A/N:
Ramadan Mubarak everyone.
Here's an update!!! Sorry for taking a long time without updating, my life is just crazy at the moment, but we move.
AQSA's POV
My head is still spinning. I am so exhausted I still need to sleep. I had a night shift and I just slept a few hours but now I have to be up for Dhuhr. Salah comes first always. May Allah make us among those who establish prayer. I pray.
My hair was a mess as well. So glad Youssef wasn't around for sure I wasn't a pleasant sight right now. Debating if I should take a shower then pray or just do ablution?
I remember a lesson I learned that we make ourselves presentable and clean to meet mere human beings but what about when we are about to communicate with the creator of the Heavens? Who is more deserving of our very best? I decide to take a shower.
I get in the shower. I feel so much better afterwards. I offer my obligatory prayers and voluntary prayers.
I check my phone afterwards and I see a missed call from Mother.
I call her back.
'Asalaam alaikum.'
'Waalaikum salaam Aqsa habibty, how are you?'
'Alhamdulillah, and you?'
'Alhamdulillah. Are you at work?'
'No, I'm at home, just came back from my night shift.'
'Oh okay, Is Youssef home?'
'No he is at work. Will be back around 5pm maybe.'
'If you guys don't have plans for later, can you join us for dinner?'
Was there an occasion? I hadn't gone home for over a week though. I did meet Baba though.
'Is everything okay Mom?'
'Alhamdulillah yes, it's just dinner.'
'Okay let me ask Youssef if he has any plans, if not in sha Allah we will be there. I'll call you back.'
'In sha Allah.'
'Shukran, Jazakillah khayr.'
I call Youssef's number and he replies immediately.
'Are you training?'
'No we are done, I'm having lunch now, then we do gym.'
'Okay, Mother called me, she's inviting us for dinner today?'
'Oh..'
'Yeah, are you free?'
'Yes in sha Allah, I'll be back before 6 in sha Allah.'
'In sha Allah.'
**
When Youssef comes home, we get ready and while getting ready he turns to me.
'So guess what?'
'What??'
'Babe, you are supposed to guess.' He laughs.
'Just tell me.' I laugh.
'I got nominated for Player of the Month for the league.'
'Allahumma Barek Habibiiii....' I hug him.
'That's 5 times this season!' He has won 3 of them already. He has been doing so well. So well MashAllah. Literally contending for Player of the Season. May Allah bless him with victory.
His career has been going so well for him and I couldn't be more grateful.
He has not less than 10 brand deals. From Sports gears to Men's wear, designer brands, watches, fragrance, he was doing so well. Allah was blessing him.
Mid season was crazy. When the transfer window was open and football clubs could sign players it was crazy. Clubs were offering him lucrative deals.
His club was not willing to sell. Youssef had helped his team so much. In just 6 months. They were 2nd in the league and actually favorites to win the league. His club had to offer him a new deal just six months after signing him. It was not 30k per week right now. It was 150k per week with add ons and performance bonuses, which if we are being honest were now constant.
Rival teams had better offers for him. Yet he stayed. His team was performing well. He had a good relationship with his manager and teammates. He was near home. It was perfect here.
He was under a lot of pressure as well but that didn't shake him. Youssef was very strong mentally, Allahumma Barik. When people offer you such an amount it comes with huge expectations.
He was a superstar. Literal celebrity. You couldn't take him nowhere. But now I had to take him home ;)
When we are done getting ready, we drive to my parents' home. I thought I'd find all my siblings there but it was just Saffiyyah, Ruqqayya and Asiyah. Mother just invited me and Youssef.
I greet Baba, I sit talking to him for so long, I had missed him so much.
Asiyah's nikkah to Omar was next weekend. We were doing it in my parents' garden. Asiyah was actually freaking out. Considering her experience and it has just been a year now, she still had some reservations but Omar had been so understanding and kind and so was his whole family. May Allah make it easy for her and May Allah put happiness in their lives even after the wedding.
She was still shopping and she was sending us stuff through the group chat. Fatma, Nasrah and Umm Hamad her brother Zayn's wife helped her with the shopping mostly as Aqsa, Saffiyya and Ruqqayya were all busy with work and uni.
