There's a particular plummeting dip you feel deep in the middle of your gut when you feel like your world is collapsing on you. It's that dip before you're about to give a presentation in front of thousands of people, those million pairs of eyes on you, or when you have a secret and are terrified of revealing it. The dip that feels like your stomach is ripping itself apart.
That's exactly how I feel.
My arms ache strained from the awkward position I'd been in for three days. Or is it four? It's hard to tell when I keep slipping in and out of consciousness. My stomach screams in agony, hungry for something, even if it's just a cracker. It reminds me of when I lived on the streets, making a few dollars a week by selling narcotics. I would be so hungry all the time that I tend to forget it after a few days. It's a miracle I got my period at a reasonable time when I was malnourished.
It's probably the help of Diablo. Once we met, he never went a day without seeing me and would bring sandwiches, candies, ice cream — you name it. Diablo spoiled me. But can I really be spoiled if I had nothing at all? It's not like the food came without a price tag. It wasn't anything drastic. I'm used to fighting to survive.
But sometimes, it's exhausting, and I just want to give up.
I'm like a fucking dog, gasping for air as I open my dry mouth, sticking my tongue out as if it would do anything different. My tongue glides over my cracked lips, easing the ache for a second. Water-- I need water so badly. My head rests on the wooden foundation, unable to find the motivation to move a single muscle.
What if I give up?
What if I stop fighting?
There's nothing left for me to fight for-- I would do the world justice by dying. No one would disagree. I am just a monster. Maybe in my next life, I'll resurrect as an ordinary girl with no vices and virtues to fight. My body curls up in a ball, chafing my ass because of the rough floors. How humiliating to be chained, naked, and hungry to the bedpost.
Suddenly, the door creaks open, shining the bright hallway light into the room, blinding me. I cover my eyes, clutching onto the foundation. Footsteps pound closer and closer, halting and squatting as I feel their warm breath on my skin.
"Wakey, Wakey." His sinister voice causes a shiver to roll down my spine. "Mika? You can't be dead. That would ruin all the fun." He seizes my chin, forcing me up to meet his brown, bizarre irises, and mocks a pout. "Good. You're still there."
Gathering all fuel I have left, I force my chin out of his grasp and stare at the floor. A fucking disgrace to this earth. I don't want to be anywhere near him. He can have everything because I'm tired of fighting for everyone.
"Don't be so bitter, baby." A sadistic laugh rips from his throat. "You didn't think you could actually beat me? Did you really think I spent years plotting the Morterero's familia downfall for a stupid bitch to get in my way? You didn't have a chance, Princesa."
"Fuck you."
He claps his hands as another ripple of laughter escapes his lips. "Oh, she talks. I almost got upset. It isn't fun to torture you when I don't get a rise out of you."
Fuck him, seriously. I'm letting him get to me, but I have no patience. I'm fucking starving, drained, and depressed. My eyes fall to the floor, catching a glimpse of the plate with red grapes, rice, and water. Great. Now, that's going to be the only thing I see. My stomach grumbles, shattering the silence, and I want to bang my head against the foundation.
"Looks like someone is hungry," Mateo taunts, flaunting the bowl of rice in my face. "Lucky for you, Jefe felt enough remorse to feed you. Don't get too excited. It won't be long until I convince him to kill you."
"Fuck you and your food," I spat, turning my head to face the wall.
An involuntary gasp flees my throat when Mateo aggressively yanks on my neck until I'm standing. He bangs my head against the wall, causing my vision to go black and white with spots. The handcuffs cut into my wrist, irritating my batted skin. Mateo flashes his vicious grin, licking his lips before giving my face a harsh slap.
I fling to the side from the force--pain flaring through my skin. "Go fuck yourself, Mateo. I don't want your pity food."
Mateo laughs, tapping his knuckles on the wall. "Did I fucking ask you?" His laughter disappears, replaced by brutal rage as he grips my cheeks, squeezing them together. "You are fucking nothing here. A piece of shit on the floor. You will do what I say when I tell you."
Before I know it, he floods my face with the water, cutting my ability to breathe. I gag, choking on the freezing liquid, feeling the water trickle down my entire body. It's a pleasing sensation-- to finally give my body what it's craving, but I don't want it. I gather a mouthful of water in my mouth, and when Mateo glances away to toss the water bottle, I spit in his face.
I giggle like a manic. "Oops, looks like I choked."
