noah/oliver. it's going to be the same person but i see this picture as oliver.
...
oliver waits for noah to be asleep before he brings out his phone and texts a number from memory.
olly: hey
number: who is this?
olly: your worst nightmare
number: you sound like an edge lord
olly: maybe i am ;) maybe i mean it
number: okay... blocking you now
olly: wait, don't. it's oliver
number: who?
olly: oliver? noah's twin?
number: yeah i know who you are. why are you texting me
number: i told you to delete my number. i saw you delete it
olly: i accidentally memorized it. oops. save my number, i'm saving yours now
pinky: what did you save it as?
olly: your name of course
pinky: right. why do i not believe that
pinky: what do you want?
olly: nothing
pinky: why are you texting me
olly: so you can save my number
pinky: you do know that i'm older than you with two years
olly: so? what does that have to do with anything
pinky: whatever is is you want from me, it's not happening
olly: wow you're so full of yourself, aren't you?
olly: i'm only texting you because of my brother
pinky: does noah know you're texting me?
olly: i wanted your number and for you to save mine in case somethings going on with noah so you could tell me
pinky: fine, whatever
pink: saved it. happy now? don't text me anymore
olly: ✌️
...
jordan texts elias to come pick him up. he's still upset about what happened and even though zayn had consoled him, he just wants to be out of the house.
elias comes over a few minutes later, with his car this time rather than his motorcycle. he drives jordan back to his
place.
"what's up?" elias asks as they get into his apartment.
"i'm leaving tomorrow," jordan says. he's already made up his mind.
"why?"
"i made lana cry," jordan says.
"lana? your sister?" elias asks. "what happened?"
jordan explains to him what happened.
"i don't see why that means you have to leave," elias says.
"you wouldn't get it," jordan says, turning away.
"okay, maybe i don't get it. but if you don't want to be around your family why don't you just stay with me," elias offers.
"really?" jordan asks, surprised. elias nods. "i'll think about it."
elias nods at that. jordan pulls his boyfriend towards him. elias already knows where it's heading from there, but he's not in the mood to fight or object.
he lets jordan kiss him and stroke him into hardness.
"you don't look like you're into this," jordan says, noticing elias far off look.
"what gives it away?" elias retorts, sarcastically.
"are you being fúcking serious right now?" jordan asks, annoyed. "if you don't want to fùck me just say it. don't make me feel like i'm forcing you."
"oh right. and then you throw a tantrum about me rejecting you," elias retorts.
"you never initiate anything elias. do you even want me?" jordan asks. "i have to ask for sex everytime! i'm sick of feeling unwanted in this relationship."
"of course it's only your feelings that matters," elias says.
"dude if you have a problem with me then just fúcking say it. you're acting like a little bitch right now,"
"i have a fúcking problem and i've been saying it," elias says. "you only want to have sex with me. you stop talking to me for no reason for days. you won't let me break up with you. you won't let me move on. i'm sick of it, you're so fúcking selfish."
"oh? i'm selfish?" jordan laughs dryly. "i only want to have sex with you? tell me elias. tell me exactly how our relationship started. tell me how you knew how much i liked you and you still made me fúck your friend."
elias is a bit taken back from that. "i apologized for that. i was seventeen and stupid."
"yeah? and how old was i when you got me pregnant and pressured me to have an abortion?"
"you're acting like i got you fúcking pregnant on purpose. and you didn't want the child either, i didn't pressure you,"
"i told you i was pregnant," jordan says with tears in his eyes. "you broke up with me. you accused me of faking the pregnancy. you pressured me to abort our daughter. you pushed me off your balcony. you broke my arm. you made me beg for you to take you back."
"jordan, i-i'm sorry," elias says, feeling extremely guilty.
"you won't touch me if i don't initiate it. you haven't told me you loved me once and we've been together for three years," jordan says. "you make me feel so fúcking shitty elias. do you know that?"
"so do you," elias says. "i can't deny that i'm a shitty person. but i want to be better. i want to talk to you. i want to do more than just have sex. but you won't let me become a better person. do you like me being a shitty boyfriend jordan?"
"then stop being shitty. i'm not stopping you," jordan says.
"yes, you are. you don't want me to change at all," elias says. "you like me like this."
"so what? is it a bad thing to love my boyfriend unconditionally?"
"you deserve better," elias says.
