Moon
My body felt heavy... I tried to move, but I was too tired. I opened my eyes and above me saw an electric blue sky. Eventually, managed to get up from the bed, just to realize that my room had become a really big balcony, behind me, there was just a plain, white, stone brick wall, but it was so tall I couldn't see its end.
I turned around, confused, and found myself in front of a silhouette that seemed familiar. I started walking towards him, but every step felt more difficult. As I progressed, everything around me began to get darker; the wind picked up and my hair got into my face, preventing me from seeing where I was going. I was getting closer and closer to the figure lying leaning on the railing of that huge balcony. When I was already a few simple steps away from him, the boy turned to look at me, his smile was kind and I was clear that I knew him since when I looked at him a strange feeling of warmth in my heart flooded me. But for some reason I wasn't able to recognize him. The boy stretched out his hand, offering to take it; so I did. I took his hand and in that moment, a lightning struck just behind us, causing a great rumble and an almost blinding light. The lightning made the ground tremble, causing me to fall to the ground. Confused and stunned, I got up, shaking my clothes from the dust, and looked straight ahead again, finding that the boy was no longer there and in front of me was a raging ocean with a horrible storm over it.
-Moon!
I heard a voice screaming my name, but didn't see anyone. I looked into the water, terrified, trying to see something among the immense waves, but it was impossible. A horrible feeling of pressure began to be created in my chest and it was increasingly difficult for me to breathe.
-Moon, please, help me! -Again the same voice.
-I don't know where you are! I don't see you! -I screamed, looking everywhere, trying to find the person calling me.
Another lightning bolt crossed the ocean and out of nowhere, Calum appeared down there, trying to stay on the surface and not be eaten by the waves. My heart shrank as I saw him there and my tears began to fall instantly. I tried to scream again, to communicate with him, but the words didn't come out of my mouth. In a moment of despair, in which my sight was increasingly clouded by the tears and incessant rain that fell on me, I jumped into the ocean. I tried to swim, fight the current, but it was almost as if something held me so I couldn't move. Desperate, terrified and feeling a great pain in my chest, I sobbed his name one last time before I began to sink into that sea that engulfed me more and more with each movement. I was trapped.
I was sinking more and more and more and more... But that sea seemed to be bottomless. I tried to shout his name again one last time, but all that came out of my mouth were bubbles, drowning out any of the sounds I could make. Until suddenly I heard a whisper, a crisp voice saying:
-Wake up.
And I opened my eyes, feeling like I couldn't breathe, I started coughing, trying to get some oxygen to my lungs. I was crying uncontrollably and pain on my chest just made it worse.
When I managed to stabilize myself a little, the rays of sun that entered through the window of my room hit me directly in the eyes, causing a sharp sensation in my head and making me feel dizzy. I tried to get out of the bed, but my legs felt weak. Every single part of my body hurt but mostly my head, that was the worse headache I had in a really long time. Eventually, I managed to stand up, leaning on the bedside table as not to fall, but the moment I was completely incorporated, I felt a great nausea accompanied by an arcade. I drew strength from where I didn't have it and ran to the bathroom, where lying on the floor next to the toilet bowl I felt as if I was expelling everything inside me. I felt terrible and after emptying myself up, that horrible bitter taste had stayed in my mouth. My discomfort had increased, but after sitting on the bathroom floor for a while, trying to calm down, I got up and stood in front of the sink, where I rinsed my mouth and washed my face before looking in the mirror.
-What the fuck happened yesterday...? -I whispered, staring at my face as if it wasn't even mine.