Another slap strikes my cheek, leaving a sting in its wake. My hair flings into my face, obscuring my view as I keep laughing. He's not going to get the best of me. I won't give him the enjoyment of seeing me fall from my pristine tower. From the way his nose flares, my laughing makes him angrier. Mateo unleashes his fury, slapping me until he's panting, gasping for air.
My tongue snakes out over my lips, tasting the sweet metallic taste of blood. "You must have forgotten-- I'm the craziest psychotic bitch in town."
I groan when Mateo yanks my hair, lowering himself until we are at eye level. "Listen here, bitch. The only reason I haven't killed you yet is because I want Asiel to do it. Nothing will bring me more joy to watch him kill you than I'll take him out. Romeo and Juliet style."
"They committed suicide together, dumbass," I say, rolling my eyes.
He shrugs. "Basically, the same thing."
Mateo wipes his bloody knuckles with the bedsheets and heads to the door. The door shuts with a bang, causing the entire room to vibrate. I slump down into the corner, my new home. My stomach grumbles, violently loud, making me want to bang my head against the foundation. That asshole left the platter by the edge of the bed--opposite me. Should I even eat it? What if he poisoned it?
Nah-
That's a pussy move.
Mateo wouldn't want me to go out like that.
Using the length of my body, I extend my leg as far as it can go, trying to reach the platter. I'm failing. My arm pangs as if I'm tearing it off its socket from expanding my body past its breaking point. Sweat drips down my forehead as I'm an inch away from being on the platter.
"Come on!" My face scrunches up with misery, biting my lip to combat the pain. I'm so close--I can taste the victory in my mouth.
Finally, my big toe reaches the platter, and I haul it towards me, returning to my comfortable ball. The food barely lasts five minutes on the plate. I stuff my face with grapes and rice, creating an odd mixture of sweet and savory. My eyes roll back in satisfaction. Nothing tastes better when you're on the brink of starvation. A part of me wishes I didn't waste the water.
My attention snaps to the whack, banging against the window. What the? I squint my eyes, trying to see past the rain cascading on the window. Another knock comes from the window and the air whoosh in when the intruder opens it. Out of instinct, I grab the glass bowl and clutch it behind my back.
Always know how to kill someone-- even if the weapon is simply a pair of sneakers.
Their veiny hands grip the wall, yanking themself in and collapsing to the ground with a slam. "Shit," he mutters, pushing back his floppy, long, black hair.
I squint my eyes, trying to find any clues that will give his identity away-- the Morterero familia tattoo on his neck. "Pacho?" I whisper.
"Fuck. Was I really loud?" He asks, speeding to the door, and he twists the lock. "Mik-." Pacho cuts himself when he sees how I'm holding up and darts in the opposite direction. "W-where are your clothes?"
I scoff. "What. Are you five? You act like you've never seen a woman's naked body before."
Pacho swallows the lump in his throat. "It doesn't feel right to stare."
"You stared at me when I was fourteen," I reply, cocking my head to the side. "What's the difference now?" His face burns bright red, reaching to the nape of his neck. A quiet giggle leaves my lips, and I point at the bathroom. "I'm teasing. My clothes are in the bathroom."
"Perfect," Pacho replies. "Here." He hurls a bobby pin at me, and I catch it with my uncuffed hand.
Once I straighten out the bobby pin, I stare ahead, not needing my eyes for anything. Picking locks is the oldest trick in the book. Something even a baby would know. As soon as I'm freed, Pacho comes into the room and throws my clothes at me. My wrist throbs, raw and red from being tied for four days straight.
"Did you come here for me?" I tease, trying to lighten the somber mood.
My sense of humor is the only thing that will keep me going. I squeeze myself into my short skirt and search for a hoodie in Asiel's cabinets. I'm sure he won't mind. It will be the last thing I take from him. A memento for all the moments we shared this past year.
Tears threaten to fall as I swirl the wedding ring on my finger-- seeing our initials together slice my heart. Stop it, Mika. My mind goes blank, static like a tv with no signal. Coldness washes over me.
"Julian warned me," Pacho says.
"About what?"
He takes a long breath. "About them coming after me. Apparently, Mateo got in Asiel's ear, creating this entire plot against you and me, wanting to take him down. I think Asiel thinks we're a thing."
My face scrunches up with disgust. "As if."
"The feeling is mutual," Pacho snaps back. "I tried to warn you, but you weren't answering your phone. I would've come earlier, but the house is guarded on all perimeters. We don't have much time until they figure out I broke in. I accidentally broke the Wi-Fi signal on the roof."
"What's the plan?" I ask, wrapping my wrist with gauze to hide my weak spots.
