Make sure you've read thirty three first🩷
Sexual content ahead, not much detail but I'll have a summary in the end
Iris
To be anxious about yourself is one thing, to be anxious about another person is something insufferable. I'm not an anxiously person in most situations but now I can't say that I'm the calmest person to walk the planet Earth. But I try to look calm for Harry's shake.
Today's the Grammy awards. Today is the day that Harry is going to win as many awards as he can, because he deserves it. He worked so hard for this album, he still works hard for this album. I know it first hand, I'm here with him experiencing everything.
When he asked me to attend the awards with him, I was hesitant. Attending a movie premiere is important too, but come on it is the Grammy's. He said that he wants me to present him when he is about to perform. I try to write the perfect speech for that moment but I can't find the words. I want my words to be coded, not served in a silver platter, sounding empty and rehearsed. Also, I tried to be careful with what i share. He said that he is alright with me calling him a dad, but I don't know yet. I still haven't shown my speech to Jeff.
When we told Emma that daddy is nominated for these awards, she was so sure that Harry is going to win everything. She said that she wants to come with us but the Grammy's isn't exactly a child friendly environment. She was devastated but we promised her that we are going back to the London home in a few days and she forgot the devastation right away.
Emma is staying with Tonya and Florence today. Florence came here early in the morning to take her. Harry promised Emma that he is going to make her proud but her precious soul said that he has to make himself proud as the words we say in the morning taught us. I swear, Harry tried his hardest not to cry but he did eventually for a few minutes before his make up and hair team started arriving.
A few hairdressers are here as well as 4 make up artists. I'm getting used to them touching me and talking to me. My hair is almost done as well as my make up. The red lipstick that I have on right now is everything.
Harry Lambert did such a great job at choosing my clothes for the evening. I said to him that I want to much Harry subtly. He said that we aren't going to match at the red carpet because Harry is going to walk it down with Tom, aka Kid Harpoon. I was the one to suggest that because I don't want tomorrow morning to make it to the papers.
Lambert chose a Alexander McQueen dress for me. It is from a previous collection but I couldn't care less.
The whole thing goes as planned. Harry walks down the red carpet with Tom and I stay backstage with Jeff and Lambert waiting for him. He changes clothes really fast and we sit on our table in no time.
He is the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Whatever he is wearing, it is looking good on him. He is a style icon, he wears the clothes he wants and he has fun. He is my inspiration.
I take a quick look around the room and I only see celebrities. Adele and Lizzo are sitting to table next to us. They both hugged us and I swear I was about to cry. Adele has been an idol to me, my favourite British singer that I never got to meet. But, finally I did, through Harry.
Trevor Noah is sitting next to us and I'm sure that he is about to speak some nonsense. "Harry Styles is here tonight, everybody. That's right! I mean, what can you say about this man that hasn't been said? Incredible album, mind blowing tour. Women throw their panties at this man and then he puts them on and he looks better in them than they do." He makes a shity attempt to joke. I watch him and then Jeff. Both us sigh, but Trevor continues to talk. "Easily the world's sexiest man. He's the sex symbol of the globe, especially now that they've killed off the green M&M. No competition." He says.
I look at Harry who is looking deeply uncomfortable. He said a million times that he doesn't like to be called a sex symbol but here we are again, the presenter is calling him the thing he hates the most and ruining his mood, even for a second.
"I can see that you are here with your woman. How are you, darling?" He is referring to me now.
"I'm fine, thank you." I reply, trying my hardest to sound friendly and not a bitch.
He doesn't stay with us more time. "I'm not having a great time." Harry whispers to me.
I don't reply, trying not to make him sadder than he already is. It is his night tonight.
He wins the first award as soon as the ceremony started. He looks around shocked, because he doesn't believe that his named got called. Harry wins the Best Pop Vocal album.
He stands up and hold his hand out for me. I was thinking that he is going to just hug me because he isn't a fan of public affection. But he had other plans. He kisses me in no time. He's hands are on my cheeks and I smile at the brief kiss.
"You won, oh my god. Congratulations." I say before Jeff got to tell him that it is time to get him on stage.
He goes to the stage to take his award and I can't take my eyes off of him. He is glowing despite his anxiety.
"I want to thank the people that helped me with this album. This album, from start to finish, has been the greatest experience of my life, from making it with two of my best friends to playing it to people has been the greatest joy I could've asked for. I also want to thank my girlfriend, who was there for me ans helped me so much with the anxiety i had before putting that album out to you. Thank you, Iris. I love you. And I can't forget my little love, I love you to the moon little honey, thank you for being the only feature on this album."
He got off stage and came back to me in no time. We sat there watching the other presentations and acceptances as well as the performances. Everyone is so talented.
A while later, Jeff tells Harry that he has to get ready for his performance. We all go backstage and a man told me where I am going to stand and how fast i am supposed to talk. I knew that beforehand because Jeff made sure that I had the perfect speech. Not too emotional but not too empty.
