. °. • 。
car after car stops on the side of the road, dropping off a sea of joyous students. the girls wear high heels and fancy dresses in all kinds of colors, from bright pink to deep, velvety red. many of them have their nicest necklaces and earrings on, as if this is the most important night of their lives.
they step out together with their dates, who are just as well-dressed. neatly ironed shirts, expensive suits, napkins, roses.. everything is perfect. nick hates it.
he doesn't fit in, as usual. he feels like the black sheep of the herd. his posture is bad, his hair is messy, and his clothes don't look nearly as good as the other boys'. he doesn't look nearly as good as the other boys.
having to stand alone on the sidelines and watch everyone arrive doesn't exactly boost his confidence either. it feels like people are staring at him from left and right, judging him for simply existing. he wants sadie to pull up and save him, but most of all he'd like to go home. go home and lay down in bed and cry.
only seconds later he hears wild cheering from the nearby intersection. an old bmw convertible turns onto the street, pulling over and stopping in front of the gymnasium. nick doesn't recognize the driver, but in the passenger seat sits a girl with long, jet black hair and colorful bracelets on her wrists. it's almost as if she could hear nick's silent cries for help. he lets out a sigh of relief.
"nick!"
she sees him right away. he waves to her, awkwardly smiling to try and mask his anxiety. as soon as she's gotten out of the car she starts running towards him at an impressive speed, considering the fact that she's in heels.
unlike most of the other girls who are wearing full-length dresses, sadie is rocking a shorter one. it's a dark shade of blue, matching the color of her glittery eyeshadow.
she's absolutely stunning. nick opens his arms for her, and she dives right in.
"hi sadie," he chuckles, "couldn't leave the bracelets at home, huh?"
"of course not! they're my babies."
she smells like flowers and sweet perfume, even sweeter than usual. her hair is soft, and oh, how nick wishes he could just fall in love with her. but deep inside he knows it's impossible. he was born this way, whether he likes it or not. all he can do is accept it.
"you're shaking," she points out.
"w-what?" he stutters, pulling away from the hug, "no i'm not."
sadie gives him a worried look.
"are you okay?"
he fiddles with the sleeves of his dress shirt, the sleeves that are too long because his stupid arms are so short.
"i don't know.."
"look, jenny is parking the car right now, and when she comes back we can go inside and just hang out, blend in with the crowd, okay? i know you haven't met her before but she's really cool, you guys will get along instantly."
nick bites his lip, unable to meet her gaze. he feels so guilty for dragging sadie down like this. she just wanted to have fun, and here he is, holding her up outside the entrance like a scared little kid.
he glances at the couples walking in, listens to the chatter and the music. how is he gonna last longer than a minute in there? it's so loud, it's too loud. the whole place is crowded with people that he hates, and people that hate him.
"fuck, i shouldn't have made you go when you didn't want to," sadie sighs, "i'm sorry."
"hey, i-it's not your fault, i just.."
she puts a hand on his shoulder, gently stroking it with her thumb. her high heels make her a bit taller than him. it just leaves nick feeling even more childish and pathetic.
but despite that he takes a deep breath, forcing his brain to compromise.
"you two can go inside, socialize, do whatever, and then i'll join you after a while," he suggests, "i-i just need a break to prepare myself, need to like, calm down and shit."
sadie nods in understanding. her eyes are full of sympathy.
"i'll be back in like fifteen minutes."
he's pulled into another hug, a briefer but more comforting one. there's something about sadie that calms him more than anything else. she's like a quick fix for his nerves.
"okay," she mumbles, letting go.
he forces a smile before leaving her there on the sidewalk. his heart wants him to stay and be nice and social, but his mind can't handle it.
once he starts walking, he knows exactly where he wants to go. it's not far, just across the lawn and on the other side of the parking lot. it's surprisingly well hidden despite being located so close to the main building. a group of trees and bushes shield it from the rest of the world, as if it's a sacred place that shouldn't be discovered.
at least that's what it is - or was - to nick. his sacred place. his safe bubble. no one else's.
it's dark in the tight corridor. only the moon is kind enough to light up his path. it shines in through a smashed window like a blessing. the crackling of gravel and broken glass under his shoes gives him nostalgia. it's only been a month since the last time he was here, maybe two, maybe three, yet it feels like years.
the loud creaking of the door. the sound of the wind blowing through little cracks and holes in the walls. he's safe now.
he pulls out his phone to search for a light switch. he doesn't even know if the bathroom has electricity at all, but it's worth a try to save battery. sitting in complete darkness isn't an option. that won't ease his anxiety a bit.
to his relief he finds one right by the doorframe, covered in a thick layer of dust. a fluorescent light mounted over the sink flickers a few times before coming to life. its shine is weak, but it'll do.
the empty stalls are strangely unsettling. everything is. nick climbs up to sit on the windowsill. it's just as empty as the stalls, almost like something that should be there is missing.
he feels empty too. nothing is the same. he brushes his fingers over the spot beside him, coating them in dust and disintegrated drywall. he doesn't know what else he was expecting to feel. heat, maybe. or something soft.
he wishes he had a joint with him, or at least a little spliff, or anything at all. then he could lean back and just relax, let the weed carry him away to better places. it would be almost like it was back then. skipping class, getting high, daydreaming; taking life minute by minute, second by second.
but nothing is the same, and nick is pretty sure it will never be the same either. there's an eerie silence present. only the music from the gym can be heard, constantly reminding him of what he's actually here for.
he sighs. but then his sulking is interrupted by footsteps. slow, echoing footsteps, like soles against gravel and broken glass. his whole body tenses up. he never thought he would get company here ever again, especially not during prom night.
he holds his breath in sync with the door's wailing. a figure cautiously enters, stopping for a while to look around. the dim lighting makes it hard to see.
nick doesn't know what to expect. his subconscious, his heart, his mind; they all scream in unison. at least they know what they want. they want the one thing that flipped his whole life upside-down, the one thing that he should be staying far away from.
that's why he's not surprised when luke walks into the light. he looks at himself in one of the dirty mirrors, fixes his hair and his tie. nick knows he's seen him already, but he stays quiet anyway. his pulse is so high that it's making him sick.
a million thoughts rush through his head. a million thoughts and emotions that he can't shut down. luke turns towards him, and he's mush in less than a second. that, he realizes, is the only thing that will always be the same. he hates it. he despises it. he hates it...
he loves it.
because no matter how much he wants to hate luke, no matter how hard he'd like to punch him, he can't help but succumb to the fact that the blond boy is the most beautiful thing he's ever laid his eyes upon.
°. •. 。