"you don't know what i deserve," jordan says.
"okay, well i deserve better," elias says.
"like who?" jordan chuckles, touch elias body. "no one is better than me."
elias rolls his eyes but let's jordan's hands wander. "narcissistic much?"
"you know it too," jordan says. "so just relax and be a good boyfriend."
elias pulls apart and walks away. jordan follows after him.
"what the fúck is wrong with you?" jordan yells.
"i don't want to have sex with you," elias says.
"you're so whiny, do you know that?" jordan says.
"respect my consent,"
"i'm not forcing you to do anything," jordan says, confused. "i really just want to be with you elias. i know you want more but this is the only way i know how."
"follow my lead," elias says. "give it a chance. while you're still around, let me take you out on dates. let's actually talk about our feelings. you know, healthy shít."
"okay," jordan whispers. "there are some things i need to tell you too."
"what is it?"
"not today," jordan says. "since we're not having sex, can we just cuddle?"
elias nods. they get into position. it's weird that they're just cuddling with nothing happening before or after.
elias doesn't know when he falls asleep. meanwhile jordan is still up, thinking.
he's a bit frightened about how much elias has changed. the old elias would have loved their relationship being centered around sex and very low commitment.
but elias is becoming so mature so fast. jordan is scared. what if elias finds someone else that wants what he wants? would he leave jordan?
jordan wouldn't know what to do if that happened.
he'd do anything to keep elias.
jordan hears a phone beep. it's not his, it's elias. he picks it up, seeing a message from tiny.
"isn't that what he calls lucas?" jordan says to himself, wondering why lucas would be texting him.
he can't see the message because elias phone is locked. he checks to make sure elias is actually sleeping. when he confirms, he takes elias finger and uses it to unlock the phone.
then he reads through the messages.
he's shaking by the time he's scrolled for thirty minutes. and there's still more. but he can't stomach looking at it anymore.
he wakes elias up with anger.
"huh?" elias wakes up, confused.
"do you like my brother?" jordan asks, accusingly.
"what are you talking about?" elias asks, rubbing at his eyes. it's disorienting to wake up and start being accused.
"lucas. do you like him?" jordan repeats.
"what the fúck jordan? why would you ask me that?"
"i went through your chat with him," jordan says.
"why the hell are you going through my phone?"
"that's not the point," jordan says. "why are you texting my little brother?"
"because we're friends? you know this?" elias responds, honestly confused.
"you talk to him everyday," jordan says. "you don't even talk to me that much."
"yeah and whose fault is that? you keep ghosting me so you have no right to complain,"
"that doesn't mean you should talk to lucas,"
"jordan you literally know that we're friends. what's gotten into you?"
"don't fúcking gaslight me. i knew you were friends with him but i didn't realize it was to this extent," jordan says. he opens the chat to show elias. "why are you fúcking telling him about your day? why is he sending you pictures of his outfit? and he goes for all your fights now? what the hell."
"you're overreacting," elias says. "all our conversations has been tame. you really think i would go for your brother?"
"you shouldn't be talking to him like this," jordan shakes his head. "this is crossing the line."
"when did i cross the line?"
"you have a nickname for him," jordan says.
"tiny? i call him that in your presence too. you've never had a problem with it,"
"he sends you pictures," jordan says.
"there's context to that,"
"it doesn't matter elias. i'm your boyfriend," jordan says.
"are you?"
jordan ignores that. "you shouldn't be talking to him. i'm not comfortable with that. end it."
"no offense jordan, but you can't dictate who i'm friends with,"
"are you kidding? me, the person you're seeing is telling you, that i don't want you to talk to my brother who is a minor. and you're telling me i can't dictate who you're friends with?"
"you're deliberately trying to make this an issue. he's my friend, i promise that's all there is to it,"
"it's still fúcking weird that you're friends with my sixteen year old brother. you're twenty and you're my boyfriend. no matter how much you try to justify it, i'm not going to be okay with it," jordan says. "if you don't end it, i'll talk to him. if he doesn't i'll talk to my parents. either way, this is the end of your friendship."
"fine," elias says. there's no way he can win this. and he can also understand where jordan is coming from.
his relationship with lucas is weird.
with jordan saying these, he's just realizing how odd it is and he can't blame jordan.
lucas is sixteen. he's turning seventeen in two weeks but he's still young. elias just turned twenty. he's an adult.
he didn't see anything wrong with it because jordan knew they were friends and he was okay with that. but now that jordan isn't? there's no way to justify it anymore.
