Allura found Lance where he always was, in the infirmary. He'd been there more than usual recently - two, maybe three times a day, staring at the cryo-pod. Allura knew his grief was still fresh, given that he'd been close to Violet, but he'd been handling it well.
He didn't turn when she entered the room, his gaze focused on Violet. She hadn't moved, hadn't stirred, since the day four months ago when she'd been thrown under the teludav by Narti - well, Narti's cat, Kova. She should've died, but at the last second Violet had brought up her hands, protecting her head from being crushed. In doing so, over half the bones in her hands had been shattered. Allura still had nightmares about what she'd looked like after they'd pulled her out form the teludav - arms twisted at an odd angle, wrists mangled and broken. Even if she recovered fully, she'd never use her hands the same again.
Hunk, when sad, took to baking. Allura had pretended to like countless batches of earthen cookies for him so she wouldn't hurt his feelings, not when his round face was so scrunched up with hope. Hope that if he could make perfect cookies, then everyone would be happy and Violet would wake up. A feeble belief, but Allura let him hang on to it.
Pidge had, in wake of her grief, devoted all her time to searching for her family. Allura assumed the loss had driven her to look harder. Shiro was the least affected out of the group, because he couldn't be. He was the one who held the team together.
Allura spent the first few nights crying in her room. She couldn't help but feel that it was partly her fault Violet had come so close to death. If she had only been more careful, if she had fought harder or moved quicker... but she knew she couldn't let herself think like that. Lance had borne her grief with her, and sometimes she'd join him in those silent periods of time where they watched Violet's sleeping form.
And Keith ... old fury fluttered in Allura's chest every time she thought his name. He'd distanced himself from the rest of the paladins, utterly disregarding his role as leader. She'd come to accept him being Galra, and part of the Blade of Marmora, but he was also Voltron's leader and the pilot of the black lion. He was grieving, so she did her best to have pity, but he couldn't turn away from them for any longer. Soon he'd have to choose.
Lance gave a tiny jump when he noticed Allura. "Oh, hey, Allura."
"Hello, Lance."
After a second, Lance said quietly, "Do you think she's ... getting better?"
Sadly, Allura shook her head. "I'm sorry I cannot give you more happy news. But Violet's body suffered blunt trauma. Even now her bones are still mending."
Lance nodded, already expecting the answer. "I just hope she'll be back soon. We need her."
There was nothing else to say. The two stood in silence, until Coran called them to the bridge to set course for Reiphod, a planet where Voltron was going to lead a parade.
However, Kolivan interrupted with news that the Blades had discovered a supply ship in a strange part of the galaxy, and wanted to sneak on. Keith immediately volunteered to go on the mission, leaving the paladins to go to Reiphod without Voltron.
It was a disaster. The people wanted to be able to hope, and to do that, they wanted Voltron. But without the black lion, there was nothing to do but spin half-heartedly around in the four lions.
After the show, Allura passed Keith on his way back from the mission. He said, before she could speak, "I Know you're annoyed, Allura, but I'd really like you to not lecture me right now."
"I was going to ask if you're alright," said Allura. "Kolivan told me that Regris didn't make it."
He didn't look up. "I'm fine."
Allura took a deep breath and closed the gap between them. "The work you've been doing with the Blade of Marmora has been instrumental in this war against the Galra, Keith. However, the work it is your duty to do with Voltron, uniting the coalition with a symbol of hope, is much more instrumental. I know-"
"Again," Keith interrupted, pulling back his hood, "I'd really like you to not lecture me right now."
Allura's gaze fell. She tried again. "When I was first able to watch Voltron being formed, it was ten thousand years ago, watching my father fight inside it. I have never forgotten the hope seeing that filled me with, and I know that every planet, every person we free, sees it too. What I'm saying is, Voltron is the key to liberation. We need it to win this war - we need the black lion to win this war. The Blades do not." She closed her eyes in pain. "And with the loss of Violet, the team is scrambling. They need a stable leader who is there for them."
Keith's eyes blazed, the first emotion Allura had seen in them since he'd walked in. "Don't talk about her like she's already dead," he snapped. "We've recovered from greater failures before. We can do it again."
"Not without our leader!" Allura shot back, her temper slipping. "The Blades may be able to function without you helping them, but Voltron most certainly can't. We can't. Keith..." she gritted her teeth until she had control over her anger again. "When Violet wakes up, she's going to need you. You must be there for her, and everyone else."
"She doesn't need me," Keith said, his face shuttering with grief. "She shouldn't."
Allura's eyes narrowed. "You can run away all you want, Keith, but if you still believe she hates you, you're more idiotic than I thought." She brushed past him, striding briskly from the room.
