I see you all adding Pleasing to your reading lists. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
But you don't vote and it makes me think that you hate it:(
Harry
"Harry, darling, you need to wake up." I can hear Iris say to me but I pretend to be asleep.
"Ten more minutes." I tell her but the door opens and i hear a set of little feet coming inside. I open my eyes and I watch Iris helping Emma to sit on the bed.
"Goodmorning mumma." Emma is kissing her mum's cheek. "Goodmorning Harry." She's kissing mine.
"Goodmorning." Iris and I say at the same time and Emma giggles.
"How did you sleep?" Iris asks her as Emma tries to get under the covers.
"I slept good. Oliver is a good friend and took all the monsters away."
I really love how a child's brain works. I wish they could stay this innocent. "Wow, that's really brave of him. What do you want for breakfast?" Iris asks her again but Emma is too distracted to reply.
She is looking at me and specifically my arms. I try to think what she is thinking but I can't. She looks at my naked chest too and I watch her face changing expressions as she explores my tattoos.
"You have so many drawings on you body." She eventually says and I laugh a little at how she tried to explain my tattoos.
"They are called tattoos, little honey. I have so many of them, yes." I show her my arm and she touches me softly, afraid that she is going to hurt me with her touch, She is making my eyes follow her fingers. Iris is watching us closely as well.
"They are so cool. Can I color them?" She asks me politely.
I nod before I reply. "Yes, but now we have to eat breakfast and go to school. Do you want to go?"
Iris told me that things haven't changed. The kids continue to make fun of her and the bitch of a principal doesn't care at all. Iris asks Emma all the time if she wants to go to school and even though she says Yes she isn't as excited as she was. The next year Emma will change school and I told Iris that I'm willing to help her find the most fitting for her daughter.
"Yes. I have rehearsals for the play with miss Lauren." She informs us bit she doesn't sound excited at all.
I can see how hurt Iris is and I don't know how she manages to stay calm when it comes to school meetings. If I was there, I would be fighting with the she-devil.
"When is the play, little honey?" I ask her. I want to be here so I will be able to watch my little best friend shine.
"May the 13th."
I nod but before I can talk I watch Iris standing up. "Let's go to the kitchen. You have to eat before you go." She starts to walk out of the bedroom. Emma is following her and I just sit up from the bed.
Emma stops walking and looks first at Iris and then to the mirror. "Mumma, the sayings." She tells Iris and I don't understand what she is talking about.
"Oh, I forgot. Thank you for reminding me." Iris takes Emma into her arms and walk towards the mirror. "Harry, come here." She demands and I walk by their side.
Emma stands in the chair Iris has in front of her vanity table. Iris stands behind her and I stand right next to Iris. I, now, understand that we are going to say some affirmations.
"Come on Emma, tell us the first one." Iris challenges her daughter.
Emma speaks with no hesitation. "I am beautiful."
Iris repeats it and I have no choice but to repeat it too. I look at Emma who is smiling looking at herself and then at Iris who is smiling looking at Emma. She is such a great mother.
"I am strong." "I am strong." "I am strong."
"I matter." "I matter." "I matter."
"I am smart." "I am smart." "I am smart."
"Mummy, I forgot the last one." Emma tells us.
"Do you want Harry to tell us something else?" Iris suggests and Emma nods.
"I will be kind." I tell them and Iris is smiling at me as she takes my hand to hers.
"I will be kind." Iris is the first one to repeat after me.
"I will be kind." Emma tells a little more excited than the other ones and then hopes off the chair making Iris stress. "Now, I want waffles." She demands and takes both of our hands and guides us to the kitchen.
I was never a man who believed that affirmations will make you feel better but here we are standing in a kitchen and I feel happier, I feel like I'm more hopeful than today. Iris is such a great mother if she has taught her kids those things. They are great values to have and to learn in a young age.
We eat breakfast but then our paths separate. Emma goes to school, Iris on work and I on the studio. I think that today I'm going to write something that I will be proud. But then I have a dinner.
Yesterday Iris told me that Love of my life is like a closure so I decided to text Camille last night before bed. I knew that she is in LA and I wanted to give this closure to the thing we had. It will be great for my mental health.
"Hello, Mitchel, hello Tom." I say to the two of my friends who are today with me at the studio.
"Hello, lover boy. How are you?" Mitch asks me and he laughs at the name he gave me.
"Very funny, Mitchel. I'm fine though, how are you?"
"I'm fine. Tom and I were discussing about your girlfriend that has you whipped."
I shake my head. "I'm not whipped." I disagree but neither of them believe me.
Tom speaks this time. "I heard she has a child."
My whole face lights up when he refers to my best friend. "She does. She's named Emma and she is the best child you will ever meet."
They look at each other and smile. "So you are full on on daddy mode." Tom tells me his opinion.
"I'm just friends with the child."
