. °. • 。
"i still think this is a dumb idea-"
"no, it's a great idea, just trust me."
sadie rolls her eyes, shaking her head in disapproval. they're already receiving stares and sneaky glances as they zig-zag through the rows of occupied lunch tables. nick is carrying the tray with their food on his forearm. his other hand is busy holding onto sadie's.
"where do we sit?" he wonders.
"maybe in the corner over there?" sadie suggests, pointing towards an empty table further ahead. it looks discreet and peaceful enough.
"sure," nick shrugs, continuing to drag her along with him.
admittedly he does feel a little bad for using sadie again. she's already put up with so much of his bullshit, and now he's pulling her into this too. she deserves way more. she deserves a guy who'll treat her right, not an asshole like nick who keeps taking advantage of her kindness.
he sets the tray down, letting go of her hand while they take a seat. sadie makes sure to stay as close as possible to him, just to sell the act. he wouldn't even be surprised if she decided to pick up a fork and start feeding him right there, in front of everyone in the cafeteria.
"why are we even doing this?" she grunts, "you haven't given me a proper explanation yet."
"dude, i wish i could, but it's just-" he pauses, "it's complicated, okay? i'm sorry."
sadie sighs.
"you're lucky i'm such a good friend."
"yeah, thank you, for real, you're amazing."
he takes a bite of his food before continuing.
"i owe you. i can take you to dairy queen every week if you want, i can-"
"and you'll pay?" sadie questions.
"yeah, of course, my treat."
she nods, satisfied.
"alright then, whatever."
nick smiles, chewing on the dry, overcooked chicken. school food is never a hit, but he doesn't have a choice. it's either this or starve for the rest of the day.
they stay quiet as they eat, neither of them eager to converse when they're being observed from left and right. nick didn't even think it would be this big of a deal; they're just another couple sitting together at lunch. though as nerve-wracking as it is, it's also a nice surprise. it means that everything is going according to plan.
another tray is slammed down in front of him on the table. baby blues greet him when he looks up. his breathing stops for a moment. everything is going according to plan.
"babe, over here!" luke calls out, waving his hand.
lucy appears confused when she saunters over. her fake nails glitter and her shoes are probably worth more than nick's entire life. it almost scares him. he glances at sadie beside him, who looks just as puzzled as lucy does.
unlike himself, sadie isn't a total nobody. she has friends, many of them higher up on the social ladder. but luke and lucy coming to sit at her table during lunch? that's something out of the ordinary.
nick puts his fork down carefully, as if doing it too fast would cause an explosion. luke's confident stare burns, makes him sweat. at first he doesn't dare to meet it, afraid that he'll break if he does. but when the blond boy keeps trying he can't avoid it anymore.
he stares right back at the idiot that's got him so messed up. the idiot that controls his feelings like they're string puppets. god, he wants to hate him. but he can never bring himself to.
his soft blond hair and his light stubble and his pretty pink lips and his perfect face. he smirks and nick's heart flutters, it flutters so that he feels lightheaded. luke. his brain is mush. he can only hope that he isn't drooling.
"why are we..." lucy mumbles, "why are we sitting here?"
"i just wanted to say hi."
nick doesn't know if that was meant to sound mocking. he opens his mouth to reply, but not a word comes out. sadie elbows him in the side before taking matters into her own hands.
"hi," she greets, a forced smile growing upon her lips.
"i didn't know you guys were dating," luke states, getting straight to the point.
he smells faintly of perfume and that goddamn bubblegum vape juice. nick zones out just admiring him.
"well, we are," sadie laughs, poking nick repeatedly to gain his attention. he eventually wakes up from his little love-induced coma, straightening his back and coughing into his fist.
"that's cool, i'm happy for you guys!"
"you're adorable together," lucy adds, but her snarky tone just makes it sound disingenuous.
"thank you," nick mumbles. the shake in his timid voice makes him cringe.
despite the assertive words, luke has something soft present in his eyes. it's as if he's left certain things unsaid. or maybe nick's mind is playing tricks on him again.
his overthinking is interrupted by a loud ringtone. lucy quickly scrambles to get her phone out of her bag. luke diverts his attention to her, and when he sees the caller id he stands up. nick takes a deep breath.
on one hand he's relieved. he doesn't have to deal with the two of them anymore, doesn't have to deal with the crippling anxiety of having his favorite person in the world right in front of him, questioning him and his fake relationship.
but on the other hand he wants luke to stay. he just wants to have him close. he wants to hear his wonderful voice as he speaks, see his breathtaking smile come and go. but he's powerless as the blond boy takes the hand of his girlfriend and leaves, only saying goodbye with a brief glance over the shoulder.
it hurts. he's so powerless that it hurts.
he slowly chews on another piece of chicken, unsure of what else to do. sadie is silent beside him, her fingers playing with one of the bracelets that sat around her wrist just moments ago. she seems to be deep in thought.
he watches as she furrows her eyebrows, tilting her head to the side.
"you like him."
the statement is simple and straightforward.
"what?"
"you like him, don't you?"
he tries to swallow the growing lump in his throat.
"who?" he asks, even though he knows exactly who she's talking about.
"luke, dumbass!"
he hushes her frantically, terrified that someone sitting nearby will hear. sadie leans closer so she can whisper.
"i'm not stupid, i can tell you've got a thing for him. you went all shy and quiet. and i've never seen you look at someone like that before."
"fuck..." nick breathes, gazing down into his lap.
"hey, there's nothing wrong with that," sadie points out, "i was just.. observing. everyone has a crush at some point in their lives."
but it's not just a crush. it's so much more than that.
he wants to tell sadie everything. he wants to tell her about passionate kisses, skilled hands, and hot breaths. about uncontained lust, about hearts beating in unison. but he could never.
"is that why we're doing this?"
he nods, head hung in shame.
"okay," she mouths, "i won't tell anyone by the way, i promise."
she's so nice. why couldn't he have fallen for her instead?
"just take me to dairy queen after school and we're all good."
when she receives a questioning glance in response she starts laughing, lightly hitting his shoulder.
"i'm joking, i'm joking. don't worry."
and suddenly it all feels a little better.
°. •. 。