Keith stood in the hallway after Allura left, defeated. There was a whoosh as the door reopened, and he silently prepared himself for whatever Allura had come back to reprimand him about.
"Keith? Are you the reason Allura just stormed past me looking like someone had insulted her hair?"
Keith turned around to face Lance. "Yeah." He really, really didn't want to talk to anyone. Maybe the universe was doing this to spite him. Maybe Shiro would come in next to tell him about responsibility and the black lion, and then even Vi would emerge from her cryo-pod to slam a door in his face or spit at his feet.
Whatever Lance saw on Keith's face, it made his expression soften. "Allura can be a lot sometimes. How are you doing?"
"The mission failed," said Keith. "So ... not the best."
"I heard." Lance's eyes dropped. "Vi is going to be really upset when she hears. She liked Regris a lot."
Keith forced his next words past the lump in his throat. "Is she...?"
Lance shook his head. "Nothing. You could visit her, you know. It's probably lonely being in a cryo-pod for four months."
Keith turned away without replying. "Right. See you later, Lance."
He was gone before the blue paladin could say anything else.
-
The next day, Keith was absent on a mission with the Blades. The rest of the team got a distress call from a supply ship and went to help, but were bogged down by the many Galra forces that they met. Without Voltron, they took hit after hit.
Shiro begged the black lion to trust him, to let him in so he could help his team. He didn't think anyone other than his lion could hear - after all, there was nobody else in the castle close enough to do so.
But he was wrong.
With a roar, the black lion stood, Shiro at the cockpit, and flew off to save the team. With Voltron, the Galra fleets were easily vanquished, and they returned victorious.
In the heart of the castle, a soft beeping could be heard from one of the cryo-pods.
-
Keith arrived at the bridge to face the angry looks of the paladins. He flushed, embarrassed. "I just got back from the mission. Sorry I didn't make it in time."
The others didn't accept his apology. After listening to them rant at him for a minute, Keith said, "Look, I know I deserve this, so-" he broke off. Everyone was staring at him.
Not at him - behind him.
Pidge let out a strangled noise and darted past Keith. Lance raced after her, and then the others. Slowly, he turned around.
Violet was standing by the doors of the bridge, blinking in confusion. Her eyes were clouded, dark circles lingering beneath them, her skin pale, and she moved with none of the grace she'd had before, her limbs awkward and stiff.
She was one of the most beautiful things Keith had ever seen in his life.
Pidge wrapped her arms around Violet's waist; Allura was on the verge of crying, and Lance was asking what happened, how did she get over here, was she okay.
Violet was laughing, her eyes clearing with every passing second. "I just ... woke up," she said. "I don't remember much, actually. I remember the teludav and this really bright light, and then...." she trailed off as she saw Keith, who hadn't moved from where he stood.
Shiro cleared his throat. "Guys, we'd better give Kolivan the update from the mission. Everyone to the control room." He ushered the paladins out until only Keith and Violet remained.
She cast an irritated look at the doors. "Subtle, Shiro. Very subtle." Swinging her head back around to face Keith, she said, "Let's cut to the chase. Where's Lotor? Has he used the ship yet? Did Acxa and the others get away?"
Keith blinked. "They escaped when we were trying to keep you alive. You don't remember?"
She shook her head. "All I remember is pain. And this light..." she looked up at him, her brows furrowing. "Keith, I think ... I died."
"You didn't," he said. "Something happened - you pulled through-"
"Keith," she said, voice fierce, "The teludav fell on top of me. It should have smushed every bone in my body. Can you see my hands? The cryo-pod couldn't cover up how much damage was done to them. I don't know if I'll ever be able to throw a dagger again." She held up her hands, and Keith winced. They were all wrong, the skin stretched too tightly over the joints and the fingers crooked. Her hand trembled as she struggled to hold it upright, staring at the mess of what it had once been.
He hated seeing her like this - vulnerable. With the others, she was always smiling, always joking and laughing, but this - this was the face she never let them see. The look in her eyes as she stared at her hands, that anguished, defeated look she'd always hidden away. And even with the despair written plain on her features like some long-forgotten storybook, Keith couldn't help but think that she still looked beautiful - like some fallen angel, torn from her place in the sky and thrown down to earth.
Even so, he couldn't bear to let her stand there, as alone as she'd been for months in the cryo-pod. Keith bridged the gap between them with a single step, wrapping his hands around hers. The trembling steadied, and Violet blew out a breath. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry."
