Give a little time to me or burn this out
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around
All I want is the taste that your lips allow
My, oh give me love
Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran ft Demi Lovato
***
PART 9
Of all the money I've ever had
I've spent it well
And all the harm I've done
The danger is only for me
And everything I've done
Will be a way for me to get what I want
But I never did
Feeling this crazy
Feeling more and more longing
To a woman
Apart from her
-Marc-
***
Of all the friends I've ever had
They are sad because I left
And all the lovers I've ever had
They must have hoped I'd stay another day
But because this is my destiny
That I have to go right now
With him or not at all
He was probably a man who liked to get drunk sometimes
A man who might enjoy fighting and would be the one killed
He's a guy who might seduce a girl
And maybe the girl will welcome him back
But because it has to be this way
I won't mind
-Mia-
***
And if you hurt me
That's okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
MARC POV -
I got into a private car with a driver in front to go back to my hotel. I sat in the passenger seat with one hand still holding my left cheek which Vinales hit earlier. It feels quite painful. Especially if the shadow appears again. When Mia just stared at me silently behind Vinales' body. My heart feels like it hurts.
I never thought that Mia would finally let me go and choose to be the lover of my rival, Vinales. After everything that happened between us, there wasn't even the slightest regret in his heart.
I know I'm a jerk. I'm a bastard.
But won't Vinales be like that someday?
Besides, I already apologized and promised not to do it again. And this time I mean it.
My brain stopped.
Maybe I've crossed the line.
I leaned my head against the car window and stared pensively at the streets of Jakarta. My heart is so empty.
I was really mean to Mia.
I kissed another woman and slept with her too when I was still with Mia. Even though I was under the influence of alcohol at that time, I swear to God, Mia was right, I had gone too far.
Tears flowed down my cheeks. I can't let my mind stop remembering the beautiful times with Mia at that time.
***
It was three in the afternoon. I just arrived at Jakarta airport during my mid-season holiday. I told Jose to go to the hotel first. Meanwhile I went alone to the Central Jakarta area, to meet her suddenly.
She opened the door to his apartment in surprise.
"Marc? You're crazy!"
We ate some Indonesian food that she made for me on the spot. After finishing she headed to the kitchen. I followed her and saw her washing dishes from the side of the cabinet. She didn't realize I was there. I saw the curves of her body exposed to the afternoon sunlight from the cracks in the window there. At that time she wore a very simple polka dot midi dress. His fashion style does change, but she remains polite. I never doubted it either, because she always looks charming in anything. Her long brown hair was tied slightly in the middle.
I smiled when I remembered the incident before, when I tried to tease her when I tied her hair. At that time I was already attracted to her, but my feelings weren't as strong as they are now.
After I got to know her better, it turned out that she was beautiful, intelligent and sometimes crazy like me. She is also a fun person and easy to chat with. I feel like I found a reflection of myself, but in a better version. Not only that, she is also very kind. I remember the first time we met at the Honda office to sign the contract, one of the Honda officials asked her to do something.
"How about a little 93 tattoo on your wrist? To show that you're really on our side."
"No, no. I don't want to."
"Then how about a little tattoo of an ant?"
She smiled. "Sorry, I don't want a tattoo on my body. If my body gets a tattoo, I can no longer donate my blood to Alya."
They smiled and nodded. "Oh yeah, sorry, we forgot."
I don't understand, of course I'm confused.
"Who is Alya?" I asked her spontaneously.
Mia turned to look at me. "Alya? Oh, she is a nine year old girl from Indonesia who has thalassemia, which is a kind of blood disorder caused by genetic factors. She must always receive blood transfusions in order to survive."
"Then what does it have to do with you?"
She smiled. "Every three months I usually donate my blood to her. Actually, it's not just me, there are also several other people who are members of an organization to help Alya and the other children there."
"Did you sign some kind of contract or anything?"
She shook her head quickly. "No, no. We are just connected on a human basis."
I'm touched. I've never met a girl like that.
