warnings: self harm
age: 16
reader not nat's daughter
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Y/N's POV
A lot of people think insomnia is simply taking a little longer to fall asleep. It's not.
Insomnia is not having a choice but to lay awake for hours until your body finally allows you to rest. Insomnia is experiencing broken sleep, you can't keep your eyes closed.
And in turn, your mental health goes down the drain.
Sometimes I get so frustrated at myself, that it causes me to hurt myself. Natasha knows about it, and she always helps me afterwards, but lately it's been happening more and more all because I can't get a decent night's sleep.
With it now being seven in the morning, I know most of the team will be up for training, me included.
I heard Steve mention something about how today's training was going to be sparring, and that he paired me up with Wanda. I just hope she goes easy on me, my thighs hurt far too much to be knocked onto the ground today.
"Y/N, you're late," Steve chastises me the moment I step into the training room. Everyone else is already here.
"Sorry, Cap," I mumble, tiredly plodding over to the bench that Nat is sitting on whilst Tony and Thor are in the sparring ring, Steve keeping a close eye on their moves.
"Morning, Y/N/N. You look-" Nat starts, but I cut her off.
"Awful, I know."
She pouts. "I was gonna say in need of a hug."
"Well, that too, I guess."
"Come here, honey," she tells me sweetly, opening up her arms for a side hug. It's not long before I'm practically drifting off in her arms.
Well, that's until my name is called.
Both Wanda and I stand up, me significantly slower, and make our way into the sparring ring.
I'm definitely going to get knocked out within the first five minutes.
-
My prediction was right. Wanda has beaten me every single round, and that's without her powers.
Before my sleeping struggles, I was one of the sharpest on the team, always on point. Now look at me...
"Y/N, you need to focus!" Steve yells, walking into the ring and getting right up in my face. "You know what, I think you should go up against me so I can make sure you're doing it correctly. Wanda, go sit back down."
Wanda does as told and leaves, taking her place back on the bench next to Natasha.
NATASHA's POV
He can't be serious right now. He's three times her size! Y/N doesn't stand a chance against him.
It's obvious she's sleepy and not focused, it isn't her fault.
"Steve, you're not seriously going to spar with a sixteen year old kid. That's not fair," I tell him, furrowing my brows at the fact he's genuinely about to do this.
"She needs to learn," he replies. I know there's nothing else I can do to change his mind, I just have to keep my eye on Y/N. She's like a daughter to me, I can't let anything happen to her.
"Fine," I groan in defeat. "Please go easy on her."
Completely ignoring what I just said, he gets into fighting position, telling Y/N to do the same.
She can't comprehend it, though.
But that doesnt stop Steve from uppercutting her jaw, sending the teen straight to the floor and causing her to cry out in agony.
Everyone rushes to her side, pushing Steve out the way, all thinking that it's her jaw that's hurting the most, but I know that's not the primary cause for her pain.
Asking for everyone to step back a little, I manage to work my way over to Y/N and kneel down beside her head, guiding it onto my lap.
"Tasha," she whimpers, a few tears escaping her eyes.
"Shhh, I know, I know," I coo, stroking her hair out of her face as Wanda brings over an ice pack for her jaw which I press to her face.
She winces slightly at first at the coldness, then relaxes at it soothes her.
"I'm gonna take her up to her room," I announce to the team, knowing that there's another conversation we need to have and I know she'd prefer to have it in private.
Before anyone can ask any further questions, I lift Y/N into my arms with ease and she sobs into my shoulder the entire journey up to her bedroom.
It breaks my heart hearing her so frustrated. My poor baby must be so exhausted.
"We're here now, darling," I tell her in a hushed and calming tone, placing her down onto her bed softly. "Lemme take a look at your jaw."
With that, I move the ice pack out of the way to see her jaw all swollen and bruised. At least it's not broken, but Steve needs to remember his own strength.
"Is it bad?" she asks me, just as another cry escapes her.
"No, don't worry," I smile, leaning down to give her forehead a kiss. "But I believe there's something else we need to discuss?"
She knows exactly what I'm talking about. I know she does.
"How did you know?"
"I just do. I told you that you could come and get me next time you feel like doing it," I sigh, feeling bad that she felt as if she couldn't tell me. "Why didn't you?"
