My heart felt like it was exploding. I pulled the trigger and fired at three more enemy aircraft. Half of my time was spent taking emotion out of things. I knew there was something up. "Ha... does... right... aware... not... shoot." Was all I heard over frequency. My plane tossed through the air until I was able to make a swift landing. The landing was far from a butter one. The way it bumped and bounced down the runway was not exactly ideal.
"Get your butt back up in the sky, Wright." An officer snapped at me. "Yes sir!" I got back in the aircraft and had a melt down. I got the plane up to the sky and just about had it. My mind went numb again and my feelings got a hold of my good heart. I had no kindness left in my soul. The monster in me that hid for 18 years has finally come out. Enemy planes were still flooding the area. I would have still imagined that there would have been no more after that, but heck no. "I'm sick of flying, I'm sick of this, I'm sick of myself." I mumbled under my breath.
The Germans were fighting with us, but I still feel bad about it. They were not the ones that inflicted this, so why should they have to fight? The end seemed nowhere near possible. Truth just hurts. Maybe I should just keep my pretty mouth shut. This is it, I'm done. My mind went numb -a deep kind of numb. I couldn't feel it. I did not want to understand the battlefields. Everything I see is just a blip of what pure misery looks and sounds like.
"Don't move left." I snapped at another pilot. "Lieutenant Wright, if you're going to fight with me, then you're getting a..." the officer's voice rang, but I ignored it. I'm done and the anger was kindled deep within me. No one will help me, and I cannot seem to help myself. My mind was ready to surrender. I continued to fly towards the final destination site. I had the Line of sight right at the corner and thought that would be the end.
This was the end -the end of my sanity. The blood, the sweat, and the tears that just shoved down my throat. Everytime I would mess with the stick I would feel tense. I noticed the small movements in the plane as I jerked the stick. My mind immediately turned to hatred. Every ounce of blood inside was boiling -there was nearly none left. My eyes were bloodshot, my head throbbed, and my body ached. I was ready to surrender, but those in the militia had other ideas. It seemed like this was the end for me and I was just digging myself into a deeper hole. That hole consumed me -it consumed my feelings and my energy. Sick, tired, and angry was all I felt.
My hand moved the throttle forward more, which meant the plane was being pushed to its limits. I was also being pushed to my limits. I shoved my bleeding arm into the side of the cockpit. I felt it dripping down my side and onto my uniform. "Lynx, enemy on the right!" Lieutenant Marielli said. "Shoot! Fire me! Cover my spot. Don't kill me!" I yelled. "I wouldn't kill you! Focus Lynx! You cannot mess this up. Fire!" He yelled at me in a very cross manner. "Hit and divert!" I shoved the stick to the left, which diverted the plane to a sharp barrel turn. "Pull up Lynx." Mustang said in a quick statement. "Mustang hit it to the right. I see smoke baby!" I yelled. "Affirmative and understood." I responded. "Ahhh I've been hit!" Scout repeated. My mind immediately flashed back to the hatred I had. It ran deep -deep through my veins. It was as if it was replacing the blood in my body. Fear took over as I realized what was happening to my wingmen.
"Don't go that way you..." Another pilot yelled at me. My mind was losing focus, it was doing things to me that I never thought were possible. "Go Lynx!" A familiar voice suddenly said in a calming way. That voice did not come from over the frequency, but rather from someone in my head. My mind dozed off into a deep trace. My state of mind was no longer normal, as it had entered the psychopathic stage. "Don't mess it up." that same voice taunted my half dead mind
"Why not give up?" I asked back in return. "If you do... no one will be happy." I shook my head as the voice finally went away. Was this really the end, or was this just the beginning?