-estella romano.
My first thoughts should've been to run , as fast i could. A stranger whose face i can't see? And who broke into my room? Major red flag. I can't think straight right now , my feet hurt from the damn boots i wore , and my legs are wobbly and my throat is dry. I dont think he heard me when i asked who the hell he was. So i moved forward again and picked up one of the boots as a weapon.
I carefully moved on cautious steps , i lift my wobbly arm up with the boot in my hand. Im about to hit when his voice stops me "Don't do something, stupid or you'll have something to really cry about" his deep voice warns without looking at me, making me instantly gasp. He adjusted himself in the seat and smoked the cigarette causing me to scrunch my nose in disgust.
I throw the boot on the floor as i lean on the wall , his hood covering his face "Who are you and how did you get in here?" I slur trying to hold myself up .
He takes a drag from the cigarette letting out a puff of smoke , making me annoyed that he doesn't answer. I move forward "i asked you a question !" I snap. He doesn't answer instead he drags one last drag and throws the bud over the balcony and into the rain , he leans back. His hood still covering his face i was about to snap at him again when he opened his mouth "Why were you crying?" His deep voice rang out into the room making me stiffen and bite my lip as the memories from earlier came flooding back.
I swallow the lump in my throat as i ignore his question "Who are you?" I whisper
His face turns toward me as the darkness covers him everywhere. I can't see shit . This could be a damn serial killer and im standing here barely able to carry myself.
I need to go NOW. i need to get the fu-
His next words stop my panicking thoughts as his deep voice fills the room "Sit" he gestures for me to sit in the seat next to him.
This is a bad idea.
I shouldn't do this.
I should go call for help and get him the fuck out of my room.
But i suprise myself by plumping my ass in the seat next to him , i adjust myself and look at him . The hood covers his eyes . But i can see his lips . The bottom one is bigger than the top one. It looks so soft , so kissable-
No wait.
What the hell am i saying?
This is a total stranger who broke into bedroom.
I look down at my hands as i sit there in awkward silence , i can feel his piercing eyes from under the hood staring deep into my soul. I look at him "Can you take off the hood?" I ask him. And he stares at me saying nothing , the alcohol in my veins makes my blood warm , making the rainy air cause goosebumps to erupt on my skin , i rub my arms as i look at him waiting for him to say something "Why are you staring at me?You're pretty creepy you know that. Black hoodie , doesn't talk much oh and you smoke . Big L buddy oneday you'll be dying of lung cancer because you wanted to be a badass by smoking a cigarette" i ramble as i try to catch my breathe. I look at him and i see his head is downcast staring right at my legs.
My legs.
My thighs.
My injured thighs.
I panic as i pull down my yanked up dress down to my thighs , tears start to form at the back of my eyes , i snap my head at him "Stop looking at me!" I say frustrated as tears start to fall down my cheeks. I wipe them furiously. He doesn't say anything he continues to look at me from under that damn hood . I look at him as i try to catch my breath , my cheeks are soaked as i croak "please dont tell anyone" i whisper into the dark room. He doesn't say anything as i continue "...please no one can know that im like this" i plead as my lips wobble. I close my eyes for a second , i hear him standing up. I open my eyes as he stands in his full height towering over me.
Holy moly this guy is huge.
I looked at his confused "what are...." i begin to say as he moves toward my desk where my wipes laid . He grabs them and walks back to his seat he was occupied in . He sits down as he hands it to me. I look at it for a second and back at him . I take it with shaky hands. I take out a two wipes and pat my wet cheeks , making sure they're dry "thank you" i whisper . He nods as he slumps back in his seat. The music downstairs turns up louder as i hear giggling outside my bedroom door . The giggling fades away . Luckily i locked all the doors in the house. Don't want anyone using my parents bedroom for a quickie. I turn my attention back to him as he stares at me "why do you keep looking at me?" I ask him . He folds his big hands onto his lap , making me direct my attention to his hands.
Tattoos lined his hands and fingers and rings too. Something told me that wasn't where his tattoos ended . Who is this guy? I continue to look at his hands making me immediately feel a pulse in my core. I clenched my thighs as i imagined those up in my...
No , oh god no.
I look at him as his jaw clenches. He saw that. Mortified, i bite on my lip as i open my mouth but he beats me to it , he raspy voice fills the air "Whats your name fox?"
Fox? Is that me? I clear my throat as the alcohol clouds my head making me have to think for a bit .
Jesus christ, im wasted.
