(A/N)~ Welcome back everybody!! How have your weeks been? Per usual, I've got 3 new chapters for y'all. Your comments yesterday were so helpful, and I'm doing my best to make some changes to the plot to better suit your needs. Unfortunately, I can't fulfill every request at the moment (for my secret author reasons), but I hope this will still be good for the time being. Hope you enjoy!! I love you all so much, and thank you so SO much for reading. ❤️❤️❤️
Muah~
⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️- self-harm
Eventually, after hiding out in the lobby for awhile, I saw Eren return. He was still with Armin, who I could finally see. A somewhat skinny boy with short blond hair and bright blue eyes— he didn't seem like the person Eren would be friends with.
From a distance, Eren looked happy. He was smiling and chatting amiably with Armin, still having lots to say even though they had been gone for awhile, and should have exhausted all topics of conversation already.
As Eren got closer, however, I noticed that his eyes were dark. Dead. It could have been from lack of sleep, because Lord knows my eyes were probably baggy as Hell, but with Eren, one could never be too careful.
My eyes followed them as they walked up the stairs and Armin dropped Eren off at his room. I waited a few minutes for Armin to leave the hotel, then immediately sprung up from my seat to meet Eren. When I reached the door, I stopped. Was this really a good idea? It's such an invasion of privacy...
Then, I realized: Who the fuck cares? I'm just checking to see if he's okay. If he hates me for it later, so be it.
I swiped the keycard over the door and entered the room silently. The bathroom light was on and I heard something clinking. Shaving, maybe? It was a weird hour to do it, though. I walked quietly to the bathroom. Eren had only been alone here for ten minutes maximum, so I was sure there wasn't anything that he could have—
I peeked into the doorway, not able to react fast enough. Eren had taken his jacket off and rolled up his gray hoodie sleeves.
His arms were bright red and he was carving new slits into his skin.
His face was completely emotionless, and he acted as if this were just routine. But the few tears that were pooling in his eyes gave him away.
He felt me watching him, and his green eyes flicked up to meet mine.
I screamed, throwing myself on top of his limp body, forcing him to drop the silver razor he was holding. The beautiful fabric of his sweatshirt was beginning to grow red.
"YOU ASSHOLE!!" I yelled, pounding my fists onto his chest. I sat on top of him, pinning him to the ground, my knees keeping his arms glued to the floor. "YOU ASSHOLE, YOU ASSHOLE, YOU ASSHOLE, YOU ASSHOLE!! HOW COULD YOU?!" I couldn't stop screaming. Eren stared at me from the ground with a blank expression, arms spread out, wrists facing upwards and bleeding down onto the tile.
What was I doing? This wasn't accomplishing anything. Even so, I couldn't stop myself. Tears flooded my eyes and ran down my face.
"I KNEW IT! I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT YOU ALONE— I HAD A BAD FEELING ALL NIGHT— CAN'T YOU KEEP IT TOGETHER FOR ONE FUCKING NIGHT, EREN?! GOD DAMN IT— I HATE YOU!!!!" I dug my fingers into his shoulder, then fell onto him, limbs weakening. I lay on top of him, holding him tightly in my arms and pressing my head into his chest. I heard his steady breathing in conflict with my own cracked choking.
"I hate you..." I trailed off quietly, refusing to let go.
"(Y/N)," Eren muttered, "You got blood on your dress."
"Like I fucking care about that," I replied, feeling the warmth of his chest on my cheek.
We stayed like that for a few moments, me trapping Eren underneath my arms while he stayed on the ground, stiff as a board, expression empty. Eventually, Eren mumbled something into my ear:
"Why did you stay here?" he asked.
What he should be asking is how I got in, I thought.
"I told you: I had a bad feeling," I replied.
"... But why did you stay?"
I paused, unsure what my answer should be. "Because I care about you," I concluded.