"But do you wanna be her dad one day?" He asks me the question I've been asking myself this while time.
I have thought so many times about it. I want to be a part of her life and if one day she's feeling comfortable with me and she wants to call me Dad I'm more than willing to take that role. I haven't discussed it with Iris yet, it's too early but my mind is running miles.
"Yes, I do. But don't say a word to Iris when you see her and scare her off."
"You really love that girl." Mitch exclaims and I smile.
"I do, I think that she is the one. We clicked from the start, she makes me happy, she's not afraid of the hate and she cares about my feelings like I care about hers. Everything about her screams love."
They look at each other again and nod like telling a secret only the two of them know.
"What have you written?" Tom asks and I open my notebook. I turn page after page and song after song so I can find the song I have written recently.
"It's called Already Home." I inform them. "I wrote it about a month ago but it isn't completely ready. I want it to go to the 4th album."
"Harry, take a break. Harry's house isn't out yet and you talk about the next one." Mitch tries to give me an advice but I'm willing to take it.
"I haven't started write yet. But as you both know I want it to be more rockish, like Medicine but this song is all of my love for Iris. And I want it on the album but it's late to be on the 3rd."
"Aren't you excited about Harry's house?" Tom asks me. "Take a break, enjoy life a little bit."
"I will. But until then, please, let me read the lyrics. I want your help both about the melodies and the lyrics."
I start read the lyrics to the two of my closest friends.
"I've been waiting, every day since the last time we met, I can't forget what we parted ways with."
Tom stops me at the very first verse. "When did you write this song?" He asks me.
"At the very first month Iris and I got together."
He simply nods and then Mitch tells me to continue.
"I see your face and can't stop looking. I swear that these words haven't been heard, in the way I mean them." "Is this really happening?" "Together we're alone, both of us agreeing no one needs to know, that you're already home." "We can't sleep in, for good reason. A bottle of wine, pretending it's fine. You breathe out, I breathe in. We've been stealing moments, feelings." "In alleyways, and fire escapes, corridors, I see your face. From aeroplanes to the bullet trains, summer skies to the pouring rain. All the future plans we will never make, from a beating heart to the farthest place ... You're already home"
I read them the lyrics as far as I have already written. They both look like they are in deep thought. Nobody talks and I just wait for them to tell me how to continue. They help me write a little more but neither of us knew how to continue. I have to figure it out myself.
"You sound so sure that she is your home, H." Mitch is the first on to actually talk.
I nod, "She is, I want to be with her forever. Everybody told me that when you meet the right one, you know it. I know that Iris is the right one, she's my other half, my soulmate, my twin flame." I state.
"Did she close the wound Camille caused?" At her name, I freeze.
"I don't know. We haven't talked much about it because I don't feel ready. As the years go by, I can understand now that it isn't my fault that Camille fell out of love. I had to try harder maybe but she didn't try at all. Yesterday, when Iris listened to Harry's house she told me that Love of my life sounds like closure and that has me in deep thought."
"She's right though," Mitch agrees with Iris, "it is closure."
"I know, and I'm afraid that I don't want to let that part of me. But I have to in order to make both myself and Iris happy. I texted Cam yesterday."
"You what?" Tom can't believe the words I just said. "You were at your girlfriend's house, she was sleeping next to you and you were talking with your ex?" He doesn't like Camille because he knows the full story, he knows all the things media doesn't. Mitch and Tom have seen me at my worst but stayed.
"Let me explain. I wanted that closure and the only way to do it was to see her. She caused me so much pain but I loved her, I loved her to my core. I have to see her one more time." I try to explain my trail of thought but neither of them like my answer.
"Harry, if Iris went for dinner with her ex, Emma's biological father, would you have liked it?" Mitch put down his guitar and sits right next to me.
"No, but it's not the same." I answer his question while trying not to overthink this imaginary situation.
"It's the same. You both loved your previous partners so it's not something pleasant for both of you. Please, after dinner, call Iris and explain everything. Don't let her find out via Twitter."
"How can she find out?" I start to get slightly offended.
"You are Harry freaking Styles for God's shake." Tom answers my question. "Your fans know everything you do, whether you like it or not."
"Thank you for advice, you didn't help me at all. Bye." I exit the studio angry. I understand what they mean but I'm not that idiot. I know how to handle things, I know what to do.
I go straight into my car and I start to drive so I can get to the diner Camille chose on time. I'm nervous of seeing her again. We told each other that we would still be friends but neither of us called to arrange something. I am still mad and she is still Camille.
She fell out of love on a Saturday. She came into my house and she told me that she can't do this anymore, she was getting impatient about me leaving all the time, she wanted to have a future but clearly I didn't . The fact is that I did, I wanted to have a future with her so bad. I was head over hills for her, she had that nature that I wanted to discover and I let myself get lost in the paths of her life. I choose her before I had the chance to choose me. But she didn't.