'I want to work after our wedding.' Asiyah tells me.
'Did you talk to Omar about it?' I ask.
'Yes. We are planning on getting help with the kids. Also all of them will be in school so in sha Allah it won't be hard.'
'In sha Allah, did you figure out what you want to work with?'
'I want to open a coffee shop with pastries and all.'
'That's pretty Allahumma barik.'
Asiyah has changed so much. I'm so happy and proud of her.
'Youssef.' Mother calls from the garden. Everyone looks at her surprised.
Two years of my marriage she has never had any personal conversation with Youssef.
Youssef stands to follow her. Everyone is really curious and all our eyes are looking at them. They walk into the garden.
Ruqqayya looks at me with question marks. I am just as lost. All our eyes are glued at the conversation.
Mother comes back with Youssef behind him, 'let's have dinner.' She announces.
We stand up and follow but I hold Youssef's hand and look at him my eyes questioning him.
'Everything okay?'
Youssef smiles and nods. I am so curious right now. Youssef smile was actually genuine. What did Mother say to him.
We sit down and have dinner. It was rice, salad, salmon, fresh juice and fruits. There was cake too but Youssef and I didn't want to have any.
When we finally leave and get in our car I immediately ask him.
'What was the garden incident about?'
'You were dying to find out yeah?' Youssef laughs.
'Yes so please tell me.' I pull his shirt gently.
'Come on.'
He looks down on my face and our eyes lock.
'You really know what you are doing.' He smirks.
'Is it working?' I say placing my hand on his jawline.
Youssef gives me a peck then laughs.
'She just apologized about everything and wants us to go forward with a clean slate.'
'What? Umm Zayn said that?' All my years, I've never heard her apologize for anything. She was a very proud woman.
'No way.' I say.
'She did. She's regretful. She said she said horrible things in my absence as well, she asks for my forgiveness.'
'I'm shocked but Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.'
'Alhamdulillah. I asked her what about my parents though.'
'And?'
'She's inviting them to Asiyah's wedding and she's inviting them for dinner before that.'
'Alhamdulillah may Allah bring our families together in love and understanding.'
'Ameen.' Youssef replies.
'I'm so grateful I married you babe, I love you so much.' Youssef tells me as he pulls me closer to him. He doesn't know the magnitude of my happiness. I love him so much. I hug him tightly.
'Okay, it's actually going to be suspicious right now if we don't get the car out of here.' We have been in the car for 15 minutes and we hadn't even moved it.
Youssef drives us home.
We get home and Youssef calls his parents and tells them about mother's change of heart. He informs them that she has invited them over for dinner.
'In sha Allah it goes well.'
'In sha Allah.'
We end up having such a lovely night together. It was so calm just the two of us.
The sun hits my face and I shift on the bed, opening my eyes slowly with a smile. Youssef was not on bed. His clothes were laid out well though so he was in the shower. I sit up and wait for him to get out of the shower.
His phone is ringing and I roll over the bed to check it.
It's Maman.
She doesn't usually call early in the morning so maybe it's an emergency.
'Salaam alaikum maman.'
We greet each other and I tell him that Youssef's in the shower, she just says I tell him that she called so they can talk.
She ends the call and my eyes land on the message notifications displayed on the lock screen.
Blood drains from my face. My hands shaking profusely. What am I just seeing?
I drop the phone and I try to breathe.
The messages keep playing on my head again and again.
'Will you marry her? Youssef, Are you considering it?'
It was a text from his friend Munir.
Was there someone else?
There is someone else! Munir just asked him if he was considering marrying whoever it was.
Has he been thinking about her?? Was he thinking about her when he was saying he loved me last night?
Was he not entirely mine?
I get out of the bed. My legs shaking.
Does Youssef love another?
I'm lost in my thoughts , pacing around the room, tears almost leaving my eyes.
I hear the bathroom door open and I rush towards it trying to avoid any conversation but he grabs me at the door.
My throat tightens, I close my eyes.
'Good morning.' He kisses my face. His wet face touching mine.