The color was returning to Violet's face, and she slowly shook her head. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
He focused on a spot above her head. "Nothing has happened much with the war. The paladins ... they're hurt, but they're getting back up. Lotor hasn't been spotted at all. Voltron has been spreading hope throughout the galaxy - they've been winning more and more territory."
She tilted her head to the side. "Don't you mean 'we've?'"
He froze, quickly stepping away from her. She looked at him curiously as her hands fell back to her sides. "The others should fill you in," said Keith, stumbling over the words. "I'm not - I shouldn't be the one to tell you what's been going on while you were healing. I'm sorry."
"Don't be." She said again, and frowned. "Keith, are you okay? You seem ... tense."
He winced. How could he tell her? Her face was so open. He knew that face, knew what would happened next. Just like what had happened when she'd broken out of Sendak's ship; just like what had happened when they lost Shiro: she would get back on her feet, pull herself together, pull the team together. Learn to hope again. She'd heal herself.
But this ... this, even Violet couldn't heal.
"I'm leaving," Keith blurted in one breath. "I've been training with the Blades more. I came here today to tell the team that Kolivan and some others discovered a string of ships gathering and harvesting quintessence. We're taking a team to get into the harvesting ships and gather intel. It could take a while, but ... I need to be on that mission. If we can-" he broke off at the expression on Violet's face. He didn't know if she'd heard anything he'd said after I'm leaving.
"But you can't," she said. "This is Voltron. You don't just leave. Not like this."
He looked away. "A lot has changed since four months ago."
"Then tell me about it," Violet said, her voice sharp, angry. "Fill me in. Let me make up what I've missed; give me a chance to settle back in, to heal. Don't run away."
"That's it, though," Keith said, his own voice rising. "You can't heal. Not this. You've always healed what's broken, always gotten back up, but you can't this time. This time you died for four months, and every time I look at you, all I see is how we failed you. How you finally broke yourself beyond repair, and all we've done is sit around and mope and grieve and wait." He broke off, his breathing uneven. "I stopped waiting a while ago. Now I have to follow through."
Violet's hands had started shaking again, and she stared at him like she'd never seen him before. It hurt so badly, Keith wondered if her eyes had the power to splinter souls with just a look, but he forced himself not to look away. This pain - the pain of seeing Violet look at him like a stranger, look at him with her broken hands and broken face because of what he'd failed to do - he deserved it. Deserved all of it.
He wished he could take her hands again, calm her, tell her why he had to go. Why it was his fault. Why she should hate him, should hate all of them, for not protecting her, saving her. Why he was horrible and a failure and didn't deserve the privilege of being with her.
But he knew she'd never say any of that, and certainly not now.
So he turned away and left, leaving her standing alone on the bridge.
He yanked open the doors with more force than necessary; there was a yelp, and Lance tumbled into the bridge, Pidge, Hunk and Allura behind him from where they'd been obviously listening. "Keith? Wh-"
Keith stalked past them before Lance could finish, stopping before Shiro. "I'm leaving," he said, the words dull. "Kolivan's sending a team of Blades on a mission to investigate a supply line. It could lead us to Lotor, but it could take months. I'm going on it."
Shiro's face was somber. "Okay."
Keith looked away. "I've always known you were the true leader for us, Shiro. It was great stepping in for you, but now you've returned, and the black lion should be yours." He added weakly, "It's only temporary. I'll be back."
No, you won't was written all over Shiro's face, but he straightened, drawing in a long breath, and said, "If that's what you feel is right, Keith, we won't stop you." His gaze fell behind Keith, behind the paladins watching in shock, to where Violet stood, still alone, her expression schooled into blankness, then back to Keith. "We'll always be here if you need us."
"I know," said Keith. "And that means more to me than you know." The two embraced, Hunk quickly piling in on the hug, then the others. Violet felt like her heart was breaking. What had she missed that had made Keith do this? Was it her?
By the time the paladins broke away, Violet was gone.
-
"Vi? Can I come in?"
Violet called through the door, "Sure." Shiro pushed the door open. Violet was sitting on her bed, trying to hold her blades, her fingers gripping the dagger weakly. She dropped it and cursed, so violently he took a step back.
"Sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all, and bent to pick up the dagger. "And before you ask, yes, I'm doing fine. I've been out of the picture having my shattered body healed while my former mentor - former friend - is wreaking havoc on the world, and my hands are practically useless, but hey, at least I'm alive. Yippee."
"Vi," said Shiro, "That was the least enthusiastic 'yippee' I have ever heard in my life, and I've been dealing with Keith's negative attitude for years." He pulled up a chair and sat down next to Violet. "Your hands will heal. I know you're scarred from what happened. But it will take more than that to break you. Soon you'll be throwing blades again just like you used to."
