I wake up before the rest of the squad and peel myself off Caspian. Katniss and Pollux are awake, shutting off the Holo and starting to rouse the others. A look to my other side and I see that Finnick's eyes are open. I think of the conversation I overheard last night and shuffle closer to him.
"Hey, Finn," I say quietly.
He glances my way. "Hey, Sapph."
"I was wondering..."
"Well, that's a first," he says with a smirk. I pinch his side hard and he raises his hands in surrender. "Go on, then. What were you wondering?"
"It's hard enough for Cas and I to leave the others behind, but at least we're together. And don't get me wrong, I'm not completely annoyed that you're here too... but why leave Annie? You could've stayed in Thirteen and no one would have blamed you."
"You don't think wanting to be with my two best friends is a good enough reason?" says Finnick with pretend offence. I give him a look, and he gives in. "I know I haven't had the passion for the revolution that Caspian has, but I do care. And I want us to live in a world that I've fought for and built, not just inherited. I'm just sick of always being given situations and never having control over them. I want some control. I know Katniss can help with that. I just want to make the world better."
I smile. "We're going to make the world better," I promise.
"You can try to follow my lead," he says cockily and I pinch him again.
"Sapph, what about you?" he asks, more seriously. "It would've been completely understandable for you to stay in Thirteen. I kind of hoped you would, safe, you and Annie taking care of each other."
I hesitate for a split second, but if I told Jackson, I can definitely tell my best friend. "Johanna asked me to kill Barrere. Did she... did Annie..."
Finnick's face looks grave as he nods. "She told me about him. So you're on an illegal assassination mission, like Katniss. But for Jo and Annie and Peeta. And yourself." How easily Finnick understands me. I nod. "I'll come with you," he says in a dangerous tone. "Wouldn't mind meeting the monster." For a second, we're quiet, both imagining what kind of revenge we might inflict. Then Finnick's voice gets light again. "Besides, you'll need someone to show you how to work a gun, newbie. You had, what, three weeks of training?"
"And yet here we are in the same squad," I retort. He's about to answer when Katniss hushes the group.
"Katniss," a distant voice hisses. We all freeze. "Katniss," it says again, but this time much closer. Katniss points her arrow at Peeta's head at the same time I put the pieces together. My heart seems to lurch out of my chest to reach him, but I resist the urge to jump in. I know that if he goes insane in this small room with something hunting us, I can't save him. Instead, I close my eyes. I feel Caspian grab my hand.
"Katniss!" comes Peeta's shout and I tense. But there's no sound of the arrow being released, no sound of it hitting its target. Tentatively, I open my eyes. Peeta's eyes are wild, but with alarm, not madness. "Katniss! Get out of here!"
"Why?" she asks. "What's making that sound?"
"I don't know. Only that it has to kill you. Run! Get out! Go!" he cries.
Katniss lowers her bow and turns to look at the rest of us. We're all on our feet now, ready for her instructions. "It's after me. It might be a good time to split up."
"But we're your guard," says Jackson.
"And your crew," adds Cressida.
"I'm not leaving you," Gale concludes. None of us are. We distribute the weapons quickly, so that most of us have a gun, and I also have my knives, Finnick his trident, Caspian his spear. Katniss and Gale keep only their bows.
Just as we're about to leave the room, Finnick bumps my shoulder. When I look to him, he ruffles my hair. "Time to save the world, Sapph."
I smile back. Then we're in the tunnels again; the hissing is still distant, but louder and clearer. We follow Katniss, trying to move quickly, but this makes us noisier and clumsier. We've covered three blocks when we hear the screams. Strangled, like they're being forced out of the chest and not the throat.
"Avoxes," says Peeta. "That's what Darius sounded like when they tortured him."
"The mutts must've found them," says Cressida.
"So they're not just after Katniss," determines Leeg 1, which is little comfort to any of us.
"They'll probably kill anyone. But they won't stop until they get to her," Gale explains.
"Let me go alone," says Katniss. "Lead them off. I'll transfer the Holo to Jackson. The rest of you can finish the mission."
I prepare to go into a complicated argument about all the things wrong with that idea, but Jackson sums it up for all of us, "No one's going to agree to that!"
"We're wasting time!" says Finnick, and I feel his anxiousness at our slowness, our stalling.
Caspian glances at Finnick. "We need to go now," he agrees urgently.
"You can abandon us later, Katniss," I say, reaching out to grab her arm.
"Listen," Peeta whispers.
The screams have stopped, and now the hissing is horrifyingly near, closing in on us from multiple directions. "Katniss."
We take off running, but as soon as we reach a set of stairs, Katniss starts gagging, and Jackson yells at us to put our masks on. But there's no poison in the air, just something about the strange scent that overwhelms only Katniss. She recovers quickly, stumbling out onto the tiled streets and exploding the first pod. She starts sprinting again, the rest of us following close behind. She looks ahead at the next intersection, which is labelled 'Meat Grinder' and misses the next pod. But Messalla doesn't. A shaft of golden light envelopes him and in seconds, his flesh starts to melt off his bones.
