A/N: If you didn't pick up from the title... this is the beginning of a pregnancy series that I have thought about starting for a little while now! Not quite sure how long it will be yet, but it should consist of at least three or four parts (rough estimate). Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it!
-M <3
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The chirp of my alarm going off on my phone startled me from my haze, letting fear sink into my chest once again. Not long after rising to my feet from my place on my bed, a wave of nausea hit me like a truck. A deep breath seeped from my lungs before I entered the bathroom, approaching the sink to find the little plastic device sitting on top of a piece of toilet paper.
A stupid piece of plastic that would determine whether or not my life would be changed forever. Somehow, that thought did not make my stomach feel any better and my hands clasped onto the edges of the counter, breathing out silent prayers that I did not vomit all over the freshly cleaned bathroom.
Taking a few moments to calm my nerves, I finally reached down and grabbed the pregnancy test. My eyes focused on the small screen, my heart coming to a complete stop as I read the result.
Pregnant.
Thankfully, I made it to the toilet in time. My eyes burned with tears as I pulled away from the bowl after I had finished emptying my lunch into it. My body slumped against the wall opposite of the sink, unable to find the energy to even move to the connected bedroom.
The plastic test was still gripped in my fingers and I looked down once more, half hoping that I misread the test. It was a fairly small screen, and my vision was not perfect. But the eight familiar black letters glared back at me, almost taunting me as my tears finally broke free.
In all of our years together, Bucky and I had only ever talked about having children once. It was a brief and rather sad conversation. After all the years that he had been with HYDRA, injecting him with substances that even he didn't know of, Bucky had no hope that he could ever have offspring of his own. The pain in his eyes when telling me nearly split my heart into two.
We sat quietly in our bed for the rest of that day, holding each other in silence before he spoke again, gently tipping my head up to look at him. "You are the only family I will ever need, Y/N Barnes. I'm lucky enough as it is to have married a woman like you. I could not imagine that life could get any better than this."
And after that day, we did not talk about having children again. And life went on as it always had. We truly had no idea if we could ever have biological kids of our own, but it was okay. A family of two was enough for me, and it was for my dear husband. But, I suppose the universe had other plans for us.
I finally found the energy to stand up after God knows how much time, and I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were rimmed red with tears, my hair standing in a million different directions and my lips trembling as I held back the sobs that desperately wanted to escape from my chest. I could hardly recognize the woman staring back at me through the glass.
I had never been more terrified than I was now, mere seconds from shattering to pieces. The idea of having children was not all that scared me, but I could not imagine how Bucky would feel once he found out. What would he even say?
Somehow, I found myself back in my bed, curling up in the sheets. I gently placed the pregnancy test on my nightstand, turning back to it in an effort to try to ignore the unexpected surprise that awaited me after my alarm went off earlier today.
Tears dripped onto my pillowcase and I squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to stop them. I let myself drift to a restless sleep, unable to find comfort in a bed that I only had good memories in.
The sound of the front door opening and closing startled me from whatever state of sleep I had fallen into. My hands curled around the edges of my blanket, squeezing tightly, hoping so desperately that my husband would not come back to our bedroom. But that was a silly wish, of course.
"Y/N? I'm home!" I flinched slightly at the proximity of his voice, making much quicker time than I would've hoped for. My heart pounded rapidly, my chest tightening with anxiety as the door finally opened. "Doll? Why are you in bed? It's the middle of the afternoon."
"Wasn't feeling well."
To be fair, that wasn't a complete lie. But it hurt to not tell him the complete truth either. The gentle sound of footsteps approaching the bed broke through my thoughts and I felt the mattress gently sink beside me. His flesh hand gently brushed against my forehead, moving a loose strand behind my ear.
I opened my eyes gently, turning to look at him. Bucky began to smile gently, his hand moving to rest against my forehead again, assessing for what I could only guess was my temperature. "You don't feel feverish at all. Is it just a headache?"
"I'm sure it'll go away in just a few hours." I shrugged my shoulders before putting on a smile, the most genuine that I could muster. "I'm a strong girl, you know. I'll be okay. I've dealt with a lot worse"
"I know you are." Bucky let out a small chuckle. "You are my wife, after all. Here, let me get you some water."
He turned to the nightstand, reaching for my glass that had a permanent residence there. His body froze, stopping once he found the plastic test instead. I closed my eyes, wincing in annoyance for forgetting that I had placed it there, preparing myself for whatever was going to happen next.
"What is this?"
I bit my lip gently, sitting up and opening my eyes as tears began to pool once again in them. "My period was late, Bucky. I.... I had to make sure that-"
"Who is he?"
My eyes flashed to him again, watching his body grow tense as he held the delicate plastic in his hand.
"What do you-"
"Who is the father, Y/N?" Bucky's voice was cold as his gaze finally met mine, his own tears beginning to fall.
"Who else would it be? It's you." A lump began to form in my throat as he shook his head, standing from the bed. A sharp snap broke the momentary silence, and I watched as the fragments of the plastic test fell from his left hand. Bucky shook his head slowly.
"Don't you dare lie to me."
"You really think that I would do that to you? Hurt you like that?" I felt my voice crack with tears as I looked up at Bucky from my place on the bed. "You are the father."
Bucky didn't respond and I stood up, walking to where he remained motionless. I cupped his face and forced his gaze to mine. "Do you really think that I would do something like this to you? After all that we have gone through?"
"Y/N, I don't know what to believe." His voice was sad, his anger beginning to evaporate the longer he looked at me. "After all that HYDRA had done to me, I thought that this couldn't happen. That it wouldn't happen. That's what their doctors had told me"
"So you trust the word of doctors who spent years fucking you up over the word of your wife?" I let out a humorless laugh, letting go of him and taking a step back. "I'm glad to know that you think that little of me."
"Y/N..." Bucky's face dropped and he reached out to catch my hand in his. I took another step away from him, ignoring the heart ache at the pain reflecting in his eyes.
"We have been together for seven years, married for five." My arms wrapped around myself, my tears beginning to spill over once again. "They have been the best years of my life. I have never and will never love anyone the way that I love you. I know that is not a lot, but that is all that I have to offer you, Bucky. My love. And promise that I am devoted to you. If you want to get a paternity test, then I am willing to do that for you. As much as it hurts that you don't trust me completely, I would do anything for you. If this brings you more comfort, then I'll do it. I-"
Bucky quickly stepped forward, cupping my face in his hands and kissing me deeply. Despite a moment of hesitation, I let my arms fall and kissed him back passionately. The doubt and sadness evaporated as quickly as it had fallen upon us, and as I finally pulled away to look at him, I found the joy in his eyes that I saw only hours earlier when we woke up this morning.
"Your love is everything to me." His voice was soft and I leaned into his touch as his thumb moved to wipe a stray tear that fell down my cheek. "And this baby will mean everything to us when they arrive. I'm so sorry that I doubted you, baby. I just... I didn't-"
"I know." I smiled sadly at Bucky as he tried to explain what I already knew. "They took so much from you. I understand why you felt this way. But I promise you, Bucky, that you will never need to feel that way again."
He smiled gently, before leaning down to kiss me gently one more time. "Never again."