She picked up the dagger. "We both know you can never go back to who you used to be." Violet adjusted her grip on the handle, trying to curl her fingers the right way. They shook so hard she lost hold on the blade again.
Angry, she hurled the dagger at the wall with as much strength as her stupid, broken hands could muster. Shiro caught it easily from the air and set it back down on the bed. "Trying to make your hands work again won't get rid of all your problems."
Violet took another blade. "No, but I might be able to injure my problems - or at least cut them up a bit - if I throw this dagger hard enough."
Shiro put his hand over the hilt of the blade, forcing her hand to rest. "Trying to make your hands work again won't make Keith come back, either."
Violet's gaze fell to the floor. Shiro continued, "I know you're not happy with Keith leaving the team. You can talk to me."
She let go of the dagger, and it thudded onto the bed. "I feel like I missed so much. Everyone has changed without me, Keith the most. And I can't help but wonder if ... it's my fault."
"People change, Vi," said Shiro gently. "That doesn't make it a bad thing. You still have a place on the team, even if we've been forced to move on without you."
Violet smiled. "Thank you, Shiro, but it's not that. I ... I let the team down. I shouldn't have gone on that mission. I knew something was going to happen to me, and I went anyway. Keith was right." She chuckled softly. Murmured, "I can't believe I just said that." She looked up. "You weren't with us for a while, but when you were gone, it seemed like Keith and I-" Violet cut herself off, biting her lip. They what? "Had grown closer. But now he's leaving, and ... I guess it was just me."
"It wasn't," Shiro said forcefully. "Keith has never been big on love, or any caring emotion, for that matter. But I've never seen him act the way he does around you. It's painfully obvious." He shook his head, smiling. "He blames himself for what happened to you. He expects you to hate him, to think that he failed you, so he pushes you away before you can. My advice is to give him time. He'll come around."
The words helped a little, but Violet's chest still felt like it was being grinded into pulp to match her hands. "Thank you, Shiro. I know no one knows Keith as well as you do."
"That's just the thing, actually," said Shiro. "I don't know what it's like to be raised by a father and taken from him at a young age, to never know my mom. I've never blocked myself off so other people can't get to me, or pushed anyone away. There are ways I simply can't understand Keith, but those are the ways you do." He stood, making to leave. "Don't give up on him, Vi."
She could just leave it at that, but...
Violet blurted, "Did he ever see me?"
Shiro paused. "What?"
Her gaze was focused on the ground. "When I was healing. Did he ever visit me? Did he ever come?"
Shiro was quiet, but then he said, "No. But he does care about you, Vi. Whatever you two have ... it's worth fighting for."
"I know." she smiled sadly. "I just wish it wouldn't hurt so much."
Shiro turned one last time, bracing his hand on the doorframe. "That's how you know it's real."
-
That day, when Violet woke up, there was a book on her nightstand.
She frowned - it hadn't been there when she'd fallen asleep - and picked up. She squealed when she saw the cover. It was Avatar: the Last Airbender, the book she'd dropped all those weeks ago after using it to knock open the vent. She thought that she'd lost it. Violet opened the front cover; there was a note inside.
I picked up this book when you dropped it. I was going to give it back to you immediately, but I started reading it, and couldn't put it down. Sorry.
Once I finished it, everything went to hell - you revealed your past and I realized I was half-Galra and Shiro disappeared and I didn't know how to talk to you, and then, well... you almost died.
I know it's my fault. You're still in the cryo-pods while I write this, Vi. I haven't been able to work up the courage to visit you yet; I don't think I will. Every time I think of you I wonder if I had just done anything better, would you be here next to me?
I was the one who let you face Zethrid and Acxa on your own. I was the one who let you go on the mission, even though you were exerting yourself too much. My decisions as a leader were the ones that led to what happened to you. It's okay if you blame me when you wake up. I know you have every right to.
I can't bear to face you right now, even when you can't see me. I don't know if I'll ever muster enough nerve to give you this book back in person, so ... here. Sorry it took so long.
And by the way, I ship Zuko and Katara. Hate me all you want.
Keith
Violet felt tears rise. She understood how Keith felt, but it wasn't his fault at all. Did he really blame himself that she got hurt? It wasn't his fault. It was hers. She was the one who demanded to go on the mission, the one who let herself be distracted. How could Keith think, even for a second, that she hated him?
And why in the name of Avatar would he ship zutara? If anything, that distorted the way she thought of him. It made sense, though. Keith and Zuko were similar in a lot of ways.
Chuckling, Violet opened the book and began to read.