From: Karina Sapenas
To: Thalia Cannes
Subject: PROGNOSIS
Hi my friend. I miss you. I know we've chat just yesterday but I feel like a lot of things happened after you advise me to go to him. You remember the time when we were sophomore in Mr. Advincula's accounting class? He gave us a case where he wants to know if we can find what's wrong with the 4 quarters liquidation report of ABC Corporation. We read the case. Analyze it. All the class used up all the 3-hour period just for one case but nobody suss it. Mr. Advincula said we need to figure it out alone. Until now, he never reveal the answer. Now I know the answer. There was nothing wrong with the liquidation report. But we were so damn stupid to think we were too intelligent that we can solve what's wrong. SOLVE. Thalia, he didn't ask us to solve. He asked to find what's wrong. Sometimes, people stress themselves out on something that doesn't exist because of fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear to lose something and fear of being nailed as stupid. Thalia, I made myself believe I love Damon in 4 years because I was afraid that if he feel something for me and I don't feel anything for him, I'll hurt him. I push myself to him because I have expectation. I expect him to profess his love for me in the end. I was not hurt because my "love" wasn't reciprocated. I was hurt because I didn't get what I expected to happen. I was just embarrassed with myself so I blame him for it. Now, I learned that when you try to solve something that is not wrong in the first place, you end up into a real serious dilemma. If I didn't lead myself into such idiosyncrasy, I will never be here. But I wish that I should have fallen really in love with him. So I'll know the feeling of being one. I hadn't known that taking in someone's appearance for too long, is a sign. I hadn't known that when you find yourself at peace with someone, is a sign. I hadn't known that euphoric silence, is a sign. I hadn't known that missing someone for 3 days after you've been with them for less than 24 hours, is a sign. In the first place, I hadn't known that the urge to get out when the elevator opens on 3rd floor means you miss someone. I just knew it when I'm beginning to step into a booby trap. And bam! I'm dead.
Thalia, I am in love with him. And his name is Daemon. He's a family man. A loyal one. I never thought I could possible hate such act of loyalty. Lol. I should have known that I could possibly fall for him the moment I felt uneasy inside the elevator. I should have listen to my heart instead of detailing his every features. Lol. By then, if I knew, I should have start digging up possible bullets I might receive, and should have brace myself. So many 'should haves'. So many 'if onlys'. Tsss. It is just fucking frustrating that you'll only know you're in it when you finally feel the pain. Does love have to be like this?
There is something different in his eyes every time he looks at me. I don't want to assume anymore. But if I'm not mistaken, I think he's also developing feelings for me. Though I don't want to dig it up. Avoiding relationship conflicts and protecting family, is the least I can do to humanity. If I can't have my own, then I won't dare ruin other's. I realize I'm a good person. I just can't fathom why I'm getting myself into this mess.
PS: I don't want to know another Damon. The name's a jinx for me.
I rub my eyes and settled my laptop in the bed. I open my 6th bottle of beer. It's 6:00 in the evening. And I've been drinking my heart out after I woke up after lunchtime. We got back from Bulabog around 7:00 am. I slept again and woke up thirsty. So I ordered half case of beer. Samantha didn't even bother to ask me what I would do with all of this. Tss.
So here I am.
Celebrating my beautiful baptism in the world of love.
Pop!
I get back to my laptop and open my facebook.
Thalia message you
Thalia: Wth? I told you not to send me a novel in an email.
Me: You'll become a perfect defense lawyer
Thalia: Just reminding you okay? Now that you have mentioned it, we need to enroll next month. And we still haven't process our documents. The CoL will start giving exam first week of May.
Me: You're not doing this to me
Thalia: And by the way, Damon said you're not answering his messages.
Me: Thalia come on
Thalia: Pfft.
Me: Is this my fault?
Thalia: Who else?
Me: I know
Thalia: Prognosis? Do I still have to tell you to pack up your things and leave? What else do you expect me to say? You're smart Karina. Just caught up in nasty game of fate.
I heave a deep breath and click the video call icon. Thalia answered after 6 rings. She's wearing gray long-sleeves. Her left shoulder is exposing because the sleeves hangs in her upper arm. Her red-dyed hair is tied in a loose bun.
