Beer is so disgusting, but for this mood I'm in, it's acceptable. I don't think the Winchesters will mind if I find something to numb myself. I'm refusing to acknowledge their new titles, for now. This isn't something you just accept right away.
This is freaking life-changing.
Despite hearing it with my own ears, Cas has to be wrong. There's no way that after all this time, I just happen to run into my dad. My dad who I know nothing about. My dad who, despite being human, passed on powers to me. Yeah, I still can't figure that one out.
I was very careful in snagging a beer and sneaking out of the bunker. I didn't venture very far. The setting is very fitting—a night sky full of dim stars and a bright spotlight.
I need to slip back in at some point, I'm not sleeping outside. But I don't want to run the risk of going back and encountering any of the trio. The bomb-drop had put quite the awkward blanket over the bunker. I'm not sure if there's a way to remove it just yet. It didn't help when we all went our separate ways without further discussing the new revelation.
I take another sip of beer. At this point the taste is tolerable, though I don't understand how people can drink it. It's not the best of flavors. Then again, this is my first beer ever—Mom isn't a drinker. I haven't gone to any parties were underage minors have snuck alcohol.
"Is it safe to assume that you're not a flight risk?"
I remain silent, taking another sip, as Cas comes to join me.
"You're not old enough to have that."
"It's been rough lately, Cas," I growl. "There are worse things that I could be doing right now."
He sighs. "You shouldn't be out here by yourself."
"Finn is gone, you sent him back to Hell. No other demons were that determined, because I haven't seen any." I shiver as the winds pick up. "I'll come back on my own terms. They clearly need their space, and I need mine. So, please, don't play messenger or meditator."
"I'm not. I'm concerned about you. About all of you."
"Did that change because you know I'm...?"
"Finding out your lineage has not changed my view of you, Willa. But...it does make me look at some things differently. You come back inside when you're ready. But, you know, that elephant won't go away."
I exhale. "I know. I'm not ready to face it yet. If they were, we'd have this discussion. But since we're not, they're not ready either."
"Well, with your parentage question answered, it provides us a little more insight as to why demons would want to recruit you."
"Why recruit a...a hunter's daughter? They know I wouldn't turn on you guys." Even if we are in a weird spot right now.
"It's to do with your powers."
"Yeah, which I still don't get."
"That's...that's not really my place to tell you. That's more for..."
I nod in understanding. "Noted."
"I'll...I'll leave you to it. If you're in danger..."
"I'm sure you'll come and save me." A rueful smile plays on my lips.
I don't stay out much longer after Cas leaves. The beer no longer interests me, and I'm starting to grow tired. The wind chill only encourages me to seek out warmth, and I'm definitely not finding it outside.
Giving up after some time, I head back inside the bunker. I hope to find the library empty so I can go about my business and not worry about awkward encounters.
I don't get the privilege.
Sighing, I see Sam and Dean browsing on their laptops. I suck in a breath and take quiet steps down into the bunker library. I put maximum effort into not making eye contact with either of the Winchesters. I'm not in the right mindset to talk about the lineage bombshell.
Why did Mom not tell me his name, at least? Did his abandonment leave deep scars on her? Did she know what he did? We solved one question and it opened a fresh can of new ones.
I stop in my tracks, cursing under my breath as Dean gathers himself and leaves Sam and me in the same room together. I can easily flee to my room but something keeps me here. Probably all the unspoken words that linger in our throats.
"How long are we going to keep this up?" Sam asks quietly. He shuts his laptop down, giving me no wiggle room to run away. If he hadn't talked to me, I would've been long gone into my room.
"Depends. It sounds like you want to talk about this now."
"If we don't now..." He gestures to the seat opposite him.
Reluctantly, I take a seat. My thumbs begin to war with one another. No matter where my eyes look, I still feel his boring into me. Studying me. Probably wondering what parts of him he sees in me, what parts are my mother.
"Be honest, is this the weirdest thing you've ever heard?" I ask quietly.
"With the life I live...it's certainly the most surprising."
"I can agree with you there." I shift uncomfortably. Though the chair doesn't have restraints, I feel like it does. "Judging by how you both reacted, you never...you never knew."
Sam confirms this with a nod.
I roll my tongue around in my mouth, glancing at the table. "Where were you?"
"Willa, what you've got to understand about my—our family...it's a mess. And that's putting it mildly. You know how my parents—your grandparents—lived. When it was just me, Dean, and my dad, the car was our home. We moved to so many different schools it almost gave me whiplash."
"So that's how you met her," I say.
"That must've been one of the times we stayed put for a while. The more I've thought back on it...it was one of the times I felt closest to normal in a long time. Your mom...she was nice, very smart. It was nice to hold conversations with her. To just be and not have to worry about anything else."
"Where do I fit into this?"
Sam rubs the back of his neck. "Uh, this is going to sound terrible, but...it's coming back to me. Your mom invited me to a party, and I really wanted to go—my dad had a thing about knowing where Dean and I were when he went out to hunt. I snuck out, and I guess it was one of the times I was able to just...be me."
"Wow, so I'm a one night stand," I drawl. "That's a bad story."
"It's your story, though."
"How come you didn't...?"
"Know? Your mom must've found out after I was gone. She would've had no way to tell me, I didn't give any information for her to use. I'm sorry, Willa, that that happened. That I left your mom."
I exhale deeply. "I don't...blame you," I say slowly. "You...you seem to have a valid reason. If you weren't under your dad's thumb so much, maybe..."
Sam frowns. "It's not as easy as you make it sound, to just up and leave like that. You weren't there for that history."
"You're right, I wasn't," I admit. "Should you and my mom have been smarter? Sure. Then again, if you had been, I wouldn't be here with you now." I'm surprised my mouth allows a wobbly smile. "Countless times I've tried to get her to talk about you. She never caved."
She has a right to know. Has a right to see him. Maybe I can convince them to allow me a trip home, just to make sure she's okay. It'll be quick, quick enough that the demons won't pick up on.
Or maybe...maybe all the times I've pried at Mom to tell me about my dad have made her angry with him after all these years. Maybe she won't want to see him, even if he were to show up at the front door. Since he was never in the picture for me, she must've felt abandoned...
I'd have to think on it.