I left him.
I never thought in a million years I would be the one to walk, but I was.
I left the man I was in love with, I had no idea where I was even going but I couldn't care less.
I walked out and left him, left him standing there looking like I had slapped him across the face, but
I just couldn't risk it. I couldn't stay and then have him leave me, only have him stay with me for the baby's sake.
Our child.
I was pregnant with his baby, almost eight weeks and it was something that had shocked the hell out of me when I found out, I actually thought I was getting a slight cold, I wasn't even being sick but when I was with Brooke shopping I thought about having kids with Blake, only then did I realise I was late. Very very late.
So I took a test and it came back saying pregnant, that was the morning after I had that awful dinner with my parents and Jenny dropped the bomb about the honeymoon.
This morning was when I had a scan, I wanted to be sure, I didn't want to say I was if I wasn't and then seem like I made it up to trick him into being with me.
The silent hope that he would be excited as well was crushed when he told me we were nowhere near to having a family together.
How can I move on and live my life when I have a part of him growing inside me.
Could he change his mind and want to be with me or still choose to marry her, that woman who had just driven us apart.
I had no idea but what I did know was that I was going to be ok, I had savings and a best friend but at the end of the day there was only one person I wanted.
One person I needed more than anything and he chose her.
Why can't I be first for once, why cant someone realise that I was special and that they wanted to be with me.
I wanted to have that feeling of love and security with me but I didn't, I had nothing right now.
I was driving aimlessly around the city, it was almost near midnight and I was starting get get tired,
Finding myself parked at the bar I walked in, very well aware that I looked a mess with my pjs on and make up smeared but I honestly couldn't care less, I just needed someone familiar and if I wasn't pregnant then I would definitely be drinking.
“Lex?” I kept my head down as I heard Jock call out to me, walking straight past him and into Jessie's office, knocking twice beforehand.
“Alex what are you doing here?” he asked sounding a little surprised.
I looked up and his face changed, he was immediately up from his desk and pulling me into his arms, holding me tightly as I clung to him like a lost child, sobbing my heart out into his chest, it felt good to cry, too damn good in fact.
“I'm pregnant” I choked out into his shirt.
I felt him stiffen slightly before relaxing and holding me even tighter, I sharp intake behind us make me pull apart to see Jock standing there wide eyed and jaw open “pregnant?”
I nodded, “it's yours” I added to give him a slight heart attack.
The only thing to make me stop crying and laugh was when his eyes widened and started to roll back and his face paled completely just before he fainted. Jessie had quickly caught him before his head collided with a wall.
“tell me it's not his” Jessie gave me a stern please don't say yes look.
“no it's not his, I can't believe he fainted” I said through more tears and laughter.
Jessie finally broke down once he lifted Jock to the couch, he was on the floor holding his stomach and laughing harder than ever “he fucking fainted, that's the best thing I have seen in my life” he threw his head back and laughed harder still.
The fact that I could knock Jock out with two words was the best thing ever, it certainly made me forget about the drama my life was in right now.
A quiet groaning brought us back to reality and over to Jock who was pale as a ghost, bending over to look at him as his eyes widened, his hand shot to my stomach and was placed against it “you're pregnant?”
“your not the father” I needed to make that very clear to him before he actually thought it was his.
A loud sigh of relief escaped his mouth “holy fuck your a bitch for doing that Lex”
I giggled slightly removing his hand from me “we haven't been together in like 6 months, I would be huge if it was yours” I wiped my snotty nose on my sleeve as I laughed again.
“who is the father?” he sat up, pulling me in under his arm and rubbing soothing circles over my shoulder.
I wanted to say Blake, I wanted to let the world know I was having his baby but I couldn't do that, I couldn't tell anyone I was with him, I was going to be made out to be a slut when people asked who I was with and I couldn't give them an answer.
“I can't say right now, it's complicated, I haven't spoken to him” I sniffed and looked up at him.
My parents were definitely going to hate me even more now, especially when I told them I was knocked up to someone who I wasn't dating, that I was going to be a single mother.
“it's ok, we're both here for you Lex, your family” Jessie said sitting down beside me on the couch,
I was now thankful I had two great friends I could rely on when I really needed it.
“thanks, I should head off anyway, I have a lot to sort out” I sighed running a hand over my stomach, to think there was a small baby growing inside was a little daunting.
“take the week off, rest and when you feel like talking and coming back you can” Jessie stood and gave me one last hug, I definitely loved these guys.
I left the bar feeling slightly better, they made me realise that just because I couldn't have the father in my life that I would still have them, I would always have them to help and Jock even offered to help deliver the baby if I needed a birthing partner, for someone who fainted he was sounding more more excited by the second.
My heart is broken, it's completely shattered.
In one year I had lost everything, everything I loved had just slipped away, leaving me broken and crumbling.
Cole ending things between us hurt bad but that was nothing compared to how I feel right now, this very second I felt like giving up, I was going to be a single parent and Blake was going to marry Jenny, I needed to get that through my head, I knew about it this whole time so why did it matter so much now, why did I feel like he was still choosing her over me.
I couldn't even say her name out loud without wanting to kill her, she had a fucking nerve to do what she's doing, her whole family did.
Trapping someone like that was just pure horrible.
I needed to go back to my car, the bar was closing up soon and I had to figure out where I was going to sleep, Brody was texting me furiously, begging me to come back and stay, telling me not ot worry about Blake and he would keep him away from me if that's what I wanted.
Of course I didn't want that, but I couldn't go back there, not after walking out on him.
He probably hates me more than anything right now and I couldn't blame him, I was the girl who was going to make him choose, I was begging him to give up his work and choose me, I couldn't believe I had been so stupid to even consider doing that to him. Of course I would never want him to do that, I didn't want him to loose everything just because I asked him too.
I just wanted something to make me believe that he was always going to be with me, that he was going to do everything he could to not marry her, it just felt like he had given up and was settling, settling for her and what she wanted.
I was jealous, I was so jealous that they had been planning a wedding, that when she called he rushed to her, it didn't matter that I didn't want him to go, he just left.
There was only so much I can take and him leaving tonight to go to her was the hard blow I needed to realise that a man who's about to be married wasn't going to leave her, they all say that and only the one's who truly and honestly love the other women would leave their wife, I wanted that man.
I had a baby growing inside me and I needed to grow up and put that first.
“Alex” I faintly heard behind me, I stopped dead in my tracks, looking around for my car to make a run to but I couldn't see it, the rain had become harder and the thunder was rippling through the sky loudly and becoming more and more frequent.
Giving in I turned around to see the figure in the rain running towards me, sprinting to me was more like it, the puddles splashing as the footsteps flew through them, my heart was now beating erratically as the man got closer, close enough for me to see but still unable to tell who it was.
I tried squinting my eyes slightly to see who it was, who the person running towards me was but with the rain not easing up it was hard to let me see who was now standing in front of me, stepping closer so they were directly in front of me.
The voice was the only thing that gave me a clear answer as to who it was.
“you don't get to give up” he shouted through the loud downpour, a bright streak of lightening lighting up the midnight sky giving me a perfectly clear view of his face.