November 10, 2023 2:05am - 7:49pm
To be honest? Everything. I've been hurt so many times that I'm scared to let people in, but I've been alone for so much of my life that all I want is that special someone that I can let in.
I like the idea of labels, of saying "see this person, this person is mine, and i am theirs" but I also don't trust it.
I mean how can I when every person who's ever dared to breathe the words in a dark room, let alone in public, has broken the promises the words create with echoes as they're muttered under someone's breath?
I'm scared of the commitment, but I'm also scared to be the only one to commit, because in past relationships, that's exactly what has happened.
I want nothing more than to fall in love again and write songs and poems about it, yet falling in love is the exact reason why I no longer write love songs.
I'm so incredibly excited to meet someone who I feel I belong with and wish to spend my forever with; but terrified that MY forever and THEIR forever are two different time measurements to two separate equations.
I'm scared of the never ending possibilities, and the overwhelming idea that maybe there aren't any for me.
You know, I told my friend this, and he replied with:
"The idea that people can be perfect for eachother is a myth. Even if they do at first, who's to say they will years into the future, when they're both completely different people? So what's important to me isn't the label on the bond, but the experiences that build the bond up. In a relationship I want to have fun with someone, and I want to be comfy with someone, and be sad with someone. I want to cherish these experiences, because they are the parts that matter. I want to be able to look back on those experiences even if we grow apart and say 'that was worth it. I'm never gonna forget it, and I wouldn't give it up for anything'"
And then came my response:
But that imperfection, the notion that you could never be the same halves of a whole is what makes the connection so much stronger. I mean, there's no such thing as "perfect". Its a stupid term, that has no absolute, certain, specific meaning. I mean the definition is "something that is without flaw" but who are human beings without flaw?
I mean, if you think about it, we are the epicentre of flaw. We are the origin, the direct definition of what flaw is. How can the term "perfect" possibly exist, when it's a manmade construct, designated to describe other manmade ideologies and notions and things.
The word "perfect" exists if only to serve as a reminder of that which does not exist.
Like putting a name to something of which is nothing.
The whole idea that people can be perfect for each other is a myth, I agree. But I do think that there are people who belong together. Regardless of how long that togetherness lasts them.