Oh my God, guys, your 'good luck's' WORKED!! Whoo, I'm just glad that nearly 65% of my requirements for this term are over and, done with. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! <3
PLEASE READ: Our finals are coming next week and, I know that it's like the 4th to the last chapter of this fic (I know, time flies by SO fast) but I'm going to have to 'leave' this site for a bit...maybe I'll update another chapter in two/three days' time but, other than that, I'm gonna have to stop updating for the entire week next week.
I. Am. So. Not. Excited. And. I. Haven't. Reviewed. For. The. Exams.
But, remember that this story is NOT ON HIATUS, okay? NO. Absolutely not. Just me, heh.
Alright, guys, I gotta leave stuff to write for later, k?
Chapter Thirty-Six: “It Still Hurts.”
- Gerard -
I wake up, not in Chelsea’s bed, but some bunk that I call my own. The last words she said before falling asleep kept replaying itself in my head.
Then I’ll let go of you…
Then I’ll let go of you…
In the middle of the night, I managed to sneak from her bedroom to her apartment door, walking out and making sure that the locks are secure before I finally jogged down the stairs and drove home.
I saw my mom pacing nervously in the living room and, I had gotten into a mini-argument with her about the time, saying that I wasn’t out doing anything stupid and damaging.
“Mom, I’m fine, seriously,” I had reassured her for what seemed like the fiftieth time before she finally gave me her consent to go to my bedroom.
And, we go back to my current situation.
I drag my body to the mirror on the door of the old, wooden closet, getting annoyed with the same black, messy hair and, dull eyes.
I turn away from my reflection.
I walk upstairs to the kitchen, noticing that both my parents’ cars are gone. It’s a Sunday and, I hear the coffee machine running inside the kitchen.
Mikey was leaning casually near the coffee machine, waiting for it to finish when he caught sight of me in my onesie.
“Hey, Gerard,” he greeted me as I passed. “What time did you go home last night? Mom was freaked.”
I shrugged, “went to Chelsea’s.”
He raised his eyebrow, “and? What happened?”
I placed my head in the fridge to avoid any of his further questions. The last thing I want to recall would be that conversation.
“Come on, come on,” Mikey began to chant, tugging at my sleeve. “Tell me, I won’t laugh.”
“Seriously, Mikey,” I groaned, turning around and opening the box of orange juice. “It’s not something you’d find humorous…”
His playful taunts suddenly ceased as he stood up and looked at me with more sincerity in his eyes. “Why? What happened? Maybe I can help,” he suggested.
I shook my head, “nope. Nothing’s gonna make her change her mind.”
“Well, how do you know that? The female mind’s rather confusing, you know,” he commented casually, turning off the coffee machine.
“She…” I sighed heavily, “Mikey, are you seriously -- ?”
“Yes, I am,” he interrupted, “now, are you gonna tell me or what?”
I was silenced for a bit, wondering how the hell would I start. Should I begin with me waiting outside her apartment door? Should I begin when we got to that restaurant? Should I go straight to the point like some journalist? Or should I ask him the question that was bothering me?
Ehh, fuck.
Whatever.
“Mikey...” I began, grabbing his attention that was gradually taken away as he made his coffee, “what do you do when you and your special someone got together and ‘resolved’ (and, yes, I made air quotes during that) your issue but…you still feel this…this…thing…in your heart that just tells you that it still isn’t?”
Mikey leaned closer to me, “well, let me ask you a question. What do you feel right now?”
I exhaled shakily, shrugging my shoulders hopelessly, “it still hurts.”
His expression was unreadable as he said, “well, what did you guys settle on? Like, how did you finish talking?”
“She didn’t exactly tell me that it’s time that both of us should move on but…that was her subliminal message, you know…” my voice went out like a quaver, unsure.
He nodded, “and you decided to go along with it even though it doesn’t feel right?”
I nod my head vigorously; glad that someone could actually understand.
“Before I could give you a real answer, you should answer these questions first,” Mikey nodded like the Zen master he was. “Where did you take Chelsea on your first actual date?”
I raised an eyebrow, “the movies.”
“First kiss?”
I swallowed nervously, “in that coffee shop near our house in Jersey.”
“You went there?”
“…yeah.”
“Okay, anyway…” Mikey shook himself just to get back in the zone, “look, as your brother, it feels wrong to answer this question but…where did you take the leap and do more than kiss?”
My eyes widened, “I’m NOT telling you that!”
“Well, I have to know!”
I shook my head, “well, I don’t know why you have to know!”
“If you want to have an answer to your question, you need to cooperate with me!” he sighed heavily.
I exhaled and, with that same puff of carbon dioxide that just left my body, came the sounds that, when put together, would sound something like, “inherbedroom.”
But, unlike the reaction that Mikey would do that I had in my head, he nodded for the umpteenth time and proceeded to ask the same questions.
“Okay…how about Lindsey? First date?”
“Erm...the movies.”
“First kiss?”
“Restaurant.”
His lips began to twitch upward as he told me, “I think you know what the next question would be, Gerard.”
I rolled my eyes, “her house.”
“Then, that’s it!” he suddenly exclaimed.
I was taken aback, “what? What do you mean?”
He smiled and reached inside the cupboard beside me, putting the sugar and cream back. “I think I know why it feels wrong. Maybe you’re not hurt, hearing your answers.”
“Look, I don’t think you’re making any sense,” I sighed, scratching the back of my head, taking a gulp from the carton of orange juice, “I am hurt, Mikes.”
“Well, maybe, what you need are new memories with Lindsey, not some made-up, expected and, planned encounters with her,” Mikey raises his eyebrows at me. “You’re doing what you did with Chelsea…and that makes you remember the times when you guys were together.”
It was true.
The reason why I brought Lindsey to the movies for our first ‘date’ (it happened when Billie dared me to date her) was because I was imagining her to be Chelsea, to make it feel as if we were still together.
God, these memories make me feel like a goddamned user.
Well, maybe I was.
But, in time, I fell in love with Lindsey.
I love Lindsey, I say in my head with growing anticipation at our date that I just thought in the moment (that will most definitely happen) tonight.
I ignored the searing pain at the corner of my heart but I was also surprised that the pain was so small that I barely felt it.
I was so fucking preoccupied with Chelsea that I briefly forgot who I was with. Or who put up with me and all of my shitty days.
“Thanks, Mikey!” I yell at him before rushing to my basement bedroom.
“Anytime, Gee!”
The door closes.
Okay! So that's the end of the 36th chapter! And, so far, this is the FIRST FIC that I've ever finished writing. Ever. And I'm ecstatic as fck.
I'm gonna have to thank you guys for that <3
xo,
T.
P.S. One more thing, do any of you guys know 'Homestuck'? I't just that a close friend of mine is a total fangirl of it and, well...I just wanna know if any of you here knows that as well :)