"Can't help him!" Peeta shouts, shoving us forward. I'm the second to react, grabbing Cressida's arm and pushing her ahead. We're all moving again, until a spray of gunfire stops us at the next intersection.
The Meat Grinder is blocking our way, so all we can do is fire back at the squad of Peacekeepers. I think of the test in the Block in Thirteen and level my gun. I hit two Peacekeepers in the stomach and they collapse, but they're still moving when Katniss shouts, "This way!"
I follow her gaze, but she's just looking at the new Peacekeepers swarming the tunnels. Then one of them leaps over a body, and I realise they aren't Peacekeepers at all. They are white, four-legged mutts with long tails that launch themselves onto the Peacekeepers and rip off their heads.
Katniss shoots an arrow into the pod, and huge mechanical teeth burst through the street, buying us some time. Pollux takes the lead and most of the squad follows him, but I glance back and realise two people have stayed behind. Jackson and Leeg 1, their guns pointed at the mechanical teeth. Caspian turns around at the same time as I do. He moves to join them, but I grab his arm before he can go.
"I have to help them, I'll catch up!" he tells me, but I shake my head.
"They've made their choice. But you, please don't leave me," I beg, the words rushing out of me. "Not again."
Somehow, I know Jackson and Leeg 1 will not survive, and if Caspian stays, neither will he. He takes in my distraught pleading, glances back at the soldiers, then seizes my hand and pulls me into a sprint again. We go through a doorway, crawl through a pipe, make our way across a narrow bridge, and finally catch up with the others in the main sewer. Below us is the Capitol waste, flowing like a toxic river.
Just as we reach the others, Katniss lunges for the bridge. Homes catches her and I push her back. She locks eyes with me for a second, and I know exactly what she's asking. All I can do is shake my head.
"Don't waste their lives, Katniss," says Homes. "It's too late for them. Look!"
We all look at the pipe, where the mutts are slithering onto the ledge. My blood freezes in my veins. Closer, they are even more terrifying, a dangerous mix of human and animal. Gale shoots an explosive arrow that destroys the bridge. The mutts go insane, shrieking, ripping themselves apart, leaping into the sewer. We raise our guns and open fire, shooting wherever we see the mutts' slick white bodies. Caspian, Finnick and I stand shoulder to shoulder, and behind me, I can feel people start to climb the ladder. The mutts start clawing their way out of the sewer, reaching our feet. Just as Katniss releases an arrow at one, another lunges at her. I whip a knife from my belt and stab it straight through the skull. Then, Caspian pulls me away from the front line and pushes me against the ladder. I start climbing, feeling him following me closely.
"Finnick!" I yell. "Finnick!"
"Go, Sapphire!" Finnick shouts from below. Caspian must also hesitate to climb, because Finnick adds, "Caspian, get out of here, I'll follow!"
I think it's the first time he has ever lied to me.
At that moment, a mutt leaps up, so high that for a second we're eye to eye. I reach for a knife, but it will be too late. Then, Finnick's trident bursts through the mutt's chest, killing it and pulling its body away from me. My instincts kick in, and I pull myself up the rungs as quickly as I can.
I reach a first platform, where only Pollux is waiting. Caspian pulls himself up and I start shouting - or screaming, maybe - incoherently down the hole. "Finnick! Peeta! Katniss! Where is everyone?"
"Keep going!" someone still climbing the ladder yells. Cressida, I think. "We're coming!"
I manage to pull myself together enough to obey, following Pollux up the second ladder onto another platform, where I fall to my knees and grab people's arms, heaving them onto the platform one by one. Caspian. Katniss. Peeta. Cressida. There's a moment where no one else comes up. Katniss grabs the ladder again, making to go down. I seize her arm just as a male voice below her barks, "Climb!"
For a second, I'm relieved. But I would know Finnick's voice anywhere, and this isn't it. Katniss and Gale emerge, and I resume my position by the ladder, waiting for the others. Waiting for Finnick.
Katniss and I lean over, and with the light of her gun, I just see him. Hands gripping the ladder, body overwhelmed by mutts, desperate eyes looking up at us. For a moment, time stands still. Then, Katniss brings the Holo out and Caspian grabs me from behind, pulling me away from the ladder.
"NO!" I scream at the same time as Katniss drops the Holo down the hole. We take cover, Caspian curling over me, and it explodes. Chunks of flesh - human or mutt, I don't know - shoot out and rain down on us. Pollux slams the cover over the pipe and locks it. For a second, no one moves.
Then Katniss says, "We can't stop here." I break away from Caspian and launch myself at her. The element of surprise lets me shove her to the ground.
"You killed him!" I shriek. "He was alive! He said he was coming and you killed him!"
Caspian moves forward to grab me but I leap away. There are a million thoughts running through my mind. I'm suddenly reminded of the jabber jays in the arena, how they attacked me with their beaks and screams. The memories are just like that. I know I need to catch one, a good one, and hold on to it. But Finnick isn't here to protect me this time. And the birds - the memories - they're going too fast, blending together. Finnick ruffling my hair. Caspian hurting me. Finnick and his cocky grin. Katniss in District 12. Caspian, Finnick and I lying shoulder to shoulder the night before the Games. Finnick and Annie's wedding. Finnick by my side in the Games. Finnick pinching me affectionately. Finnick protecting me. Finnick's laugh. Finnick's mind. Finnick. Finnick. Finnick.
