TW: talk of self harming, depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts.
A N G E L I N A
"You need to eat Angelina."
I looked up at Nicolas who is holding a tray of food in his hands he placed it on the table allowing me to see that he made me chicken noodle soup with bread. "If I eat, will you stop hovering over me?" I asked as he pulled out a chair and sat really close to me. "Yes" He said as I picked up the spoon.
I finished my soup, ate my bread and finished the grapes. "And" Nicolas said making me roll my eyes as I took my pills and a sip of my lemonade water. "How are you feeling?" Nicolas asked making me nod. "Very fine" I said making him glare at me as I rubbed my face.
"Angelina you do realize what you did right?" He asked, "I ate my soup." I said which made him grab the tray and walk out of the dining room clearly pissed. I am more than aware of what I have done I do not fear a lot of things in life what I did does not scare me. What scares me is that I liked it.
I liked the pain it gave me, I tried everything to get myself to stop crying and doing that made me stop crying. It quite literally put me at ease and that terrifies me, I know for a fact if I cut a little bit too deep I would not have fought to keep my blood inside of me. I would've let it be.
I rolled my sleeve back down to see my bandaged arms if I did not stop when I did, who knows what I would've done. I pulled my sleeve back down as I made my way into the kitchen to see Nicolas.
He quickly wiped his eyes once he spotted me making me tear up "Why are you crying?" I asked, "No why are you crying?" He asked as I wrapped my arms around him making him do the same.
"Angelina I love you." He said as he locked eyes with me, "I lost you for three dreadful years and now I have you back in my life. We have a cute little family, you love the twins I know you do. Think of how your actions would've affected them if you went deeper." He said as he rubbed my back.
"I can not lose you. I can not do that again. I am sorry if you feel like I have been hovering over you or if I am pressuring you to talk about your feelings. I just don't want you to do what you did again."
He pulled away and wiped my tears away. "If you need a therapist I will get you the best one there is. If you need to go to a mental hospital, I'll sign you into whichever one you want. If you need to cut something cut me not yourself just whatever that it is that will make you not harm yourself again, you need to tell me so I can get it for you because you can not and will not keep on doing that."
"I am sorry." I said which made him pick me up placing me onto the counter "And I am really not trying to make you feel guilty about what you did. I apologize for that very stupid plan that made you do what you did." He said as I pulled his head into my chest.
"I love you so much and I truly do not deserve you." I said as I kissed his head, "I love you Angelina and I can not lose you." He said as he kissed my chest.
"Shitty. That is how I am feeling, I am feeling shitty. I do not know what is causing me to feel this way but I do want to get better. I promise you that I will." I said making him sigh, "When we visit your dad in the hospital I think you should get a psych evaluation or a therapist test or whatever." He said.
"Do you think that would help me?" I asked, "I hope so" He said as I looked at the time to see it's 4:33am. "Merry Christmas Angelina." He said as he kissed my cheek, "Merry Christmas to you to Nicolas." I said as I smiled.
"You can stay in bed all day if you want" He said as he kissed my fingers. "I have the 26th to be depressed, not the 25th." I said. "But you can't just act like it didn't happen." He said as he rubbed my face. "I know baby but I am not ruining their first Christmas with you, I am going to act like it didn't happen to them but I will act like it did with you." I said as I took his hand and kissed it.
I made a promise to Nicolas that I would tell him if I have a 'bad' thought. "Alright Ms.Christmas what is the plan?" He asked. "The plan is to pretend to be asleep when the clock it's 5:37am. That is when they will barge into our room and jump on the bed telling us to wake up and that it's Christmas." I said as I began to smile.
"Then I will make them brush their teeth before we go downstairs and open gifts, they come with me and we make hot chocolate then it's gift time." I said. Our kids aren't those kids who immediately want to open presents they like to marinate before they open their presents.
"So after the gift opening they come back to the kitchen for breakfast. They eat then shower and then we play outside for a while, then come back inside for lunch and we watch Christmas movies."
"Then we go back outside to look at the Christmas lights then I have my men do a parade for them in the community and then fireworks and then that's about it."
We have been doing that tradition for four years now and they seem to love it, "I love you and I can not lose you" He said making me kiss his cheek.
"I love you to" I said as I got off the counter, "Where are you going?" He asked. "Basement for the gifts" I said as he locked arms with me.
I have majority of their gifts already wrapped and Nicolas already has his gifts for them under the tree, he helped me wrap my final ones and we brought them to the living room.
"Eat the cookies" I said as I put my final gift down he looked at the coffee table to see cookies, milk and carrots. We shared the cookies and the milk then threw the carrots out in the garbage.
He picked me up and practically ran over to the bedroom since he wanted me to get some sleep. "Night" He said as he lifted up the covers covering both of us. I barely survived those three years being a mother and keeping the twins away from Nicolas then on top of that out of danger.
I looked up at the sleeping man i'm laying on. I kissed his cheek making him wrap his arms around me "Sleep for a little while" He mumbled out clearly still asleep.
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"Mami! Papa! Wake up it's Christmas!" The twins said as they kept on jumping on our bed. Nicolas turned over facing me as I adjusted my eyes to the light. He moved my hair out of my face as he mouthed the words sleep making me squish his cheek. "Alright we are up." Nicolas said as he sat up.
"Hi my babies" I said as I sat up and got out of bed "Merry Christmas!" They exclaimed making me smile at them, "Merry Christmas" Me and Nicolas said as we kissed their heads.
They walked back into their room going to brush their teeth as me and Nicolas did the same. "Christmas morning, 2021." He said as he put the camera in my face.
