Day Five without Wilbur. And it's only getting worse. I've officially stopped showering, and there's so many water bottles on my couch I think I'm the main reason for pollution.
And I want to be better. Really, I do. I hate feeling useless and powerless in my own situation, and Lea has been reaching out every day, but I can't bring myself to move on.
Not yet. Not when I can still imagine him singing in the shower as I try to get a stain out of his dirty laundry.
Yeah, not yet.
I eat sometimes, and I watch tv a lot, but that's about it. Lea explained to the boss that I'd lost someone in my family and needed time off, which he agreed to, so I'm good for a few more days.
But what happens then? When I'm forced to go back out and watch people who have their soulmates and love each other.
They have what I lost. And it pisses me off. I know I should be happy for them, maybe even a little jealous for it, but I was just mad when I thought of it.
How they get to go home to someone, and hold someone at night. And when they have a nightmare someone can comfort them, and they can dance in the kitchen at two in the morning like an old couple, or do each other's makeup like children.
But not me. My soulmate had to be someone complicated and complex, his existence questionable and his demeanor unlikeable.
Now I'm left alone, a marking on my thigh to signify what once was and apparently never will be.
"I should've just believed everyone back then, when they told me soulmates are a bunch of horse shit and heartbreak."
My knees pull up to my body and I rest my head inside of them, wanting to cry again. But I need to stop crying, I've been crying too much.
There's tons of people out there who are more than willing to date someone and create a life with them, but that's another downside.
Once you have a marking, not many people want to date you, let alone marry you.
They feel as if they've hurt someone else by doing so, and I can't blame them. But I also don't want to be alone.
Not that I want someone to love, because I'll never be able to love someone else, but I need someone to lean on.
I can't do this whole life thing alone. Especially after the past few months. I mean... come on, he was perfect. Wilbur was everything I ever wanted and I didn't even know that I wanted him.
"Please just come back to me, I don't need you to clean up after yourself, and it's okay if you call me idiotic pet names and get mad when a football team you don't even know about loses because you liked the color of their jerseys. And you... you can sing. You can sing with me and I'll dance to the beautiful sound. Because I love you Wilbur, and that includes everything about you."
"I never knew you felt so strongly of me Princess."
☁︎︎
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Idk maybe a random ex boyfriend broke in or something who knows i'm kidding we all know.