I didn't remember anything that happened after taking that bath, I don't know what I took that could've made me forget everything and make me feel so bad. I turned around to look at the bathtub, the it was still filled with water, that was light pink because of my hair and the bath bomb I used, but nothing that could explain what happened. Even more confused and concerned than before, I left the bathroom to go back to my room so I could look for any clues on what the hell was the drug, or drugs, I used, but there was nothing! The situation changed the moment I got into the dressing room... Almost all my underwear was out of the drawers, some of my clothes on the floor, as if someone had been looking for something in there, but I don't remember if anyone came here yesterday, maybe it was just me searching for my drugs, because those are the places where I usually hide them, but I only had my normal joints. At least that I thought, until I saw that box. The box that almost ruins me. I took it and saw two things inside, a clear little bag, almost full with a white powder and three cigarettes where there used to be four...
-This gotta be a mistake. -I said, feeling how my eyes became watery. I was starting to have a panic attack.
I left the box on the floor and started to search for the missing cigarette, but it was nowhere to be found. God, this couldn't be happening. I know I didn't touch the powder, because I'll never forget that sensation, but if I smoked that... Fuck, please someone tell me nothing bad happened. I don't even know how I got to my bed!
Feeling like I was about to explode, I got out of the dressing room and sat on the edge of my bed, passing my fingers through my hair, desperate. What am I supposed to do now? I extended my hand so I could take my phone from the bedside table, but suddenly felt like there was a paper and turned my head to look at it. A letter. I took it, suspicious and started reading it, that was my only hope to finally know what happened.
"I hate to leave you like this, but I don't think it's right to stay either. Please, call me when you wake up and see this, I need to know you're okay or I will go crazy. I'm really worried about you, Moon, and what happened today isn't normal, so please, please, talk to me, it's okay if you only call me to tell me that you don't want to see me ever again, but I need to know you're okay tomorrow morning. I'll be awake if you need anything, so don't hesitate on telling me and I'll be there.
Ps: you told me you wanted to sleep, that's why I brought you to your room.
Please call.
Calum. "
The ink started to fade away with my tears as they touched the paper and my hands were shaking really bad. I couldn't control my breathing. Calum was here... From all the days he could've come, he came yesterday! God, this was wrong. I don't remember a single thing about what happened and now you tell me that the person I've been trying to avoid for days, because the idea of being next to them hurt me, came to see me in my worst moment?! Now he might not want to see me ever again, he may now hate me! I don't know what I did, I don't know what I said, what if I told him everything?! But he wants me to call him... Fuck, I'm the biggest mess right now, more than I was before. A part of me wants to call and tell him that I need him by my side because it's like I can't breathe if he isn't near, but the other part of me wants him to be as far as possible of me because I don't want my feelings to keep growing.
I miss him. I miss him so fucking much that it hurts. I'm going crazy because of something that it's supposed to be beautiful, but it's not because I don't want to feel like this. I don't know how much time passed since we last saw each other, but I know that my heart felt smaller every day I spent away from him. I thought I was used to pain, used to the feeling of losing someone, but this... I've never felt pain like this before... I guess that only love can hurt like this.
Hesitant, I left the letter on the bed and took my phone. I barely used it lately but yesterday I felt like uploading a picture. With my hands still shaking and the tears that were slipping from my face falling on the screen, I managed to open WhatsApp and drowned a sob when I saw more than thirty messages from Calum, there were also lots of missing calls, one from yesterday... I felt terrible, every text was like:
"Hey, I hope you're okay"
"Moon, idk what I did, but I'm really sorry if anything made you upset."
"I get it if you don't want to get along anymore, but please, let's discuss it in person"
He texted me almost every day, asking me if I was okay or if anything happened for me to ignore him. He really thought that I was angry because of something he did... He'd been feeling bad because of me, he felt guilty. God, I'm the worse person in this world. I need to talk to him, explain him everything, and hope for him to forgive me. I wiped the tears off my face and stared at his contact on the screen, decided to press the call button, but before I could do it, the bell rang downstairs. I looked at the clock, 11am. I had no idea who could've been, anyway, I left the phone on the bed as I took a deep breath to calm down a little. Insecure, walked down to the first floor and went to the front door, which I opened. My hands wouldn't stop shaking, but it got worse the moment I saw the person at the door.
