chapter twenty-three!
{trigger warning: mentions of suicidal thoughts and substance abuse, including underage drinking and drug use. again, in no way is this being romanticized. this is cassies struggle and a crucial part of her character. please feel free to always reach out to me whenever needed. i love you all}
DUSTIN WAS THE ONE WHO FOUND CASSIE. He'd explained to his overly worried mother that his girlfriend (a term his mother was thrilled to hear when referring to Cassie) was missing and her brother had just died. His mother told him he could search for her, but he had to be home by the next morning which left him little time given the already late night. However, Dustin immediately knew the one place she was sure to be, and had his mother drop him and his bike off on the road only ten minutes away from his house.
He remembered the first real conversation he had ever had with her, right at this spot on his way home from the arcade. He'd tripped, making an absolute fool out of himself. He could remember his flustered state when realizing that Cassie knew his name. He followed the path that he immediately memorized that day and looked up at the treehouse that him and Cassie had became friends in.
He grinned in relief when he saw a faint light coming from up the tree, and he quickly climbed up. Cassie sat on the edge, her legs dangling off as she held a bottle in her hand. There were several more scattered around her, empty. He frowned, "Cassie?"
Cassie turned around, her eyes wide and pupils dilated, "Hey, Curls."
He watched in concern as she took a long gulp of the substance in the bottle. He reached down with a look of distain, grabbing the bottle from her hand, "Are you drunk?"
"Oh, yeah," she admitted instantly. "Totally wasted. Are you gonna drink that? If not, could you give it back?"
Dustin shook his head, slightly in disappointment. He tossed the bottle to the side, away from the blonde who seemed to be drenched in sweat. She looked sick. He could only assume she was, from the lack of food in her system mixed with the alcohol, and the physical and emotional stress she was under. Her body was likely shutting down as a defense mechanism. He sat down beside her. Dustin scrunched his nose up, sniffing slightly. "Are you high too?"
"Mhm. Absolutely stoned," she nodded, the her voice still void of emotion. "Had a stash up here, got it from this senior at the high school. Pretty chill dude, I think you'd like him. Did you want some? Because I don't have any left, I-I smoked it all."
Dustin closed his eyes as she laughed dryly, blinking back tears at the sight of his girlfriend. "We were worried about you, Cassie. You can't just disappear like that. We thought something could have happened..."
Cassie stood up abruptly, brushing the boy off. A small frown grew on her face along with the look of anger. It was the first emotion she had shown since Billy's death. Dustin stood up too, watching as she held onto one of the support beams and leaned off the edge, one leg hanging in the air and the other too close to the edge for his liking. He reached forward, Cassie sending him a drunken look. "Wh-what did you think would have happened, Curls? Something like this...?"
She let go of the support beam, swaying towards the edge. Her foot slipped slightly and Dustin reached forward to grab her arm. She stepped away from the edge after regaining her balance, shoving Dustin away. "Maybe I should. It seems like people who care about me leave in one way or another."
Dustin remained silent, watching as she ran her hand through her hair, sweat dripping from her hairline. Dustin was certain she had a fever, and it was only enhancing her poor state of mind.
"My mom left. Billy's dead because of me, because I was a coward and didn't save him. I-," she paused, letting out a shaky breath. "I should have saved him. And Hopper is gone. And Jack too... can you believe that?"
Her voice trailed off at the end, Dustin's eyes shooting up at her in surprise. He had heard from the list of casualties that Jack had been one of the unfortunate flayed, but he was hoping she didn't know. It was too much for her to process at once.
"So, maybe I should jump," she went on, blinking away the thoughts, her hands shaky as she waved them around crazily. "It would just be so much easier."
"Cassie," muttered Dustin, stepping forward. Cassie stepped back. There were tears rolling down his face, sorrow for the girl he loves written across his face. He'd never seen a person look so distraught. "It's not easier. We all need you. I need you. Please, just come with me. We can go back to my house and watch a movie. The Outsiders, huh? Your favorite."
Cassie's she turned away from him, "We shouldn't be together."
"Cassie, you don't mean that," he denied, knowing she wasn't thinking right. She was drunk, high, sick, injured and malnourished, not to mention grieving the death of three people that were close to her. His voice came out pleading, hoping she would take it back.
"I do," she nodded, not looking him in the eye. Her voice was firm and she blinked back tears. It didn't feel right; Dustin being here. She closed her eyes, and in her intoxicated state, she could see the smile of a familiar brunette. Cassie's heart hurt, confirming her own thoughts. She believed what she said, no matter how much Dustin denied it. She couldn't be with him anymore, it would only end with both of them hurt, "I really do. This was a mistake, I'm sorry."
"Cassie, please."
"Dustin, no," she said, turning to look at him. His face fell at the serious look on hers. "I mean it. We can't do this anymore."
"I'm not just going to let you go, Cassie," he replied, his voice growing louder. She went to turn away, but he pulled her towards him. "You're not going to push me away. I won't let you. I need you, okay? And we'll get through this, together."