"Get out?" Pacho states in a transparent tone. "I don't know, Mika. We just have to go before they kill us. You might have a shot because Asiel loves you, but I'm done for. One way or another, we leave or get killed."
I place my hand out, extending it for him. "Okay. Let's pop this popsicle stand. Do you have anything that can keep us from dying?"
Pacho exhales, pulling a pistol from the back of his pants. "Here. Don't use it unless it's necessary. I think we can get out without getting caught."
The knob twists back and forth, receiving a bang on the door as a result. "What the fuck? Why is the door locked?"
"I don't know." Another voice chimes in.
"Break it fucking down!" He commands.
Pacho grabs my hands. "We need to go. Now!"
The rain splashes onto the floor, causing leaves to sprinkle into the room. Pacho holds my hands as I go feet first, trying to touch the roof. Adrenaline courses through my veins, pumping to my pounding heart as my toes hit the surface.
"I'll see you on the other side," I say, giving him a wink before he lets go of my hands.
The drop causes me to lose my footing, and my body rolls down onto the roof. I yelp, discomfort circulating through every part of my body as the roof fragments puncture my skin. At the last second, I latch onto the roof's edge and cling like a spider monkey. My body flails around from the vigor of the wind crashing against the side of the house. My eyes widen at the cement floor underneath me, and I see a soldier standing in the corner.
"Hey! She's escaping!" The soldier screams, aiming his gun at me.
"Shit." I curse, gritting my teeth as I use my strength to climb on top of the rooftop.
Bullets reel past me, penetrating the house and missing my foot by an inch. Finally, I climb back on the roof and lie down, gasping for air. I cover my ears as the bullets keep coming-- completely missing me. These soldiers can't shoot for shit. I could headshot them with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back.
Once I have enough oxygen in my lungs, I hoist myself up and run for cover. The bullets keep flying, scraping the material on the roof. If they are going to go ballistic, then I will have to crawl my way around. It's the only way to stay hidden. Even with their horrible aim, I'm not willing to risk a wound. I have to find a way in, or I'm toast.
I shield my face to the side when a pellet whirls past me, striking the window beside me. It crashes open, leaving a hole in the middle. Wow. Was this a sign? Oh, what the heck? Where else can I go? Shit--this is going to hurt. Using my arms as a barrier, I thrust in; the shards piercing my skin as I thump to the floor like a dead fish.
"Fuck!" I whisper under my breath, clasping onto my arm, feeling a shard engrave in my skin. Surprisingly doesn't hurt as much as I thought. Blood splatters to the floor. I have to take it out. Gnawing on my lip, I yank the glass fragment out of my shoulder, swallowing the groan down my throat.
Once the pain subsides, my eyes bounce around the room. The white curtains from the balcony sway in the wind, letting the moon peek through. I remember this place like yesterday-- it's Asiel's office. Asiel and I almost kissed here until I stopped him. I wished I didn't. Maybe then I could've had more time to make memories with him.
My entire body freezes when I meet his emerald gaze, sitting in his office chair. Fuck. It's him-- the only person who can yank me back to sanity. Asiel's eyes are bloodshot, with dark circles underneath them. He's broken. I broke him. Asiel's face pales as he twirls the ziplock baggies in his hands.
"You relapsed," I mutter.
"Don't act like you care." His hostile tone pierces my heart like a pin on a pillow. "How did you get out? Your secret boyfriend helped you?"
"Mateo is lying to you. I would never date Pacho."
"Just like he's lying about you killing my brother?" Asiel snaps, his eyes glisten with tears. "Please tell me he's lying. Mika." He blows out a breath, trying to breathe through the tears as hoists up from his chair.
My heart pounds in my ears as I watch Asiel inching closer until he falls to the floor, kneeling in front of me. Asiel grips my face, his touch causing a flutter of butterflies to erupt in my stomach.
He sobs. "It's not true, right, Princesa? Please tell me it's all a lie. Tell me you didn't kill Ander and my papa. Please. I can't take this. It hurts me so much."
I blink back the tears. I thought the worst thing I could do was kill Asiel's brother and father. Turns out, watching his life fall apart was truly the worst thing. I watch the man I love lose control and have a meltdown. This is all my fault. I should've stayed in the darkness. I should've stayed away.
Do I lie? So, we can live in ignorance? We both know the heartbreaking truth, but can we live in oblivion? No. I can't do that to him. The guilt weighs too much on my soul. I can't bear it much longer. The pressure, the secrets, the betrayal are suffocating. There's nothing worse than feeding into the lies. We have to face reality if we want to make it out of this.
