"You're pregnant?" Caleb asks me, and my breathing becomes erratic . I didn't want him to find out like this.
I totally forgot I even got the test in the first place, I picked it up at the gas station, and thought to myself there would be no harm in testing. I know my periods going to come, I've been having my usual PMS symptoms, I was just paranoid.
"I don't- Oh, fuck. I don't know. My periods late."
"And you didn't think to tell me?!" He snaps and I push my hair out from my face. I knew he'd be mad, not about the pregnancy but about lying to him. We tell each other everything, and now I regret hiding this from him, but until now, I truly forgot about it.
"I only kinda noticed when we were driving over here, I didn't wanna ruin this weekend, I promise I was gonna tell you." I tell him and he only looks down at the box with the test inside. "I was gonna tell you, I swear, I just forgot, everything's been so crazy since we got here."
"How can you forget? It's a baby! You might have a baby, how can you-"
"Caleb, please, just calm down, please." I beg for him, watching him spiral. "I might not even be pregnant, okay? My period might just be gone from stress. It's only just come back fully from my eating disorder, it might just be up and down again. We don't know anything yet."
"What are we gonna- Wait, are you okay?" He asks me and I sigh.
"Neither of us wanted a baby, we've spoke about it, how many times? We've only just got to a good place with each other. No, I'm not okay. This isn't okay. I can't... I don't want to be my Mom, okay? Maybe I haven't taken the test because-"
"Then it's real." He finishes my sentence and I hum to myself. "You aren't your mom, you know that? You will never be your mom. If this is positive, you know it will be okay, right? We can work it out."
"But you don't want a baby either, you'll be terrified the whole pregnancy, that's not fair. I know in my soul, I'll be okay. But I don't want to put you through that."
"What are you saying?"
"If it's positive, if I'm pregnant, I'll understand if you don't want to be apart of-"
"No, no. If you're pregnant, we're doing this. Okay? I'm not leaving because I have a fear. Pregnancy is scary, okay? Anything could happen, but anything couldn't happen and we could be okay. I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving. I'm here for everything. Through everything. And it'll be okay, I know it'll be okay."
"What about my family? I can't tell my mom. Jesus, my dad just died. It would be awesome to drop that bombshell on them now." I didn't even think about telling my family, it didn't even enter my mind.
"She stopped being your family years ago, love." He cups my cheek and I take in a breath. "Your sister is pregnant, she'll be there for you. And your other sisters will be happy, they will be."
"And your dad?" I wonder and he winces as I mention him.
"He'll be happy, he's always wanted me to be... well, you know. He wants this for me, but he won't know them, hell, I won't even be telling him, I'm sure he'll find out somehow. But he'll never know them, he won't know us. I know this isn't what we planned, like at all, quite the opposite actually, but it could be okay."
"What about school? Fuck, I can't give up school, babe. I can't afford to go back, I need to stay on the scholarship." I tell him.
"I'm a year ahead, we can continue this year together, and when the baby's born I can take a year off, you can recover during summer break, and then we can graduate together. We have a daycare on campus anyway."
"Fuck." I trail my fingers through my hair, "We're gonna have a baby?"
"There's only one way to find out." He hands me the test and I look down at it.
~~
I didn't think I'd ever be doing this. Sitting on the bathroom with my boyfriend, waiting for those two dreaded minutes to be up.
It was the last thing I thought I'd be doing ever, never mind on this trip away.
I don't know what this means for the future, but I know we'll work it out. Me and Caleb are stronger than ever, and I don't doubt that this won't be difficult for the two of us, but I know we'll make it through.
"You know it'll be okay?" Caleb assured me and I smile, placing a hand on my stomach. "I think it was the night at the hotel, I forgot to put a condom on, I was just so-"
"Hey, it's okay." I cup his jaw. "This isn't your fault, also if we think back, I did beg you to fuck me up against the window, we both forgot."
"When was your last period?" He asks me and I furrow my brows, trying to think. I don't really keep track of my period, so it's hard to remember. "It was when I was with you, right?"
"Yeah." I tell him.
"Second of September." He tells me. How does he know that? "When did you finish your period?"
"Five days later, why? I don't understand."
"You're almost twelve weeks... if you're pregnant." He tells me, and I stare at the floor. How did he figure that out? It hasn't been that long since the hotel, right? "The last day of your period is when people track the start of pregnancy."
"Oh." I reply. I did not know that.
"It'll be okay, I promise. You haven't drank, not really, and you haven't done drugs, not since those edibles, and we hadn't even conceived then."
"Okay, okay. I get it, please just stop." This is all so much.
"What's wrong?" He takes my hand and I sigh.
"I'm just overwhelmed." I tell him truthfully, all of this seems like too much. "And I'm scared, okay? I know I didn't really have a plan yet, but this, this is permanent, this is a plan, and I don't know how to feel."
"Baby, you have options, you know this." He tells me. I didn't even think about getting an abortion, I haven't thought about it. Not once did it enter my mind. I'm not against it, it's just that I had never thought about it for my own experience.
"I don't think I could do that." I say, and he lifts his arms to the cabinet, grabbing the test.
"And you don't have to do anything you don't want to, alright?" He holds my hand tighter and I close my eyes. Caleb's alarm starts to ring suddenly, and I stare up at him. "Shall we see?"
He brings the test down between us, and before any of us can speak, he turns it over, revealing the glowing word we've been speaking about that built up to this moment.
Pregnant.
He throws it to the ground, pulling me into his arms and I accept him quickly, clinging to him and holding him.
"I love you." He mumbles in my neck and I hum.
"I love you so much." I pull back and I look at his watery eyes before giving him a small kiss.
"You're pregnant." He tells me with a tone of voice that can only be described as pure disbelief.
"You're going to be a daddy." My words make him chuckle, and he wraps his arms around me just that little bit tighter. "Everything's gonna be okay, I promise."
"Everything's gonna be okay." He cups my jaw and smiles. "You're gonna be okay."
~~
It's been a few hours, and ever since we found out the news we've been laid in bed, cuddling one another, talking about what our next steps are.
We're now packing to go home. We had the full day left in Florida, but the both of us agreed that we should go back. It's a long drive, and if we leave early, it means we can stop more often, and take breaks which we didn't do last time.
I booked an appointment for tomorrow to check on the baby, make sure everything's okay and that the test we took was of course correct.
Caleb jumped headfirst in the deep end and instantly ordered a baby onesie online despite both of us saying we would wait until the scan, but after seeing what he had personalised on it, I'm more than happy that he did.
Baby Worthy born 2021.
"You do realise you're gonna have to give me your frat guys' numbers." I tell him and he whips his head round to me.
"And why is that?" He quizzes and I giggle to myself.
"Hey, when this little bean in my belly starts with the cravings and I can't get ahold of you, someone has to." I tell him and he rolls his eyes.
"Alright, alright. I'll give you some of their numbers." He shakes his head and I smile to myself. "You don't have cravings yet?"
"Baby, I've just found out! What I could've been craving I thought was my period sneaking up on me, so I'm not sure. Chocolate and Doritos do sound good though."
"Oh, yeah that's definitely you talking, beanie would never ask for that." He says and I shake my head, shoving the last of my things in the suitcase. "You're definitely okay with this?"
"I'm definitely okay with this." I assure him and he can only smile in response. "Now come on, we have a very long journey ahead of us, babe, and I already need to pee."
"Then go pee!"
"Okay, okay." I run off to the bathroom and I can hear his chuckles in the background.
We're pregnant. And we're doing this.