Cassie pursed her lips, her eyes burning with tears. Dustin pulled her into his chest, Cassie almost collapsing into him from exhaustion. He sat down with her on the cold wooden floor of the treehouse, holding her as she began to hyperventilate. She didn't cry, she didn't allow herself to, but she was panicking to the point where it was impossible to catch her breath.
The two sat like that for over an hour. Cassie calmed down after a while, her desperation for breaths becoming shaky ones. Dustin continued to mutter sweet nothings and reassurance to her, holding her in his arms tightly. He had felt her forehead, and it was burning up. What he needed to do was get her to his house, if not a hospital, so he could get her some ice and water and snacks to help sober her up and cool her off enough so she could get some sleep. Sleep. Sleep is what Cassie had been craving for the past twenty four hours, a good sleep that wasn't caused by her being knocked unconscious or plagued by the weird spells she'd been having that felt too real. She wanted to rest, she craved rest.
When Cassie pulled away, she turned and looked at Dustin's hopeful eyes with her dull ones. "Dustin, can I tell you something? If you laugh at me, I'll throw you off the side of this treehouse."
"Of course," he nodded, looking down at her with furrowed eyebrows.
"I've been having these fuckin' spells for the past week. I'd throw up, then see the craziest shit," she told him, leaning back into his hold. "Now it's every time I close my eyes. I saw Billy and Jack dead before they died. He showed me. That- that fucker showed me everyone dead. He told me I was connected. He showed me what his plan was. What he's going to do," she explained further, Dustin's eyebrows furrowed. Despite him not completely understanding, he knew what she was saying. The Mind Flayer had talked to her. He believed her, truly, but was confused. "And I felt Billy die. Not emotionally, like physically. Like I'd been shot in the stomach."
Dustin thought for a moment, his mind searching desperately for answers. His thoughts were plagued by the emptiness of her voice, lacking the emotion that her words explained. It was strange to see her so cold. She never had been before. She was always just okay, or so she showed. She never before strayed from her sarcastic, funny, fearless self. But Dustin could tell how much she cared, and he now understood why she had always been so afraid of letting people close to her. She was afraid they'd leave. She was afraid that they would see the true mess she was and leave her for it. But now she cared so much for everyone. She was constantly stepping into danger, but no longer was it for thrill or attention, it was to protect everyone. She was always ready to put everyone before herself and protect them with her life. Cassie cared too much, and that ultimately was her downfall. Dustin finally understood why she was the way she was, but it was it his determination to help her change instead of just being there that would be his eventual downfall.
It wasn't until a lightbulb went off in his head did he break away from his sorrowful thoughts. "Your kidney."
"What?"
"Billy gave you a kidney when you guys were kids," he recalled. She'd told him that during the one occasion that she had talked about her childhood. "Yours didn't work right when you were a baby, so when you got old enough he gave you one of his. That could explain your connection to the Mind Flayer. You say it started almost a week ago? That would have been around the time he got flayed."
Cassie simply nodded, wiping the sweat from her forehead. It made sense, enough sense to ease some of Cassie's nerves. She still thought the idea was crazy. It was too simple. You think this is all because a fuckin' kidney? she wanted to say, but didn't. Cassie moved to stand up, but almost immediately swayed and had to hold onto the wall beside her. Dustin stood up quickly, holding onto her.
It took a while of convincing after that to get Cassie to agree to leave the treehouse. She was convinced that the moment she stepped onto the ground, the whole thing would become real and the ground would open up and swallow her and her sorrows whole. She allowed him to lead her down the tree, keeping ahold of one of her hands the entire time. He led her over to where he had left his bike, helping her on after him. She was barely able to walk without his help, and she hated it.
Cassie could feel the walls that had been broken around her heart begin to build back up. She hated being so vulnerable and dependent. She remained silent the whole way to Steve's. She'd convinced Dustin that she would be better off with Steve, which hurt his feelings a bit, but he ultimately understood that Steve was likely the closest person to her besides Max, and she certainly didn't want to go home.
Cassie hadn't, but should have, been expecting to be tackled into a hug from Steve. The older boy was just happy she was alive, and quickly dragged her over to the couch and insisted she lay down while him and Dustin prepared to baby her.
Cassie figured it was going to be a long night.
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It took a full two weeks to nurse Cassie back to full health. She had been to the doctor three times (Steve would force her to and drag her to the car), and she couldn't begin to list everything they said was wrong with her. Severe concussion, for one, which came to no ones surprise. Her body was apparently so exhausted that her immune system had decided to fuck her over and get her so sick that she was stuck taking five medications.
She went back and forth for the first week between having hot flashes and cold chills, despite always being drenched in sweat. She had nightmares every single night, waking Steve up to the sounds of her ear-piercing screams. She never did talk about them, nor did Steve push her to. Each of her friends visited almost every day. Robin was there more than she expected, making Cassie grow fonder of the girl. Frankie practically moved in with Steve for those two weeks, despite the older boys protests, which meant that Will was also there the majority of the time.
