people are going to kill me bc of this chapter i am sure of it. some ppl will be happy. anyway. this has been painful to edit.
I don't know how long I was there, but it seemed to fly by. The hours we spent refreshed me. Humanising. I wanted to stay in that moment forever.
It was so loud, yet only 4 people were present, jeewoo could have been 12 people. Every second that went by wasn't a waste. Even in the moments where nothing was said I still smiled. I made sure I took pictures. Pictures of the most. Simple things. Anything to remember.
When it was finally time to leave, I had to go to the bathroom to cry. But today, it was out of happiness.
"do you really have to go? " dowoon hung on my arm. I could see his desperation.
"yes he does, he needs to go back and see-"
"SHUT UP"
"Wait, see who hyung!? Do you have a girlfriend-"
"come on its jisung it's not gonna be-"
"SHUT UP"
I whacked jeewoo on the head, however I was still putting my shoes on, so i missed.
I don't know who he was talking about, but i don't want to know.
Mum stood off to the side, her eyes rather shiny.
"It feels like this is the first time seeing you not from a screen." she smiled. It was sad. But the good kind.
Leaving is so difficult. And when faced with the cold corridors again I was like a balloon deflating.
I sighed, closing my eyes. Time to go back.
But not just yet. I have an idea.
_
I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing, but I've seen people do it enough times. Some shops have printers in and I was always envious of my friends when they went out and printed their photos.
So I'm going to live out that tiny dream of printing out photos.
I plugged my phone into the machine, bouncing up and down in excitement.
I made sure no photo from today was missed. Even out of focus blurry ones.
Every one of them was precious.
As I moved further down my camera roll, I found other photos.
Jimin and I are messing about with something of jungkooks. Our smiles are evil and mischievous.
Then Jungkook himself. An actual photo of the 2 of us, our first photo. Something about it made me tear up.
Then a photo after photo with jin, or of jin.
I think he would try to take one every day, something about keeping track of how handsome he is. I don't know why I'm in those pictures.
This is going to cost a lot but it is worth it.
Then hoseok, to whom would send me photos i don't even remember taking. Some of them i was asleep in his shoulder, some we were just messing about.
Namjoon, i was enraged to find out i only had a couple photos together. Maybe it's because he hates being on camera, but I still selfishly ached..
Taehyung's photos were always in blunk, you would go so long without seeing his face before you were greeted with a plethora of images.
And then finally yoongi.
He's camera shy, so for a change it's me taking pictures of him. But I know he secretly likes them.
Then there was a group photo from jin's birthday.
In total, I printed over 100 photos. And for once in my life, I didn't dare look at the price.
I didn't care how much it cost, every single photo was worth it in my eyes.
I walked out the shop, carrying an envelope that was about to burst. On my walk to the bus stop I admired each one of them. I must look insane walking down the street smiling to myself.
However, when I almost dropped the one shirtless photo I had of jin down the drain, I thought better of my actions.
In my defence he told me to take a photo and it will last longer and that's just what I did. I plan on framing this when I get home.
I placed them in my bag, hoping it wouldn't rain.
I yawned, the night was cold, but it reminded me of summer. It wasn't freezing, it was nice.
"I'm so tired" I slumped into a seat at the bus stop, my eyes feeling heavy.
"no no no '' I slapped my face. I can't sleep now. As I blinked the sleep out of my eyes, my eyes made contact with the bus route.
"no- no- you're taking the-" i swore loudly. I became fully awake.
"last bus to leave- ten o'clock-" i swore again.
I thumbed through my phone.
Eleven- ELEVEN.
I felt my heart sink to my stomach.
"no no no no no" I wailed, kicking my feet like a child.
The thought of being told off by the members made the tiny hairs stand up on my neck-
Imagine jin glaring at you-
That doesn't work because I like that.
Imagine them shouting at you
I slowly got up, dragging my feet on the pavement.
"someones gonna be mad at me" I whined, hitting my head.
If the bus journey was long- i don't even want to think.
But I tried to make the most of it. I tried to look at the stars but there was light pollution. I suddenly started brooding about capitalism.
