FRIDAY
the rain poured massively outside. an intense warmth of agitation saturates your stomach, trying to kill you like it's acid.
you thought you were going to lose it any moment.
the boys, games.
that's all that was going through your head when you tried to study. they had no care in the world for what you need and it was getting on your last nerve. even when hana came and scolded them, they hadn't listened. you look back at hana's offer, thinking what she said might be the last choice. and you were at your last choice, a dead end faced you like your limit.
you would much rather stay at sakusa's house where it'd be quiet and you two would mind your own business. and that's what you were going to do.
the decision has been made. you slam your hands on the desk as you stand up, the fury boiling in your stomach like it has never before. you leave the room and march straight to the living room where the obnoxious screaming of the boys is.
"if you like it so much here komori, why don't you just move in?!" you fume, "you all are pieces of shit!"
it's dead silent.
they exchange shocked glances and when you finally open the door, atsumu cries your name. your best friend was a certain weakness but if you showed it in the moment, you would lose. you didn't want to lose so you opened the front door and left before their guilty eyes.
───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───
barely wet, you were at the front of hana's apartment, currently getting scared as lights in the hallways were flickering and the rain was getting heavier. and you swore you could see charlie chaplin at the other end of the hallway.
or, was it just your imagination?
you knock harshly on the front door, understanding the fact that hana probably couldn't hear you through the powerful pitter-patter of the shower outside.
the door opens at last.
"oh my god, i know it's such a short notic...oh, it's you." your eyes take up the vision of sakusa opening the front door, his eyebrows suddenly furrowing at the sight of you.
it shouldn't bother you much that he was here, you were here for hana anyways but the way he scrunched his face at you filled you up with incredible hatred.
blinded hatred.
"why are you here?" he asks.
"the boys are making too much noise, i came here because hana said i could." you answer, finding interest on the floor.
he might as well turn you down now and you had to walk down the creepy hallway, with a possible chaplin. you were practically begging for mercy at the door.
he walks in and leaves the door opened, allowing entrance. your eyes lit up and follow him through the door.
"where is she?" you ask.
you didn't expect the reality to hit you like a ton of bricks. you almost wanted to turn around and go back home after hearing that but you remembered the hallway so you keep your ground.
"work."
you sit on the couch, without permission for the sake of annoying him. he gives a glance at that but you don't say anything, grabbing your phone. the service is bad but acceptable so you scroll through instagram mindlessly. sakusa has no choice but to sit on a couch next to the one you were sitting on, going on his phone too.
the heavy silence had turns into somewhat of a comforting one as the sound of the rain fiddles it's way into your atmosphere. it lulls the situation with ease like it is trying to stop the fight that may erupt.
"hello?" sakusa says, placing his phone by his ear, "what do you mean you got to stay at a hotel? because of flooding...? you're such a pussy, just come back home already!...and i'll say it again. pussy! pussy! pussy!"
you looked up at him, comprehending that he was talking to hana.
"why do you have to stay there?!" he whines, "...because she's here. why? because komori went over and she's complaining about them...whatever. i won't starve her—maybe...oh, fine. i won't, don't worry."
it was truly funny for you to see sakusa complain like a child and somewhat...cute? a smile tugged your lips as he hung up the phone. you remove the smile instantly as he shoots you a glare.
"i'll go." you volunteer.
you didn't want to see that hallway but it looks like you were given no choice. the last thing you wanna do is bother sakusa when you're in the middle of a neverending fight.
"you don't have to. she'll fight with me later if you leave," he says.
you roll your eyes. "so am i just meant to stay here with you?"
he furrows his eyebrows like he was strongly offended by your words. "you're saying it like you're disgusted by me...well, trust me i am more disgusted to have a lazy shit in my house."
"excuse me?! me, a lazy shit? don't forget you're not perfect either, sakusa."
"oh, yeah. how?"
"you have an obsession over being clean, you started liking a girl who would obviously choose a degree over you, you didn't know how to talk to her about your feelings, you blamed her and in the end, you got heartbroken."
his eyes widen.
you didn't mean to throw the words so blatantly at him. but it just happened. especially after last time when you weren't able to speak to him properly. it was all backlashing on you two because of that silly mistake.
now you were paying for it.
"shut the fuck up, y/n. you have no shit to say when you clearly have an ego issue and simp for every boy you see."
"maybe i do, sakusa but i don't lose track of my goals like you!" you spit.
he stands up as if trying to intimidate you but it doesn't work.
"i never lost track of my goals!" he defends.
"yeah, you did. you were about to give up volleyball just to be with me."
your words were powerful, a growing fire that spat venom. but held a small passion.
it was so simple...but he was so close yet so far away!
you were sympathising for the way he felt, why he felt it but to empathise was something you couldn't dare go near. putting yourself in sakusa's shoes—you tried many times, but failed to see an answer to the predicament.
maybe the reason was that you were super focused then, but you couldn't empathise his feelings of regret and loss. it was simply impossible when all you got were angry words thrown at you.
"is there something wrong with that?"
sakusa was basically at the edge now, his arms crossed over his chest.
the rain was getting heavier and heavier as if symbolising this unseen fight. no one was getting anywhere.
"yeah! you lost track of your goals, you loved me! someone who would choose my studies over you! sakusa, we were kids then! i don't blame you for liking me but it's gotten too far now—"
"when will you understand my feelings rather than showing your own pressure to me? why can't you understand—"
"i'm trying my hardest here! you're the one who keeps on guilting me!"
you got up yourself too, feeling tears at the brim of your eyes significantly different to the rain outside.
"y/n, you have issues! how can you just forget me so easily?!"
"because you weren't important compared to my studies...i'm sorry."
everything was getting out of hand, you felt as if you were submerging deeply into the diagnosis of pain. his words had a long-lasting effect on you, as if stabbing wounds all over your body with each word that negligently left his heart.
sakusa didn't let you go so easily though, his heart still throbbed with pain. a screaming sensation spurred him to ask questions that drove into his head. he didn't care how selfish they were, he just wanted answers!
"so was everything you said fake? were you just seeking attention? did you just want someone to brag about to everyone? someone to use, someone to—"
"oh my god, sakusa! when will you realise that i've liked you all this time and i still do!"
and that's when the electricity got cut off.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
you know what would be so funny? if i stopped updating now 🤣🤣🤣