I froze as I looked at Calum, that was standing in front of me. No one did anything until he got me in between his arms, hugging me really tight. The moment I felt him against me, I couldn't control myself and started crying again on his chest as I surrounded his waist, not letting him go.
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -I kept whispering as he caressed my hair fondly.
Calum created a little distance between just so he could take my face into his hands and look at me, deeply in the eyes. I don't think anyone has ever looked at me the way he was doing in that moment. His eyes were watery, but he didn't let any tears fall. It felt like something breaking inside of me seeing him like that, because it was all my fault.
-Please tell me this is really you. -He begged.
I just nodded and hugged him again, crying even more than before.
-It's okay... I'm here... -Calum whispered, leaning his head on mine-. I missed you so much, Moon...
That felt like a dagger in my heart. His voice sounded so hurt... This is all my fault.
-Please, forgive me. -I managed to say between sobs.
-Let's talk about it quietly, shall we?
I broke the hug and looked at him, then at myself, realizing that I was still in my pijamas and looking terrible.
-Would... Would you let me take a quick shower and change my clothes, so I don't look this bad, and then we can talk about it and have breakfast? -Calum looked at me in the cutest and kindest way, also giggled. I tried to smile too and then he wiped my tears away.
-Is it even possible for you to look bad? -He said with a side smile. God, I missed talking to him.
-Don't be stupid and wait for me. You can stay in the living room or the kitchen or wherever you want.
-Can I wait in your bedroom? -He asked playful.
-If you want to, it's okay with me.
-I was joking! How fast you wanted to get me in your bed, you nasty! -He said, starting to tickle me, making me laugh really hard and I tried to scape from him running into the house, but he followed me, still tickling-. See? You're not crying anymore, now I can see your stunning smile again.
My heart stopped for a second hearing him saying that. My face was burning, I was surely completely blushed. I didn't know what to say.
-I'll be in the living. Take as much time as you need. -Calum said, softly, caressing my left cheek. Then kissed the right one. It was so sweet that my legs felt weak. Why this felt so good only if he was next to me?
-I won't take long, I promise. -I said, messing his hair up. Seeing him was so nice that I wanted to be hugged to him all day. I hate myself for that.
-Come on, go. I'll wait for you here. Alone. -He sat on the sofa as spoke.
I smiled at him and ran upstairs. I felt so relieved to see that Calum wasn't angry with me and that he wanted to talk to me and be with me. Seeing him so affected because of what happened was the worst thing ever, I can't belive I let that happen. And the way he said he missed me, all the messages, calls, everything he did for days to try and contact me... While I was high. Although, I really needed that time away from him, just to realize how much I liked him and how much I appreciated the time with him. But I also realized that I couldn't let myself fall completely because I want us to stay just as friends as I know that something will make us tear us apart, and even if we met just three months ago, I feel an intense connection with him, so I would like to keep him in my life at least a bit longer. That means: no let my feelings flow with him. Just friends. Because the moment I kiss him would be my end.
I got to my room and rushed to the bathroom, where I undressed myself and got into the shower. Suddenly, the thought of being naked and Calum just a few meters away made me nervous, he's so close yet so far... Since when I have this desire for him inside of me? God, I need to stop thinking about this before I go back to the living room. Anyway, I showered faster than ever and got into the dressing room where I just took a really oversized hoody, put on some tights and, as I never walked barefoot at home, also a pair of black sneakers. When I was ready, put on some perfume and looked again at the boxes I left there before. Maybe if I had to explain myself, I had to do it properly and telling him what really happened, showing him what got me to that state of mind.
With the boxes in my hands, I got out of the room and went downstairs. There, standing in front of some pictures of me with my mom, was Calum, observing them mesmerized. I got next to him and admired all of his traits, his side profile was just so perfect, at least for me it was, I always found him really handsome. I made an effort to stop looking at him and I stared back at the picture in front of us. It was like Calum didn't realize that I was there, he was lost in his thoughts.