What's more he can cook, she can sing, she can dance. Good grief! Mia is the perfect girl for me. I would dare trade everything I have if there was another woman like her. Because in fact there is no one else like Mia.
She looked at me. It turns out she was already aware of my presence.
"Hey, when do you want to stand there until?" she asked.
I smiled then moved closer to her. I watched her still washing the dishes while smiling. Gosh, she's even more beautiful the closer you look.
"You're beautiful, Mia," I said.
Mia turned her gaze to me. "Don't seduce me, Marc. it won't work."
"Is it true?" I grabbed her waist and pressed her against my body. She was shocked and glared.
"What are you doing, Marc? Let me go!" Mia rebelled.
I just kept quiet and brought my face closer to her. At first she looked uncomfortable, but it turned out she closed her eyes and wanted to receive a kiss from me. I purposely opened my eyes to see her reaction and I smiled.
I didn't kiss her, I whispered right in front of her face. "You like me, right? You don't even resist when I kiss you."
Mia opened her eyes and pushed me. This time she got off easily, then she stood facing the sink. Her hand gripped there tightly.
I approached her again and whispered right in front of her neck like that time. "I want you to be mine."
There was a moment between us until suddenly she hit the edge of the sink hard and walked away from me again.
"YOU THINK YOU CAN GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT, MARC?"
I gasped.
"I'M NOT LIKE THE WOMEN YOU'VE BEEN MET, MARC!"
"You're not like them, Mia. That's why I want you."
"But I don't want to just be your one-night stand, Marc!"
I was shocked but I just kept quiet. Suddenly doubt came over me.
"Are you capable of a committed relationship, Marc?" she asked.
I'm still silent. I just looked at her who looked annoyed. Her attitude of wanting me, but not wanting me, made me crazy.
Then she smiled bitterly. "I know you won't be able to," she said as she turned around and was about to leave me.
I quickly grabbed her hand. "I can, Mia. I can relate to commitment," I said trying to convince her with my eyes.
"But if you're with me maybe you won't be as free as before."
Mia looked at me deeply. The doubt emerged again. The same doubts that always occur when I have to make a decision whether to change tires or not during a flag to flag race.
However, I couldn't hold back the desire to be with her any longer.
"To hell with all that!"
Right now I just want her.
I moved closer to her and kissed her lips. I kissed her lips for the first time. The kiss was very hot, wild and deep. It was as if we had never kissed anyone else before.
The kiss was like quenching the thirst that we had been feeling. It felt so sweet, but also exciting. And the most important thing for me is, the taste is completely different from all the lips I have ever tasted. Because right now I feel like my heart is getting out of control. My feelings were so overwhelming, especially when she kissed me back.
I lifted her body and carried her. Both legs locked around my waist. Our mouths were still touching each other. I put her body next to the sink. Now she sat there still kissing me fiercely. Her hand came up to my head and grabbed my hair. I'm getting crazier about it. I almost lost control and crossed the line.
Then suddenly he stopped me and pushed my body away from her.
I looked at her with a disappointed look. I can't lie, my eyes are full of lust now. But in my heart there was something burning too.
"I want you, Mia. I want you to be mine now, and forever. Forever," I said sincerely.
She was still looking at me.
Then Mia put her hand forward with two fingers telling me to come closer. I approached her slowly. Her hand wrapped around the back of my neck. Our heads were pressed together now with her still sitting next to the sink.
"Okay Mister Marc Marquez, but don't cross the line. Don't cross the line," she answered.
I smiled broadly at his answer. It felt like there were butterflies fluttering in my lungs.
Right at this moment, Mia became mine.
I moved my head away from her and looked at her once more. She smiled too looking at me. Then without waiting any longer, I immediately kissed her lips again. It tastes like alcohol to me, so intoxicating. Our lips seemed to melt into each other. And we were swept away in that atmosphere, bathed in the afternoon sunlight that slipped through the cracks in Mia's apartment window.
