Let it hurt, until it can't possibly hurt anymore.
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So moving forward I want to put out a warning. The chapters throughout the rest of the story could contain triggering subjects and I am warning you now. I figure it would be easier to do this. Thank you!
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Sang's POV:
I begin to walk upstairs when the doorbell rings. I change my direction and head towards the front door. When I open the door all 8 of the boys are standing there and I quickly begin to explain why they can't be here. "Hi uhm I am really sorry but you all shouldn't be here. Cameron has the stomach bug and has been throwing up. I don't want you all to get it as well. I tried to tell Dr.Green that but he just waved me off. Me and Lily will probably get sick as well and I don't want you all too." I expect them to turn around and walk away, or force Dr.Green out. I was not expecting Luke to glide past me and head into the house like nothing. Gabe follows after that, and then Victor. Soon enough everybody but Mr.Blackbourne has entered the sick infested house and my jaw has dropped open.
"Miss. Sorenson you will soon learn that when somebody is family, we never leave them alone. Don't worry about us getting sick. We never do." Mr.Blackbourne says and then easily glides past me as well.
I shut the door and head up the stairs to grab Lily. I pick her up in my arms and she is yet to wake. I pass Camerons room. "Sang! Can I go downstairs to eat?" He asks and gives me puppy dog eyes that I can't possibly deny.
"Sure but I want you to go sit right on the couch. Understand?" I ask in a serious tone. He nods and then makes hands like he wants to be picked up. How is it that he can be so needy when he is sick?
I have each kid on a hip and each step I take, my body protests. By the time I make it downstairs it hurts so bad I am afraid I might drop Cameron. I hurriedly set Cameron down on the couch and then head towards the kitchen so that I can get Lily off of my cuts.
When I walk into the kitchen the boys are all in there joking around and the only two people who notice my distress are Dr.Green and Mr.Blackbourne. Mr.Blackbourne's eyes narrow and Dr.Green furrows his eyebrows.
"Pookie are you alright?" He asks.
"Yeah just a little sore." I say and all heads turn to me.
"Doc why is she sore? We still don't know what happened yesterday." Kota pipes in.
"Ahh yes. That is the reason I am so glad you are all here. Pookie only got two hours of sleep last night. Cameron had woken up sick, and woke her up. Instead of waking me up she somehow snuck out of my grip and ended up staying with him on the bathroom floor for five hours. She had the shower running so that steam would build up and help him breath. Anyways and then she was being so stubborn and still won't accept my help so I need your alls help to force her." Dr.Green rushes out while smirking at me.
I narrow my eyes in return as all eyes turn to me. Most of the boys look concerned, but some look angry. "Princess why didn't you wake Dr.Green? Yesterday you were in a lot of pain from whatever happened and sitting on the bathroom floor couldn't have been good for you." Victor says with nothing but concern in his eyes.
"I know but I didn't think it was a big deal." I mumble.
"That's it! It is take-care-of-Sang-day!" Luke announces and all of the boys nod their heads in agreement and my eyes widen.
"What does that mean?" I ask and Gabe is the first to answer me. "Well trouble your probably gonna get sick too. So if you throw up one of us will be there holding your hair back. You want food? We'll get it. Want a drink? Just ask. We are gonna force you to sleep, relax, and tell us about yesterday." He says as if it is nothing.
I am instantly shaking my head no. His eyebrows furrow and he asks me why. "Gabe I have to take care of Cameron and Lily." I say and everybody just smiles softly at me.
"Princess we are going to be taking care of them too. They are family as well." My eyes widen once more and I feel like they are going to get stuck like this.
"Well you know if I do get sick I don't exactly want any of you to see me like that." I tell them all and nobody says anything, they just chuckle. Even Mr.Blackbourne! I swear Gabriel muttered something about me not understanding.