-She was really beautiful, wasn't she? -I said. Suddenly I felt his gaze on me.
-Definitely. You look a lot like her, actually.
-Do I?
-Same eyes, same smile, same little perfect nose. -He said, bumping with his finger the point of my nose, making me giggle.
-She was surely the best person in this world.
-I'm sure she loved you more than anything. -He said with a soft voice.
-I guess she did... I don't remember much... -I'm that moment, Calum passed an arm over my shoulders, making me get closer to him-. I suppose that I told you about her yesterday.
-You did, but I don't think you belive all the things you said.
-I don't know what I'd said, I don't remember anything about yesterday.
-Anything? -He asked, surprised.
-Anything. -I said, looking right into his eyes. Then his gaze went down to my hands, where the boxes still were.
-What are those?
-I need them to explain everything, because I know you'll have lots of questions and this might make it easier.
-You don't have to explain yourself if you don't feel confident with it. I just needed to know you're okay now.
-You deserve an explanation, besides, you were going to discover this sooner or later.
Calum hugged me. Everything felt so nice like that, I felt so save between his arms. I, eventually, moved a little away from him, because I could stay like that all my life, and took him by the hand so we could go back to the living room and sit on the couch. I left the boxes in the coffee table and looked at him.
-Do you remember the story I told you the day of the boxing match? -I asked.
-Of course. Why?
-Because that's were we are starting. -I sighed and took the first box-. As you know, Nick was the one who introduced me into that world, we had a really good relationship there, he'd always took a lot of care of me... One day, we were all hanging out at the gym, as usual; Grayson and his friends were smoking something and I was curious. Brandon realized that and offered me one of those handmade cigarettes, but Nick stopped him and said that he wouldn't let me try from him and gave me one of his own. I didn't understand why he did that, but take it anyway, because I was stupid and naive. -In that moment, I opened the box, showing Calum the purple bag inside of it, then I let him see what was inside of it-. Since that day, this is what I use when I'm stressed and at my limit.
-This is what put you in that state yesterday? It can't be. -Calum said.
-No it's not. I did use it, but apparently I mixed it with more things...
-So Nick is your dealer?
-It sounds way worse when you say it like that. -I giggled, trying to make this situation better-. He doesn't sell to anyone else besides me. I don't know where this came from or how did Nicholas get them, but I trust him.
-What had the ones Grayson was offering you to be different from this?
-Here comes the second box... -I left the one I had in my hands and took the other one, insecure-. As time passed and my relationship with Grayson got more serious, I started to do more things with him, like going to parties, little trips and stuff like that, but he had this two friends that were always there, at first it was annoying but I ended up being friends with them too. One day, while I was waiting for Nick and Brandon to arrive to some random place we went for a party, this two guys said they wanted to have a little fun and took out some normal looking joints, just like the ones you just saw. When they offered me one, I accepted it, thinking the effects will be the same as when I smoked the ones Nick gave me. But, once again, I was wrong. -I opened the box and left everything in sight for the boy in front of me. I couldn't even look at him in the face-. They were cocaine cigarettes. That time, I didn't get to smoke it completely, I think I barely took two puffs before Nick arrived and took it away from me. But he was late, I'd already tried it and discovered that its taste was better than the weed, what was enough for me to ask for them some days later to that same guys. They gave me this box, with two bags of powder and five cigarettes. This morning, when I woke up, I realized there was one missing...
-And the bag that's missing...? -Calum asked, worried and almost scared.
-That disappeared a long time ago.
-What were the effects?
-That first time, I just felt better than ever, euphoric. Until the morning came and I had the worse hangover.
-And the second time? -My blood ran cold when he asked that.
-I don't remember. -My response was so straight forward that I was sure he knew I was lying.
-Okay... -Calum looked for a second to the box then took it away from my hands, so he could take them in between his-. Do you remember using those?