"How could you have gotten a bad feeling?" he asked flatly. "You've seen me at school: I do my work, I dress nice... I'm put together." Eren paused for a moment. "You've seen my wrists. The scars were fading."
"They were. And I was happy for you. But dressing up and smiling and acting like everything is fine doesn't make you cured— clearly. At least, I never believed it."
"Oh."
I wondered how badly Eren's wrists were burning right now. If he was in pain, he didn't show it.
"There's more to a person than their appearance to the rest of the world, Eren. And I'm not the only one who noticed."
I wondered how badly he was itching to cut himself again.
Silence.
"Yelena knows, doesn't she?" he asked softly.
"Of course she does. She just hasn't said anything more because she doesn't know what to do. We're all helpless." I shifted my weight until I was sitting upright before starting softly, "... I'm going to get up now. And you are going to let me help you, okay?"
Eren nodded numbly.
"Okay," I said, standing up and lifting Eren off the ground. His gray sweatshirt was stained crimson from the blood. I pushed the sleeves up further and grabbed a wet towel to wipe his skin down. I tried to be as gentle as I could, but on occasion I saw Eren's jaw tighten if I pressed too hard.
Although looking at it still made me sick to my stomach, I was doing better at controlling my reaction when I saw his cuts. I didn't want to vomit because I thought his cuts were gross— what made me gag was the idea of Eren feeling the need to do this to himself in the first place.
"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, dark hair hanging in his eyes. "You look sick."
I tried to reorient myself: "I'm fine," I replied. "Just tired. I'm going to grab you a clean shirt."
When I returned, Eren had washed his face, and the color was beginning to return. Even the brightness in his eyes seemed to flood in just a bit. I handed him a plain shirt and he threw it on.
"You always manage to show up at the worst times," he commented bleakly.
"I'm glad," I replied, smiling grimly.
Eren stared blankly for a moment. "... Me too."
As much as I wanted to ask Eren what prompted him to start cutting himself again, I knew I'd have to wait. Both of us were exhausted from the long night, and Eren needed sleep more than anyone.
I pointed to the bed that I had neatly made. "Go," I ordered. "You've been up for too long."
Eren raised an eyebrow. "Don't you have questions? You're always so nosy."
I chewed my lip. "I've learned that there's a time and a place for questions. Right now, you need to sleep."
"And you?" he asked, pulling the covers up and looking back at me.
"Give me a pillow and one of the sheets. I'll sleep in the tub," I said shortly. It was a good idea— that way, if Eren tried anything funny, I'd be able to hear it. All of his razors were in the bathroom, I assumed. Plus, even if they weren't, I doubt I'd be sleeping deeply in a ceramic tub anyway, so any noise he made would probably wake me up.
Yes, Eren and I had slept together before, so it was almost weird that I didn't suggest sleeping in bed with him. But, I didn't feel like the timing was right. I didn't want to intrude any more than I already had. Eren probably needed some space for himself anyw—
"(Y/N)?" Eren stared at me from the bed. I met his eyes. Eren sighed embarrassedly and looked away from me quickly. "Do you think... Can you..." Eren rolled his eyes and huffed at his inability to form a coherent sentence. "Would you mind staying next to me tonight?" he said quickly, words blending together.
My eyes widened. I was surprised by his willingness to accept me.
"Sure," I agreed softly, trying not to make a big deal about it. I followed him and sunk into the giant hotel mattress.
I kept my distance, lying on my side, facing away from him— I didn't know how close I was supposed to be, and I didn't want to overstep my bounds. I peeked over my shoulder and saw Eren lying flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling, breathing slowly. As I turned away, I felt something cold touch my hand.
Eren's ring.
I stared back at Eren, but nothing in his expression had changed to indicate anything had happened. He still stared absentmindedly at the ceiling, expression flat. But, underneath the sheets, his hand gripped mine tightly, his thumb rubbing familiar circles around the back of my hand. I turned away from him, pursing my lips to cover a small smile.
Alright, Eren. You can hold me like this just this once.