"You're a mess." she greets.
"Mum called and she said I need to go home by Monday. Family affairs. So I've already pack half of my clothes. I'll leave Sunday even evening." I lied.
"Can't you leave now? Why stay for two more days?" I also don't know why.
"I need Thalia version 3.0. Maybe she could understand." Emerson appear wearing a gray sweatpants. His upper body is naked.
"Who's that?" He asked.
"Hi Emerson. Sorry for bothering you." I actually forgot Thalia is in vacation with him.
"Love Guru Thalia 3.0" I continued. Emerson laughs and ruffles her girlfriend's hair. Then kiss her on the lips before walking away. I have practically looked away from my laptop. When he left, she eyes me hard and twitches her upper lip. I know that if we're together she would pull my baby hair.
She let out a huff then pushed her mac and lie face down. "Karina, if you were in love with Damon, you wouldn't fall in love with Daemon. Geez. Can I use A for Damon and E for Daemon? God. What a dungeon you have thrown yourself into."
"Alright. Why do you say that?"
"Because we can never fall in love twice." she mimics the sound of the "love guru" we saw in Indian movie. I chuckled. She really loves watching love-pinning movies.
"Thalia, do you believe that marriage is not a guarantee of love?"
"Of course. Not all people you marry, you love. And not all you love, you marry." I fall back in the bed clutching my chest. That is so painful. I can't imagine being stuck with the person I don't love for the rest of my life. I don't think my heart can bear to lose the one I love. But then I'm deadlock. So the last statement has to happen. And if I love E now, then I'm doomed forever?
"Fuck!"
"Hey idiot! Watch your mouth." I hear her say.
"I don't have a mirror." I said dizzily.
"He he. Funny. Get up! Have you been drinking?"
"Thalia, what's the penalty for adultery?" I ask without getting up. I roll to and fro the bed.
"Jesus! Karina Sapenas!" Thalia exclaimed. I get up and face her.
"Just kidding okay? But damn it Thalia! I don't know what to do. I can feel it all over my body. I want him! I need to see him. Every time his skin brush mine, even for a millisecond, I could feel those volts running through me. My chest constricts every time he scowl at me. And when he looks at me, my stupid heart melt. And Thalia, it happened just yesterday! All emotions came without a warning. Why the hell it doesn't have a warning?" I am shouting at the ceiling. Then I begin to sob.
"Karina calm down, okay? I admit the moment you told me that E kept your mind off A, I had an intuition that you are falling for him. But I can never could tell because love is not a generic drug. It comes in special package uniquely wrap for two people. One can find love in an archenemy, in a long distance, in friendship, and all other million ways. And in your case, it comes in a euphoric silence and inner peace." Thalia said rapidly like she needs to inculcate it in my mind before time runs out.
I get up and sit at the bed's edge. I stare at the door then open another beer.
"Karina stop it please. That won't help."
"What would help Thalia?" I ask without looking at her. I slug the beer to half. I hear her sigh. I smile painfully. My love-all-knowing best friend and has always an advice ready to give now sits nonplus. Am I that helpless?
She clears her throat after a dragging silence.
"Kar—karina, sometimes fate would allow us to see the person you're destined to be with. There are just choices in life that veer us from what should have happened." she said quietly.
"I don't understand. Look Thalia, I'm only been 6 days here. I've been with him for less than 48 hours, how could this be possible? How can fate be this cruel? A family man? God. I am meant to fall in love with a family man." I shake my head.
"Karina, you'll be fine. You'll get by." I'll get by? I wasn't in love with A but the damage he'd cause me is great. How can I possibly get by with this? I look at her and smile.
"Thanks."I murmured.
"I haven't done anything."
"You have. You're always been the friend I need, not a fan."I said chuckling.
"Karina, you know the smartest thing you've done was the time you picked me to be your friend." I roll my eyes and we both broke into a laughter.
"Good night Karina."
"Good night Thalia."
I set aside my laptop and open another bottle. It's 11:24 in my clock. I made a mental note that if ever I got the chance to cross path with fate, I'll kill her. I'm positive fate is a female species.
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