She fell out of love on a Saturday. She came into my house and told me that whatever we had, it was over. I tried to make her change her mind, I tried to tell her how much I loved her but the words came out sounding empty. So we broke up.
I fell into a dark void everyday harder and harder and I didn't even realise that. A month later, a mutual friend called me. She told me that Camille found a new boyfriend. I immediately knew that I had became the other man. I tried so hard to not think about it, to not think that I wasn't enough for her to love me and that led me into depression. I took pills, I tried everything. I started to get better when I started touring. I was happy and I was civil with myself.
And then I met Iris. She came into my life the right moment. I didn't need her to save me, I saved me and then I was ready to give all the all I had. And she came into my life so naturally, without pushing boundaries, she is my deux ex machina.
I go out of my car and I look inside the diner. Camille is sitting there, same as ever, and she reads her book. I try not to look too much and not think too much about it because that was something we did together. Beachwood was our hiding spot and we have read so many books there. This view in front of me makes me reminiscing the past. But not in a way that I want to go back there, it's a happy memory that I want to keep it just like that, a memory.
I enter the diner and I walk towards her. I sit at the chair across her and that is the only time she acknowledges me. "Hello, Harry." She says my name and I think that I just hated her accent. I don't miss it a bit.
"Hello, how are you?"
"I am fine, why did you call me?" She asks me. I feel a little bit awkward.
"I wanted to talk about something. We never talked about our breakup and I think that keeps me behind."
"What do you mean?"
"I want to know if you cheated. I will not get mad. But I think that will put the closure I need."
She sighs and looks around. She takes a minute or two before answering and that gives me the answer I want to know. "I did. I met Theo a couple of months before we broke up. I didn't want to fall for him, I was afraid but I did it. He was more myself that I am, as Bronte says. You were away and I know that it isn't an excuse but I met him and I love him, Harry. I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. I called because I moved on." I tell her and I see her smiling. Maybe, we weren't meant to be at all.
"How is she? Do you love her?" She asks me and she sounds genuine.
"She is the most beautiful, clever and strong woman I've ever laid my eyes on. She is amazing, Cam." I tell her about Iris and she continues to smile. I didn't expect that I would have such a conversation with one of my exes.
"I'm happy for you, Harry."
"How is Theo?" I ask her this time.
Her eyes are shining brighter than when she talked about me. We talk about our new partners a lot. I even tell her about Emma and the love I have for this little girl. She told me that she can tell that Iris is the one. I can trust Camille, we were friends long before we became a couple and I think that I continue to see her as my friend. She told me about her life with Theo and her vacations in Greece. Theo is really her soulmate.
"Did you believe that we would ever sit here and discuss everything?" I ask her.
She nods. "I did, yes. We were friends, H. I will invite you to my wedding." She tells me and I laugh.
"You want to get married?" I ask her again. I thought that neither of us wanted to.
"I do. I bet you do too." I just nod. I can imagine myself standing there and watching Iris walk down the aisle with Emma on her side. I want to start a family with her.
We discuss everything that happened those two years that we are apart. It was the closure I was seeking. I think that I found it and now I'm ready to devote my whole life on the one girl that I love so.
My phone rings as soon as I enter my home. I see that Jeff is calling me. I can't imagine why he calls me on that time. "Hello, Jeffrey." I tell him happily.
"Are you the stupidest person ever? You have fucked up big time." He sounds angry.
"What happened?"
"You met the she-devil." He tells me and I want to hit me.
"She's not that bad, Jeff. I wanted to have a closure even after 2 years. I want to give Iris my whole heart but I can't do this if Camille has a piece of it."
"Does Iris know about this meeting?" He simply asks me and I, now, remember the conversation I had with Mitch and Tom earlier this morning.
"No, but before you start I will tell her all about it later when she and Ems come to my house." I inform him.
"You don't have to, it's all over the internet. Your fans are everywhere and you don't seem to understand that."
"What do you mean?"
"Call Iris and explain everything. If Pleasing loses its best creative director, it's up to you. I'll leave as well because you don't listen to me." He ends the call and I look over at Oliver.
"You are the only one that is not angry with me, buddy."
He comes to the couch and sits on my lap like he wants to give me a little strength. I open my phone and open immediately Twitter. Everyone is saying that Camille and I are back together and we are stronger than ever. I can't understand why they believe everything they read online.
I call Iris but she doesn't pick up. I call her again and again. I even text her a couple of times but I don't get any response.
The only one that texted me all afternoon is my sister, who told me that I better fix that because I am the biggest idiot walking on this planet. I, really, fucked up big time.
HELLO HELLO
How are you? I'm excited about the next one. I don't know when I'm going to update next because I have two exams next week and I have to study more. I have a few chapters ready but I don't want to run out before my exams end.
Question of the day:What is your favorite song from Harry Styles (the album)?
Mine is Ever since New York