The Misadventures of Karina and Daemon

T h eR e v e l a t i o n (K)

Uurgh. My head hurts. I turn to my right. Somebody's knocking on my door. I try to get up then fall back again. The throbbing sensation in my head makes it impossible to raise my body. My eye caught a glass standing in my bedside table. I can't remember putting it there. Then I look at my dress. I can't remember pulling this in either.

Then it hit me.

I jump from bed as memories of yesterday came rushing in. I hold my head as it hurts more because of my sudden movement. Oh my god. I got wasted. What day is today? Shit. I grab my laptop.

Sunday? Today is Sunday? We went to Bulabog on Thursday. We got back Friday. Oh my god. I was drinking for two days? Or sleeping for two days? Or I sleep and drink for two days? God. What have gone in my life? I groan as I remembered everything that happened in my obnoxious drunken state. I'm about to fire myself a series of expletives when my ear catches the knocking. I helplessly pull myself up and headed to the door. I was about to turn the knob when I hear a sound that made my heart leap up to my throat and put my stomach in a roller-coaster ride.

"Karina are you there?"

I swallowed twice and back away from the door. What is he doing here? Reprimand me for such stupid stunt? It doesn't make sense. If he reprimand me then it would only entail he is affected and I'm right about his feelings for me. I told him not to act awkward and funky but I didn't tell him to come to me. What would he say? There is nothing there is for him to say on me. But in my case, I really need to apologize. Is that why he's here? To make me apologize?

This does not make sense either. That would go out ridiculous.

"Karina?"

I blow a suppress breath and slowly make my way back to the door. Geez. Cause if only not for this stupid thing hammering inside my chest, this should have been easy. I'm still thinking why, in the first place, I admitted my feelings. But there's no backing out now. This will just be like looking that girl and Damon kiss. Although it wouldn't count now that I think it's all a ploy. Damn.

Every time I thought how hallow my stress was, I get more disgusted with myself. Another knock interrupts the flow of my yet another unpleasant reverie. I turn the knob and open it slowly. I meet him with a plastic grin and bouncing energy I could muster.

"Good morning!" I said beaming.

"Hey. I guess I woke you up." he said grinning. But the tension in his eyes is undeniable.

I realize I just jumped from bed. I haven't even wash face and brush my teeth yet. Geez. I turn around but turn back again. There's no room for impression already. Damage has been done. "Yes. What are you doing here?" I try to appear calm and cool.

"I want to tell you something."

"Uh-oh." I eye him askance. "I am not about to ruin a family. So if you'll say we can get through this together, no way Daemon." I said solidly. Although my heart shouts otherwise. I hate that some part of me hopes for a chance between us. But I don't care if I appear weak in fighting-for-love area. I'll never do anything that would make me lose sleep forever.

"Can I come in?" he said nonchalantly. Perfectly ignoring my remarks.

"What? Are you crazy?"

"No. Just let me come in Karina. I won't do anything. We'll just talk."

"Talk about what?" I ask indignantly. If there's one thing I learned, we all have control about everything that might nail us. We can't simply use love as an excuse to do something immoral. We're ruining the essence of it. If we truly love someone, we have to know the best thing to do for each other.

"Just let me in okay?" his voice crack. There's a frustration in his face.

"No Daemon." I attempted to close the door but he pushed it with his arm. His other hand holds the knob. I push harder. This door serves as my security. Because I don't know how far we'll go if I let him come in. Maybe Coleen Hoover is not imagining things about eye-fucking. I guess we often do that. I just think of it now that the emotions between us are exploding, shooting firecrackers in the air.

"Karina if you won't let me in, listen to me. And listen hard." There's a two-inch opening in the door. Whatever he has to say, I could just easily slam the door shut.

"Okay." I can't hear my own voice.

"Karina, I am--I am taking up Theology in Agustus Academe. Not just a co-ed student, if you know what I mean." My hold on the door loosens. It opened slowly. Everything around me begins to move slowly as his words sink in. The woman who passes lingers her look on me like she knows what's going on. I fix my eyes on the floor, embarrassed.

"Karina I'll be taking my last year when the school opens. I--

I slowly lift my eyes until it settled on his face. I'm searching for a hint of jest. I'm waiting for him to crack into an exaggerated laugh and announce this is all just a prank. But there's none. His eyes are filled with tears. "I'm sorry." he said gravelly. He looked torn and helpless. I just stand there and stare at him. Everything becomes slow and blurry as a tear drop from my unblinking eye. It feels like time stops and we're moving fast. It feels like there's some physical force pulling us away from each other. He's just inches from me but he appears so far. I open my mouth for some air. Even my heart stops beating.

The world stops behind us.

I find my feet and slowly back away.

Farther. Until I find the knob, grip it hard, and with all the force I can exert, throw the door close. I clutch my chest and slump down the floor.

I let out a wail and starts to cry my heart out. I don't care if I'm heard all over the place. I just need to squeeze out all the pent-up anguish and guilt I have afforded myself to carry. I cry hard until my lachrymal gland passes out. Until my lungs burnout. The self-reproach I am feeling right now is overwhelming as I recall everything I have done to him.

Shit. Shit. Karina.

God. But I'm in love with him. Why? Why him? God. Why him? There's a lot of lesbians, gays, family man, widow, DOM, and other secular beings that I could at least give my heart out. Why the man who is impossible and wrongful to be with me?

Just.. why? The degree of profanity I have done is damnable.

Good Lord. Why is this happening to me? I couldn't help but cry some more. Cry for my tormented heart brought about by my twisted and impossibly lunatic life. Cry for everything I have put Daemon through. Cry for the put I make on him. Geez. All the carnality. God, I'm sorry. I pull myself up panting. I slump in bed and cry again.

Daemon can never be mine. He's not gay. He's no family man. He's simply not destined for anyone. Except for Him.

Him.

My heart clenches in that beautiful but aggravating reality. I get down on the bed and prop my elbow on the bed while my knee kisses the floor. I close my eyes and bury my face in my palms. For the first time in a long time, sincerely--not like the mundane overused expression-- I call unto Him. I don't know if it's a sin to ask Him one of His disciples but I got to try.

I cry once more. This is worse than the well I created through my four-year nonsense exertion with Damon. This well just sprout out of nowhere, and now it's everywhere inside me, pouring out. I glance on my laptop and decided to let it rest for a while. Thalia has life of her own. I should not always depend on her to bail me out. I waited for my chest to lay still and my tears to dry. Then I'll proceed to the bathroom and fix myself. I have let Daemon think I am mad. I need to let him know that it's okay. That I'm okay.

Of course, I'll be okay. I have to.

What choice is there for me anyway?

This is definitely an impasse. The real catch-22 of my goddamn beautiful life.

If one would call it a life.