I connected my phone to the speakers across the house and began to play Christmas music. "Here is my soon to be wife looking completely stunning" He said as he flipped the camera to show me in my pyjamas.
"Very beautiful, stunning and sexy" He said as he kissed my head and I posed then took the camera from him as he picked up the twins and we walked downstairs into the kitchen. "I think I got fifty gifts" Damon said as I grabbed cups for all of us. "I probably got the same as you" Ale said. I got them seventy gifts each and Damon got them seventy gifts each as well so they are not that off I guess.
I poured the hot chocolate into the cups and then stirred everything. Damon likes his hot chocolate with marshmallows and chocolate syrup like Nicolas so I slid their cups over to them.
Ale and I like ours with whipped cream and crushed up peppermint candy canes, I placed the cookies onto a plate and we all made our way into the living room. The twins squealed with excitement once they saw all of their gifts, me and Nicolas have decided to open our gifts on a later date so they could have today to themselves.
I sat down as I looked out the window to see that it's snowing outside. "It's snowing" I said as I looked over to Nicolas who just kissed my cheek "You're adorable" He said as I snuggled myself closer to him.
There was a lot of ripping off wrapping paper, screaming and thanking us for their gifts. Damon is more of an action child he likes to run and not listen while Ale is a chill child he likes to read and listen, they are complete opposites.
Damon is riding his Captain America car around the living room while Ale is reading a book, all gifts have been opened and showered with love.
When they were opening their gifts Nicolas made them put the wrapping paper in the garbage which saved me a lot of time, "Now she is leaving me to go make breakfast" Nicolas said to the camera as I stood up grabbing everyone's cups and walked into the kitchen.
I dropped me and Nicolas's mug into the sink as I walked in my pantry and grabbed ingredients I need for breakfast. I walked out to see Nicolas standing there with that stupid camera, he shoved it in my face as I placed the things onto the counter.
I slapped the camera out of my face as I began to make the breakfast that they inhaled once I was done. I made everyone take a shower then we all changed into winter attire, "Alright" I said as I put my gloves on.
I walked outside to see a shitload of snow, I closed the front door as I waddled over to Alex who is rolling a ball for a snowman. "You can use this to dress him up" I said as I dropped the hat, gloves and scarfs onto the snow.
"Thank you mami!" He panted out as he kept on rolling his ball, I hate snow pants they make me waddle like I am pregnant. I waddled over to Damon who is making snow angels, I made myself fall down next to him then made a snow angel as Nicolas recorded us.
He helped me up then wrapped one arm around me "How are you feeling about your father?" He asked he turned off the camera. My dad had a seizure last night which resulted in me checking him into the hospital and then him refusing to see me which I found weird but didn't fight it.
"Fine, it's weird that he didn't want to see me but each to their own" I said as he kissed my cheek and I yawned. "You seem tired" I said. "I am running on tea and thirty minutes of sleep" He said as he leaned down and kissed me softly, I smiled as I kissed him back then pulled away.
"You can always go inside and sleep" He said, "I am not that tired" I said as I pointed to Ale making him give me the camera and walk over to go help him with his snowman.
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The day quickly came to an end, I had an absolute blast with my family and today really took my mind off things. I want more memories like this with my family. "Did you guys have fun today?" I asked the twins as I kissed Ale's head and tucked him in. "Yea! It was so much fun" Ale said as I walked over to Damon who is half asleep.
"You have fun lovey?" I asked as I kissed his head and tucked him in, "Yea" He mumbled out as I stood up and Nicolas high fived both of them.
"Goodnight babies, merry Christmas" I said as I turned off the light and we walked out closing the door behind us. "Merry Christmas" Paige said as she sucked on a candy cane that definitely came off one of my trees.
We made our way to the hospital that is strangely empty even though I don't have any guards surrounding it. "Hello! Merry Christmas, I am here to see Eli Hernandez" I said as I smiled at the nurse behind the counter, normally I use fake names but I had to deal with my own problems last night.
"And you are?" She asked as she smiled back, "His daughter" I said as Nicolas poked my butt making me glance at him smiling.
"But his daughter is already in with him?" She asked making me squint at her. "No I am his daughter and I am standing right here" I said making her shake her head no. "No his daughter and his whole family is with him right now." She said as I reached into my jacket pocket pulling out my gun and placing it on the counter.
"Running on thirty minutes of sleep. I've had a long day, walk me to his room." I said as I picked it up and cocked it at her.
She walked us over to my dads room for us to see Monica, Nate's mom inside. She stood up once she saw me and hugged me "I'm sorry" She whispered as I hugged her back and she pulled away as she left.
"Why is Nate's mother in your room?" I asked as I walked over to my dad who is hooked up to a bunch of machines. "She was in the hospital, what are you doing here?" He asked as he took my hand.
"Why did the hospital say that your daughter already visited you?" I asked as he squeezed my hand and I looked away from his machines.
"They always make mistakes. How was Christmas? Do you have pictures? How are you?" He asked as I heard feet shuffling as did Nicolas which resulted in both of us aiming our guns at the door.
The door opened revealing one woman and two men who immediately put their hands in the air. "Why do you have a gun?" The woman asked. "Why are you holding hands with my father?" One of the men asked making me stare at him. "Your what?" I asked as I tried to let go of his hand.
"My father." They all said in sync making me look at Nicolas who looks more confused than me. I yanked my hands out of my dads grasp as he sighed "I am sorry you had to find out this way. Angelina meet your siblings."