-I don't, I didn't even remember they were there, my hole dressing room is a mess because apparently I was looking for them but I don't know why because I don't remember anything and that makes me so anxious.
-It's fine. I know yesterday was a rough day for you, so maybe you were just having some kind of panic attack or something like that.
-What did I tell you? -I was terrified of what I could've said.
-You told me that it was your mother's birthday and that she passed away... You were a little aggressive. -He was hiding things.
-Did I hurt you?
-Nah, you only almost left my shoulder dysfunctional. -He giggled, but I felt a void creating in my chest.
-Oh God. I'm so sorry, Calum. Are you okay? -I said, almost jumping over him, to check for any injuries, but I moved back the moment I realized that I was removing his shirt to look under it-. I didn't mean to do that, I'm sorry.
-Stop apologizing, it's okay, Moon! -He said, laughing.
-Of course it's not! I don't even understand how you don't hate me yet.
-Why would I hate you?
-Because I'm the worst friend ever.
-You're not.
-I saw your face when I opened that door, you were hurt, you said you missed me, I hit you yesterday! I don't even know why you still care about me. -I was getting altered again.
-You are important to me, Moon. Why do you think that I've been trying to contact you all this days? -That was another dagger in my heart-. If I'm here right now is because I've been awake all night thinking if you'd be okay when you wake up and the moment I saw you got online on WhatsApp and saw my messages, I left my house to be here.
-You know this just makes me feel worse, right? -I said as my eyes filled with tears again.
-Please, don't cry again... -He whispered, embracing me-. It's true that seeing you like that was shocking, even more after so many days without knowing about you, but everyone go through shit and I'm not angry, nor I blame you, for stop talking to me. I understand that you needed time, and I won't even ask why because is none of my business, but I want you to know that I'm here for you whenever you need me, no matter if it's three in the morning, if you call me, I'll be here.
-I don't know what I was capable of doing if you weren't here yesterday... -I murmured.
-Let's not think about it, okay? You're here, you're fine and whatever happened yesterday, is past...
-I'd said things about that, right? -He nodded.
-You said that you wanted to take your life so bad and by the way you said it, I was terrified of leaving you alone.
-I don't want to do that, you gotta believe me. I could never do it.
-I know. -For some reason, he didn't feel confident saying that-. You told me that you were the one finding your mother that day and that you haven't been really happy since that day. You also said that you won't do it because you care about others.
-The day my mother passed was the day I found out that Axel's mother was pregnant with Sarah... Somehow I took it as a sign that meant that I had to protect that new life. Also, I think I ended up treating her as my own daughter because I didn't want her to grow up in a loveless environment just like me, even though Mrs Weing is the most loving woman ever.
-You were always so alone here?
-I wasn't, my father was a really caring man before my mom left. He tried to spend as much time as possible with me, but now it's just me.
-You know you can come by anytime, if you need anything, I'm just down the street. -He said and we giggled.
-Thank you, that's so sweet, but I'm kinda used to be alone, you know? I can do whatever I want when I want: the gym is always empty, I can use the spa when I fancy it, I can be in the music room all day there's no one to tell me anything.
-You have a spa? -Calum asked, surprised.
-Yeah, why?
-You're disgusting, I'm so envious . -I looked at him offended.
-It wasn't my idea! It was already here when I was born, argue with my father.
-I don't even know his name.
-Jason. Jason Ross and Marcy Hales, those are my parents names.
-That name really suits your father. -He said, laughing.
-It definitely does. -I giggled-. Now that we talked about what happened, do you wanna have breakfast or something? I'm starving and I don't remember when was the last time I ate.
-Oh, don't worry about that, I'll have breakfast when I get home.
-Don't. Stay, please. I'll make something for both of us, what do you want? -I said, getting up from the couch and starting walking towards the kitchen, Calum followed me.
-It's not necessary, seriously. Moon, stop. -He said, taking me by the wrist-. Is anything wrong?
