I haven't spoken to Reyna since I told her to leave my apartment on Wednesday.
Now it's Friday, and I anxiously walk into the recording studio, knowing I'll be seeing her again.
As I walk in, I notice that the only other person in the room is Jeremiah.
"No one else here yet?," I ask as I make my way towards the couch.
Jeremy looks up and gives me a smile in greeting, "Not yet. Have you got anything for me?"
I sigh, throwing my head back to rest against the couch, "I've got a little something."
"Really?," I hear the excitement in his voice.
"I've got the chorus, I need some help with everything else."
"Well come on Styles, let me hear it!"
I chuckle as I get up, grabbing a guitar that was propped up in the corner.
I sit down again and start to strum the guitar to the desired beat. In my head, I envision a nice mix between the bass and guitar with the drums being the main event.
Baby, look what you've done to me
Baby, look what you've done now
Baby, I'll never leave if you keep holding me this way
Ohh, ohh
Baby, look what you've done to me
Baby, you've got me tied down
Baby, I'll never leave if you keep holding me this way
"Are you being held hostage?," Jermey says after I finish singing, "Should I be concerned?"
I laugh as I set the guitar down, "Feels that way."
"How about I help you with the beat and you see what else you can muster up in that head of yours?"
"Sounds good to me," I nod.
Jeremy turns around to face his computer and keyboard. As he starts to mess around with all the buttons and keys I try to think of some lyrics.
I think about how Jermey asked if I was being held hostage and scribble down some words in a notebook.
"Do you like this?," Jeremy asks me.
I look up from the notebook that has many potential lyrics on it to give Jeremiah my undivided attention.
He then presses play on his computer and I bop my head along to the beat that erupts from the speaker.
"Yeah that sounds good," I say as I look down at my notebook again, "Keep it on a loop please."
I cross out some lines that I don't think match the beat then go over the remaining lyrics in my head.
"Okay I think I got something, can you start it over?"
Jeremy starts the track again just as I requested and I start to sing the lyrics that are written down.
Who's that shadow holding me hostage?
I've been here for days
Who's this whisper telling me that I'm never gonna get away?
I know they'll be coming to find me soon
But I fear I'm getting used to being held by you
"You're a little genius, you know that?," Jeremy says and I can't help the genuine, bright smile that erupts on my face.
I hear the click of the door as it opens and my smile falters as I see who walks in.
Zayn walks in first, but Reyna is quick to saunter in after him.
Zayn greets Jeremiah and I, then goes up to Jeremy to talk about something, but I don't pay attention. My eyes are trained on Reyna.
She stands frozen in the doorway, looking at me with wide eyes. It's as if we are in a staring contest, seeing who will break first and look away. Everything around me is muffled but I feel the dip of the couch indicating that Zayn has taken a seat next to me.
Reyna finally averts her eyes and finds a chair near Jeremiah. It's the furthest she can possibly sit from me.
She starts a brutal attack on her nail beds. Looking around the room, looking at anything but me.
This isn't like us at all. Trying to avoid each other at all costs.
A light shake to my shoulder interrupts my thoughts.
"Harry, did you hear me?," Zayn asks
"Um...," I say, dumbfounded.
"I asked if you could play the song that you've been writing," Zayn clarifies.
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"Are you feeling alright?"
"Yeah," I shake my head, hoping it'll clear my thoughts, "Just a little distracted, I guess."
Jeremiah starts to play the track and I sing the new verse with the chorus. As I'm in the middle of the chorus, Niall and Louis walk in.
"Oh, what's that?," Louis asks as he crashes into the seat beside me.
"Trying to write a song," I respond, handing him the lyrics that I have so far.
His eyes scan over the text and then he is reaching for a pen, scribbling something inside.
"Try that," he taps at the new words he has written down.
"You sing," I tell Louis.
"Really?"
"Yeah," I insist.
Jeremy starts the track and Louis begins to sing his added lyrics.
Who's this man that's holding your hand
And talking about your eyes?
Used to sing about being free
But now he's changed his mind
"That's all I got," Louis chucks the lyrics back at me and I grab it with a laugh.
"Can I see?," Niall asks, walking towards me.
I hand him the lyrics and a pen and he walks over to Reyna, sitting at the arm of her chair. She leans towards Niall so she can evaluate the lyrics with him.
The only word that I could describe what I'm feeling as I watch them would be jealousy. It's not jealousy of Niall, but jealousy of how comfortable she is around him right now. The fact that he has her attention that I am desperately craving.
"Wait," Reyna exclaims with a laugh, grabbing ahold of the paper in Niall's hand.