Avoiding eye contact, Y/N sucks in her tears and dries her eyes with her baby blanket that she's clutching onto. She's had it since we rescued her from the battle of Sokovia.
"Please don't be mad at me," she begs, tugging at my arm for me to sit down next to her. I do, and I pull her onto my lap so I'm cradling her like a baby.
"I could never be mad at you, sunshine. Just tell me what's going through your head."
As she begins to speak, I rock us gently side to side. It's always been relaxing to her.
"My sleeping's gotten even worse recently, to the point where it hurts to keep my eyes open but I don't have a choice. And well... you know the only way I can get my frustration out. So, I guess that's all there is to tell."
She exhales deeply, stuffing her face into the crook of my neck as I continue swaying us.
"Alright," I start, "Perhaps we can go down to Bruce and ask him if there's any sleeping pills you can start taking. I know you've tried a few before, but I think it's time for something stronger. As for your thighs, will you let me clean you up?"
With a nod of her head, I pick her up and carry her out of her room and into mine, heading straight for my bathroom.
Once I've placed her on the counter and made sure she's not feeling too dizzy or anything, I go into my drawer and pick out a few things to clean her legs.
The day I found out about her self harm habits, I went out to the store and bought any and all products I would need to clean her cuts if it ever happened again. It's a good thing I did, because it's happened a lot since that first time.
"Can you take your leggings off for me, please?" I ask kindly, turning around as she shuffles them off, leaving her in her underwear.
I know she isn't embarrassed by being so exposed, we've changed in front of each other many times from when we've had little sleepovers together. It's not awkward between us, we have a mother-daughter bond.
After turning back around, I grab a cotton pad and the antiseptic. I no longer need to warn her that the antiseptic solution will sting, she already knows it from previous times.
"Shit!" she swears through gritted teeth, putting pressure on her jaw which only makes her say it again. I don't care for her swearing, she's sixteen and quite frankly, this situation calls for a little bad language.
"I'm so sorry, bubba," I apologize, sympathy coursing through my voice. "Try not to grind your jaw too much, it's only gonna hurt more," I tell her, putting her hand on my shoulder for her to squeeze if the stinging gets too much.
It takes everything in me not to grimace when I get a good look at her thighs and see how big these gashes really are. They're not too deep, but I wouldn't call them superficial.
I'd never comment on the depth, anyway. That is something you should never do to a person who self harms, it only feeds their drive to do it deeper.
"Nearly done, gorgeous girl," I inform her, feeling her squeeze my shoulder particularly hard.
"Ow, ow, ow," she whines, "Please stop."
She tries her hardest to push my hand away, but I can't. I know I can't, she knows I can't.
I'd give her a break but we both know that she then wouldn't let me start again.
"I know, it's almost over, I swear," I reassure her, not taking my eyes off her leg.
As promised, I finish cleaning them within another two minutes. The only part left now is to bandage, and that won't hurt as badly.
-
"There we go, all fixed up," I say once finished, the bandages securely wrapped around each of her thighs. "You did so good, Y/N."
"I hate you for that," she groans, lifting herself off the counter and walking into my room so she can raid my drawers for a pair of shorts. I guess we're having a chill day together.
"I know you do," I chuckle, sitting down on my bed. Moments later, she joins me and perches herself on my lap. "But you know, I only do it because I care about you so much. You're my little Y/N, I have to take care of you."
"Natty, stop being a dork," she laughs into my chest, pushing me over so we both fall onto our backs.
Well, I do. But Y/N remains on top of me, clinging onto me like a little koala.
"I do love you, though," she says quietly, almost in a whisper.
"I love you too, baby. And this time, for real, please come and get me if you feel like you're gonna do it again. I know it's usually early hours of the morning because that's how long it takes for you to sleep, but still, always wake me up. I'll never be angry at you for it. Understood?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good."
I boop her nose like I would do when she was younger, it still makes her giggle which I find absolutely adorable.
"I'm tired, Natty," she complains, closing her eyes. I'm guessing because she's ready to fall asleep now.
"Okay. I'll stay with you and hopefully cuddling up to me will help you sleep, otherwise we'll go down to Bruce and see if we can get anything."
"Mhm," she hums, too spent to produce any proper words.
Finally, after around an hour of tossing and turning, I start to hear little snores escape the girl.
I just hope she stays asleep.