'I need to get into the shower.' I force myself to say it.
'And you will. Do you know how grateful I am to have you? So let me take in this moment.'
He was really making it hard for me.
He pins me to the wall. His smile wide.
'You are so beautiful.' He says with a smile.
'Youssef.' I clear my throat and then walk into the bathroom.
I throw up. My whole body was shaking. I end up crying in the shower.
How could he act like that with me while he was about to marry another woman or even considering it.
Am I not good enough for him? Is it because I haven't given him a child? Does he think I'm infertile and he wants to have kids. I question myself.
What have I done? Am I not beautiful?
Did he meet someone better?
At this rate my eyes were going to out me. I get out of the shower. Dress up and take my purse, Youssef was in the kitchen.
I stand by the kitchen door and say 'I'm in a hurry bye bye.'
'Everything okay?' He turns concerned. His phone was on the aisle. So he saw the texts. He's still acting like nothing is going on.
'Yeah.' I almost run out.
I get into my car and breakdown. I call my aunt Yasmin and tell her that I was coming to see her.
I arrive at her place and notice that she's home alone.
'Aqsa my child are you okay?' She asks me after I settle down.
'Why do men marry multiple?' I ask.
Don't get me wrong, I know Allah allowed them to, but it wasn't obligatory for us to accept to be in such a dynamic.
'Has Youssef married?' She asks me.
'Why did Baba marry my mama?' I ask. My mother was the second wife.
'Because he loved her. Umm Zayn was the wife his family chose for him. That doesn't mean he didn't love all of them. I'm sure you know how your father treats Umm Zayn and he loved your mother, she was so happy. He was fair to them.'
'What is going on?' She asks me again.
'I think Youssef could be considering it.'
'Why?'
'I saw a message. His friend was asking him if he will marry her. If he's considering it.'
'Did you ask him?'
'No. I'm afraid of the answer.'
'Are you guys having any problems? I'm not implying that there has to be a problem for him to do so.'
'None. We were doing so well till last night. He was also very loving this morning. Apart from me not getting pregnant.'
'Does he pressure you about it?'
'He doesn't even mention babies anymore.'
'Aqsa, when men marry someone else it doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with you.'
'What then could be the reason? I'm not sharing Youssef.' I cry.
'Then talk to him. You won't know until you ask him.'
'He's lying to my face, I can't even look at him.'
My phone rings. It was Youssef. I stare at it.
I know he won't stop calling. I'm not working today.
I gather the strength to pick up.
'What was the emergency?' He asks. His voice laced with a hint of impatience.
'I had to come at Aunt Yasmine's'
'Is she okay?'
'Yeah.'
'Call me when you are done, so we make plans for later'
'Okay bye.'
The call ends and I almost throw my phone.
'I can't even breathe!' I tell her. I let out a sigh.
'Well that is marriage. You will have to face him.'
Aunt Yasmin insists that I have lunch at hers. So I stay over for lunch, it's almost 3pm when I leave. I drive my car to my parents' place. I was going to stay here tonight.
I'm sitting in my room when Youssef calls.
'Are you still at Aunt Yasmin's?'
'I'm home.'
'I'm home you aren't around.' He says jokingly.
How can he be cracking jokes when he's literally considering marrying someone else right now.
Aqsa you don't know what his reply to Munir was.
Still Munir wouldn't ask that question if there wasn't anything going on.
There was another woman.
'My parents.' I clarify.
'Aren't we supposed to go for dinner?' He asks softly.
'Sorry, I'm helping Asiyah with the wedding, I won't come tonight.'
Aqsa do you hear yourself? That's not your boyfriend, it's your husband. That is your home. You can't just say that you won't come home casually. I tell myself mentally. I just couldn't get myself to act right though. I was terrified. Scared. Anxious.
'Asiyah's wedding isn't until next week.' He states firmly.
'Yes I'm staying till then.' I blurt out.
'Are you serious?' His tone changing. His patience wearing off.
Youssef was the most laidback person but he was also a non-nonsense person.
'Can I just stay?'
