In almost eight months working with the group, you only saw the HR who didn't fully tell you about your job description twice. Once on your first day. Twice on the day a photo of you and Jeonghan--hugging in Paris--goes viral on social media.
There's no denying you felt pretty stupid for not being careful back then. The group had so many people attending their concerts, there's no way there wouldn't be someone who wouldn't recognize Jeonghan at the carnival.
She's been lecturing you about the rules regarding special relationships outside of work with members of any group under their agency. Not only that, like pouring gasoline on a fire, somehow the same person who uploaded the photo also knew about your past relationship.
"This is bad for you, bad for Yoon Jeonghan, bad for the group and bad for the company." She sounded so angry you can only sit tight on your seat, head hanging low.
"I'm sorry." You muttered softly. You've been repeating the same words for more than five times.
"It's also bad for the program we've worked so hard for." She threw a proposal paper with the title Going Seventeen written on the front page.
"Why didn't you tell us from the beginning that you had a past relationship with him?"
Not wanting to be blamed for something you didn't know about in the first place, you looked up and stared back at her with furrowed brows.
"With all due respect, you didn't tell me about working with any idol group until I got here on my first day." When she didn't answer you, you press her again, "Remember?"
"You could've told us after you met the members." She clearly did not want to budge.
You fell silent at her words. She's got a point.
"Look, I'm sorry to have caused this trouble, but cornering me isn't fair to me either. Besides there's nothing going on between us." You tried your best to maintain your calm tone.
"Then how are you going to explain this?" She placed the printed photo on the table, tapping it with her well-groomed fingernail repeatedly.
You bite your tongue when you look at your youth photos--still not sure how this anonymous person managed to find them. Especially the photos when you were still dating Jeonghan. Even you don't even have the photos anymore, they're all already gone when you lost your old digital camera on a Miami vacation years ago. It never occurred to you that you would ever see those photos again under these conditions.
"It was just a friendly hug. We have no special relationship now, I swear to every gods."
"Unfortunately the media will believe their own theory, miss. Gosh, how can you be so stubborn and dumb?"
Feeling helpless from being cornered, you just sighed and then lowered your head again.
"I'm sorry." You said, again.
"Hugging in public is the stupidest thing you could ever think of. So useless--"
"Do you really need to be rude to her?" Said a voice at the same time as the door opened.
Jeonghan didn't even bother to close the door. Judging by his tone and body language, also knowing how long you've known him, it's clear that he's angry. Probably furious.
"It was a mistake and a misunderstanding. I'm sorry, she's sorry." Jeonghan stood next to you, facing the HR directly, "But those dumb, stupidest, useless words, what the fuck was that for?"
Unlike when there were only the two of you, this time she look more submissive with Jeonghan's presence. She still has that smug face although she's more quiet now.
"I'm really really sorry. There's no denying I was too careless, I'll explain it to the media." You can feel Jeonghan's eyes on you but your mixed emotions make it hard to look back at him.
"Your clarification won't change anything, Y/N." The HR sounded more careful with her tone now, "People barely know y--"
"I will make the clarification." Jeonghan interrupt her.
"It only helps temporarily. We still need to do something after that." She was silent for a moment, thinking while massaging the bridge of her nose before she continued, "For now you should keep your distance from the group."
"Because of a misunderstanding?" Jeonghan looked a bit offended, it's rare for him to raise his tone, "Why--"
"I understand." You stopped Jeonghan by a firm grip on his wrist when he was about to charge forward.
Jeonghan look annoyed with your agreement. He raised his eyebrows in a questioning manner, still seeking clarification as to why you agreed. You shake your head slowly, in your mind saying it's not worth it to argue about that. Unfortunately, Jeonghan's anger made him refuse to think logically.
Without another word, Jeonghan walked out. He, again, left the door opened--wider this time. The sound of Jeonghan's shoes squeaking on the tiled floor gradually faded. You decide to give him time to calm down.
"The problem isn't just about this misunderstanding." The HR broke the silence, "The amount of backlash he probably got because his fans once thought he was in..."
"...in a relationship with Rena." You finish the sentence then wait for her reaction. The absence of any sign of evasion indicates that your assumption is correct.
"I know. I'll make sure it won't happen again." You bow as a sign of sincere apology before leaving the room.
It's like a dejavu when you feel people's attention directed to you. If people inside the same workplace as you react this way, to imagine how the fans would react if they recognize you out there give you a goosebump.
The sunset light shines through the large window onto the table in the corner of the cafeteria where you are seated. Even the sun doesn't seem to give you a chance not to stand out. You have been sitting there with an empty carton of banana milk. You feel lost. Or precisely, you don't know where to go or who to look for.
Sitting there for hours turn out to be not too useless. You now know what the cafeteria looks like and how peaceful it is in the evening. Usually it feels like a battlefield. Also the silence easily tells you someone is coming by the sound of their footsteps getting louder and closer.
"Hi, Rena." You said even before you turn your head to look at her, already memorized the sound of her heels.
She sits across from you. There's a little smile on her face that reminds you of that antagonist character in a drama--fake.
"I'm ready for your questions." You accepted the yogurt she handed you.
She seems unsure at first. Probably wondering where to begin, "Is it true?"
"Which part?" You asked back, actually trying to help her point out the detail she wants to know.
"That he is your ex?" Rena's eyelashes that are prettily coated with mascara flicker as she looks at you.