Max made it her mission to stay with Cassie as long as possible. It was her who helped her to the shower each day, and brought her favorite snacks. Max packed two bags full of stuff from their room to make Cassie feel more comfortable.
El became Cassie's rock. When El wasn't by her side, she was checking on her through the void. The two spent every moment together possible, Cassie finding a comfort in El that she had never felt before. Unlike Dustin, El never asked Cassie to talk. She never tried to talk about Cassie's feelings, or tell her that she should open up. El didn't have to, she just knew. Cassie didn't have to say a word for El to know what she needed in the moment. Cassie hated being without her.
When the time came, Steve was reluctant to take Cassie to Billy's funeral in fear of her reaction. Cassie insisted, although she remained her stoic self throughout the whole thing. Cassie found herself comforting Max while mentally cursing her own mother for not showing up for her own son's death. Steve lingered behind her the entire time like a bodyguard. Her father told her to take the time she needed before coming home, which surprised the blonde more than anything ever had.
When she was finally able to do everything fully on her own, Steve made her stay an extra couple days just to keep an eye on her. Cassie began realizing that even if she could manage to push away her friends, she couldn't push away Steve. He'd become an integral part of her life, and so had her friends. She loved them too much to repeat what she had already put them through pushing them away the first time.
Cassie found herself falling apart mentally when the news came that the Byers were leaving, and El with them. She loved the Byers. Mrs. Byers had taken up the role that her mother had left behind and cared for Cassie like she was her own. Will was her best friend, and El was her... something, and she was desperate for reassurance that they would stay that close even after their departure.
Hearing that El was leaving was one of the most painful things she'd ever been through. It hurt that she was losing the Byers', but something felt different about El leaving. It was an unbearable heartache. Like she was losing a part of herself.
Robin invited Cassie over to her house the day that Steve allowed her to leave his. She teased the boy, jokingly accusing him of kidnapping her. Steve had simply rolled his eyes. he knew that if Cassie had really wanted to leave sooner, she would have.
Steve dropped her off at the quant house that belonged to the Buckley's. The blonde adjusted her bag on her shoulder, her oversized Bob Marley tee falling over her athletic shorts. Robin met her at the door before she even had the chance to knock. The brunette pulled her inside, awkwardly, and up the stairs to her room.
"Make yourself comfortable, Cas," said the frantic teen, straightening things in her room a bit. Cassie furrowed her eyebrows, wondering what had made her so nervous. The blonde flopped down on the bed, her arms crossing over her chest. Robin sat next to her, rubbing the back of her neck.
"Robin, I love hangin' out with you, really, but what's got you all nervous?" she asked. "Are you afraid I'm gonna judge your house? Or your room? Because seriously, you should see mine in comparison. Max's side of the room is so clean but mine is... gosh, I should clean it but I just don't want to."
Robin shook her head quickly, turning to face her younger friend. She placed a hand on Cassie's shoulder, her face going serious despite her clear nerves and watery eyes. Cassie straightened up, realizing Robin was on the verge of crying, "Woah, hey. What's going on?"
"Cassie, you remember what I told you and Steve that night? In the bathroom stall?" she asked, Cassie nodding in confusion. "You never said anything. Steve has made it painfully clear he does not care, but I just wanted to make sure we were okay because your friendship means a lot to me. I know we've only really been friends for like a month, but I consider you one of my best friends and I don't want to lose you because of this. You guys are the first people I've told that to and I-."
"Robin," said Cassie, cutting off the brunettes ramble with a laugh. Cassie found the irony of her worries hilarious. She placed a hand on Robin's, "I'm not going to judge you. I like girls too."
"But, Dustin-."
"And boys. I like both. It's called bisexuality, hun," chuckled Cassie. Robin let out a breath of relief, laughing loudly in happiness. Cassie followed in suit, doubling over in laughter. The two girls clutched each other, just as they had while drugged, and laughed hysterically like two morons.
Cassie stayed that night at Robin's, deciding that going home could wait one more day. That night was the first of many, the girls growing closer each day and bonding over their similar type in women celebrities.
a/n: yall this one was mentally draining. pls be honest, if you hate it or even dislike a part of it, lmk. im more than willing to scrap this chapter because i have a bad feeling that it sucks.
also, im certain that cassie is very speak now/fearless era because taylor was throwing chairs on stage and name-dropping like crazy and it gives cassie. reputation is definitely her vibe though, despite her giving very much champagne problems, no body no crime, tolerate it, mad woman, and my tears ricochet, anti-hero, yoyok, vigilante shit, bejeweled, and karma.
pretty much saying that cassie is very taylor swift coded and i did that unintentionally because taylor swift contains a good 90% of my thoughts. but someone pls tell me what Hogwarts house cassie should be because i can see everything besides ravenclaw.
-maddie