"Hello everyone, the next performer is someone I love deeply. He is my partner, my best friend and most importantly the love of my life. He is an icon, he has written his name to our pop culture that I don't even have to say his name to know how i am talking about. Yet he is so down to earth. This man is the most talented person I know. But he isn't only a singer, a performer, he is a son, a friend, a boyfriend, a father. There isn't a single emotion you can't not feel while listening to his songs. He's our comfort, our common friend, our shoulder to cry on. Please, give it up for Harry Styles."
I say taking the right breathes. Everyone is clapping and i move to the place i have to be to watch Harry's performance backstage. I wanted to be out there but I want to be here when he comes back and not just wait for him to get dressed and then see him. I watch closely and i can see that something is going wrong. He tries to communicate with the team but nobody understands that something goes wrong. I watch Harry sing and I try to notice what's wrong. His vocals aren't his best and I know that he knows it. The dancers are doing their best to finish the choreography as they rehearsed it over and over again these past few weeks.
The song ends and I can see every dancer come backstage crying. Harry is pissed and every suspicion I had, that something went wrong, has been confirmed. He is basically running at this point. I follow right behind him, trying to catch him. Jeff, Tom and I are running after him, trying to tell him to calm down.
"H, calm down, man. Everything is alright." Jeff says the wrong words trying to make them sound right.
"No, it isn't Jeff. Everything went fucking wrong. The stage went the wrong way, I couldn't hear anything and nobody cared. If you don't care about me, care about the poor dancers." Harry says, while taking breathes in order to calm himself down. "It was my second time at Grammy's and it was a disaster." He sits in the empty brown sofa and i immediately sit in the seat next to him. Jeff and Tom excused themselves and they let me handle the situation.
"Babe," i say, my voice as smooth as possible and i put my hand on his knee. I try to find the best words possible to say. "Babe, everything is okay now. You and the dancers handled it like the professionals you are. Don't worry about the things you can't change. We know that everything could go as planned but life is just like that sometimes."
"Why me though?"
"It could happen to everyone. Don't let it break your heart right now. We have awards to win."
"Iris, let's be real. I'm not going to win the Album of the year." He says as he is getting undressed. "There are much better works on this category."
"Every album is the best, H, because a lot of people have worked on it. And don't talk about Harry's house like that, it's my favourite album." I say playfully and hug his naked torso.
"Oh, is it?"
"Of course it is. No other album can change that, even if it is Adele's."
"I think that the fourth album will change your mind."
"And why are you thinking that?" I ask him as he leaves a kiss on my neck.
"Because it will be an album just about you. Every song is going to be about you."
"I don't think that you have to write only about me, babe. It will get boring."
He shakes his head, making clear he disagrees. "No, every song is about you because you are all my past and future love songs, honey."
I can feel myself melting every time he says things like that. Like a modern day poet, Harry can describe his feelings with a poetic way that you will think about them forever. He is a lyricist, writing and singing emotions and these emotions are being said to me everyday. He is an expressive person but in his own weird way. He shares his emotions but he holds back too much. He is my favourite enigma, the most precious riddle.
"I wish I had enough time to show you how much I love you, to put a baby in you, to mark you as mine forever." He says and i met.
I've fallen a long time ago, now all I do is melting.
"Wear your clothes really quick. We have some awards to win." I say and I smack his butt playfully as i seat back to the sofa.
He dresses faster than I thought and he is off to hair and makeup so he could be back to his previous look fully. We go back to our table together, holding each others hand. He only leaves me to greet his superfan, a lady who is an icon. She has spoken so well about Harry and I'm glad that his team made the decision to have her represent his fanbase.
A lot of celebrities come and go to our table. The most memorable of them all is Taylor Swift. She is as well spoken and kind as my boyfriend. She greets me with a hug too, even though we've never met before. They discuss something in secrecy, about some plans they have and nobody other than 3 or 4 people can know. I know, of course, what's going on but I act like I don't because I don't want to make Taylor feel uncomfortable. She is releasing her version of 1989 this year, and Harry is going to have a feature on it. I'm so excited to listen to him singing the song that they choose.
Taylor is really a sweetheart. There is so many songs of hers that I relate. I believe that I'm a mirrorball, a all too well kinda person. But there is one song that I particularly like this period of my life. Style. I don't thing that i have to explain myself.
We stay at this table together through the night and we wait patiently about the last award. I am nervous as hell, but Lizzo is an amazingly funny woman and somehow she takes all of my stress away. She is so excited that Harry is Emma's dad now. We met her again in Coachella and she says that she still is in love with our little honey. She even called herself Auntie Lizzo. I didn't know that Harry and her is that close but I like that he has such a positive working environment. I wish every other artist was like that, but unfortunately they aren't.
The last break is over and Trevor Noah walks up the stage where the superfans already are. They are located by the director and floor manager and they are there to give support to the artists.
