warnings: one slight self harm mention
age: 15
reader not nat's daughter
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Y/N's POV
I'm tired. I'm tired of not having anyone on my side. I'm tired of not having anyone to come to at the end of a bad day. Not having anyone to told me or tell me I'll be okay. Tired.
My mother? No. Forget her. She couldn't care less about me. To her, I'm simply a waste of money. That's what she keeps telling me anyway. I'm an obnoxious, unwanted child. But maybe that's just the way it's meant to be. Maybe I'm not supposed to have a loving mother in this lifetime.
I mean, how do I get through this without anyone here to help me? I can't. I simply can't.
At least I've got Miss Romanoff. The one teacher who makes life worth living just enough so I stay. I see her as a mother figure, she just doesn't know it yet. Or maybe she does, I don't know. Either way, she's the best shot I have at having someone to spill my feelings on.
I've spent all of this morning trying to hype myself up into talking to her about my problems. The one downsides are that one, she might not care or two, she cares too much and tells my parents. Neither sound particularly appealing.
"Alright, everyone, good work this morning. You're all free to go," Miss Romanoff dismisses our class after the bell goes. It takes a while for the room to clear out since everyone always wants to stay with Miss Romanoff for as long as possible. She is a school favorite, after all.
Instead of getting up like all the other kids, I stay seated in my chair at the back left corner of the classroom, waiting for everyone to be gone before I can ask Miss if I can talk to her.
"Y/N, you're allowed to go," she points out to me from where she's sitting at her desk. Only half the kids have left so when she said that, everyone's attention turned to me.
When I don't make any move to get up, Miss Romanoff quickly clears everyone out of the room and shuts the door behind her before walking up to where I'm sitting and perching herself on a chair next to me that she pulled out.
"Are you okay? Do you need to talk about something?" she asks me in a sweet voice. "Hey, I'm taking to you, missy," she jokes since I'm keeping my head down, not looking at her at all. "Alright. Well, I'll just sit here and answer some emails, and if you wanna say anything then you can. Lemme email your teachers and tell them you're not coming to the next couple of lessons."
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Half an hour. It's been half an hour and I still haven't found the words. I'm wasting this poor woman's time here. I've got to say something surely. Otherwise she'll be annoyed that I've kept her here for so long.
I'm so sorry, Miss Romanoff for what you're about to hear.
"I don't wanna do it anymore. I'm sick and tired of not having a single person on my side to fight for me. It's making me want to cut all the goddamn time but I can't. I'm frozen, I'm trapped. I don't know if I'm gonna make it through this. At least, not with anyone to just hold me and tell me I'm doing okay. Why is it so hard to just... be alive? I can't, I don't wanna do this anymore."
NATASHA's POV
The entire time Y/N spoke, I kept my focus on her and gave her my full attention. And I'm glad I did, because it sounds like she isn't being listened to enough. At all, for that matter.
"Oh, sweetheart... I... come here." I hold my arms wide open for her to fall into, and she doesn't wait a single second to do exactly that. It's been a while since I've had a crying teenager in my arms. There's been the occasional student struggling who needs some comfort, but Y/N seems to be fighting for her life at this point. The poor girl sounds exhausted.
"I've got you. I promise I've got you. You're gonna be okay, my love. Nat's got you, I'm not letting go."
"Why is it so fucking hard?" she wails into me, gripping onto my shirt tightly.
"I know, I know it is. It won't last. It can't. It's gonna be okay, detka," I try to reassure her as best I can.
"It's not. Nothing is okay. I wanna be done. I don't want to do it anymore. I just want to be gone. I want it all to stop. I want a mom or at least someone I can call my mom and mean it. No one fucking cares!"
And just like that, I haven't seen Y/N for two weeks.