-I just don't know if I can be alone today... Would you mind staying with me? -Calum smiled and caressed my cheek, making me grin.
-You could've just say that from the beginning, you know?
-I didn't want you to feel committed to stay just because you feel sorry for me...
-I don't feel sorry for you, I'm worried about you. If you need me, I'll be here.
-You're so cute, Thomas! I missed your cuteness. -I said, kissing his cheek, then turning around to open the fridge.
-Oh, so you missed me too? How cute! -He mocked.
-You can assume that if you want to. -I said as I started taking some fruits out of the fridge, trying to hide how painful was to act like nothing was going on. I wish I could tell him everything, but I can't.
-I'll pretend I believe you. -His voice sounded closer as he spoke, until I felt his hand on my waist and I saw him next to me. My heart was about to get out of my chest with that action-. Tell me what I can help you with.
-I was going to make some coffee and a fruit salad, do you crave something in special? I can make it.
He looked at me for a second and then started laughing out of nowhere. Confused, I asked:
-What's wrong?
-Nothing, is just that I was going to make a joke but I prefer not to.
-What?! Don't you dare! -I said, offended.
-I can't say it, I'm sorry!
-Oh God, I hate you so much. You can't even imagine how much I hate you, Hood.
-Oh well, using the surname. You're really offended, Ross! -He said, giggling.
-Just remember that I'm in charge of doing your food.
-Stop the threatening and let's have breakfast, I'll make the coffee while you make that.
Calum walked away from me, taking the kettle from the counter and putting water in it so it could boil. I looked at him, completely out of place, and tried to focus on my task. I took grapes, apple, peach, melon, oranges and berries and started chopping them as I heard Calum walking around the kitchen, like looking for something. I found that pretty funny, so I let him wonder around for a while until his clever head decides that it's time to ask for what he's looking for. Anyway, I continued minding my business, trying not to let my mind wonder too much about his presence in my house, because no matter how good it feels to have him here, it's so painful to look at him and see how the world suddenly seems more beautiful and how his smile makes me dizzy in the most terrifying way ever. Well, it's terrifying to me, but I know that the butterflies in my stomach mean something good, it's just not for me. Let's leave love for someone else.
When the coffee was ready, Calum came next to me to help me chopping the fruits as we chatted, he was being way too annoying and making me laugh all the time. Once everything was done, we took the things out to the garden, the weather was beautiful and both of us agreed that it was a crime to waist such a day eating in the dinning room. Why are we so damn cheesy? I hate us. Anyway, while we had breakfast, I asked Calum if he wanted me to give him a tour of the house, what he didn't hesitate to agree. It's been so long since I took the time to have breakfast outside, quietly; to simply enjoy little things like that. It actually felt nice to not be alone in that moment. When we were done eating, cleaned everything and I started the tour. I showed him the first floor, although he'd seen most of it already, before going downstairs where my gym and the spa were. Calum was mesmerized looking at all the things around my place, I know he comes from a more humble space than me, so I understand the surprise at seeing a fully equipped gymnasium made just for me, but I've always had everything I wanted so this is normal for me. Kind of sad, actually. We continued walking through my house, as I knew he was interested in the pictures on the walls, I told him some stories my father told me about them. There were lots of photos of me and my mom at the beach, she loved that place, so she used to take me there to spend the evening with her. In fact, my love for photoshoots came from her, specially the royalty and fantasy kind of shoots, it was just so nice to wear princess dresses and go to incredible places to take fairytale pictures. The tour continued on the second floor, there were mostly bedrooms and I didn't enter in most of them, I just showed him one of the guestrooms, told him what was my dad's dorm, we didn't enter into my room because he'd already seen that, and I left the best for the end. The music room.
-Now, I gotta welcome you to my favorite place in this house. -I said and opened the door for the boy.