My final form of entertainment was thinking about today's events. Untainted.
Something in my chest told me i'd be happy for the next couple of months.
I hope that is true.
I closed my eyes, feeling comforted. I didn't have to worry about them being alone. Everyone. My mum and jeewoo and dowoon.
I could feel every related worry disappear just like that.
Suddenly, a beeping hord, rather close by, startled me. I clamped my hands down on my ears.
"who the fuck is that- what an tosser-" i cursed, removing my hands from my ears when i could no longer hear it. My ears rang, now aching from the noise.
"you mean me?" I heard a familiar voice from behind me. I jumped and turned around, terrified of whoever had burst my eardrums.
It was jin. He was standing by a parked car, a grin on his face.
I could feel my cheeks heating up. He had a white shirt on that beautifully displayed how broad his shoulders were.
What made it worse was that he also had his sleeves rolled up and he held his jacket over his shoulder, his long slender fingers held it so casually. Kim seok-jin is a masterpiece.
I ran up to him, and impulsively gave him a hug. I clearly had surprised him as he didn't say anything. I surprised myself.
"hyung-" i hugged him tightly. It felt like we had been apart for days, yet it was only a couple hours.
He finally returned the hug, squeezing my waist, making sure to rid any space between us.
"you- you- alright jisung" he tried to let go but i didn't let him.
He really is a blessing.
"don't let go" I hissed, only hanging on tighter. Now that he was with me I couldn't let go.
We stayed like that for about two minutes. I tried to absorb jins soul but it didn't work. Upsetting.
He had his chin resting on my head.
It was nice. I'm starting to think I must have done something really good to have deserved a day like this.
"come on, we should probably go-" he chuckled
"nooo a couple more minutes" i didn't let go. If it were possible to stay with him forever I would.
"jisung." his voice stern. I didn't budge. This is a dangerous game that i haven't played before.
"I like it when you say my name like that-" I teased, tugging his belt loops suggestively.
"hey-" he tried to make his voice sound angry but he just started laughing.
He snickered. A wordless interaction.
I smiled into his shoulder. I stayed for a while longer. I was suddenly confused as to why he was wearing a suit
"why are you wearing a suit hyung?" I peered up at him finally. Even his hair was styled.
"Why are you out roaming the streets huh?" he said, looking down.
"buses stopped." I rested my chin on his chest, looking up at him waiting for him to speak.
"I know they did. That's why I came looking. We said, whoever gets to each other first? Did we not?" his voice was slow. Did we not. It was almost said suggestive.
"in a suit?" i didn't know how to respond to his tone, so i played with the buttons on his shirt.
"ah- i had a meeting with mr bang" he sighed, but a smile was on his face.
"and you haven't told me what you were up to. But i can guess"
His hands moved to my jeans. I thought the worst. Mind in the gutter.
He stuck his hand in my pocket pulling something out.
He pulled away, leaving me feeling cold. His face said nothing as he slowly pushed me into a nearby wall. I watched his face, completely mesmerised.
"you think i wouldn't smell it" he was no longer smiling, and was holding up my box of cigarettes. I looked away. god why today? I gave him my best look of innocence.
"You tried to hide it didn't you?" he said, his voice getting lower and lower the more he leaned in.
I stared at them, not sure what to say or do.
"If there was someone I could ban from smoking completely it would be you" he threw the packet aside and my eyes followed the box fly febally away.
"as if you weren't sick the other day." he hissed
"I would allow anyone else other than you. I don't care about what they want to do. If they want to, they do it. But you-"
He prodded my chest with a finger.
"Are you done?" I groaned. I wanted to get a word in. A flicker of anger flashed in his eyes.
However, something about the anger in seokjin eyes was absolutely addicting. Even more so when he pushed me harder. Seokjin seemed the only person i could feel i could push against, just because i liked the feeling.
"jisung." he snapped, taking ahold of my shoulders
"let me be. Its my choice." i said quietly, but i made sure he heard. I held his gaze the entire time. He just nodded and after a while he said "fine." he snapped.
I frowned.
"don't look at me like that-" i glared back. He was upset about it. I could tell.