***
When all my team knew we were dating, I asked Santi, the head of my mechanical team, to make a plan before free practice 1. Santi helped me to prepare a big motorbike, similar to my racing motorbike but that could be ridden by two people.
I invited Mia to ride it. Mia was incredibly surprised.
"I want you to feel what I have felt all this time," I said as I got on the motorbike and put on a helmet.
She was still hesitant while looking at the motorbike seriously.
"Is it safe?" she asked.
I smile. "If you trust me, we'll be safe."
She turned to look at me. "Okay."
Mia accepted the helmet I gave her and sat behind me.
I felt her sit stiffly behind me. Her body was upright and not holding on to anything.
"You want to die, don't you?" I asked as I turned to look at her.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed.
"Then you have to believe me," I said.
Then I turned my body again and looked straight at the road while starting the engine. I pressed the gas but didn't really start the motorbike. I won't start this bike until she trusts me, until she understands what I mean.
Mia behind there was still silent.
Then a few seconds later she wrapped her arms around my stomach, and dropped the entire front of his body on my back. She hugged me tightly.
I smile. She understands what I mean.
"Okay, are you ready?" I asked happily. I waited for her reaction.
"YES!" she answered in her crisp voice making me even happier. "Just fly baby... fly..." she whispered right next to my helmet.
I smiled once again and immediately pressed full throttle forward.
We were traveling at speeds above 250 km/h on a straight track.
We fly. It felt a thousand times more fun than driving alone. Along the way she hugged me tightly as if she couldn't let go. And I smiled along the way.
When we finished, I stopped the motorbike in front of my garage. She let go of her arms, took a moment to breathe then got off the motorbike.
She tried to take off her helmet, but her hands were still shaking. I helped her take off his helmet. And when the full face helmet came off, I could see her smiling very broadly.
Mia seemed to laugh, but the sound was lost. Maybe she was screaming along the way. Her face was red, a little sweaty and her hair was messy, but she was still beautiful, even more beautiful. Her eyes showed that she was very happy. She looked at me while continuing to laugh happily.
"How does it feel?" I asked.
"It's fun," she replied, "and also crazy."
I'm laughing. I took off my helmet too and got off the motorbike. Then I immediately grabbed her waist and kissed her.
"Thank you for trusting me," I said after we broke the kiss.
Mia is the first woman and will be the only one who will ride with me at speeds above 250km/h on a race track. I didn't expect her to agree to my crazy idea.
I mean, not everyone wants to go at that crazy speed. She could have thrown her helmet when I asked her to ride the motorbike, but she trusted me more than anything.
Going over 250km/hour on someone's back could actually be put on the suicide list because it's absolutely impossible to do, but she had entrusted his life to me, and that was everything to me. There I was absolutely one hundred percent sure of him too.
***
After that I remembered some kind of special ritual that Mia always did to me.
I remember her taking a step closer to me then holding my right hand which was pulling the zipper of my wearpack up. She grabbed it and zipped it up for me. When my wearpack was fully closed, her hand stopped under my chin and her eyes looked straight at me.
"Be careful," she said softly, but firmly filled with strength.
That feeling reached my heart. I took her hand and squeezed it three times to say "I love you". She knew the message I was giving her through that gesture. After that I stepped onto the motorbike and started the race with a thousand times more confidence.
***
However, I never liked authoritarian relationships. And Mia always makes rules about things she likes and doesn't like. That should have been enough reason for me to leave her, but there was one reason that I didn't know what, made me continue to want to be with her.
She forbade me to hang out with my female friends. That was the first rule that made me angry. Is she trying to lock me up in her shell? I am Marc Marquez. No one can order or forbid me.
Even though I said I would comply with his request, I still went with my female friends to the club secretly.
Until finally I got carried away by the atmosphere. Loud music makes me want to dance. Too much dancing makes me thirsty. I'm too proud to just order soda or mineral water. So I ordered alcohol. I thought a few glasses would be fine, but it turns out I finished almost two bottles as far as I remember.