I huff and turn around to get Lily. Once I make it to her room she is still asleep, and so I gently pick her up and carry her down the stairs. She nuzzles into my chest and I don't think I could pry her off even if I wanted to. When I walk into the kitchen there are 9 awes heard and my cheeks go blazing red. I ignore all the men staring at me and gently begin to wake Lily up.
"Come on sweetheart you gotta get up. Don't you want breakfast? I have your favorite fruit." At this she slowly raises her head, and begins to rub her eyes.
I start walking over to her chair when she reachers her hands out and begin tugging on something. I turn around and see that she has managed to grab Mr.Blackbourne's finger. I instantly begin trying to coax her to let go and mumbling apologies to him. The thing he does next is what shocks me the most. Mr.Blackbourne gently takes her from my arms, goes and sits in the living room with her plate and begins feeding her. I know I should follow but my feet can't seem to work, so as everybody else files out I am stuck there.
Luke is the last one out and before he leaves, turns back to me."Trust me he doesn't seem like he ever lets loose, but I promise he does. Now come on cupcake we have questions only you can answer."
"Cupcake?"I smile.
"Yeah you smell sweet like a cupcake." Luke shrugs.
"I smell like throw up and old clothes." I laugh. He all of a sudden leans in and smells me. I begin laughing harder and he grins. "Nope you smell like a cupcake! I just smelled you, I would know." I walk into the living room and all 9 guys are sitting on the couches, and in the floor.
I go to take a seat on the floor but am pulled into Nathans lap. I let out a squeak of surprise and discomfort. "Shit sorry Sang. You don't have to sit here. I'm so sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He begins mumbling apologies.
"It isn't that. Sitting on the floor for 5 hours with extra weight on me is not very good on my old bones." I grin and he smiles brightly in return. There are chuckles all around. My feet are pulled out from under me and I am sprawled across Nathan, Kota, and Victor. "You all always do this! If anything you all shouldn't be the ones squished up. I'm shorter so it is easier for me to bend." I argue.
"Just say thank you princess." Victor tells me and I use my finger to push my lip into my teeth. His eyes dart to my lip, but I ignore it and thank him. I keep my finger on my lip before I feel it being taken away from my mouth. "Don't do that sweetheart. No chewing on fingers." Nathan says as he points at me. I turn my head and start to say something back , but because of the angle we were at his finger goes straight into my mouth.
My tongue flick over his finger and I begin laughing, so does Nathan. "You taste like honey. That's what I can call you. Honey." A smile graces his face and then he takes my finger, and bites down on it. I make a noise of shock and he just grins around my finger. Once he lets go he begins speaking. "Well I guess your new name is peanut then. You taste like them." He tells me. I smile and then turn around to face the others. I expected disgusted looks or, confused ones but everybody is just smiling.
"Miss.Sorenson will you please tell us what happened yesterday?" Mr.Blackbourne asks and I feel nervous all over again.
"Pookie do you want me to tell them?" Dr.Green asks and I shoot my attention to him. Then for the first time ever, we have a silent conversation.
Just the stuff from yesterday right?
Of course. You share the rest on your own time.
Yes please.
Don't worry pookie it will all be alright.
Dr.Green goes on to tell them everything from yesterday. By the end of it Nathan is holding me tight, Kota and Victor have death grips on my legs, and the rest of the boys look mad. Very mad.
"We can't leave her here! All three of them are leaving with us!" North yells.
"They can all stay with me." Nathan volunteers.
"None of them are staying. Aggele mou won't have that happen." Silas yells.
Almost all of them take their turns yelling except for Kota. None of them have asked me what I want to do and I hate it. I think Kota notices because he scoops me up from Nathan and sits me down on his lap, then clears his throat. "None of you are asking her what she wants to do. This is Sang's life and I don't think she appreciates you all telling her what will be happening. We have to talk it through and see what she wants to do. Not a single one of you have asked her opinion."
Everybody goes silent and then Mr.Blackbourne speaks up. "What is it you would like to do Miss Sorenson?"