"But it was me, Asiel," I confess, whispering, kissing his palm that is on my face. "I'm sorry. I wish I could take it back. Take all the pain from you, but I can't. I killed them."
Asiel drops his forehead on mine, connecting them as he squeezes his eyes shut. A sharp stab of pain strikes me in the chest, and I try to cling to the coldness, gasping for a hitch of my emotions. His body stiffens, disconnects our forehead, and stands up with anguish radiating in his eyes.
His jaw ticks repeatedly, and his lips tremble with the smallest wrinkle of his nose as he pulls an object from his pocket--a gun. Asiel unclips the safety clip, hooking his finger on the trigger. It's unstable, quivering in his hand. Droplets of tears litter down his rosy cheeks, showing his defeat.
He wipes the tears trickling down his chin. "Mika... I just want to ask one thing."
I clear my throat, staring past the gun and into his irises. The look is gone. The look of love. The glimmer in his irises--gone. He looks at me like I'm a monster.
"Go ahead."
"W-Was any of it real?" He sniffles, wrinkling his nose. "The moments we spent together? The kisses and lessons-- were they real? Did you love me as much as I love you?"
He's never going to move on if I say yes. It's going to pull him into a mind-fuck. Asiel will be yanked in both directions--good and bad. It's not possible. It's clear as day now. Maybe we can make it out of this, but we can't do it together. If Asiel is going to make it out of this-- he needs to forget about me.
Hiding behind my favorite mask, I stand up and stalk forward, pressing my forehead against the barrel. "I told you-- I'm incapable of love." I laugh, never breaking eye contact. "It was all fake. I didn't love you. I never loved you. You were just a piece in my grand scheme."
Asiel stumbles back, his arm faltering, but I grab the gun, keeping it zoned on my head. "Kill me, Asiel. This is what you always wanted to kill the person who took away your brother. I'm right here. Do it! Fucking do it!"
He flinches, his eyes squeezing shut. "I-I can't. You know I can't."
Slowly, I pull the gun down to my waist and stalk closer to Asiel, gripping his tear-strain cheek. "I'm sorry," I whisper, smashing my skull against him, causing him to lose consciousness.
His body goes slack, and I catch him in my arms, making sure his forehead doesn't have a mark. The gun thuds to the floor, going off and firing into the wall. Shit. I need to get out of here. Carefully, I lay Asiel in his chair and press the last kiss on his cheek, pushing his brown hair back.
"Please understand what I'm doing is for your own good." I swallow the knot in my throat as tear after fucking tear tumbles from my eyes, and I hate myself for losing control.
Before anyone can see, I sneak out of the door and rush down the stairs. Their pounding is enough to disguise my feet. My legs keep moving until I'm outside the house, resting my back on the door. Asiel's ring glimmers under the patio's light, and I fall to pieces, ugly, crying into the palm of my hand.
I hate myself for hurting you, Asiel.
I'm going to leave for good.
You won't ever have to see me again.
There's one person who can help me disappear.
My clothes are drenched with water, making a squeaky sound with my every step. The newspaper gets squashed underneath my feet. I lower the hoodie on my head and knock on the door. How ironic. Last week, I came here with the purpose of betraying him. Now, I want his help.
His serpent snake tattoo is the first thing I see when he opens the door, holding the knob open. I shiver from the freezing, damp hoodie and rub my nose because it's runny from all the crying. Diablo flashes a sympathetic look, skimming over the bleeding wound on my arm.
"What happened?"
I sniffle. "You were right." My lips tremble, and my hands shake beside my thighs. "I'm a monster in his eyes now. He broke up with me."
"Oh, Mika," Diablo says, his arms going around me, and I immediately wrap my arms around him. My face smashes against his chest like plastered mashed potatoes, and I sob into his arms.
Monsters always stick together.
How ironic.
Even against my will, it ends with Eugene and me.
🥹🥹🥹another heartbreaking chapter for you guys... I guess I just love making you cry— the fact Mika broke the illusion to try to save Asiel at least in her head 🥹
Do you guys think she did the right thing? Or just messed up with him more? I feel like this scene is callback to an earlier chapter when Mika had Asiel point the gun at her when she was upset👀👀
How do you guys feel? Heartbroken? Me too! I'm so sad 🥹🥹I want them back together already!
Thank you for supporting me! I'm literally going to lose my mind if Mika hits 500K before completing because that's like my freaking dream!!! I won't expect it, but I'll hope for it.
I'm just grateful to have all you guys...❤️❤️❤️❤️
Love ya 💜🤍🤍💜🤍❤️