"You were quiet this evening." Kai started the conversation.
He stopped at the traffic light. After the dinner, they planned to walk around the city before going home.
"I told you that I am not feeling okay lately." Jennie said quietly. After her conversation with Lisa, she didn't know how but she managed to calm herself down and joined the others for dinner. But all night, her head was obviously somewhere else.
Before she left, Bona gave Jennie a box, she said it was a birthday present from Jisoo. Jennie opened it. Inside were a pair of gloves she left at the coffeehouse on the 26th. She took out the gloves and inside the box, there was also a charm, an accessory for a necklace. It was a charm of the alphabet "J". She noticed that the size of the charm was small enough to be put inside the pedant that Jisoo previously gave her.
There was also a letter, handwritten by Jisoo:
Happy Birthday.
She checked the time, it was still her birthday.
"Here we go..."
Jennie realized that they had arrived, she followed Kai as they strolled around the city center. She tried to respond to him with brief words.
The thing was, she had been with Kai for days now and she finally noticed something. Every time she was with him, her mind was somewhere else. She barely could remember any of their conversation. She quickly lost interest to whatever he was saying and she survived by humming as if she was listening.
She used to think that it was probably because she currently had a problem with Jisoo so she couldn't pay full attention to him. But lately she realized that sometimes her mind was just wandering to the color of the nails she was wearing two weeks ago.
It was clear to her that her feelings towards him was really belonged to the past.
His return was sudden and unexpected; and the fact that they had a bad break up had confused her. She was waiting for that moment, the moment where Kai came to her and told her that he was wrong.
And he did. But that was it. That was what she wanted. An apology. And maybe some revenge. But a second chance? Perhaps, if she was in an entirely different situation, she would give him one. But she just realized it now, with Jisoo on the back of her mind, it was impossible for her to be interested into him even if she tried.
Kai kept on talking to her, they were now strolling around the busier neighborhood. The weather was beautiful and they had street food in their hands. She looked at him closely; to his beautiful smile and her impressive build. His shoulders were sturdy and his face was beaming. She listened to him attentively; to his firm and melodious voice.
But none of it impressed her. His smile wasn't as beautiful as Jisoo's. And she didn't want his body but she wanted Jisoo's. And his melodious voice revoked nothing to her heartbeat; the thing that only Jisoo's voice could do to her.
She walked by Kai's side, following his pace. Her heart was full of regret. If only I realized this sooner... If only I came early to hear what she was about to say to me that night...
If only I appreciated her as much as she deserved...
Then this bitter thought came to her mind. She had never loved him the way she loved Jisoo. Though he was the first one that came to her life, though they had great time together with no tears; her feelings towards him wasn't even close to what she felt towards Jisoo. Compared to what she felt towards Jisoo, it felt like she had never loved him. She didn't even know what it was. It was never as deep, as good, as strong and as vulnerable.
"Jennie, you don't wear your gloves." Kai slowed down his pace and stopped. He looked at her worriedly.
"I don't?" Jennie looked at her hands, "Oh, you're right... I don't."
"Wait here a second..." Kai said.
Jennie waited for him to take off his gloves and to give them to her. But he didn't. Instead, he went to a small shop nearby and picked up a pair of gloves.
She always listen to you, Jennie... Even to the things you don't say...
All she does is listening to you and your needs...
Like a ghost, those words were gusting into her mind by the night wind. Her head was clouded but her heart was steadily at ease, Jennie decided that she had to do something that very night.
She decided to walk away from Kai. Slowly she walked her way through the crowd, her hands were cold but she didn't even bother. Gradually she fastened her pace. This time she wouldn't ignore her heart. This time, she was listening to it.
Jisoo didn't have to give her gloves, her jacket, her coat to me... But she did...
In the background she heard Kai calling up her name... "Jennie Jennie!"
She didn't have to take me home that night but she did...
Jennie kept on waking until she found the main road...
She didn't have to save up and spent her hard-earned money to give me this necklace but she did...
Jennie desperately tried to get herself a taxi... She waved her hand vigorously but no one stopped and she cursed...
She didn't have to put up with my nasty friends but she did...
Jennie finally got herself a taxi. She got into it and asked the driver to go. From her side view, she saw Kai was coming closer, panting, trying to catch his breath...
She doesn't have to cry and beg in front of me for me to know that she wanted this as much as I did....
And I still do want this...
Jennie gave the address to the driver and asked him to drive as fast as he could...
Does Jisoo still want me? Has she really given up on me?
Jennie checked the time. 22.30. It was still her birthday...
There's only one way to find out if she still wants me.
***