Shit shit shit. My break ended yesterday, and I just realized that I had to get back to my dorm, take a shower, get dressed, and eat breakfast all in half an hour before my first class. Well, that, and add getting a ride to the dorm to that list.
“Jack!” I yelled out.
“Yeah?” both of them yelled back. Oh right, forgot about that one.
“Can one of you give me a ride to my dorm?” I asked.
“Yeah, I will,” Johnson replied.
“Thanks,” I said, relieved. One task checked off.
I quickly threw on a pair of extra leggings I had, and a hoodie that I saw lying on the side, and ran downstairs with all my stuff.
“Let’s go, hurry up!” I called to Jack.
“Patience, young one,” he said, finishing up his cereal. He stood up, and grabbed his keys. “Aight, let’s go.”
We got into the car, and Jack started to drive. “So, how’s Shawn?”
“We’re over,” I said, not really showing much emotion.
“You don’t sound too sad about it,” he replied.
I looked over at him. “I think you knew before both of us that we weren’t meant to be.”
He nodded. “That’s true.” We were quiet again, before he spoke up again. “Besides, now you’re open to be with Cam.”
I gasped. “What?” What the hell? Did everyone know about Cam’s feelings for me except me?
He looked at me. “Cam finally talked to us last night. And he sure talked a lot.”
CAM POV
I need to get a grip on myself and actually talk to someone about what’s going on. I really like Ashlyn. And it’s getting way too much to keep to myself.
I mean, I fucking kissed her. When she had a boyfriend. I never, ever considered myself the type of person to go after an unavailable girl. But, in that moment, when I saw that slip of paper, I couldn’t help but think that maybe that was my one chance to kiss her. After all, I could always play it off as just following through with the dare.
But then she kissed me back. And if that wasn’t enough to make me go further, I didn’t know what was. I couldn’t help but enjoy the feeling of her lips on mine, the rush of all the emotions that had been building up inside of me for so many years coming into play, just the simple joy of holding her in my arms.
But for heaven’s sake, I’d made her cheat on her boyfriend. We both knew that it wasn’t just a kiss for a dare. It was a full-on kiss, one that should have never gone so far.
I’m almost positive I have screwed up any chance of ever being with her, or having her feel the same way I felt for her again. Especially, after she left, I felt my heart being torn apart, and it hurt even more that I couldn’t do anything about it.
Someone knocked on the door. “Yeah come in,” I said, tiredly. I hadn’t really been getting much sleep, with checking up on my mom, filming, and of course my terrible situation with Ashlyn.
All the guys except Shawn and Hayes walked into the room. “What’s up?” I said.
“We need to talk,” Matt said. “You can’t spend all your free time cooped up in here.”
“We miss you,” Johnson added.
I smiled weakly. These guys were seriously a blessing to me, and I felt bad I’d been pushing them away lately. “Okay, let’s talk.”
“Cam, what’s exactly going on in your head right now?” Matt asked.
I looked down. I knew I could trust them with anything, it wasn’t that, but I just didn’t know how to put all my feelings into words. I’d never really experienced anything like this all at once. My mom, my career, Ashlyn,...it was all just too much to fully comprehend. I guess I’d have to take it one by one.
“My mom…” I started out, holding my soon-to-come tears in and immediately Nash came over to sit next to me, putting his arm around me.
“Bro, you don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” he said, nervously. “And feel free to cry or whatever, you know we would never judge you for anything like that.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.”
Carter looked at me sadly. “No, you’re not Cam. And that’s why we need you to talk to us. We’ve all figured out by now that you’re going through a lot, and you’re used to handling things on your own. But, please, let us help you this time.”
“How is your mom by the way?” Gilinsky asked.
“Going through therapy, the usual. She gets tired really fast most of the time though. Spends most of her time sleeping,” I said.
He nodded. “Let me know if you ever need help with anything, food, money, medicine, anything. You know we’re all there for you.”
All the guys nodded in agreement. “Where’s Shawn?” I asked, realizing that he still wasn’t here. I knew Hayes was at his football practice, but I had no idea where Shawn could be.
All of a sudden, the guys started looking at each other, and that got me curious. “What?”
Finally, Johnson spoke up. “They broke up.”
I stared at him. “What?” I asked again, not believing it.
Matt nodded. “Shawn and Ashlyn. They’re over.”
“Are you all fucking serious right now?” I almost yelled, standing up, bringing my hands to my head.
Nash stood up, and calmly tried to sit me down again. “Calm down, bro. What’s wrong?”
I hate myself. I did this. I just had to screw everything up with her. This is exactly why I can never be with her. I only end up hurting her. “I caused this, didn’t I?”
“What?” Carter asked, sounding confused.
“I caused this, I had to have. If I hadn’t kissed her, she would have never cheated, and-”
“Woah, woah, dude, what the fuck are you talking about?” Johnson asked.
I looked at all the guys, who were all looking at me strangely. Oh, whatever. “I kissed Ashlyn. It was supposed to be for a truth and dare video, but I screwed it up, okay. I never meant to make it longer than a quick kiss. But then she kissed me back and I couldn’t help it, and then she pulled away, and then Shawn came, and she ran away…” I started off. “But the thing is Shawn didn’t see what happened, but she must have told him, and he must have broken up with her, and she probably hates me now-”
“Dude, seriously, calm down,” Matt said. “Back up, she kissed you back?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think it meant anything okay? I forced myself upon her, I shouldn’t have.”
“Cam, she kissed you back. You don’t just make someone do that. Obviously, you had some kind of an effect on her,” he said.
“Yeah, Matt’s right. It’s not all your fault. Besides, you were only following through with your dare,” Carter said.
“So what are you saying? It’s her fault? Because it’s not-”
“No, what I think they’re saying is that she feels something for you Cam. We all know you like her, and we think she likes you too, but at the moment, she’s still trying to fit you back into her life,” Nash said.
Gilinsky nodded. “And the reason she ran away was probably because she still hasn’t figured out where to place you yet. But, give her time, man, she’ll come around.”
“When did you all become such philosophical dipshits?” I asked, genuinely surprised.
They all laughed, but quickly became serious again. “We’re serious man. And I don’t think they broke up because of you,” Johnson said. He looked at Gilinsky. “G and I asked her about their relationship a while ago, and she even came close to admitting that their relationship wasn’t really going anywhere. One of them must have finally realized it wasn’t worth it anymore.”
“Wait so she hasn’t told Shawn she cheated?” I asked, surprised.
They all shook their heads. “We don’t think so,” Johnson said.
“But shouldn’t she?”
Johnson shrugged. “It’s up to her, she probably will sometime soon.”
I nodded, slowly taking in all this information.
Maybe, just maybe, I could make her mine now.
A/N:
sorry for such a late update! i've been really busy :/