We got inside the place and just from the door you could see all the instruments, specially my piano. It was a custom-made glass and marble piano with golden details, it's top was see-through because it was glass and the rest was perfect white, it was absolutely incredible. Next to that, were the doublebasses, cellos and violins, then came the basses, guitars, drums and things to do percussion, and on the other side of the room was my desk with a microphone, a computer and my electric keyboard.
-Well, I thought I wasn't going to be more amazed than I was, but this is incredible. -Calum said, starting walking around the place.
-Is like heaven, isn't it? -I said, following him.
-Definitely. All this basses? Guitars? This one is signed by Bryan May! How?! -He said, taking the guitar in his hands, but I was quick to take it away from him.
-Careful. This was my mother's favorite guitar, she got it signed up in a Queen show in the nineties. -I explained as I put it back on its stand on the wall-. It's not a great guitar, but it's so special.
-I see. Everything here is just being in a dream.
I smiled and I sat on the piano, letting him wander around, investigating and observing all the instruments. Having the keys in front of me made me feel the need of playing something, it's been so long since the last time I was there, this past weeks were a little of a chaos... I started playing a melody, hoping for Calum to realize what song it was.
-Oh my God, that's "She looks so perfect" -Calum said happily, getting next to me. I just nodded wanting to sing so bad, but I wasn't the one going to do it, so he was who took the lead-. "While I was out I found myself alone, just thinkin' if I showed up with a plane ticket and a shiny diamond ring with your name on it, would you wanna run away too?"
I was waiting for him to continue singing, because that sounded like heaven for me, but he didn't, so I stopped playing and looked at him confused:
-What's wrong?
-I just don't know how to get to the high note properly and not make it sound weird... -I smiled.
-You have to take a breath before singing and feel how your voice comes from your head, not your chest, and while you sing it, you gotta let go of the air you took before, that way you can create a airy high note that I think would suit you perfectly. -He looked at me with his eyes really open.
-I wasn't expecting a masterclass.
-Come on, try it.
-Don't laugh if it doesn't sound good, okay?
-I would never. Come on, I'll take it from the: "If I showed up..." -I said and he nodded.
I started playing again and Calum sang, but when he got to the part that he had to do the falsetto, his voice faded away.
-God, I can't. I'm just not able to do it.
-Of course you can, you did it for the recording.
-Not really, that was edited and produced to sound like that, I've never got to hit that note. -He seemed pretty upset and insecure talking about that, what made me feel really bad.
-Good, I'll do it and you try to imitate me, okay? -For a second he looked at me confused but then nodded, so I started playing once again so I could sing-: "Would you wanna run away too? 'Cause all I really want is you."
Calum's face changed for a second to an emotion I couldn't recognize, and then smiled.
-How do I know if I'm doing it properly? -He asked.
-Okay, let's see... -I put a hand on his chest-. Sing that part with your chest voice, you must feel it right where my hand is. No matter if it sounds weird because it will, just do it.
Calum looked at me in the eye for a moment, then sighed and nodded. He sang again that last verse, I felt his voice against the palm of my hand, also his heart was beating pretty fast.
-That sounded terrible. -He said giggling.
-Because is not how the song is meant to be sang. Now you gotta do the same thing but getting higher little by little, by the time you get to the last word, your voice must be coming from your head and you gotta hit that note.
-You're a better voice teacher than my actual teacher. Actually, she's mostly focus on Luke, that's why I don't get to improve that much. -He whispered, looking to the floor.
-I can help you whenever you want, Thomy. -I said and kissed his cheek-. Let's try this, okay?
Once more, we got to it, but I felt how Calum was more self-conscious every time, he didn't sang as loud as before and his voice was more irregular than before.
-Okay, stop. -I said, taking my hand off his chest and staring at him-. What's wrong?
-I just don't feel capable of doing it...
-Look at me. -I took his face in between my hands, making our eyes connect-. Let's harmonize. Okay? Let's sing it together and if it doesn't work, we'll try it another day. Deal?
