all the things she said

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warnings: negative thoughts / body image, self harm

age: 16

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Y/N's POV

'No one will ever love you, you're the child of a trained assassin.'

'What are you gonna do about it? Get your mom to kill me?'

'Freak.'

'You should eat what your mom does. She has the perfect body and you're just... that.'

I watch as the scarlet liquid drips slowly onto the pale tiles of my bathroom floor, my arms stinging and hands shaking.

Oh, Y/N... what have you done?

I've never cut before. I've done things to hurt myself like digging my nails into my skin until it bled or hitting a wall so hard it would bruise my hand, but never this.

I've managed to keep the other forms of hurting myself a secret. I cover the bruises with makeup or I dig my nails into my leg and not wear shorts so no one's able to see. But this is proven to be harder.

There's no way of hiding this. And even if I could, my floor will now be stained and someone would see eventually.

"Y/N? Are you in there?"

My head turns to the door so fast that it could cause whiplash. Shit, I don't think I locked the bathroom door.

"Uh, yeah. J-just a sec," I stammer out.

I make sure to pull the sleeves of my hoodie back down before moving towards the door.

I can't just not answer it, she'll know something's wrong.

After a deep breath is taken on my part, I hesitantly push the door handle down and open it just enough for her to see me, yet not enough to see the small puddle of blood that has pooled together on the floor.

"Hey, detka. Just came to remind you that we have training in ten. Okay?" my mom informs me.

"Yep, got it. Bye, mom," I say quickly and reverse back into the bathroom to shut the door, but she stops it from closing by wedging her foot between the doorframe.

"Hang on. What's up?" she asks suspiciously.

I'm a horrible liar, so I have no doubt that this will go any differently than her figuring it out. But I have to try, right?

"Nothing. I'm getting ready for training."

That was a pathetic excuse.

"That was a pathetic excuse."

How did she do that?

"Y/N... what's going on, honey? You know that you're safe to tell me."

That's it. I can't hold back the tears any longer and before I know it, I'm being pulled into a tight embrace and sobbing in my mama's arms.

"Oh, sweetheart. What have you done?"

She's seen it then.

"I'm-I'm sorry, people at school have been saying all these things and I just couldn't take it anymore," I wail.

"Hey. Hey, hey, hey, it's okay, you don't have to apologize at all. How long has this been going on, my love?"

"A little while."

She says nothing else to that, she just leads me to my bed and we stay cuddling for around an hour before my cries start to subside and I relax into my mama's clutch.

"Baby, can I please take a look at your arms? I want to make sure they're okay."

Too exhausted to talk, I simply roll up my sleeves and keep my head placed firmly on her chest, finding the rhythm of her heartbeat to be a big comfort right now.

"Alright," she starts. "They're a little deep so as well as cleaning them, I'd like to put some steri-strips on to help them heal. Is that okay?"

"I wanna stay like this. I don't want to move," I explain in a slightly whiney voice.

"That's okay. I'll ask Wanda to come with everything, yeah? Will you trust her to clean you up?"

After it's agreed that my aunt would come to clean my arms, mom sends her a message to ask her and she appears only five minutes later.

"Hey, guys," Wanda says as she walks in with the supplies.

"Hi, lovey," she greets me and places a reassuring hand on my back. "Let's get you all fixed up, shall we?"

With those words, mom repositions me so it's easier for Wanda to work. A gentle hand draws out my arm from where I was tucking them into myself and I feel a strong stinging as an antiseptic wipe is being used on a particularly nasty cut.

"Sorry, my sweet. It's gonna sting a little. Just look at your mama. She's got you."

I do as told and look up at my mom, who gives me a sympathetic smile as if to say 'I'm sorry I didn't know'. She's definitely beating herself up about it.

"It's not your fault," I whisper.

"It's not yours either. Y/N, can I ask... what sort of things have people been saying to you?"

Wanda looks up from my outstretched arm for a moment, also being curious as to what vile things I've been told.

"Um," I feel new tears start to form in my eyes as I'm reminded. "It's mainly things about you. Like how I'm the daughter of an assassin and they joke about me getting you to kill them if they're upsetting me. I've also had a few comments about how my body isn't like yours but it should be."

I look up to meet the most guilt-ridden eyes. I knew it. She thinks it's all her fault.

"I'm so sorry, honey, I-" she's cut off with a slight sob herself. "You shouldn't be dealing with the consequences of my actions. My past is... messy and you don't deserve to have any of it thrown in your face."

"Mama, you're more than just a trained killer to me. You're my best friend. It's not your fault that they're saying those things."

"Maybe it's not. But it's making you want to inflict pain onto yourself and that is not okay. Do you wanna move schools? Or maybe be homeschooled? You don't have to decide right now, you can think about it," she suggests. I can tell she's trying to do everything she can to make up for what's happening.

I don't even have the opportunity to answer before I hear a sniffle. My head turns to Wanda and she's also lightly crying now.

"Sorry, sweetheart. It's just not nice seeing you like this," she explains.

When Wanda finished bandaging my arms and cleaned my bathroom floor as best she could with her powers, she joined me and mom on the bed and they both spent hours pointing out every single feature of me that they loved. It was difficult to believe at first but the look in their eyes caused me to believe every bit of what was said.

Needless to say, I fell asleep between the two adults that night. I was snuggled into my mom's chest with her arms wrapped protectively around me, and my aunt rubbed slow circles on my back until I drifted off.

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not sure how i feel about this one but here you go anyway ig

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