tyra was still sick with smallpox and had to stay in the hotel for several days.
A collection of gray clouds struggling with each other in the Spanish sky this morning was the cause of the circuit being slow. Crazy fans still packed several areas as usual. But the walk around the paddock was muddy. Even filming had to be postponed until the next few hours. The recent extreme weather has been characterized by continuous rain since yesterday. I like rain. But for some reason I feel very aroused. I held a brown invitation with a tiny string on the front in my right hand.
Staring far away, looking out the window of my room, thinking about something. My meeting with Paoli did disturb me, but this invitation made me even more confused. I was confused to death whether to come to the event or not. It was an invitation to my Honda farewell party at a bar in Spain. Should I come?
Of course I had to come. This is my farewell invitation to Honda. This should be my party. After this contract ends, it means that I have officially worked with Honda for three years. I don't think I'll extend it any further, because it's obvious, right? I will marry Vinales. So why should I extend my contract with a company where I have to work with my ex? Don't be ridiculous.
There are only a few more racing series that I have to take part in― you can count them on your fingers. I'm also grateful that in the remainder of my contract, I don't have to shoot commercials with Marc, who incidentally is now Honda's only racer because Dani is reportedly going to retire.
While I was still thinking, suddenly I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I quickly turned around. That's Vinales. Suddenly he was in my room before I even heard him open the door.
Since my engagement to Vinales and our relationship became official, he has been free to come in and out of my room anytime. Although yes, indeed, there are still some Honda or Yamaha people who look at it with displeasure.
Violating the contract they said. Either me, or Vinales, but never mind, don't think about that. I emphasized to myself once again, my contract with Honda will soon end and I will not extend it. I thought after that I would marry Vinales and always be with him in the Yamaha paddock.
"What invitation is that, Mia?" he asked. He was standing behind me looking out the window.
"This... my farewell party with Honda," I answered.
"Oh." He nodded.
"Is...," suddenly my voice faltered. "Will you allow me to come there?"
He frowned. "Did Marc always forbid you from going wherever you wanted?"
"No. But..., you know? The possibility of meeting him is very big," I said. I turned my body and looked at him. "Is that okay with you?"
He looked straight at me. "It's actually a little annoying," he said. "Did Tyra come with you?"
I shook my head. "No, she still has smallpox."
Vinales exhaled heavily, then he looked at the invitation I was holding.
"Okay, that's okay. You can come," said Vinales finally.
I raised my face to look at him again. Tried to find out how he really felt, but I found nothing but calm.
"It's okay, this is your farewell party with Honda." He smiled sincerely. "I'll take you later," he said.
I returned his smile. "Thank you, Vin."
Then he grabbed my shoulders and leaned forward to kiss my forehead. He kissed my forehead gently, as gently as the flutter of wings. I just kept quiet and let him do it, but when his kiss fell to my lips, I immediately looked away.
I haven't been able to receive a kiss on the lips from Vinales. I don't know the reason myself. Maybe because I'm not ready. I know it's not fair to him, but I'm really not ready. Vinales looked at me while swallowing his saliva slowly then nodded as if to say, it's okay, I understand.
I know it hurts him too. So that it wouldn't feel too bad, I immediately wrapped my arms around her waist and hugged her. He hugged me back more warmly.
"You can come with me," I said after breaking out of our embrace.
"Still not," he answered. "If I visit your paddock like this I can still do it, but if I come to a party specifically for Honda people, that's impossible."
"But you're my fiancé," I said.
He smiled then stroked my head gently. "I'm glad you acknowledged me." He looked at me deeply. So far, I have never been this open to Vinales, or acknowledged him directly as my fiancé. Somehow today feels different.
The thought of me walking alone in a bar without Tyra or Vinales makes me anxious. There was Dani there, but he must have been with his partner too. If I'm alone, then what should I do if I meet Marc? It will definitely feel awkward. Moreover, I'm sure he must have brought his fiancé too. Eh, but do I have to meet him later? If you were with Tyra or Vinales at the bar it would definitely be better than having to go there alone.
"Come with me," I said pleadingly.
His face turned sad too. "I want to, but I can't."
I snorted. But what else can you do? He still couldn't come. Or he will be fired by Yamaha.
"Okay, that's fine," I said finally.
"I'll take you later," he said then took the invitation from my hand. "Where is the place?"
"In Barcelona," I answered.
He read the invitation himself. "Oh, this bar is very famous in Barcelona," he said. "It's okay, I'll take you to pick me up."
I nodded. "Thanks, Vin."
Vinales put the invitation on the table then approached me again.
He grabbed my chin and looked at me straight. "From now on, get used to calling me Mack."
I am surprised. "Marc?" I said spontaneously. For a second I heard it like Marc.
He removed his hand from my chin and his face turned sullen. "Mack," he corrected.
"Oh." I swallowed my saliva. I don't know why it feels so difficult now to say that name. "Did all your girlfriends used to call you that?" I asked trying to change the conversation.
He looked at me sharply. Feelings of annoyance and disappointment were reflected in his eyes. His face still looked annoyed. "Actually, everyone close to me calls me Mack," he said. "I really want you to call me Mack, too."
I looked down.
"But if it reminds you of Marc, that's fine. Just call me whatever you like," he said again.
I raised my face. Immediately I remembered what I said to Paoli yesterday to learn to love Vinales.
"No," I answered. "I'll call you Mack."
***
―TO BE CONTINUED―
RELEASED EVERY FRIDAY