"I wan't to stay here. Yesterday was only so bad because it was the day dad left. It usually isn't that bad. Plus I am about to turn 18 and then I can adopt Cameron and Lily, and leave this house." I tell him honestly and instantly there is more yelling.
"I believe for now it is okay for Miss. Sorenson to stay. It is her choice and we must respect it. North and Silas begin grumbling in Greek at a level to where I can't hear them. Then they stand up and leave, slamming the door after them. I look to all the boys but they just shake their heads, so I let it go for now.
All throughout the day I am pampered like nobody's business. Besides the few times I have to help Cameron after he throws up, I am always in somebody lap. I have layed in everybody's except for Mr.Blackbourne's, and Gabe's. Gabe has been oddly quiet.
If I need anything, or Lily does then one of the boys is getting it. We watch a few movies and by the end of the fifth one it is time for all of them to go. I have already gotten both kids ready for bed, and feel absolutely awful by now. As the boys are hugging me bye Dr.Green feels my forehead. "Pookie I think you've got it. You feel really warm and look tired."
"I'm fine. Honest." I try to tell him in a convincing tone but end up stumbling because of how nauseous I feel. He catches me and begins to tsk. "Nope one of us is staying with you and is gonna take care of you while you puke your guts out." I wrinkle my nose at that and he just laughs.
"Any volunteers to see pookie very sick, and be able to take care of her all night?" Dr.Green asks and almost all of them raise their hands. I instantly look to see if Gabe did because I missed him today. I see he has, but his hand is low and he isn't looking at me.
"Hey Gabe, will you?" I ask hopefully. Gabe shoots his head towards me and gives me a big smile that makes me feel better.
"Of course trouble. Your all mine tonight." Gabe declares and the other boys shake their heads, but leave. Once they all leave Gabe declares it is time to go to bed, and begin heading upstairs, but I once again get dizzy. The next thing I know, I am being picked up and cradled into Gabe's chest. I want to protest but he is so warm I don't think I can.
He carries us all the way to my room, sets me on the bed, and turns the light off. I hear rustling, and then feel a shift in weight on my bed. Gabe gets comfortable and then pulls me into him. He lays my head on his chest and I realize he has taken his shirt off. Then our legs inter-tangle and I realize he has taken his pants off too. I am glad it is dark because my face is on fire.
"I missed you today." I tell him honestly, because for some reason I want him to know.
"I was here all day. Not that I mind." He chuckles and I can feel the vibrations through his chest.
"Maybe physically but it didn't feel like you were here mentally. I'm sorry if you didn't want to be here." I tell him and I can feel his whole body tense. He hugs me tighter to him before speaking.
"It isn't you trouble. I was afraid I would hurt you. I hate what your mother does to you. It isn't fair. You don't deserve that and all I want to do is protect you from it. I feel like I am not doing anything." He tells me in a tone that means he is being completely honest.
"You holding me is amazing Gabe. You make me feel safe, and I haven't felt that way in a long time." I nuzzle deeper into his chest.
"I'll always protect you trouble. No matter what it is if you need anything at all you come to one of us okay? I don't care if you think it is stupid or embarrassing or anything okay? You come to me and I will never laugh or thing badly of you okay? Now lets sleep."He tells me and all I can do to respond is squeeze his legs with mine and kiss his chest, then I drift off into a nice sleep.
I don't know when it is I wake up, but when I do I stumble out of bed and run to the bathroom where I empty my stomach. I stay there heaving over the toilet while I throw up four more times. After the fourth time I brush my teeth and wipe my mouth, and then sit back down on the bathroom floor waiting for the next round of nausea. My eyes are closed so when Gabe picks me up and sits me in his lap, I am shocked at first but quickly relax into him as he rubs my back.
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Gabe's POV:
I wake up and trouble is gone, she is no longer in my arms. I thought doc was exaggeration when he said Sang was a fucking ninja. I get out of bed quicker than I ever have and head to the bathroom to see if my trouble is there.