Reina, Harry's superfan, is sure that he is going to win the award. She even wrote a letter to him, and he wrote it a few breaks ago. He already asked Jeff to send her a bag full of presents because she made him feel well even after the disastrous performance he gave tonight. He is a fool believing that for himself but nobody can change this boy's mind. Reina is the one who almost did it and I think that he needs some of Emma's hugs in order to calm completely down and think right again.
Trevor's voice is being heard all over the place. I immediately hold Harry's hand, who is shaking a little. He is only one step away of making history tonight. "And the Grammy goes to." He says and stops. His eyes immediately goes to Reina and we all knew. All except Hardy, of course. He goes to her and tells her. "You can read it."
Reina is looking faced by the moment. "H-Harry Styles." She says and Harry immediately leaves my hand and puts his own on his face. He is ready to cry. All of us start screaming and crying. Lizzo is screaming as well, even though she was nominated in the very same category.
Harry stands up and he puts his arms around me and we share a kiss, that is going to be everywhere tomorrow morning. "You did it." I say as he touches ny forehead with his own. "I told you that you are going to win."
"I love you, so much." He says and gives me another kiss and before I can reply he hugs Jeff, Tom and Tom. He hugs Lizzo too, who is taking a video of the moment that I have to ask her to share it with me.
Harry is walking on stage, while his work partners follow him. He speeds a little and he hugs Reina tightly. She whispers something to his ear and Harry kisses her cheek. He said to me that she reminds him of his own grandma so I think that is the reason why he feels so comfortable with her.
"Shit." This is the most Harry reaction I've ever seen. He always has a speech prepared but this time he said that he isn't going to do that because he is going to think about it forever and how this speech never have been spoken. He is an idot, my idiot. "I've been so so inspired by every artists in this category. At a lot of different times in my life I listen to everyone in this category and i think on nights like tonight it’s important for us to remember there is no such thing as ‘best’ in music. I don’t think any of us sit in the studio making decisions on what is going to get us one of these. This is really really kind, I'm so grateful. I'm going to pass it over to my collaborators, who are.." He stops mid sentence and looks at me. Fhe voices in the room are way to loud. "This doesn’t happen to people like me very often and this is so, so nice. Thank you very much." He says and he gives the award to Tom.
I look at him and I know that he wants to get off the stage right now, but he waits patiently. Beyonce's fans are the worst, man. They were shouting that she should have won this award and other things. Taylor Swift and I were the only ones that gave Harry the standing ovation he deserved. I did that because I know that he wants to see me and Taylor did that, because I know that she knows how he felt the moment that everyone started saying this thing. Taylor has become the person she wanted to have back then. I love this woman so much.
Jeff says to me that we have to go backstage. The ceremony is over and everyone is starting to leave. The traffic is going to be the worst tonight.
We go straight to Harry. He is with his whole band and he is receiving all the love he can. Mitch is hugging him tightly and he is shouting that this award is just the beginning. Everyone is here, even Brad and Karen, his personal trainer and his cook for the tour. Everyone came here tonight to celebrate my boy.
"Man, congratulations again." Jeff says and hugs Harry. They are friends so many years and I know that Jeff is deeply touched about the way Harry's career is right now. Harry is achieving every goal he has written on his journal for this year.
"Honey, you were right." Harry says and hugs me again, putting his head on the crook of my neck trying to comfort himself. I know that he is upset about the things that have been said about him tonight.
"You should listen to me more often. I told you that you are going to win."
"Are we still going out to eat, right?" Jeff asks and everyone on the room says Yes.
Jeff booked a restaurant near the venue so we don't have to get stuck in traffic. Anthony is full on photographer mode and he is taking photos of everyone, with a slice on pizza on his other hand. I hope at least one of them is great. I have to post about this night on Instagram. It will be my second post with Harry, the first one was on Venice, and I want us to look exactly how we feel, happy.
We stay at the restaurant for a few hours and then Harry and I decide that it is time to go home.
We were home in no time. The traffic wasn't that bad but we really didn't care about the time. We were sitting in that car, whispering sweet things.
"I think that it is time to show you how much I love you." He says to me as he shuts the door behind him. He quickly takes off his jacket and places it at the sofa on the living room.
"I think that this is correct." I say and i go to the place he is standing.
"You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, Iris. You are a goddess and you are all mine." He says to me and I kiss him deeper. His hands are around me and I stop kissing him, only to move to his neck. My lips finds the place i know he likes and I leave a hickey there.
"Iris, we have to move on to the bedroom. I can't wait to fuck you, to put my babies in you."
I take his hand and I guide us to the bedroom. Emma isn't here tonight so we can be as loud as we want. He deserves all of the best orgasms possible because he went through too much tonight.
...
Hello everyone,
I hope that you are fine. I was writing this chapter and every time I was writing the word Kissing, the video came on my mind and I couldn't continue
Summary: Grammy's, nothing special, Harry wants to have kids with Iris.
Tell me your opinions about this chapter, and the whole story in general.
Never forget that you aren't alone and you are loved. Thank you for existing. -A