"god, you're a pain." i pulled away.
the smile returned to his face.
We stared at each other, and for some reason I could feel my heart start beating faster and faster the more I looked at him.
I looked away, trying to catch my breath.
No words passed between us.
"hyung?" I whispered to him. His face was hidden by his hair. He gripped my arms and let out a heavy sigh. He then buried his face into my shoulder
His hand slowly moved to my own. He intertwined his fingers, hanging onto the touch.
He slowly pulled himself away, but our hands didn't part. He only tightened his grip.
He didn't look me in the eye he just whispered
"come on"
He didn't lead me to the car, but into the park, of which walls we had been using to push against.
He didn't say anything else.
Once He pulled me to the other side of the wall. I was utterly confused. This side was quieter, darker and more isolated.
Shadows fell on Jin's face. I could only see a slight glint of light in his eyes
"hyung?" I whispered, trying to get a look at his face.
"jisung" he whispered, making my heart feel like it was going to explode. The jacket he had been holding dropped to the floor, a strange feeling washed over me as it landed on the floor.
He placed his hands on my cheeks, holding my face gently, like he thought I was going to break.
"go now. I'm giving you the choice." something strange was in his voice, like he was trying not to cry.
"Huh-"
Seokjin leaned down; and pressed his lips against mine. It was soft, like he had encapsulated himself into it. It was so sudden yet it was like the earth had stopped moving. My heart that was once about to explode now stopped. It was only on the lips, yet something awoke inside me. The soft feeling of his lips on mine. My lips tingle, as if it was my first kiss all over again.
He pulled away, but he still lingered near my face. He was so close that I could feel the heat on his cheeks.
I blinked, trying to come to grips with what happened. I was dumbfounded.
"again-" I said faintly. My eyes searched for him in the dark. His hands still cupped my face.
Jin breathed as if he was about to speak, but i cut in front
"kiss me again"
He didn't even hesitate. This time it wasn't just on the lips. It's like he had prepared his whole life for this moment. The thought 'this isn't right' didn't even cross my mind, more like this WAS right. Seokjin put so much care and love into every move he made. I thought I might burst.
I didn't want to stop.
Something about the way I was being held made me feel safe, even though this is possibly the most over the line thing I had ever done. It was so sweet.
He let go of me for a second. Other than our heaving breathing, it was complete silence. Jin stared at me through the almost darkness.
His lips were swollen and red, and I could even see tears in his eyes.
As I stared at him, his tears slowly made my own start to form. But once again. Out of pure happiness.
"Jin," I whispered, smiling at him.
"jisung" he laughed, but it sounded pretty far away, like he was off in the clouds. i could feel his chest moving up and down with the every breath,
And then for the third time, one of us pulled each other forward.
"Can you hear it? " jin said, between kisses. He took my hands and placed it on his chest.
It was creepy, like our hearts were synced somehow. It was impossible to work out whose was going faster.
I hummed, not wanting to let go.
I have always described Jin as addicting. His smell, the way he plays with my hair, the way he looks at people, specifically me.
The way his hands trembled as he reached my hair, softly holding it as if he thought it would break. He danced around the base of my neck, lightly tracing
The Silver lines with his fingers. It was a strange sensation, but paired with the kiss, I decided I liked it.
I moved my hands slowly to his waist, the feeling consuming me.
We broke apart. Only saliva connecting us.
I would have been disgusted if it were anyone else.
I put my head in his chest, feeling it go up and down as I caught my own breath.
He still had his hands in my hair, letting his hands brush through each strand. "i know- i know there's gonna be a few people at home who are gonna be pretty mad about what we just did" jin said so quietly, as if he was falling asleep.
"That's if we tell them" I said after a long few seconds.
"do we forget about it?" I mumbled, not wanting to hear the answer.
"We can't be anything more, we Know that...but I'll do it again. If you ever need to- well y'know" he said, prying my head away from his chest.
I know what he meant...
"I needed that. I feel like we both did"
(a/n; hi. ive tried my best. this IS inaccurate bc i unfortunally get no bitches it is a life style choice. anyway.
2023 edit : the way i wrote this and just dipped is so funny