When I get there she is sitting on the ground and looks like she wants to fucking die. I sneak over and pick her up and cuddle her in my lap, she tenses but relaxes quickly. I love holding her. It makes me feel like shes okay. I also feel that way when my brothers hold her. I know shes safe. We sit in silence for 10 minutes while I rub her back and she does her best not to throw up. Sang ends up lurching forward and throwing up 3 more times. She tries to stand and brush her teeth, but I don't let her. When I said we would take care of her, I fucking meant it.
I set her on the counter top and begin brushing her teeth. At first she sits there rigid but eventually lets me do whatever I want. After brushing her teeth we sit back down on the floor and once again I hold her. Neither of us have said a word, but it isn't uncomfortable.
I feel something wet drop on my arm, and look down to see water on my hand. Then there is another drop, and another, then another. It's tears. Sang's tears. How the hell did I mess something as simple as taking care of her up? I turn her around as carefully as possible to where she is straddling me and force her to look at me." Trouble what did I do? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable if I did. Shit I'm not good at this. Please tell me what I did." I beg her. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Sang could tell me to beg for her in front of the whole world and I would do it without a second thought.
"Meanie it isn't you. I'm being stupid and it is stupid that I'm crying. Ignore me." She tries to shrug it off but I won't let her.
"Trouble tell me what's wrong then. Remember our talk? I don't care if you think it stupid or embarrassing or anything like that. I will never judge you." I tell her but she shakes her head and begins mumbling about how embarrassing it is. "Fine trouble wanna have a truth moment?" She sends me a curious look so I take that as my cue to continue talking. "I'll tell you something about me that I want you to know, then you do the same. Anything talked about tonight stays strictly between us. Okay? I will even go first." I try to tell her in as much as a convincing tone as possible. She stares into my eyes for a minute and then nods.
"Okay I haven't ever told anyone this. My mom and siblings died in a car crash when I was younger and I feel guilty because I am glad I survived. Sometimes I feel guilty because I am happy while they're dead." I tell her and wait for her to tell me how stupid I am. I wait for her to tell me I should feel guilty. Sang kisses my cheek."I'm glad you didn't die either. They would want you to be so happy Gabe. I bet you anything they are so proud of the man you have become. I know I am." She tells me and my heart swells so much it might burst. Sang is proud of me. Those few words could last me a lifetime.
"Your turn." I tell her and she sighs.
"It is always hard when you all try to care for me or take care of me because I haven't had that since I was six. When you all do I feel so comforted but it's scary because it is new to me. I know it is stupid to be scared of it but my parents stopped caring about me when I was six, and my mother first hit me when I was eight. Besides Lily and Cameron, and the few times me and Silas or North would hug or something, every time i have been touched it has been because I was being hit. I'm sorry I'm complaining." She whispers out and my heart begins to ache. She is almost eighteen. That means all Sang has had for the past 12 years was mean touches by her mother. Even though Cameron and Lily might have hugged her, it wasn't to comfort her. I guarantee she was comforting them. It isn't a bad thing. The are so young they don't understand these things but she has never really been shown kind touches.
"That's gonna change trouble. We're gonna show you all the kind touches in the world. If at any point you get uncomfortable then you tell us and we will back off with no offense taken. I promise we will take complete care of you now." I tell her and she gives me the best smile she can muster. All of a sudden I want to know everything about her. "Trouble can you tell me about you?" I ask her and she looks perplexed. "I want to know your fears. I want to know your life before us. I want to know anything your willing to share. It is the night of truths after all. It doesn't matter if it is embarrassing or something as simple as when you slipped and fell. I wanna know it all. Please tell me?" I ask as a question because I don't want her to feel pressured.
Sang thinks for five minutes and forty two seconds. I sound like Kota now. Eventually she nods yes. "There is a lot though. I don't want the others knowing just yet. It isn't that I trust them but I need time."
"I understand."