"He is." You glanced at the table, Rena was wringing her own fingers, looking anxious, "We dated for almost two years back in university." You continued.
"What about now?" Rena asked again.
"We're just... friends now." You said, thinking calling him a workmate would be too harsh for him under current circumstances.
"Hugging in Paris?" Rena still keeps looking straight into your eyes, you do the same thing, "He secretly took a different flight to hug his friend in Paris."
The janitor who meant to just pass by drops his broom suddenly, making you both look at the door at the same time. He apologized then you two looked at each other again.
"I have a responsibility to explain about this misunderstanding, but not about every details of our past."
"You have a responsibility to act professionally, not to drag on the past and cause trouble."
Jealousy can indeed blind people. Although it is undeniable that Rena's words just now have some truth, but her tone makes you reluctant to give in.
"Care to elaborate?" You leaned back on your seat.
"Your ex isn't the same person he was before. Using your past for your current relationship with him isn't fair."
"But it's fair if it's you."
Rena seem to be caught off guard by your answer.
"With or without my past, if it's you, it won't matter." You stand up from your seat, arms extended palms placed on the surface of the table to bend forward, "Everyone think so."
There was a long, awkward silence before you took a straw and stab the yogurt drink Rena gave you. Without saying anything you then turned to leave Rena. She remain on her seat, her eyes are still glued to your back.
Bag slung over your shoulder, you can feel your phone won't stop vibrating. Unfortunately your social media has been discovered by the public. Through lock screen notification bar, you can already see more negative comments than the neutral ones. While wondering if Jeonghan got the same thing, guilt washes over you again.
In the corner of your eye, you feel a pair of eyes staring at you from a distance. Jeonghan was standing at the end of the hall with several other members. Of course Seungkwan called out your name. Your chest felt heavy when you had to turn around and walk away without returning their greetings.
On your way out of the building, you meet again with the rest of the members. They are waiting for the others who are still inside. Indeed, the eyes cannot lie. You can see there is something in their eyes, they're feeling uneasy about what's happening to Jeonghan.
Feeling guilty, of course you spontaneously think about apologizing.
"Don't." Mingyu warned with a gentle tone, "Whatever you're thinking right now, don't do it. Don't say it."
"I'm really sorry." You still apologize anyway.
"Apologizing for something that wasn't even a mistake is not the way out." Minghao's attempts to strengthen you only make you feel even more guilty.
You decide to hold onto your words to keep some distance from them for the time being. Seungcheol looks worried but he doesn't force you to stay. You looked at them while stepping back a few steps then turned and left.
In the midst of feeling lonely and lost, you only remember one place, namely home. Not the apartment where you live now, but the house where your family is. There's no way you'd be able to walk over to your mother in LA in an instant. That fact reminds you of your father who actually still lives in Korea but has never had a relationship with you since they divorced--it didn't make you feel any better.
"Oh come on." You groaned when you saw some reporters already standing near the entrance of your apartment. Without any second thought, you jog to the bus stop and take the first bus that stops no matter where the final destination is.
The night ride was definitely not pleasant. You've been staring at the incoming spam comments or messages on your phone, it hasn't stopped. Just when you were about to turn your phone off, a notification of Jeonghan going live on his Weverse caught your attention.
The curiosity is impossible to resist. You put on your airpods and decided to get off the bus to find a peaceful place to be alone. Even after you wear a mask and hat, some people still recognize you. To the extent someone intentionally bumped their shoulders against yours which make you almost fall.
"Damn it, I really want to strangle that Rena supporter." You mutter to yourself after walking away from the bus stop.
Yoon Jeonghan is still angry, you can tell. His smile on the camera look so stiff. He's trying his best to remain calm though.
"Hugging picture? Yes I know what is it about."
Jeonghan has a bowl of jajangmyeon that he hasn't even eaten yet. He just rummaged through it with chopsticks.
"She is my ex, that's true. We also surprised when we met again." Jeonghan chuckle as he read through the comments.
"To be honest the news was a bit too much, that hug wasn't even an embrace, it was just a friendly hug."
Looks like someone entered the room where Jeonghan was. His eyes glanced up followed by a quick little smile.
"Why did we hug?" He read one of the comments, "We've not seen each other for six...seven years? So we were catching up and that hug was just to congratulate her for her achievement back in LA."
"It's because I'm proud of her." Jeonghan looked straight into the camera as he said that. As if he was looking into your eyes. Did he say that as an excuse to the media, or did he really mean it. You're not sure.
"Rude comments are not okay, everyone. Not just me, the other members also don't like it when our carats being mean to anyone."
His words worked like magic. Notifications haven't completely stopped but they're a lot slower than before. Even when you open one of the received messages before, it has been deleted.
"Rena?" Your ears perked up when he mentioned that name.
"What about her?" Jeonghan asked the viewers while keep glancing up. He then move his chair slightly to the side, leaving enough room for another person.
"You wanna come in now?"
"Can I?"
"Yeah. I mean they're asking about you anyway."
As soon as the position next to Jeonghan is filled by Rena, you reflexively press the lock button until the screen goes off. Even if you're curious you're not sure you want to hear what she has to say.
However that curiosity was answered by another pop up notification displaying exclusive news titles: Seventeen's Yoon Jeonghan is confirmed to be dating the CEO's niece, Kang Rena.