Did Katniss kill him? Did she destroy him like she destroyed Twelve? Like she would destroy Four? I take a step towards her, but someone else grabs me, pinning my arms to my side. It's Gale, holding me back. A sound that's both a scream and a wail escapes me, and I crumple to the ground.
Through my tears, I see Caspian. Don't I love Caspian? No, that isn't possible, he hurt me. So why does he look as devastated as I feel? Katniss is a few steps away, leaning over Peeta, whispering to him and pressing a kiss to his lips. Katniss, who I tried to protect in the Games, Katniss who let me see her when she was vulnerable. But hadn't Katniss just killed Finnick? Didn't Snow tell me she would kill everyone I cared about? Wasn't he right? In the end, there's only one person I want right now. But I can't have him. So instead, I call for Peeta. It takes a moment, but then he's by my side, holding my elbows. "I'm sorry, Sapphire, I'm so sorry."
"Didn't you say you wanted to kill her?" I whisper to him, sobs still breaking up my words. "Didn't you tell me she killed your family? Now she's killing mine! Maybe I should just let you kill her!"
"No, Sapphire, I'm not going to kill her," he says, his head twitching to the side, as if he's trying to chase his thoughts away.
"Peeta," I beg, grabbing his arms, "you need to tell me. Please tell me. Did she kill Finnick? Is she going to destroy us all? Please, real or not real?"
Peeta flinches hard, but doesn't hesitate. "Not real. She didn't kill him. She wanted to save him. She wants to save us all. I promise."
I let go of him and bury my face in my hands, my sobs racking my body. Finnick. Then I count to ten, slowly, and force myself to stop. The memories are streaking through my mind more slowly now. I catch one. Katniss helping me lower Finnick into the water after the poisonous fog. How gentle she was when she encouraged me to go in, when she poured water over his skin.
By now, everyone is ready to move. I open my eyes, and Caspian is crouching next to me, cautiously holding his hand out. I reach for another soft memory, but with Caspian, there's a million to choose from, like an enormous bed of feathers. I take his hand.
I follow Katniss up the last ladder, I watch her kill the woman whose home we have just barged into, and I stand still as we make ourselves over to look like Capitol citizens. It all feels like it happens to someone else. Caspian holds my hand the entire time, but he has the same blank look in his eyes. It's only when Tigris, the shopkeeper in the fur store, locks us in her little basement that I seem to come to.
Katniss works on cleaning and bandaging Gale's neck - he has a wound that I hadn't noticed before - Peeta's wrists - they're raw from the handcuffs - and Caspian's leg - I hadn't seen the deep gash in his calf either. Meanwhile, I help Cressida and Pollux make beds out of the fur coats. Then I sit on one of them with Caspian and watch from afar as Katniss sets Peeta down to sleep. She's more gentle with him now, more patient, and he is kinder to her, more like his past self.
Cressida and Pollux ask about setting up a guard, but Katniss says we should all try to get some sleep. I speak for the first time since the sewer. "We'll keep an eye out," I say, and my voice sounds so weak I'm almost embarrassed. They nod, but no one cares, because if we're found here, there won't be anything to do.
Everyone goes to sleep in seconds, but Caspian and I are wide awake. For the first hour or so, we don't speak, we just sit in silence. Then, so quietly that I have to lean closer, Caspian says something. He reminds me of the day all six of us went out on our family boat, leaving at dawn and returning at sunset. Finnick refusing to wear anything but his swim shorts. The horrible sunburn he got. The way he played it off, telling Annie that her smile made him blush all over. How we laughed at the outline of his necklace, striking against his pink skin. When he started peeling, he chased Malila around the house, until he entered the kitchen and Coventina screeched and smacked him with her wooden spoon. The stories spill out of us, a million memories of Finnick, some details I have to ask whether they're real, but most I know by heart. At some point, hours later, I come clean about Johanna's request, my personal murder mission. We don't discuss it any further, but by the way he grips my hand, I know he's with me. We're quiet again for a while, and then it's Caspian's turn to break down. I pull him against me and he weeps into my neck, stifling the noise he makes but not holding back his tears. I press my lips to his cheeks, catching his tears. When finally we fall asleep, he is still sobbing.
In my dream, Finnick and I are on the boat. Neither of us speak, but he smiles his brilliant, cocky smile, and I smile back. We stay out at sea for hours, swinging around with the ropes, leaning overboard to splash each other, basking in the sunlight and the company. Finally, he sits up and reaches over to ruffle my hair, like he has done a thousand times before. All I feel is a warm, gentle breeze. When I return to the shore, he's gone.
A/N: This is probably the most heart-breaking chapter I've written for this book. I hope the love and friendship that Finnick shared with Sapphire and Caspian has come through.