A few minutes had passed, Jisoo tried to ignore the pain she was in with an attempt to think with a clear head.
It all made sense. The way that man reacted to the necklace that day in the store, how Jennie was restless last night, the reason she was late to the party tonight...
'I left my phone in your car...'
What were they doing? Will Jennie tell me about it? Or will she hide it from me?
If he is just an ex, why does it bother Jennie so much now that he is around? And why is he around? Why did they spend the Christmas eve together? Has he given Jennie the necklace and did Jennie like it?
What should I do?
Jisoo carefully took out the jewelry box from her bag, the bow she tied had misplaced and it was bent at its corners. She looked at it for a good few seconds. Her head was empty, but then she remembered that Jennie was waiting outside. She put the box back into her bag.
She walked out of the restroom and found Jennie at the backyard.
***
They were driving in silence. Jisoo stole a glance at Jennie, clearly something was bothering her. The first thing she did when they got into the car was looking for a phone. Once she found it on the passenger seat, she hurriedly put it inside her bag and she hadn't said anything to Jisoo yet.
"Jisoo, where are you taking me?"
"We're going to my apartment."
"Your apartment?" Jennie sounded surprised, "I thought we were going to our place. You know the river bank, under the tree?"
Jisoo slowly swallowed a lump in her throat, "We're- we're just... going to my place, instead."
"You have never invited me to your room before...Especially when... it's late."
Jisoo looked at Jennie, the girl was flustered. It hurt her that Jennie got the wrong idea.
"I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable," she said, "Or do you want me to take you home now?"
"No!" Jennie quickly answered, "Your... your place is better."
Jennie's face turned bright, her cat eyes were wide open and she got a natural blush on her cheeks now. She looked excited, and nervous, and timid. And adorable. And beautiful.
And it pained Jisoo to see her like that.
***
Jisoo parked the car a few buildings away from her apartment. The air inside the car was too heavy from too much anticipation and she couldn't handle it.
She swallowed up her disappointment that Jennie hadn't said anything about Kai.
That she, in fact, was late because of him.
She swallowed up the pain, making sure it didn't show on her face.
"Jennie, why don't we talk outside?"
"O- okay. Sure."
Jisoo made sure Jennie put on her coat, mittens, scarf and her beanie. It was half an hour to the next day, the winter was mild and it was indeed a beautiful night. Jisoo could see stars on the clear sky.
The night was designed to be a beautiful night.
They stood side by side, their backs rested on the body of the car. Both were looking to the sky.
"I see stars." said Jennie.
"Yes."
"It's going to be a different night, there was no star when we were in Jeju." Jennie said excitedly.
There was hope in her voice and Jisoo was now in so much agony. She pictured a different kind of night; a night where she didn't have to hurt Jennie again.
"Jennie... I-"
"Yes?" Jennie replied abruptly, she reached out to her hand, Jisoo could only imagine the warmth of her hand under her mitten. Jennie's eyes were twinkling with hope and her mouth was slightly opened. The girl held her breath.
Lisa was right, it was supposed to be easy.
"I will make it brief," Jisoo broke their eye contact, "Great job on your exams, I hope you will get the best result for your hard work... I think, I've been unfair to you for quite a long time... and I... I want to thank you for being kind to me, for giving me time. We used to argue quite a lot... but now that we have spent times together, I think we begin to understand each other a lot better. And... you should know that I appreciate you, Jennie. You... you once told me that I made you happy, but I haven't told you this... that... I'm always happy when you're around. Even when you're not. Thinking about you... makes me happy."
There was too much that she had prepared to say, her heart had been exploding with all the feelings, the expectation and the longing. She thought tonight would be the day. She thought she finally could liberate herself in every words she could think of. She thought she could finally taste her. She was prepared for an entire different night.
Jisoo took a deep breath before she finally said, "Merry Christmas, Jennie. I hope you find your happiness. I think it's time for you to go home."
Jennie instantly let go of her hand, she took a step back.
"I'm sorry... what?"
Her head hurt too much, her heart hurt too much. It seemed like everything hurt too much. Jisoo convinced herself that she could take and bear it all.
"Jisoo... What are you doing? I thought..."
Jisoo couldn't bear to see Jennie, she just stared down and cursed herself inside.
"Is that all?" Jennie tried to comprehend what just happened.
Jisoo nodded.
"Are you for real?"
Jisoo stayed silent.
"Don't you fucking tell me that this was all you wanted to say. You promised me. You're fucking promised me, for God's sake, Jisoo..."
"Jennie..."
"Tell me everything, for God's sake, damn it!" Jennie took another step back, her breath was harsh and heavy.
"Jisoo, please..." she begged, "Tell me honestly, is that all? Is that all you really wanted to say?"
... the first snow was always special; they said... all lies would be forgiven...
"Jennie, don't make me lie to you..."
"We both know, Jisoo... Do you think I'm stupid?" her voice was cold, "Or do you want me to say it out loud to you? Why are we doing this, Jisoo? I thought we were progressing, I thought-"
"Jennie... I'm sorry..."
"Then tell to my face you really didn't want to kiss me that night!" Jennie had lost it, "Tell to my face that I am just a friend that makes you fucking happy when I'm around! That you really honestly don't want something more, saying something more... Fucking tell me-"
"Jennie-"
"What is it, Jisoo? You changed your mind the last minute! What the fuck is happening? Don't tell me you're just playing with my heart all this time!"
"I have no intention to! If I could choose..." Jisoo's voice was brittle, she bit her lip.
Jennie tried to make sense of it all. It wasn't like that yesterday, they were good when they were at Lisa's backyard... The tension grew with each moment she didn't say anything.
Wait... Did she...
When she finally figured it out, she turned slowly to Jisoo, she looked at Jisoo like she had seen a ghost, "Did you... did you know?"
There it was, the answer. Jisoo's eyes were naked for Jennie to read.
Jisoo knew, she could see it in her face. She saw him at the backyard...
"Jisoo, he was just a... friend. From the past."
It wasn't convincing and Jennie knew she had lost this conversation. And as she said that, she could see pain in Jisoo's eyes. She couldn't help herself but to think it was actually her that had hurt Jisoo.
"Jisoo... please..."
"Jennie. Please go home," Jisoo looked hurt and it hurt Jennie that Jisoo had to pretend that she was okay, that she was the one to blame, "I have something for you... a Christmas present. I put it in your car. Promise me you open it only when you're home..."
"Jisoo, listen to me, please..."
"Promise me, Jennie..."
"I promise..."
Jisoo gave a weak smile, she looked so beautiful even at that moment.
Jennie gave up. She helplessly saw Jisoo walked away until she couldn't see anything else.
And there was nothing but darkness that night.
***
In her room, she sat on her bed, the jewelry box from Jisoo was in her hand. The bow was crooked and half-open.
She pulled the ribbon and opened the box. A beautiful heart-shaped locket was inside. Carefully she took it out and held it to the light in her room. It shone brightly, both the crystal and the gold. She found a clasp at the side of the locket and a chamber inside was open.
Unconsciously, her tears fell down into the chamber of the locket. She clutched the locket tightly and began to cry.