My head was dizzy then suddenly a woman approached me. In sexy clothes, she talks here and there. I don't know what she wants but I just focus on her body shape. I lost control and grabbed her body to be closer to me. I kissed her lips hoping that I could cure the dizziness that hit my head at that time, but without me knowing it turned out that someone was taking a photo of us while we were kissing.
A few days later the photos spread widely on social media. And Mia knows it.
I remember it was Wednesday, in her hotel room she was sitting on the edge of the bed while I knelt under her.
She kept crying and didn't say a word to me. It actually makes me more guilty and kills me even more.
I can't say anything other than sorry.
She lifted her face and looked straight at me. Her eyes are puffy. Her whole face was red and her lips were trembling. In a hoarse voice she said...
"How could you do that, Marc?"
Hearing her say that felt like my heart was breaking. The way she said it made me feel really mean to her.
"I'm drunk..." I said quietly while looking down.
"Promise me you won't get drunk again, Marc."
I was silent for a moment. I looked at her. I thought, how could she possibly give me any more rules? I'm annoyed and feel like I can't stand it, but I can't let her go now.
"Okay. I promise, Mia."
***
Maybe the one thing that makes me unable to let go of Mia is because Mia is like my home. The fact that when I'm with her I can feel calm and peaceful is something I've never seen with anyone other than my younger brother, Alex. Maybe that is the strongest reason for me to love her even until this moment.
I remember it. When the whole world hates me. When the whole world seemed to spit right in front of my face. All of that happened after I accidentally hit a veteran racer who is actually my idol, Valentino Rossi.
I came to Mia's hotel room with a big smile on my face, but Mia looked at me blankly and tried to find out my true feelings through my eyes.
"They say I ruined MotoGP," I said, smiling broadly and spreading my arms.
She still looked at me with a cold gaze.
"They said..." suddenly my voice trembled, I felt I couldn't hold back the tears in my eyes any longer. "They say... I'm trash."
I cry. I can't hold it in anymore. I can no longer pretend to be strong and say I'm fine to everyone.
My head collapsed on Mia's shoulder. I could feel her arms wrapped around me.
"They said I was trash..." I repeated. My voice is still shaking.
I could feel her body shaking too. Mia cried too.
"Never once did I think that my own idol would hate me." I sobbed. "I really love the world of MotoGP. How could I destroy it?" I let go of his hug slowly and looked at her. "Am I that bad Mia? Tell me I have to quit MotoGP now!"
Mia shook her head hard. "No, Marc! They're wrong!"
I looked at her. She wiped my tears, she held my cheek with one hand. Her eyes were still looking at my messy face. Then she grabbed my hand.
We entered her large hotel room. Since she had to take part in a series of races, her life has moved around too. Actually she is a simple person, but her manager always gives her a luxurious hotel room.
We both headed to the living room. There is a black sofa there. The large window behind it leads to the balcony.
Mia sat me on the black sofa while still holding my hand.
"Listen, they don't know what's really going on on the track, right? You know? People really like to say what they like. Don't pay attention to them," she said, looking straight at me.
I'm still silent.
"Look at me, Marc. Don't I love you?" she asked.
I just looked at her. It's still hard for me to speak.
"You still have parents, you still have Alex, and your fans... which are so many... don't we all love you?" she asked again.
"So many people still love you so why are you sad? We still support you, Marc," she said.
I took a breath and looked down.
"Valentino Rossi..." Her words trailed off.
I raised my face.
She continued. "Remember my words, Marc. After this you will always be able to beat her. After this she will always be behind you."
I looked at her, then slowly I smiled. Mia looked relieved, then smiled too.
Then suddenly her eyes widened. "Oh my gosh! Look at this... what's wrong with your eyes darling?! You have eye bags!!" she said suddenly shouting excessively. I wanted to laugh because I saw her funny expression, but right now I don't think I can laugh.
"Yeah, I haven't been able to sleep lately."
"Oh my God, how many days have you not slept?" she asked worriedly.