I rub my temples "Its estella romano" i state as i lean my head on the arm set of the chair im sitting in and close my eyes for a bit . Its quiet as i could hear my small breaths in and out "Does that take the physical pain away?" He says making me snap my eyes open, i turn my head towards him knowing exactly what he's referring to .
Cutting.
I look at him wondering if i should tell him or if i should just tell him to fuck off . I close my eyes again as i clear my throat "It helped at first, then i started doing it again...again...again...and again . Then it sort of became apart of the physical pain i was feeling , like i can't imagine life before i started cutting. " i breathe , he says nothing but i know he's there listening , i continue "...if that wasn't enough. Then i stopped eating , that emotionally destroyed me inside and outside. I would purposely look at magazine covers to make me feel bad about myself . I lost many things. Sleep was one of my favorite things in the world . I loved it . When i slept. Everything was gone . I dreamt of where everything was perfect , i dreamt of the life I've always craved . I just wished I would wake up and not question my existence anymore. Sleep soon became the enemy too. I started having paralysis episodes . It happened every night . It would happen some nights if i took the pills..."
What am i doing?
I let out a breath and gathered the tear that fell from my eyes , i swallowed the lump in my throat as i continued "...it was like everything i touched was a gateway to hurting myself. The pills were there to help me with sleeping. Instead i used them to off myself plenty of times. I didn't know when food became one of the many things i was afraid of . I became so emotionally destroyed. I was tired more , my hair fell out . My cheeks were hollow and my eyes lifeless to the point where i thought i was gonna die . This wasn't me tonight. I usually drown in the sweatpants i own . And the hoodies my barrier and my hair was always a mess This dress . The makeup . Boys didnt even stop and stare. Sometimes i wished i was the girls they spoke about. The "shes pretty or "id hit that" Everything was just a coverup to hide who i really was ...broken."
By the time i was done explaining, my cheeks were wet and stained by the salty moisture.
Its quiet , but i know he's there . He listened to every single word i spat out . He saw me bare and i didnt care. For once it felt good to let my barrier break for a second.
I look at him and he's staring straight , his fists is clenched as my eyes roll to the back . Gosh im tired.
I feel my body begin to slump in the uncomfortable chair . Five minutes turned into ten , but i knew he was still there . I could feel his piercing stare. As i begin to fall into the darkness im too familiar with , i feel my body being picked up making me jolt in my sleep a quiet "shh" makes me relax into the warm chest that smelled like mint. I felt myself being put down onto a soft surface.
My bed .
Blankets engulfed me as the stranger tucked me in , i heard movement in my room and the sound of a page tearing? And a pen noise?
I snuggle into the warmth of my pillow as i hear the sound of a page being crumpled up and put on my desk . I felt him moving away. His presence moving further and further away making me feel instantly empty again , i heard the sound of the double doors of my balcony door closing and then he was gone.
I just spilled my entire life story to a complete stranger.
Do i regret it? Maybe.
Am i going to regret it later? Probably.
As im about to fall into deep slumber i feel bile rising up my throat.
It probably wasnt a good idea to not eat and drink. I snap my eyes open and double over my bed as i run to my bathroom , i pile over the toilet seat as i spill my guts out , i look at my vomit . Water . Plain water . No food nothing. After i was done , i started brushing my teeth and walked right back out. I walked to my bedroom door and locked it with the key i kept safe in my underwear draw. I walked back to my bed , feeling my stomach quench making me groan . I go to lay but something white catches my attention on my desk , its a piece of paper and a chocolate ? I pick up the small note as i hold it into my hand , a mans handwriting was on the note. I squinted my eyes to try to see what was on it. A name.
Zaid
That his name? Zaid? His name brought instant warmth to my stomach as blush coated my cheeks. I looked at the chocolate. He wanted me to eat? Where did he even get this? So he was listening to everything i said. I sit in my bed as i open the wrapper carefully. I dont know what possessed me to eat.
I sniffed the chocolate, at the smell of food , made my stomach drop. I took a small bite out of the chocolate. Sweet milky chocolate bursted onto my toungue as i let out a small moan.
Gosh i forgot what it was like to taste chocolate.
Two bites turned into five and next i know i crumpled up the wrapper and put it onto my desk , i put the note into my desk as i layed my head onto the pillow . I hugged myself. As i felt myself drifting off . There was one thing different about me sleeping tonight.
I had the faintest smile on my face as sleep swept me up and carried me away. And theres only one thing on my mind.
Who is this guy?
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