This is really really early in their relationship and I wanted to see how Carter would handle this whole issue.
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Carter read the paragraph again for the twentieth time. On the other side of the couch, Donovan shifted and ran his hand through his hair. This was ridiculous! She completely forgot what she'd just read. Again!
Pinning her eyes to the textbook, Carter forced all her energy into reading. Nothing would distract her this time. This time she would read and understand and be able to write her essay.
She read the paragraph. There. Done. She read it and understood. She moved on to the next paragraph. Donovan stretched and placed his hands on top of his head. An action that irritatingly accented his toned arms.
That's it! Carter couldn't do this anymore. There were only two weeks left of school. She needed to write this essay to maintain her perfect grade in English. To be able to write the essay she needed to be able to finish reading the page. But she couldn't stay focused on reading. There was only one solution.
Carter raised her head as Donovan looked over at her. They spoke at the same time.
"Do you want something to drink?"
"We need to break up."
Donovan stared at her for a long second then stood.
"All right," he said, casually. "Do you still want something to drink?"
He made his way to the kitchen, Carter gaping at him. What?
"Did you not hear me?" she asked. "I said we need to break up."
Donovan retrieved two glasses of water and walked back to Carter, setting one on the coffee table before her.
"Okay," he said, settling back on the couch. "Why are we breaking up?"
"Because you're too distracting. And I seem to have lost all control of my thoughts. You move, I look over. You shift, I forget what I've read. You breathe, I want to kiss you. I can't do this."
Donovan nodded thoughtfully and sipped his water.
"That makes sense," he said.
"Why are you so calm about this?"
Donovan leaned back and Carter hated him for how comfortable he looked in her living room. For how much she liked that he looked so comfortable.
"I'm calm," Donovan said. "Because one: I get what you mean. Two: my mom said this would likely be a common reaction."
Carter stared at him. "Let's start with the first part of that. You get what I mean?"
Donovan laughed. "Carter, you understand I want to kiss you constantly, right? Among other things. And I've been on the say equation for the last ten minutes because you scrunch up your face and I find it insanely cute."
Color flooded Carter's cheeks and she wasn't sure she liked this response either. When had she started blushing? This was out of hand.
"What about what your mother said? You talk to her about me?"
This time Donovan stared at her like it was a trick question.
"Of course," he said. "You're my girlfriend. I talk to her a lot about you."
"But it sounded like you analyze me."
Donovan hesitated as if knowing he was entering dangerous waters.
"We do." Carter crossed her arms, needing a physical barrier. But Donovan reached out and placed his hand over her arms. "You understand you're one of the most complex people I know. Of course I'm going to ask my mom for help because I want to understand you."
Carter let down her barrier. He wanted to understand her. That felt too strange. And the sincerity in his voice made Carter want to attach herself to him. And that terrified her. Kissing was one thing, but more... That was a level of vulnerability and trust Carter did not have in her. Not right then. And maybe not for a long time.
But there was a part of her body that wanted that even when her emotions and mind didn't. That was another aspect that scared her, that she didn't feel in control of herself.
"What has your mom said then?" Carter asked, wondering if his mom could understand something in her that she didn't.
"She said that you'd most likely react to our relationship like you did with our friendship. You'd push me away to see if I'd go."
Carter didn't know how his mom could be so spot-on in her analysis.
"Did she say anything else?" she asked.
"Yeah, to go slow."
"And you accept her advice?"
"She's my mom, of course I do. She's smart and has a lot more life experience than me."
Carter let out a quiet breath. Something about knowing he'd accept advice about taking it slow made her feel safe. They'd only been together a little over a month and she didn't want to lose him. But knew she wasn't willing to give up more than she wanted to keep him.
"So that's why you hold back on kissing me as much as you want?"
Donovan smiled. "Yeah, I don't want to lose you."
Hearing her words echoed by him made Carter smile.
"Then I guess I should take back my declaration that we should break up."
Donovan let out a dramatic breath. "Good, you had me freaking out there for a second."
Laughing, Carter shoved his shoulder. Donovan smiled at her and she held his gaze. The urge to kiss him and keep kissing him returned, slamming into her like a semi-truck. Donovan glanced down at her lips and swallowed, clearly feeling the same thing.
"I have to finish my homework," he said.
Carter nodded but found her body struggling to move back to her side of the couch. Donovan didn't move at all and the air felt electrified between them.
"I need to finish my essay," Carter said.
"You do."
"I really need to move."
"I really want to kiss you."
That broke Carter. She pulled Donovan towards her and his lips met hers. The familiarity of him flooded every inch of Carter until it felt like there was too much space between them. She needed more of him.
The need battled with Carter's logical side, the one telling her exactly where this path would lead as her emotions screamed at her to pull back, it was too soon, too fast. Not ready! Build a wall, take cover behind it. The chaos overwhelmed Carter and she broke away, breathing hard like she'd sprinted a mile.
She hovered before Donovan, trapped in what her body wanted but her emotions and mind didn't.
Donovan opened his mouth to say something but the apartment door opened. Captain walked in and froze. Instantly, Carter knew how this looked to her father. She quickly backed away but there was no erasing that image. Instead of seeming angry, her father appeared completely calm, which was more foreboding.