"good," jordan says. he gives elias back his phone. "end it."
"now?" elias asks, feeling a certain way about that.
"yes," jordan says. "tell him you can't be friends anymore because the friendship is inappropriate."
"jordan... i don't know," elias says. he doesn't want to hurt lucas' feelings.
"i'll do it then," jordan says. he takes the phone from elias and types a message.
elias touches his temples. "we really were just friends jordan."
"i don't care," jordan says. "i know you're going to be upset with me now. but he's my brother. and i know i overreact on a lot of things but not this time."
"i'm upset. but it's not your fault. i know you're just trying to protect him," elias says. "honestly, i'll do the same if i find out lucas was talking to someone older. and he isn't even my brother so i can understand you."
"thank you," jordan says. "look... i've seen from some of the messages that you've been good to him and taking care of him while i've been away and i'm grateful for that."
"i wish you could just trust me. i'd never hurt lucas," elias says.
"i know," jordan says.
"i don't have anyone in my life i can talk about things with," elias starts. "i don't know who my mom is. my dad is dead. i have no siblings. i don't really have friends that would listen to all this. i'm alone jordan. and it was easy to talk with lucas. i guess i just liked that i could. i'm sorry for crossing the line."
"i'm here elias. you can talk to me from now on," jordan says.
"you always leave me," elias replies.
"i'm sorry. i promise i'll be better," jordan says. "i've been hiding somethings from you."
"what?"
"remember when i said i was keeping the baby and i was going to give it to a family?" jordan asks.
"yes. don't tell me you didn't?"
"i didn't," jordan says. "i didn't get too."
"what?"
"when i was six months pregnant i went into labor," jordan says. "i gave birth to a girl. she was really small. i held her for a couple of minutes and she died in my arms."
"fúck," elias exclaims. "why didn't you tell me?"
"i didn't want to talk about it. it hurt me too much," jordan says. "i never thought i would want a baby. but after i couldn't go through with the abortion, keeping her was all i could think about. i wanted her elias. i really did. i told you i gave her up for adoption because i didn't want you to look at me this way. the way you're looking at me now. pity."
"i'm not," elias denies. "that's just... that was a lot for anyone to deal with. and you went through it alone. i'm so sorry."
"i'm cursed," jordan says. "she died because i didn't want her in the beginning. i was too cowardly for the abortion. she suffered because of me."
"she didn't. stop talking about yourself that way," elias says. he pulls jordan in for a hug.
"my mom went into labor the next day," jordan says. "he gives birth to a healthy baby. why couldn't i do that? i couldn't even mourn properly. everyone was ecstatic about my new sister. my parents didn't know what to say to me and i couldn't blame them. when i left to college i wasn't planning on coming back. i didn't want to see my new sibling. i was jealous. how come my daughter had to die but she lived? i didn't even want to see her. i'm such a bad person."
"you're not. you were grieving," elias says.
"do you know what the worst part is? she has my eyes. none of my siblings have green eyes. it's just me. my parents both have brown eyes. the chances of that are really low. when i look at her i just see my dead daughter," jordan says.
"fúck. that's a lot jordan," elias says. "i wish you could talk to me. i wish you had told me. we could've grieved together. you went through all this alone, that's so unfair."
"you didn't want her," jordan sniffles. "you wouldn't have understood my pain."
"i know. but i'm not that heartless to not have sympathy on losing our child," elias says. "i'm sorry jordan. i love you. you're amazing. i'm sorry i keep hurting you."
"y-you've never said that before,"
"i know," elias says. he kisses jordan's hands.
jordan feels warmth and satisfied inside after hearing elias say those words. it's been years of him longing for it.
but now that he's said it, jordan can't help but think what took him so long. and wonders if he actually means it.
or if he was just saying that out of pity.
...
what do you think of jordan and elias relationship?
to the people that ship lucas/elias. is it really over?
was jordan overreacting by telling elias to stop talking to lucas?
how do you think lucas would react?
thoughts on jordan's confessions?
vote and comment!
we didn't hit the comment goal last chapter but i updated anyways because you guys left the most detailed comments. i love hearing what you guys think about each chapter.
40 goals for the next chapter! thanks for reading.