I sat sideways on the piano stool, where we were both sat, so I could be face to face with him, then I interlocked our hands. He was so nervous for some reason and I was so calm for it to be normal.
-Take a deep breath, relax and focus. We deserve a cigarette after this. -We giggled.
-I'm going to steal one of yours.
-I'll give you a pack of the mint ones. Ready?
-I guess. -It was so weird seeing Calum insecure.
I gave him a starting note and I marked the tempo with my foot before starting singing. Surprisingly, the harmony was almost instantaneous, as I sang with him he hit the note perfectly, and it was obvious that he noticed it because his smile was the cutest thing ever. We didn't stop were we should and continued singing the whole song a capella, doing a beautiful harmony. It felt so good to be doing that with him. When we finished singing, we looked at each other, suddenly everything felt like we just did something really intimate and I knew that my cheeks were turning red as fucking hell.
-I did it! -He said, letting go of my hands and hugging me.
-Harmonies always work. You sounded amazing. -I said, leaning my head on his shoulder.
I don't know how much time we stood there, glued to each other, but it was like being in heaven for me. The mess created in my head in that moment was from another world. I don't know what happened to me today, but I don't want him to ever leave me. All my feelings increased by ten after this, but I was so damn scared to screw everything up, again. I still can't believe Calum was there in my worst moment but thanks God he was.
We broke the embrace, getting a little away from each other, but still being really close. His breath was colliding with mine. I saw his eyes going down for a bit then out gazes connected again, that confused me but I didn't want to stop looking at him. We were so close. So. Damn. Close. His mouth was just two inches away from mine, it'll be so easy to just close the gap between us...
-Moon... -Calum murmured.
-Tell me.
-Thank you.
-There's no need to. -We were talking in whispers.
-But I needed to say it. -Suddenly he put a hand around my cheek-. Sometimes it's like you aren't even real.
-Why's that?
-Because everything with you feels so... Perfect, unreal... -My heart was about to get out of my chest for the tenth time since he arrived this morning.
-Well, I think I'm pretty real. -He laughed softly. Fuck, that was sexy.
-I guess I can prove it. -He said, caressing my face fondly, we were getting closer-. There's something I didn't tell you...
-About what?
-About yesterday. -His voice was choppy all of a sudden.
-Go ahead.
-Uhm... Yesterday... You were switching moods really fast, like every two seconds... And, well...
-There's something wrong?
-Is just that you...
He didn't get to finish his sentence because my phone started ringing, causing us to part away from each other, startled. I took the phone out of my pocket, seeing my dad's contact on the screen.
-Give me a moment, I gotta answer.
-Yeah, sure, go ahead.
I moved a little from him and picked up the call, already knowing what that call meant.
-Morning, dad. -I said.
-Hi. I just landed in L.A, I'll be home in an hour.
-Sure, perfect. See you then.
-Bye.
A conversation as brief as usual. I put my phone back in my pocket, letting out a long sigh, and I sat down next to the guy who looked at me curiously. I was angry to have forgotten about this, but in my defense, I don't remember anything that happened yesterday. I looked at the boy in front of me, sorry; knowing that the next thing I would say to him was not going to please anyone.
-Anything wrong? -Calum asked.
-My dad just arrived in the city, he'll be home soon.
-That means I gotta leave, right? -I looked to the floor and nodded.
-I'm sorry... We were have a good time.
-Hey, it's okay. We'll talk later, okay?
I nodded again and he kissed my forehead fondly. We both got out of the music room and I went with him downstairs so we could say goodbye. We hugged one last time before he left, I was surprised to see that he got into a car, I didn't even knew he got his license... We just talked about me and I didn't asked him anything about what's he'd been up to... I'm such a good friend. Anyway, once he was gone, I went back to my room, where with nothing better to do, I started cleaning up all the mess up there.
I should have kissed him while I had the chance. Now I'll be thinking about it all day. God, I crave I kiss from him. I hate it.