"Donovan," Captain said. "I think it's time to leave."
Donovan hurriedly gathered up his things looking like a teenage boy instead of a grown adult. As Donovan stepped outside, Captain followed, closing the door behind him.
Carter collapsed back on the couch. She knew she should worry for Donovan, but all she could think of was how conflicting it felt to be her right then. She'd never faced this before and it unnerved her. How did you control your body when it didn't want to listen?
When Captain walked back inside, Carter looked at him.
"What did you threaten him with this time?" she asked.
Captain merely smiled and stepped out of his shoes and took off his suit jacket.
"I didn't threaten him."
"Somehow I just don't believe you," Carter said.
"I didn't. I simply asked him if he was ready to have the weight and responsibility of being a father because there are no guarantees in this life."
Carter flushed. "It wasn't as bad as you're thinking."
Captain claimed the opposite side of the couch, resting his arm on the back of it.
"No, I could see that, but I also know where moments like that go."
Carter fidgeted, wanting to find a black hole and jump into it. She thought of Donovan and how he talked to his mom. Captain was always there for her.
But this?
This felt so different. Embarrassing. Humiliating.
"Sarge," Captain said. "You've always been smart, level-headed, and I trust you. But right now, I'm going to lay down some ground rules."
He paused as if expecting Carter to roll her eyes but she remained still.
"Your room is off-limits. His room is off-limits. His car is used for getting from point A to point B. There is no between, no hanging out in his car. If you're on a couch, leave room between yourselves. And be home before one. My father used to say nothing good happens after midnight."
Carter listened. Though there were a lot of restrictions, they made her feel loved.
She didn't know how to handle all of this. Having a boyfriend was uncharted territory. Feeling like she didn't have any control over herself was confusing and terrifying.
But she wasn't alone. Her father, someone she loved and who loved her was helping her navigate this unknown. In the moment, she felt completely looked after.
"I know this might come off as harsh or overbearing," Captain said. "But the best thing I've ever experienced is having you. I want you to have that experience too, but when you're ready for it."
Even though Carter knew it would be an avenue they'd never gone down before, she found she didn't want to talk about this with anyone else. Who else did she trust as much as him? Maggie came close.
"Captain..." Carter reminder herself she'd lived through learning about periods with Captain. This could not be worse. "I'm not sure what to do. I don't feel like I'm in control of myself anymore. I kiss him and..."
When Captain started to smile, Carter curled her legs up and buried her face in her hands.
"I can't. This is too embarrassing."
Her father laughed and jostled one of her knees.
"I might be your old man, but I'll tell you a secret: hormones have been the same since back in my day. In the Dark Ages."
Carter raised her head. "Wait, you weren't around when dinosaurs roamed the earth?"
"A little before my time. But it was the same then. I'm going to tell you something, you're not abnormal. Right now you're going to be all over the map. It's new, exciting. But over time you'll learn to get used to it and control it."
"Yes, but how do I do that now?"
Carter didn't want to feel like she somehow had to be on guard around Donovan. Like she had to worry about touching his hand in case it made her go crazy. She'd been distracted by him stretching for crying out loud!
"With practice," Captain said. "Sticking to my restrictions with help avoid situations you don't want. But if you feel like being physical," Carter winced at how embarrassing that sounded. "Then be physical. Go channel your energy into boxing. Go paintballing together. Go to the gun range. Go for a run. Take what you're feeling physically and point it in a different direction."
Carter had to smile at that. It was a philosophy she knew already worked. When she was sad or angry, Captain had told her to take it out on her punching bag. When she'd struggled with homework or school, he'd taught her to assemble a gun, helping her put her emotions into something else.
Carter felt relieved. This was a plan she could follow.
"Thanks, Captain."
He nodded but looked at her with kind, sad eyes.
"I thought for a moment there that you might never meet someone then I could keep you with me always."
Carter hugged him. "You'll always have me."
"Yeah, but now you have a boyfriend and I feel out of control about it all."
Carter laughed. "Don't worry, me having a boyfriend is just as shocking and scary to me as it is to you."
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Hiya Moose!
Share dem thoughts of yours! Or not, it is up to you, as always I just use my powers of cuteness to make you want to share. See 🥺
Something strange: I've never had a typical crush. I've found a lot of guys attractive but that whole can't stop thinking about them thing, yeah never had that. And that strange factor of me was transferred to Carter when I wrote her.
It's why it literally takes until Carter is about to face an unknown enemy when the school is attacked that she realizes she likes Donovan, because she's never had a crush before.
That also means she really didn't have a ton of romantic thoughts or think about kissing. So when suddenly she has someone to kiss it wakes up a whole new part of her brain.
As a writer, I was curious to see how someone who is so in control of her body after years of self-defense training and such, would handle not feeling in control at all.
I have to hand it to her 😂😂 that's a tough topic to have with a father, I'm impressed she didn't melt from embarrassment. But it is Captain after all so that does make sense.
Not gonna lie, I love the bond they have, it's one of my favorite things!
Captain and Carter as panda bears!