I rolled my eyes and shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know, since the collision with Rossi, I think it's been two days."
Mia sighed, then held my face with both hands. Slowly, she laid my head on his lap. I am surprised. Then she lifted my legs up onto the sofa and straightened them.
Now I'm lying on his lap. She rubbed my head slowly. Instantly my tense nerves relaxed a little. I looked at her, seeing her in this position made me calm.
"Try to sleep, Marc. Now you're safe here with me," she said. "Everything will be fine. Nothing can hurt you now."
I was just silent, my mind was still confused. But I'll try to sleep. I clasped my hands together, then curled slightly to the left and tried to find a comfortable position.
Mia hummed softly,
"Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You'll be right, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound..."
Actually, I'm not the type of person who easily sleeps anywhere. But Mia's lap was really comfortable. She was still rubbing my head. After a while I felt sleepy.
I started to close my eyes. Regulate my breathing to be more stable. My head is very heavy, maybe Mia is right, I just need sleep now so that my mind can be clear again. Without taking long, I fell asleep. Falling asleep on Mia's lap.
***
Sunlight slipped through the window. I opened my eyes slowly. My head felt very heavy last night, now it feels lighter.
I looked up and found Mia's head resting on the back of the sofa. All night I slept on her lap. All night she slept on the sofa. I hurriedly got up and sat beside her.
I looked at Mia who was still asleep. Then I stroked her hair slowly. Somehow I feel like the luckiest man now.
Mia opened her eyes slowly. "Marc? Are you awake?"
I smile. "Yeah, I can finally sleep because of you. Last night we slept together, Mia," I said, grimacing. She knew I meant to insinuate that we had never slept together.
Mia laughed a little, then turned into a sweet smile. "You can smile again now, Marc." she said.
"Yes, this is thanks to you. Thank you, Mia," I said then kissed her forehead gently. "Come on, I'll make you breakfast," I said, pulling her hand to go to the pantry.
But she refused to move. "You go first, Marc." She smiled faintly. "My legs are a little crampy."
"Oh, because of me..." I said looking down at her feet. Then I smiled, I immediately put my hand behind her knee and one hand on her back. I lifted her body easily.
Mia was surprised.
"Put me down, Marc!"
"Never mind, just shut up. I know you want me to carry you too."
She smiled shyly and hit my chest. "Make me chocolate bread!"
***
But I also hate it when she is indifferent.
Like when I finished qualifying for the last Spanish GP at that time. After discussing the motorbike issue with Santi, I quickly went to my room to meet Mia and rest before the press conference. But it turns out he wasn't in my room. Then I rushed to her room. She was there, in front of the TV flat, sitting on the floor and his back to the door.
Mia is playing her guitar which she always brings to the circuit. She is also a musician, she can hardly be separated from her guitar during his free time on the circuit.
But this time the guitar sounded random. That means she's making songs again.
"Baby, I'm pole!" I said with a big smile.
She didn't stop playing her guitar, and didn't turn around even a bit.
"Thank God," she answered shortly.
I pouted then moved closer to her. "Aren't you happy I'm on pole?"
She raised her head then looked at me, she smiled. "I'm glad you didn't crash." She answered then looked down again concentrating on the guitar and the tattered papers in front of her.
I didn't think we were in any trouble, but if she was holding her guitar it wouldn't be surprising if she ignored me.
"Put that guitar down, Mia! or I'll destroy it right now!" I said threateningly. "Or I'm out of here!" I continued.
"Don't go Marc, wait a moment," she answered without looking at me. She wrote something on the paper, then went back to strumming her guitar.
The answer made me a little happy, but I didn't want to lose. "I swear, I will destroy that guitar Mia. Give it to me!" I tried to grab it, but she quickly backed away and glared at me.
"Marc! What are you doing!" She immediately hid her guitar behind her body.
But I still didn't want to give up and tried to seize it.
Mia got up, then ran away from me. I chased her and pinned her against the wall.