Sang takes a deep breath and begins talking. "My parents stopped caring about me when I was six. They didn't really tuck me into bed at night anymore or tell me they loved me because mother was sick. Two years later was when dad left. I was leaving my room that morning when I was smacked and that was the first time I was ever hit. She blamed me for dad leaving and after so many years of hearing it, I believed it myself. At twelve I almost killed myself. It is awful, I know. The thing that stopped me was Cameron. I found out mom was pregnant and vowed to protect the kids from our life. I have Gabe. It was so hard raising him. I struggled so much and mother was no help. She has never held or cared for either of them."
Jesus. How the hell does this shit happen? Sang has been taking care of these kids since birth.
"When Lily came along I named her. On the nights that everything hurt, and I could barely move, I dreamt of lilies. She brings me peace. Anyways when they were both babies I got beat a lot more than normal. Any time they would scream in the middle of the night, I got punished. I have had on and off jobs since I was thirteen to support them. I would work nights and walking through the alleyways at night was terrifying. I never knew what would happen. They have been to all of their health appointments and I have always made sure they got three meals a day. I know I am too skinny but we never have enough money so most days I skip out on all meals, and if I get dizzy I just have one. I still feel like I have done wrong by them, but I could never bring myself to call CPS. Foster care is awful. Anyways I have never let them get hit or hurt by her in anyway. I promise I haven't Gabe!" Sang says almost desperately, begging me to believe her. I kiss her forehead and cheeks hoping it shows that I know she wouldn't let them get hurt, and even if they did that it wasn't her fault.
"So strong. So very strong. I am so proud of you trouble. You have done so good for them. It is your turn to be taken care of. We're gonna patch you up and make you better again. Your ours and were not letting you go. Can I ask something?" I say in a firm tone, but questioning at the end. She nods. "What are your punishments?" Sang tenses and I have hit a sore spot.
"I don't wanna talk about them all but I will tell you the worst one." Sang tells me and it is my turn to nod. "My mother has this thing called the shower punishment. I get tied to a stool and stuck in the shower. I can't move in any way. Then she turns on the water all the way to hot and I have to sit there under it. The temperature always goes from burning, to hot, to bearable, to chilly, to freezing.. The way she bends me always hurts so bad that it hurts to take a single step. I have only gotten that punishment a handful of times, but each time I am stuck there for at least five hours."
It is inhumane. I wanna scream. I want to kill her mother. How the hell is Sang still so strong? How the hell is she so kind?
"Wanna know the worst part?" She asks and I don't trust my voice so I just nod. "I'm terrified of showers. I can only take baths. Even the sound of a shower could make me pass out. It is so embarrassing and if you wanna laugh I get it. I have tried to face my fears but I can't. Each time all I can think of is that punishment." Sang is sobbing now and I hold her impossibly closer as I whisper reassuring words. The woman she calls mother has m go ade Sang afraid of showers. I don't blame Sang. I would be terrified too.
"Gabe?"
"Yeah trouble?"
"I hate my scars."
"Can I see?"
"You would run."
"Never."
"Okay." She stands up."I can't really show you the ones on my legs." I give small smile.
"Go change into shorts and a tank trouble." She does and I am left alone with my thoughts. I am going to protect her. Sang will never be alone again. Sang comes back and I can see some of them already.
"My back is the worst." She tells me as she sits in front of me sobbing. I carefully lift her shirt and I see them. The words carved into her back by a knife. The words that are so bad I want to cover them so that trouble never feels it. I decide they tonight has had enough truths and carefully pick trouble up and carry her to the bed. We lay down and she is practically on top of me, but not in a sexual way. It is in a comforting way. I whisper reassuring words about how I will never leave, and how strong she is. I tell her the words carved into her back mean nothing and that I would take them away if I could. She falls asleep and I continue talking to her because I mean every single thing I say. No doubts.
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Authors note:
Okay this chapter was kind of rough. What do you think? Any suggestions for the future?
Also I was wondering if you all would want me to turn this into an all 14 story with the Toma team, or leave it Blackbourne only?
Have a nice day and sorry for not updating!
This chapter was 4618 words.