'No Aqsa, maybe a night or two before the wedding but 7-8 nights yeah, that's not happening. You can't just make such decisions yourself, aren't we supposed to agree on things, together?'
Well are we going to discuss your potential second marriage? I say mentally. I know very well not to say that out loud.
I take a deep breath.
'You know I can't. How am I going to go all those days and nights without you around. I love you and I always want you close.' He says sweetly.
A tear rolls down my cheek. I swallow painfully. A painful lump is on my throat.
'Is everything okay? It's starting to sound like you are avoiding me.' Youssef says.
'We need to talk Youssef.'
'I'm waiting for you my love.'
'I love you.' He says and I hang up.
Good thing I didn't tell anyone that I was spending the night. I knew there was 90% possibility that Youssef wouldn't agree.
I get downstairs and announce my departure
'See you in sha Allah, Youssef is waiting for me.'
'In sha Allah can your in laws come on Thursday for dinner' mother asks.
Well if they will still be my in laws by Thursday I say mentally.
'I'll let you know.'
'Yallah bye guys.'
I get in my car and the fear of what I'm going to face or the conversation that awaits downs in on me. Sadness taking over.
If his second marriage goes on the internet I would be subject to shame, judgment and people's opinions. Maybe I could take that but I could never tolerate sharing him. Youssef knows I would never agree to that maybe that's the reason why he's hiding it.
Just everything flooded my mind. I drove home as quick as I could. My hands were trembling. I was scared to have the conversation but avoiding it was way more worse.
I open the door of our home and I find Youssef relaxed on the sofa, he turns his head when he notices my entrance.
'Salaam alaikum.'
'Waalaikum salaam.' He replies. 'Are you okay? What was all of that about?'
I stay quiet as I find my way to the bedroom to put my things down.
Youssef follows me.
'Aqsa, are you okay?' He walks closer to me, holds my shoulders and I'm looking into his eyes now. Unshed tears filling my eyes. Burning them.
'Babe what's wrong?' He pulls me closer to him.
I blink away the tears. An unsuccessful attempt. They roll down.
How can he do this. Oh Allah. I question myself.
'Youssef am I not enough? Is it because we haven't been blessed with babies, do you think I can't give you babies?' I cry in his arms.
He pulls back. Confused.
'What is going on? Why are you thinking like that?'
'Who is she? I saw the texts on your phone.'
'Texts on my phone?' Still pretending like he is confused.
Why is he still acting clueless. Why is he lying to me?
'Stop lying to me Youssef, there's someone else! "Will you marry her? Youssef, are you considering it" I saw the texts from Munir!!!!" I cry.
'Oh my love!' He pulls me into a hug and I struggle to get out of it.
'Leave me alone. Youssef, let me go.' I cry forcing myself out of his embrace. Still unsuccessful.
'I'm so sorry about that.' He kisses my forehead.
'Who is she? Why are you doing this?' I question him.
'It's not what you think.'
Did he just hit me with the classic lie? The classic line every man that avoids accountability uses!! I loathe it.
'I'm not marrying anyone. However, I have been requested to.'
What? I look at him with confusion.
'Who? And who is she?'
'There's a man at our local masjid, A man I've known for so long since my childhood, he is sick. Terminal. He was requesting that I marry his daughter. He fears that he'll leave her alone, it's his only child. He wants to leave her married to a man he trusts.'
I breathe out. Relieved.
It's sad that he feels that way. That he is desperate, but does it have to be my husband?
'I'm not marrying her. I told Munir that. If you would have continued reading the conversation, you would know that. I do have a few single friends who are looking and in sha Allah I'll connect them to him.'
'I didn't pry into your phone. I wouldn't know the rest of the conversation. Maman called and I saw the texts pop up after she hung up.'
'Maman called?'
What's it with men only responding to one part of the conversation?
'I didn't pry into your phone Youssef.' I repeat.
'I wouldn't mind even if you did. There's nothing that I wouldn't want you to see. I just didn't want to bother you with this one because I was never considering it. Ever. I was not going to do it.' He reassures me.
I smile looking up at him.
True I knew the details to his phone security and so did he. We were both comfortable with sharing that, we just never feel the need to access it.