She starts to write something down, using Niall's thigh as a table. He looks down in curiosity at the paper while Reyna is concentrated, biting her bottom lip as the pen dances across the sheet.
Once Reyna is done, she looks up at Niall and they share a smile.
Okay, maybe I am a little jealous of Niall.
"You sing that part," Reyna says, pointing to a specific part of the lyrics, "And I'll sing the other."
Niall starts to sing without the backing track, looking down at the paper for guidance.
I know they'll be coming to find me soon
But my Stockholm syndrome is in your room
Yeah, I fell for you
"We'll jump back into the chorus here," Reyna says, "And I think this could be the bridge."
Reyna starts to sing, her voice sounding velvety as it meets my ears.
All my life I've been on my own
I used the light to guide me home
But now together we're alone
And there's no other place I'd ever wanna go
I pick the guitar up quickly, lightly strumming the chords, and let my voice sing the next part.
Baby, look what you've done
Reyna meets my eyes and I flash her a smile before making a beat by hitting the palms of my hands against the wood of the guitar.
Oh, baby, look what you've done to me
Oh, baby, look what you've done now
Oh, baby, I'll never leave if you keep holding me this way
I finish the song and the entire room breaks out in conversation and laughs about how good the song sounds, what other elements we can add, how it will sound with all the instruments and harmonies.
The only quiet one is Reyna. She stares at me for a moment and then stands up.
"I need to call someone," she announces, "I'll be back soon."
I watch her walk out of the door.
"I'm gonna use the bathroom while she's out," I say, getting up from my own seat and heading out the door.
I look down each side of the hallway, trying to figure out which way Reyna had gone. I hear a door close to my right and take a chance by following the noise. It leads to a set of stairs and I hear another door close right below me.
I fly down the stairs hoping to God that I am being led to Reyna and not some stranger in the big building of Columbia Records.
I make it to the bottom flight, and open up the door that I am met with. I walk out into an alley and find Reyna in the middle of lighting up a cigarette.
The cigarette catches a spark and as Reyna inhales the smoke into her lungs, her eyes flick up to me.
"Hey," my voice waivers in nerves.
"Hey," she responds warily, "Did you need something from me?"
"Just wanted to talk," I shrug, taking a few steps forward so I am closer to her.
"Oh."
"I liked those lyrics that you came up with," my fingers mindlessly twist my rings around.
"Thanks," smoke rolls out of the corner of Reyna's mouth, "You started a good song."
"It's about you, you know," I blurt out.
The back of Reyna's head hits the wall and she chuckles humorlessly.
"I'm not doing this with you right now, Harry," she says as she pushes herself off the wall.
"Rey," I groan, grabbing ahold of her arm before she gets the chance to walk away from me, "Please wait."
"Why Harry?," she snaps and it catches me off guard, "I am so fucking tired of this thing we do. It confuses me and I don't know how to feel or act when I'm around you cause for some reason you make all the calls. The last time I saw you, I was kicked out of your apartment and now you're cornering me to tell me you wrote another song about me? It's not fair!"
She shrugs out of my hold and tries to storm past me again but my hands meet her waist and I am spinning her around.
"I'm sorry," I plead "Reyna, I am so, so sorry. You have to believe me, I am just as confused as you are."
"I can't keep doing this," her voice cracks .
"I know, I'm sorry," I repeat, but no matter how many times I apologize, it'll never feel like enough.
"It's just," I start, "I'm scared of losing the band, I'm scared of losing Zayn, and I am terrified of losing you."
"Why would you lose me?"
"I don't want one of us hurting the other. Trust me Reyna, I want you so bad but I also need you to just be there in my life. And if having you as more than just a friend can impact you being there in the future, then I'd rather just pine after you for the rest of my life while you stay just my friend."
"If there are no feelings involved, we can't hurt each other," her small voice says.
"What?," I say, feeling my heart deflate at what those words imply.
"We hide what we're doing to everybody else, and not let emotions or feelings cloud anything," Reyna suggests, "We'll just have fun, yeah?"
I look down at Reyna, a million thoughts flying through my head.
Reyna is fully aware of how I feel for her. Even if I hadn't told her how I felt before we kissed the other day, my songs make it extremely clear that it's not just attraction that I hold for her.
I'm not sure if I had been reading things wrong, but I was under the impression that Reyna had feelings for me as well.
I guess it doesn't even matter though, because as I scan Reyna's face, her eyes hopeful as she looks up at me, I know my response would be the same under any circumstances.
"We'll just have fun."
//
Song: Stockholm Syndrome by One Direction
Short chapter but the next one is a rollercoaster and I am nervous but excited to share it with you all.
-Nicole <3
Lol I forgot to put my alarm on, sorry it's late hahaha