"If you destroy my guitar, I will destroy your motorbike!" she threatened.
I even smiled mischievously. "Just try it if you dare with Santi!" I answered.
She snorted in annoyance. "Okay, let me put my guitar away first!"
I just kept quiet and still smiled looking at her annoyed face.
"Move!" she said while telling me to move to the left.
I obeyed, and shifted to the left. She placed her guitar carefully beside the sofa. After feeling that the guitar and papers were safe, She approached me again.
"What do you want?" she asked.
I smiled with satisfaction, she lost!
"Help me take off the wearpack!!"
"Okay, let's go to your room..." she said, pulling my hand.
I quickly stopped her. "No, let's just leave it here. I want to do that" I said.
She glared. "Heh?! Don't cross the line Marc!"
I frowned, then a second later I realized. "You're having perverted thoughts, aren't you?" Then I chuckled, I couldn't hold back my laughter.
"You're the one with perverted thoughts, Marc! Never mind, I don't want to serve you," he replied then stepped towards her guitar, Mia wanted to take the guitar again.
Shit.
I quickly blocked her steps. "For God's sake, I'm not having any perverted thoughts. I just want to be with you," I said looking at her.
She took a deep breath. "Okay, turn around."
I smiled again, then I turned around. "You know? I almost hit Iannone earlier. I almost lost control," I said while unzipping my wearpack.
"Just qualifying to hit someone? Especially if you're racing..." She commented as she helped me take off my wearpack from behind.
I chuckled a little. "But luckily I remember you, Mia." I turned my body, and looked at her. I kissed her lips softly and quickly.
"Never mind, go get your t-shirt," she said telling me to go to my room.
I quickly grabbed her hand again. She turned to look at me.
I ignored his orders, instead I took off my top underwear.
Mia glared, she said words using Indonesian that I heard like. "Really, this guy is!"
I still smiled mischievously looking into his eyes. "I'm sexy, right? 'eh?" I said grinning while showing off my six pack chest to her.
"Stop it, Marc! Or I'll get out of here," she replied irritably.
Then I approached her, Mia lowered her face. "Yeah... you're sexy," she said quietly.
I laughed out loud, I won again!
Then I pulled her hand slowly towards the sofa in front of the TV, I sat her there. Then I laid my head on her lap. "I just want to sleep on your lap like that time," I said.
Her tense face changed to relief, she smiled, then rubbed my head slowly. "Why didn't you say so earlier? You always make me angry first."
"I'm just testing you... Are you tempted by me or not."
She smiled shyly. "Of course I was tempted stupid!"
***
But then the worst happened.
I got drunk again when I was at a reunion with Stella Maxwell and her team at a club.
I staggered after drinking a few glasses of vodka. I hugged Stella and kissed her neck passionately.
Stella tried to control me and took me to the hotel room.
We "did it", although I wasn't fully aware at the time.
After finishing, I got into my car and asked the driver to take me to meet Mia.
I don't know what I was thinking, I just wanted to meet her at that time.
When I arrived at Mia's hotel room, I immediately hugged her and kissed her non-stop.
She knows I smell like alcohol. She immediately slapped me and tried to run away from me.
I tried to lock it. But she easily got away from me.
She was angry with me, and seemed to cry when talking to me. Still half-conscious, I answered her questions honestly.
And after that she left me. She really left me.
***
My heart aches remembering it.
So all this is because of me.
I rubbed my face with both hands. Then suddenly I remembered Vinales' words,
"In the past, maybe I just kept quiet because she wasn't mine. But now I won't be quiet anymore, because she's mine!"
He's right. Now Mia is his. Maybe it's better that way. Vinales is better than me for Mia. Mia would definitely be happier with Vinales than me. Even though it's very hard and painful, but if it can make Mia happier, I'll try to accept it.
I wiped my tears and looked away. Marc Marquez shouldn't cry like this. Especially just because a woman.
***
―TO BE CONTINUED―
RELEASED EVERY FRIDAY